“Dan, I just wanted to write you and tell you that my wife read your blog post and decided she wants a divorce. Thanks a lot.”

This was an email I received the day after writing, Whose Life is it Anyway.

It was one of a more than a dozen I received after that post, all of which were people either telling me that my writing gave them the courage to leave or that after reading it, their spouse now wanted out.

And if I’m being honest… I don’t know if writing something that pushes people to do things that carry such heavy consequences is a heaviness I like carrying.

When I wrote the message, I wanted the people who needed it to make the hard choices. I wanted it to push those people (and only those people) to finally make the leap of faith from a life that they could never be happy in.

What I now doubt myself in is whether or not my message was clear enough that such decisions should only be made after everything has literally been given and even then happiness is not possible.

The truth is, divorce is not that serious of a thing. Not if you really think about it.

The effects of divorce, though, have an eternal ripple effect in the life a person, a person’s children, and clear into the generations that follow.

When divorce is chosen correctly, those ripples will bless people wherever they reach. They will be healthy and beautiful and powerful. They will lay the path for amazing things to happen.

When divorce is chosen poorly, those ripples will hurt people wherever they reach and they will be powerful in much more destructive ways.

When I write anything that I write, I rarely intend for it to push people to do things. I write what I write to push people to think about things and then do according to what they know is wrong and right for themselves.

To read something anybody writes and then quickly make such heavy and consequential decisions is reckless. Deciding how true another person’s words are shouldn’t really be done without deep contemplation, soul searching, and introspection, and I’m talking about the kind that takes days at least. Not minutes or hours.

I fear I published the ending where I should have instead published the beginning.

The whys of those major decisions are so important. The personal journey we each take to get to those decisions is crucial.

And that’s what these ten days of posts are all about.

They’re the whys. They’re the journey.

So please, for both of our sakes, don’t jump into such big decisions just yet. Get through these ten days of posts, first. And if you do, you will probably know so many things that I never knew when I made my big decisions. You will hopefully understand why you feel certain ways. You will most likely understand more fully if your life is something you can be happy in. You will definitely know with more certainty if you should make the big decisions or not. And, you may just figure out how to be happy in the life you have right now. Maybe you won’t.

I don’t know.

I’m not an expert in anything.

I’m just a man on my own journey. And part of that journey has been learning that sharing the intimate truths of my journey has the power to help people discover the same truths within themselves.

No two people will ever walk the same path in life. But everybody who does it right should end up at the same destination.


Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing