Today I was listening to the radio, and the DJ started ranting about why Valentine’s Day sucks, how it is all one big commercialized ploy to suck our money away from us, and how we should ALL boycott Valentine’s Day.
To that, I say…
I mean, come on…
Who cares if it’s a holiday that companies exploit?
If people like having a special day to celebrate… get ready for it… LOVE of all things…
Freakin’ crap heckfire let them!
This year I am single on the big day. Again.
But I’ll tell you this much. I wish I had somebody that I loved enough on whom I could go spend twice what I usually would for flowers, twice what I usually would for dinner, and twice what I usually would for everything else (including babysitters).
I haven’t always been alone on Valentine’s Day, you know. In fact, as an adult there have been far more V-Days that I’ve been with someone than without.
I used to hate how the prices of everything went up on Valentine’s Day. I’d still bargain shop for the cheapest flowers. I’d take my wife to restaurants that weren’t crazy expensive. I’d spend the night griping and moaning about the injustices of it all.
Then one year, for some reason, I didn’t.
Instead, I bought a bigger bouquet of roses than I ever had in years past. I took her to a nicer dinner than I ever had in years past. And I more or less spoiled her for the entire evening.
I remember when I pulled out the flowers and handed them to her. Her eyes lit up and the first words out of her mouth were, “it’s Valentine’s Day! How much did those cost?!”
“It doesn’t matter. You’re worth it.” I told her.
And then she melted. She felt special. She felt valuable. She felt loved. Those flowers meant the world to her.
When I took her to dinner she said, “you didn’t have to bring me somewhere this nice.”
“You’re worth it.” I told her.
And she melted again. She felt even more special. She felt even more valuable. She felt more loved than maybe she ever had on the big V-Day. That dinner meant the world to her.
And it was one of the best days of my life. Not because I was with her. Not because our love was so strong that a lightning bolt from Zeus himself couldn’t separate it. No… it was one of the best days of my life because my wife lit up brighter than I’d seen her light up in a long time. It was one of the best days of my life because my wife felt truly “worth it.” And that was something that I always wanted to see but hardly ever got to. Probably because I was always griping about how much everything cost and how everybody was out to get us.
And since then, I’ve realized something about women… no matter what they say, no matter how adamantly they declare that they don’t need it or want it… and no matter how much they participate in the griping and whining about price gauging and the ridiculous cost of kind and loving gestures…
They all feel special and valuable and loved when their man does it anyway.
So guys… this year don’t be cheap. Be a Cassanova instead. Show your girl that your love is worth celebrating. Cause some guys who’d really like to won’t have that chance this year.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. What do you think about Valentine’s Day? And, what do you think about the dynamics I shared above?
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HeatherL
No man can ever live up to the Valentine's gift I got 11 years ago--my son. No matter how many flowers, balloons, expensive dinners, or giant stuffed animals I might receive, my son's birthday overshadows this holiday for me. I spend my time planning what to do for his birthday every year, and nearly forget that it's Valentine's Day. What I would really want is a partner who is inclined to give me flowers or do nice things for me for no reason whatsoever, not just because it's Valentine's Day and he feels obligated. Not all women want the same things.
fritzie
Dan, while perusing some of your old posts I happened on "The Disease called Perfection". Your call to "get real" is such an important message.
So here's what perplexes me: how could you get something so right and then get the Valentines thing so wrong? The way you have stated your thesis --italics and all -- can be a recipe for many disastrous relationships. It is a call to be unreal. Some of us women want to be taken at our word. Many comments later, including the ones that have disappeared, must make you realize, that I am not the only exception to your blanket statement. Being heard,understood, and believed is important to some of us.
You are giving guys bad advice. While this advice to be extravagant might work for some, it will blow up in the faces of others--some women mean it when they say "Don't blow the wad on me." In my opinion successful relationships depend on each partner being invested in truly knowing the other and then being able to make their partner feel loved and cherished in their own unique way.
KrisKufta
So I am single again too this Valentine's Day and like you there have been more Valentine's Days that I have been with someone than without. But I have met someone, yet it hasn't quite gotten to the point where I can say we are "together" so I am not sure where this Valentine's Day will go. We are taking things slow, so if it takes til next year, so be it! I agree with everything you said though and wish more guys thought along the same lines as you! I have always said the same things you expressed in your post (as a woman); that I didn't need the most expensive flowers or dinners (but secretly, deep down inside I was always hoping maybe the guy I was with would go out of his way to get me the best bouquet or pick the finest restaurant). Maybe the man I just met is that man, it's a wait and see thing, but I do know one thing, I am NOT settling again, I WILL wait for the RIGHT one to come along and I hope to not make another mistake in the "relationship department!
Conversation from Twitter
sunbeam023
danoah This made me tear up. So sweet.
Singleguywkids
danoah No. But we should have "you're the last person on Earth I want as my Valentine" Day too
QueenAimee
danoah Loved the article!I agree!I'm also single on Valentine's this year, so I'm doing a candle-lit, heart-shaped pizza dinner w/ my kids!
Conversation from Facebook
Kimberly Armstrong
How far from Palmdale Ca do you live? LOL You're an amazing man and it's hard to believe you're single with everything you say and do!
Amber Skye
one of these days maybe the rest of the guys out there will realize this
Treena Newman
the effort means much more when it is done out of the blue instead of some random day that was was picked out on the Calendar and tells us we have to show just how much we love another
Jennifer Jurd
we dont do valentines day as i dont think a commercial day is necessary to show someone how special they are. A surprise, "just because", on any day means soooo much more!
Boobarella Boobington
Unless that lady loves ladies instead...
Mary Avlos-Dailey
Valentine's day is okay. Can take it or leave it. I love cards. A card is enough for me. What I detest is these parents that send a rose to their kid at school, or maybe even more. Lots of kids' folks can't afford such an extravagance and the little kids sit there seeing all the other kids getting them and they are feeling empty. I know you have to realize someday that there are the haves and have nots, but do they have to learn it so young?
Bianca N. Metzger
It won't let me post on the blog directly so I will post here :) I understand what Dan is talking about and I really don't think it has much to do with materialism, capitalism, or ONLY feeling loved when material things are involved. What I think he is talking about are the couples who have the option (financially) to do these things and the men use the excuse of the holiday markup to avoid it. No women wants flowers at the expense of buying groceries that week, but for those lucky enough to be able to afford the luxury...men stop taking the cop out!!! Dan you rock and I wish more men shared your point of view.
Julie Williams
Still, as unfortunate as it is, women know that we are still in direct competition with those other important aspects of your lives, guys.....if you want to come in first with your lady, put her first. Yes, really, if you think about it long enough. Even before the bets on who wins the superbowl. Is that too scathing to bear?
Kelly A Elardo
I imagine this year with Noah in school, you'll totally get a Valentine from him that will melt your heart. I'm not one for all the flowers and stuff but it does feel great to get them anyway. What I do love is if my husband gets the boys to sign a card together because i know it took time and patience that he doesn't always have to give because of his working hours. But he made it happen, for me. And i really love seeing the little guys faces when they give me and the hubs presents they made. Their love is so special and soooooo cute that it makes my heart explode.
Matthew W. Turcotte
I despise Valentine's Day. Why should we only have ONE day to tell people how much we love them, when we should be doing it all year round. Though I love the fact that commercials from Kay Jewelers guilt trip you into buying thousand dollar necklaces...because if you don't buy her one, you don't really love her...
MaryAnn Ahrens
Words are nice, but it's all in his actions.
Click. The Good News
Agreed- so true!
Courtney T
My favorite Valentines was the year my husband hid hersheys kisses and sticky notes all over the house, each with one reason he loved me. I love Valentines day, but I am not a fan of the normal flowers/candy/dinner thing.
Sabrina Anderson
That last part, about three paragraphs up.. yeah that one. That might be most women (and from what I have seen, it is) but not all, and especially not this one. When i say I dont want something, I mean it. Im not just putting one a tough exterior while silently hopeing he will do something that day. There is some (granted rather murky) history behind the day (http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day), and I think thats awesome. But in this house we dont go all out for very many holidays, so valentines will be spent at home with family. After all it is Dad's birthday. :D
If you need or even just want Valentine's day.. go for it. Do it up big! But I will take a rain check.
Michaela O'Connor
What the first two commenters said. Not everyone's love language is gifts. My husband feels loved and special when I do things for him, rather than when I buy him things; I feel special when he takes me away from the kids so we can spend quality time together, and it doesn't have to be an expensive restaurant. And I'd rather have a new book than a bunch of flowers. :-)
Di Harris
We love it, never do anything huge, mostly a home cooked meal, kiddies to bed early, glass of wine type evening. We do the same for lots of our other anniversaries too. This year however my husband has to be away for work so The Kiddies and I have made something to sneak into his suitcase and remind him of us.
Spontaneous is good too but with two small children a lot of effort is involved to get 'grown up' time so sometimes it's good to have it pencilled in.
Kelly Maurer
Boycotting it! Recently divorced from an abusive alcoholic & my family turned their backs on me 6 weeks after I made my decision to get out while I still could. I'm not ready to let any kind of love back in yet, maybe someday, but for now I'm saving my love for me. Go ahead & call me selfish. I call it self preservation!
Aaron Witt
You shouldn't need a 'marketed' day to remind them of it. Then again, this is coming from a guy who's spent the last few Valentines alone and gets a real bad taste in his mouth around that time. But maybe I'm just blowing smoke out my ass...
Amanda Hayden Callow
First of all, Feb. 14 is my father's birthday, so I've always prioritized celebrating his birthday, over considering it a romantic holiday. I do like to go to a nice dinner as a couple (the years I've been in a relationship) some time the week before or after the holiday. Other than that, I am how you describe - I keep telling my husband that I would rather practical needs be met, than buying flowers that will die, etc. I would rather rent a movie or turn on Netflix, and stay in, than spend a fortune to sit in a theater. I don't mind the romantic sentiment, but I also don't buy in to the commercial aspect of diamonds, chocolate, and odorless red roses. I want pink/yellow roses that smell, the door opened for me, and to be a princess for one evening.
Jennifer Sloey
We shouldn't boycott the holiday, just boycott the artificial conventions. If that makes sense. Make it a holiday about thoughtfulness in general instead of balloons, candy, and flowers.
Vannessa Evans
Having an overly special V-Day can be even more special and romantic if a husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc doesn't do anything special on that day normally. On our first V-Day together (after 3 weeks of dating), my now hubby bought me a bouqet of pink roses, bought a movie I had been talking about, took me to a nice dinner, and watched a movie together. Almost 6 years later, that day has been the only day he has actually put serious thought or preparation into a date or gift. Don't get me wrong, my hubby is a sweet guy, he just has a hard time showing it. If he surprised me with anything any day of the year, I'd most likely faint.
Frank Nezzio
Been married 19 years and I treat my bride every day like its V-Day. We don't need a special day on the calender to tell/show us how much we love each other.
Jennifer Kline
Love the picture. It cracks me up! Your posts are very thought provoking. You are dead on about women. Extra time, extra effort, extra thought into a gift, intentional listening and good conversation ALL melt our hearts. There is nothing more attractive in a man who can hang tough with his friends but studies his wife/girlfriend enough to knows how to love her in a way that speaks to her heart. (sigh) good stuff.
Brandi Miller Hays
I like Valentine's Day, it's cute- it can be quirky. My kids love getting candy and cards and whatever heart shaped treats mom cooks up for breakfast. I look over the finances in our house, however and if my husband went "All Out" for Valentine's Day instead of being appreciative I'd probably FREAK THE HECK OUT. Because I'd be the one trying to figure out which bills weren't going to get paid or how we were going to juggle the paydays to cover what he spent.
Pamela Haithcoat Wagner
Google "un-valentine" and "anti-Valentines Day"...there are tons of ideas for celebrating the day when you're alone/single.
Karen Bernoe
you know you don't need any chocolates or gifts to show that you are worth a million. You are a million...don't put that responsibility on others. Take responsibility for yourself and make yourself feel good. For the love....it's only a fabricated day. Everyday should be full of love. Give of yourself and others will give to you. I dare you!
Katarina Dobrick
i dread valentine's day....i have been single for the last 7 (including this year)....i hated this day with my ex as well....ugh, to think i wasted 15 yrs of my life with the putz and now being single for 7....the two things i look forward to this month though are my three four legged girls birthdays....my cats Abby an Evie celebrate on Valentines Day and my border collie Missy celebrates on Feb 6...i will definitely be doing something nice for them :)
Karen Jones
Funny that your post is on this subject today - my video tip today (for women) was about Valentine's Day, and how men feel about it (and what to do so that this year, it's better). Check it out, if you're curious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKFCpg5ms5s
Stacy Garrett
I don't object to the commercialism as much as I do to the feeling I get when people act like it's a crime that I'm single, have been single for eight years, and will be 30 this year. I'll be celebrating Flying Monkey Day again this year. Good thoughts to those with someone to spend V day with.
Donna Murphy
My husband and I prepare a special meal together with a nice bottle of wine and it is the best Valentines ever.
Karen Stevenson
Christmas is always miserable for me for a variety of reasons.... Valentines day is after all the hype.. so my husband knows this is MY "holiday"... and he usually does a jam up job of making me feel special. To all those who say " Who cares"... making someone feel special is where the Love is. Its not YOUR deal to stress about it and whine.. do it just like you said.. Because YOUR significant other WILL MELT. Thats worth everything!
Deb Shaw
When my husband and I first began dating, I strictly forbade him from spending wads of dough on overpriced crap that was supposed to show me how much he loved me. I told him he could bring me flowers any other day of the year that he wanted to, same with chocolates, but I will not be a part of a merchant's holiday. Besides, with him, every day is what Valentine's Day is supposed to be.
Tracy Thompson Bartels
I am all for boycotting, and I am totally not a romantic, but if I were, it wouldn't be a commercial romantic. But please warn me ahead of time, because I still want my 50% off candy
Pamela Bearce
I would like very much to have a discussion with you regarding the post "women who are worthless and the men who made them." I may be off on the actual title. If you would be so kind as to message me, I have questions. this is extremely important to me as I am trying to get something through to my daughter - a wife, a mother, a good woman. I hope to hear from you.
Elizabeth Wiggins Ensor
There are a lot more things to boycott besides Valentine's Day.
Karissa Cogar
It may be commercial, but why not use the largest day in the nation dedicated to love, to show someone you love how much you love them? I think it's romantic.
Valerie Catlin Payne
We don't do much for Valentine's Day, our Anniversary is the 25th of Jan and we prefer to be sickeningly romantical on that day!
Harmony Andkids
Feb 15th - half price lingerie day - that's worth celebrating :)
But I'll be single this year as well :/
Sean Whitcomb
On the day after an especially expensive Christmas I walked into a grocery story with my future ex-wife and they were putting up Valentine's decorations. I'm surprised they didn't kick me out given my profanity-laden protests that it's just never enough to have spent hundreds on Christmas, that on Dec 26 men are told we need to do more to buy the love of our fairer sex if we want it... Did I forget to mention I entered the store with my future ex-wife? :D
Monica Wolfe
Nope! Just get creative, imagineative, and busy...it is the time that matters, and I would rather he didn't spend his money. Any excuse to be romantic will do!
Ruth Weddel Parker
EveryDay Should Be Valentine Day With The One You Love......;)
Treena Newman
so sorry for your loss Lisa
Janet Walker Boyce
I don't boycott it. I may not have someone in my life romantically, but I use the day to remind my daughters that they are the true loves of my life. :)
Like SDL on Facebook!
I am not a single dad but I can appreciate this article just as much. My girlfriend appreciates me because I go out of my way to show I care, find her attractive, tell her that she is attractive. Some people may think that with time that will all go away with time. Love only goes away when people forget their responsibilities in that relationship. A relationship crumbles when either one or both of them decides to not take the responsibility seriously. That is why I picked and chose very carefully who I was going to spend eternity with. It is all important to pick and choose someone who you know will honor you, respect you, and love you all the same. That is why sex should wait until marriage. If that person loves you that much, then how much more enjoyable it is when you save it for that person.
I am about to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years, and it is because we respect each other, know each others' strengths and weaknesses, we have grown together in love and in responsibility. I am humble enough to say that I do have things that I need to work on in my life, some of which will take a long time to change inside me. She knows it, and supports me 100% and will try to help me, but I need to carry the burden because I want to change too.
Women: to those who have been spurned by previous relationships with men, I hope that one day your anger will subside, and that you will be wise in picking a mate, and not just any mate, but a mate that you will spend the rest of your life with. You may even need to do a little studying on how to find a good husband, a little soul searching, and make a list of priorities you have along with what you want in a man, and what is most important that a man needs to have.
Men: Know that your responsibility as a man is that you lead your family with love and respect. Your wife is your helpmeet, honor her. Let go of your pride and look deep within yourself of the conflicts that you have and resolve to become better for yourself, your wife, and your children. They will appreciate it more than you know.
To both: Remember always your place as a husband and father, or wife and mother. You both have a great responsibility filled with promises of blessings of love and happiness if you strive to become better people and learn to conquer your weaknesses and strive to understand and support the other.
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