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So, for the past couple months I’ve been jotting down some of Noah’s more memorable quotes. And by memorable, I mean they had me ROFLSHMBE. Here they are for your enjoyment. If you missed it, also be sure to check out the first Noah’s Quotable Quotes.


“Dad, I only eat one kind of bugs. Black ants. Not red ants. I squish black ants in between my fingers and then yum… yum…”

“Look right there. There’s a panda bear eating that sign. And there’s a skeleton eating the panda bear.”

“When my mom has her baby, I’m just gonna hold it not throw it!”

Noah: “Can we play fruit punch?” Me: “What’s that?” Noah: “It’s out favorite game, Dad!” Me: “Fruit ninja?” Noah: “Uh, yeah, Dad!”

“Dad, I’m a thousand forty nine hundred sixty tired.”

“Dad, see that transformers guy right there? That’s Octimus Crime.”

“Dad, these are the only parts of this song I know. Feliz daba dob. Feliz daba dob.”

“Dad, if I love dinosaurs and you love me does that mean you love me as big as a dinosaur?”

“Dad, I want some butt corn.”

“Dad, let me look in your hair. Yep, there’s a lobster hidin’ in there.”

I swear he said this in one breath: “Dad, I wanna play that game where you pretend I’m a teddy bear and then I start wiggling and you tell me teddy bears don’t wiggle and I try to get away and you say hey teddy bears don’t try to get away and then you chase me around the house trying to get me and then we go play Lincoln Logs and then we build what it shows on the instructions and then we have a snack and then we play that one game and then we take a nap. Does that sound good?”

Noah: “Dad, did you know if you want a whole mountain you have to pay for it?” Me: “Really? How much?” Noah: “I think like sixty dollars.”

Noah: “My mom is gonna have her baby soon.” Me: “Cool. Where’s she gonna have the baby at?” Noah: “I don’t know.” Me: “Do you think she’ll have it at home?” Noah: “NO!!!” Me: “Where then?” Noah: “Ummm, I think at the church.”

“I’m gonna throw poop in your mouth and make it so you’re blind forever.”

This was just before Christmas… Pointing at a picture of a kid looking through a telescope at the night sky Noah said, “Dad, I know what that is. It’s called a “shoot Santa Claus.”

Me: “Noah, what do you want to eat?” Noah: “Chicka dingas.” Me: “Chicka dingas? What are those?” Noah (pointing to the menu): “These, Dad!” Me: “Oh, chicken fingers!”

“Dad, did you know vampires pick their nose? Chappy told me they do.”

Noah: “Dad, poop is the most disgusting thing ever.” Me: “Oh yeah? How do you know?” Noah: “Cause I tried some once.”

On Sunday, my sister made something she calls “crack bread.” After dinner Noah walked up to what was left of it and said, “Dad, I know what this is called.” “What’s that?” I asked. “Butt Crack.”

I love that kid.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. Mad props to the first person to guess what ROFLSHMBE stands for.

PPS. What are the most memorable quotes you’e heard from your kid lately?