Last night I posted Goodbye Brain. Hello Heart. It was both a look at some of the damage I’ve done to past relationships by having my head too much in the game, and also a look at the mental struggle I had in order to finally give up on my brain and instead start dating with my heart.
The responses that came in were very much what I thought they’d be. Some people thought it was a great post and a great way to think. Others thought it was a potentially dangerous or stupid way to think.
In the end, the place I write from and the place you respond from is going to be almost completely dependent on where it is we’ve been and what successes or failures we’ve seen along the way. All of life is a balancing act between heart and mind, and every person will be in a different place at any given point of time.
My place is a place that I’m at because dating and loving with my mind has hurt me. Bad. Not letting my heart help in the translation of what love is has made my love life not just damaged, but impossible.
But I wasn’t always that way.
I used to love with my heart and not my mind. I used to allow myself to fall in love. I used to allow myself to woo women. I used to enjoy the chase. I used to cherish and appreciate women in a much deeper way.
And I got hurt.
A few times.
Both women I ended up marrying I loved with my heart and not my mind when I courted them. And while both of those relationships eventually ended, they didn’t end because of the use of my heart. They ended because of two things. One, I started using my mind instead of my heart, and two, I eventually stopped using my mind or my heart really at all.
And so, at the ripe age of 31… I find myself single once again. I find myself wanting love once again. I find myself back in the dating game, refusing to give up just because some people tell me I should. I refuse to give up just because some people tell me I should be happy not dating. I refuse to give up just because some people tell me I’m sad, desperate, or acting out of an unhealthy place.
And I refuse to give up because even though I eventually landed hard on my face in both my marriages, the way those relationships started was among the best times I’ve ever had. They were among the happiest times. They were incredible. If they hadn’t been, they wouldn’t have led to marriage.
And yep, my heart got hurt. My mind got hurt. My soul got hurt. Both times.
Continued on next page.