This is pretty much the conversation during my final dance practice with Krista last night.

Tonight is the big night. And I don’t feel ready. And I thought maybe it was because I didn’t practice enough. But after looking through these pictures, I have to wonder… SQUIRREL!

OUR FINAL DANCE PRACTICE:

“Krista, let’s dance! I’m not ready for this show yet! I need to run through it about two hundred times in the next hour and a half.”

“Dan, calm the effing heck down.  Can’t you see that I’m sewing velcro onto this Mini Mouse skirt? We’ll dance when I’m good and ready. You go run around and kick yourself in the butt to warm up.”

“Oh, fine!”

“Larken, spin around really fast so I can make sure my camera isn’t taking blurry pictures this time. Oh, and don’t smile or laugh while you do this. I have to get in the mode for tango.”

“Okay.”

“I said not to smile or laugh. Dang it. Now I’m gonna smile and laugh. And I can’t do that. Cause Krista will yell at me.”

“Sorry, spinning just makes me so happy.”

“At least the settings are good.”

“Can I spin some more just for fun.”

“As long as you don’t smile or laugh.”

“Okay, I’m done sewing my skirt. Let’s run through it fat boy.”

“Did you just call me fat?”

“No, I said let’s run through it now.”

“Oh.”

“Stop looking at your feet.”

“Sorry.”

“Stop looking at your feet in the mirror.”

“Sorry. But I can’t see them when I’m carrying you.”

“Straighten your arm.”

“Gosh, that feels so awkward.”

“Do you want to be a pretty dancer or not?”

“Yes. I want to be a pretty dancer.”

“Then do it.”

“Fine.”

“Okay, you’re gonna have to pull me out of this position at some point.”

“I’m trying to decide how I want my arms. Give me a minute.”

“Okay, we’ve gotta work on your mad face. Show me your mad face.”

“That’s not a mad face.”

“Yes it is.”

“Get mad. What makes you really mad?”

“Kittens being murdered.”

“Okaaaayyy… think about that then.”

“I have a hard time getting mad. It just makes me want to laugh.”

“Are you thinking about murdering kittens?”

“Yes. And for some reason it’s funny right now.”

“You’re sick.”

“I know.”

“Okay, close your eyes and on the count of three, we’re gonna give each other a super mad face.”

1…

2…

3…

“That was really good. You just murdered a kitten mentally didn’t you.”

“No, I murdered the murderer of the kitten. And I had to get mad to do it. Just call me Dexter.”

“Ooookkkaaay…”

“What?”

“Nothing. Let’s dance.”

“K.”

“Are you paying attention?”

“How is it possible that this fake rose is wilting?”

“Dan… SQUIRREL!”

“Sorry.”

“Now, let’s do the move, and show me your mean face again.”

“K.”

“Yeah. That face was good.”

 

“Ooooh, you’re doing better. That face was good, too.”

“That face looks more like I disgust you. That’s not a good face for this dance.”

“Maybe you do disgust me.”

“Stop it.”

“You never know.”

“Do I disgust you?”

“No. I think you’re quite pleasant.”

“Oh geez.”

“Let’s dance.”

“You look too content. Like you’re daydreaming. I want intense and mad. Come on Dexter!”

“That was mad. I’m telling you, I don’t do mad. It’s like asking me to like mushrooms. I can pretend but not for long.”

“Do you want to be a pretty dancer?”

“Yes.”

“Pretty dancers are mad sometimes.”

“Yes Mam.”

“Okay, during this part, I want you to look into the audience and give them what they want. Recognition. Acknowledgement. A glimpse of your super fat face.”

“Did you just say my face was super fat?”

“What?! No! I just said face.”

“I think you said fat.”

“Oh geez. Are you going to give the audience what they want?”

“Yes, I will give them a show. I will win the crowd. What movie is that?”

“Dan, SQUIRREL.”

“Sorry.”

“Good…”

“Now MAD!”

“Oooooh. That gave me chills. That was good. What did you think of that time?”

“I thought about the time when I asked for grilled chicken on my sandwich at the drive through and they gave me fried.”

“Oooookkkaaaayyyy…”

“Don’t judge me.”

CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE CAUSE THIS POST IS WAY TOO LONG.

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!