As a bachelor, it is my privilege… nay… make that my duty to walk around the house in my underwear.

Even so, I don’t do it nearly as often as I’d like. Why? Because… it never fails. Any time I go downstairs in my skivvies, somebody knocks on the door. And it’s not like I have all that many unexpected visitors. In fact, I hardly ever have unexpected visitors. So why is it that they almost always choose to arrive when I’m completely unable to answer?

Now, let me paint a picture of why this is a serious problem for me. My bedroom is on the second story of my home. The front door is at the bottom of the stair case that leads to my bedroom. Half-way down, there is a landing, then the stairs do a 180 and finish their decent. Above that landing is a rather large window that has no window coverings on it. The person standing on the porch can pretty easily see anybody coming or going up/down those stairs.

Usually I don’t care that there’s no covering on that window. It’s not that big a deal if people from the outside see me going up or down the stairs. But… when I’m in my BVDs and I’m trapped downstairs?

When that happens I have two options. I quickly tip toe to the peep hole and see who it is. If it’s a salesman or somebody else that I don’t feel a desperate urge to speak with, I tip toe back away again and go on as I was, thankful when they finally leave. If it’s somebody I do want to see or speak with, I generally scream, “just a minute,” and then I start sneaking my way up the stairs.

I have figured out that if I army crawl up while hugging the banister on the right, I’m able to remain in this perfect little blind spot. There is only one point where I’m completely unable to hide, and if they happen to be looking in when I get to that point, they’re going to get a nice shot of my boxer briefs staring them straight in the face.

So far I haven’t been busted. After army crawling to the point where I can be seen, I peek my head out just far enough to see my visitor, and to see where their own head is pointed. I never make the move until they’re completely occupied looking at something else. I don’t care if it takes ten seconds or ten minutes, though I’m sure my visitors are often left wondering why I keep yelling “hold on” or “coming!”

As soon as I feel as safe as I know I’m going to, I jump up and sprint to my bedroom where I can slip on a pair of awesomely sexy sweat pants. Then, I answer the door with a huge smile feeling sexy, sexy, sexy.

I don’t know… Maybe it’s not worth it. Maybe I should just answer the door in my underwear. I guarantee I’d get a lot fewer unexpected visitors if I were to start doing that.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. How about you? Ever get unexpected visitors at inopportune times?