I’ve been divorced.
Would you believe that sometimes people judge me 100% on that stand-alone fact and nothing else?
I’m actually betting you would believe it because you know that that’s just how human beings are.
We judge each other on whatever surface events have happened in the past. Good crap, that doesn’t make sense to me.
I’ve been on several dates with beautiful women. I can’t tell you how many times it has been brought up that I’ve been divorced not just once, but twice now, and whatever interest might have been there simply disappears. It’s as if somebody who is divorced once is “probably okay.” Divorced twice, uh uh. There’s obviously a reason this guy can’t hold it together. Right?
Even here on the internet, those who love tearing me down point to the fact that I’ve been divorced twice as if it will prove that I’m a phony. They think it will prove that I’m a jerk. They think it will prove that I’m not credible and not worth listening to. It’s as if somebody who is divorced once “probably could be a sound voice in this world”, but divorced twice… uh uh. There’s obviously a reason this guy can’t hold it together. Right?
That’s just me. That’s my plight. Most people have their own things that people judge them on, whatever that might be. Most people have their “dirty secret” that they fear will hurt or destroy whatever they hope to build that is beautiful. They have that part of their pasts that if discovered by others will make them seem idiotic or unstable.
And twice-divorced… well, that one’s a doozy.
In the end (when I’m on these dates, which isn’t every date), it usually goes down like this. Either the fact that I’ve been divorced twice comes out and the date just kind of putters out, or the girl asks me questions to try and determine why I got divorced, and why I got divorced twice.
These questions seem like fair ones but they drive me nuts. They put me in a predicament. I can choose to make myself look good and appear the victim (which is what they want to hear), or I can tell the truth and declare that I had my part in it. Being me, I try to always go for the latter because I hate when people claim that they had nothing to do with the demise of their marriage(s), no matter what events finally ended it.
But really… why do people ask these questions at all. I don’t really ever want to know why a girl got divorced. I don’t want to know why she’s had a crappy past. I honestly don’t ever want to know any of that, at least not early in the relationship. What I want to know, and what’s most important to me, is who is she now because of it?
As far as I see it, there are two kinds of people in this world with crappy pasts.