I’m sure you all remember Tweni. She was the incredible woman I was dating back when my blog was first making the rounds. I wrote about losing her in the post Trapped within the walls of a guarded heart.
I loved her. I loved her with all my heart. And I lost her. And she married another guy. A good guy. A decent guy.
When they were weeks away from their wedding, I tried to get her back. I asked her to call off the engagement. I knew I would regret it forever more if I didn’t. I never told you all about that. It was a hard time for me. It was a hard time for Tweni. And it was a hard time for her fiancé. For a damn good reason, her fiancé didn’t like me too much.
She loved this man and she was devoted to him. After many tears, I told her goodbye and they went through with their beautiful wedding. I wasn’t invited. For a damn good reason.
But for some reason that wasn’t the end of it. Months later, I posted I’m Christian, unless you’re gay. Tweni knew that I had been working on it back when we were dating. She knew how important a message it was to me. And she knew how conflicted I had been about posting it. She must have seen a link after I published it and clicked over. I got a very short email from her, telling me that she loved it and that she was proud of me for what it was doing. Nothing more. I responded a couple days later and said I hoped she was doing well, and thank you.
And for some reason that wasn’t the end of it. I received a text from her fiancé several weeks later demanding that I stay out of their lives. He had apparently found the emails.
And that’s when I responded in a way that I wasn’t proud of. In that moment of anger, some blogger somewhere else could have easily written a post to me called, I love others, unless they love the person that I once loved.
Ironically, I mentioned this very thing in the Christian/Gay post.
But when I was faced with the emotions in real life, I chose anger and I chose hatred. I responded to him that he was overly insecure and a lousy excuse for a man and a husband. He wrote something back, again threatening me. I again responded with more vindictive and hurtful words, telling him whatever I hoped would make him so angry that he’d go get in a fight with his wife over it and hopefully make her question whether being married to this man was worth it. We sent each other several more texts, tempers fuming.
Believe it or not, that text exchange is one of my bigger regrets so far in life. I’ve done some low things. I’ve done some unhealthy things. I’ve done some downright dishonest and despicable things. But that one hurt more than most anything because I did something that I knew would probably end up hurting somebody I loved very much.
And for what?
Was it ego? Was it pride? Was it because I was still in love with her?
Continued on next page.