Two days ago, I opened up the floor to all of you to ask whatever you like about me or this blog. It’s been a lot of fun reading through the questions. It’s also made me think of a lot of things that I haven’t necessarily thought of before. Here are my answers to some of your favorite questions and also some of the questions I really liked. These are in order of what you wanted answered most. Which is why I added some of your other questions. You all chose the heavier ones!
Your top 10 favorited questions:
#1 – Bianca wrote, “What are the most unexpected impacts (positive & negative) that your blog has had on other aspects of your life?”
I think the most unexpected impacts have been on my dating life and on my closest friendships.
In dating, I have had to learn how to get past the preconceived notions many women form about me after reading some of my writings. I often show up to a first date and the woman already has an idea of the complete person she thinks I am. She doesn’t realize that what I write on my blog and who I am on my blog is a small percentage of who I am in real life and quite often it’s a shock to her that I think certain ways, act certain ways, or do things differently than what she would expect. Because of that, I usually try to never let a woman know about my blog until after we’ve met. It doesn’t always happen that way.
With certain of my close friends, this blog has brought some sort of unspoken tension, I think. I don’t consider myself any different than anybody else. I don’t consider myself different really than I ever have been. I cherish my friendships more now than I ever did in the past. But for some reason the blog is something that we avoid talking about like the plague. It’s almost an uncomfortable elephant in the room, and I have never been able to figure out why.
#2 – Terra wrote, “Where did all the self awareness come from? Most people aren’t quick to point out past mistakes, transgressions, etc. It’s refreshing.”
If you read all my posts prior to The Disease Called Perfection, you’ll notice that there wasn’t much self-awareness or introspection going on. I believe I mentioned in that post that it was written in desperation. It truly was. I live in a community where “Perfection” is worse than anywhere else I’ve ever lived. And while there are definitely people here who are truly happy and not lost in it, I know so many people who live their lives in fear of the judgments and condemnations of others. I know so many people who live secret lives that they are okay with, but which nobody can ever know about because other people knowing would make them “imperfect.” I know so many people who are absolutely miserable in the lives that they’re living yet nobody has any idea.
And, I know so many people who married the people they were supposed to marry on paper but who they don’t truly love. They have remained a part of a religion they were born into even though they no longer or have never believed in it. They work in jobs that make them miserable. And they just aren’t happy.
I didn’t know all this about so many people I love until after I wrote that post and after I left my religion and after I got divorced. It’s amazing what people tell you in confidence when they no longer feel they’ll be judged by you.
And the more bold I have become about loving my life no matter how I live it, and the more bold I become about living the way that feels right to me, and the more I learn what true happiness for me really is, the more I see it embolden others to start doing the same, whether it’s here in my life or out there in my readers’ lives.
Being real pushes other people to be real. Self-awareness gives others the chance to be self-aware. Admitting fault, admitting weakness, admitting the stupid things we do… it all lets others do the same. And when we can all do that, we all move forward together, and we all have a way better chance of being truly happy.
So, to answer your question… to not do that ultimately makes me unhappy. It makes me hopeless because to not do that breeds the disease “Perfection” around me. And I can’t handle “Perfection” running my life anymore. So, I guess you could say I do it for selfish reasons. I want to be happy.
#3 – Tamara wrote, “do you ever get tired of the transparent girls who say silly little things to you as an attempt to make themselves look like someone you’d date?”
I get more tired of this kind of question than I do with anyone flirting with me. I’m single. I’m a flirt. I flirt with everybody of every race, religion, age, color, and creed. Hell, I’ve been accused of flirting with guys by the way I talk to them. Just tonight I told my dance partner’s actual partner that he was the sexiest man alive. You should see him move across the floor. It’s a sight to see. But… It’s not flirting. It’s being silly and friendly, to everybody. It’s my personality type. And it’s other people’s personality types as well.
I just think it’s very unfair to say that women being friendly and women being flirty and women being silly are “transparent” or that they’re attempting to do anything more than be fun and kind human beings; supportive human beings; silly and goofy human beings. We need to all stop looking for the fault in others and instead appreciate the quirkiness in others.
I would go absolutely crazy if every comment on this blog was dead serious or proper or cookie cutter or if nobody ever flirted with me. J
#4 – Jessica wrote, “do you want more children?”
This is a tough question. I do want more children. At least a couple more. But more than that I want love. Real love. My life love. And I want to have children with the person I love more than anyone I’ve ever loved, and who loves me just as much. If I can’t find that, then I don’t think I’d want more children because sharing that experience with my soul mate (yes, I believe in soul mates, and I believe I’ll find mine) is about the sexiest thought ever.
#5 – Stacy wrote, “How has this blog brought you and your son closer, and do you find that because of SDL you have been more aware or your parenting skills.”
I don’t think this blog has brought me closer to my son. I have had a really special bond with my son since the moment I first laid eyes on him and every day that I’m with him I consciously do things to strengthen my bond with him.
That being said, it has brought me closer to him in that I ended up quitting my career in business because of this blog, and when I did that I stopped having to travel so dang much. And that has brought me more days with my son which has given me more opportunity to bond with him.
I can’t say that my parenting skills haven’t really improved because of the blog, but they really improved with the writing of my book. I had to think a lot of things through when I wrote that book. When I was done I remember thinking that every parent should have to write out a parenting book. It really did rock my perspective on the way I looked at some things.
CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE >>