Jump to page: 1 2
When you add ‘em all up, there are currently about 110,000 subscribed followers here on Single Dad Laughing. The blog has been around for about 20 months now.
Some people look at that number and think holy crud bubba jemophekhat that’s a lot of followers in such a short amount of time. For that reason I get a lot of emails from fellow bloggers asking for golden nuggets of wisdom that will help them grow their following as well.
What most people don’t know is that in the time it took me to reach 110,000 followers, I’ve also lost about 25,000 followers (yes, there are ways to measure that). They unsubscribed. They stopped following this blog. They hiked up their knickers and disappeared into lands unknown.
So with that in mind, today I want to give you all a much more real answer than what I’ve responded via email every time somebody asks.
You see, usually my reply to the “what can I do to grow my blog, too?” question is something like this:
“Dear awesome fellow blogger, to grow your blog you’ve gotta do a few things. First, you have to make it easy for people to follow your blog when they find it. Second, you have to post consistently. Third, you have to create content that people will want to read and that they’ll want to share. Do that, and your blog will grow.”
But that isn’t really indicative of the number one most important thing a blogger can do that the vast majority of bloggers are too scared to do.
Bloggers have to be willing to lose followers if they ever want to grow.
Did you hear that fellow bloggers?
You have to be willing to lose followers if you ever want to really grow.
When I started this blog, I put my focus into humorous and sarcastic pieces. There wasn’t a lot of love going on, and even worse, I made fun of people from time to time. It started off pretty good, but not huge. I remember in my third month I had 800 or so followers and 18,000 page views. I was on cloud 9. My blog had made a bit of a splash, and I realized it could be fun to keep at it and see how many followers I could eventually get.
Then, right around the 1,000 mark, something significant happened to someone I love, and it made me question a lot of the ways I looked at things and people. It made me realize that I was perhaps more a part of a problem than I was any solution. And so after really looking at the dynamics of my life, family, and community, I sat down and I wrote The Disease Called Perfection.
When I finished writing it, I sat back and stared at it. And after I’d stare at it for a while, I’d stare at my follower count. And then back to the post. And then back to the follower count. By the time I got up the courage to publish it, I was convinced that I would lose the majority of my 1,000 followers if I did publish it. After all, it was nothing like anything I’d posted to that point, and it wasn’t lost on me that it could and probably would offend a lot of people.
And as I hit publish, I realized that this particular message was far more important to me than some number hanging off of the side of my blog. I knew it could be the end of my blog. And I did it anyway. Because, as I mentioned in that post, I was desperate for the message to be read.
The Disease Called Perfection went viral. And not just a little viral, it went crazy viral.
And in the process, I did lose a big chunk of those original followers. I also gained about ten thousand more.
A week and a half later I posted You Just Broke Your Child. That one was really scary for me. I was up front and direct in that message. I was desperate for that message to get out too, but it was even scarier than the first because now I felt like I’d be losing 11,000 or so followers instead of a thousand. Could I really push my luck like that twice?
That post went crazy viral, too. And in the process I did lose even more of my original followers. I also gained about ten thousand more.
A week after that I posted Memoirs of a Bullied Kid. You’d think I would have been confident at that point about publishing strongly worded posts and my own radical ideas. But I wasn’t. In fact, this post was the scariest of all. I could only read it and feel like the entire world would finally see what a loser I was. The ghosts that pushed me to write that post begged me not to post it. It would end me. It would end the blog. And even the people in my personal life would no longer see me as confident or strong. I can’t tell you how much I didn’t want to post that one. But I did anyway. Because kids were dying. And I felt like my voice might change some things, even if it meant the end of this blog.
That post went insanely viral. And in the process I lost even more of my original followers. I lost some of the followers from the previous couple weeks. I also gained about 15,000 more.
And then, over the next year or so, I posted a few more that went viral; all of which I was sure would be the end of my blog when I hit that big blue “publish” button.
You see, no matter how big your blog gets, I don’t think it’s possible to ever feel like it’s indestructible.
And then there was that one post… You know the one.
I’m Christian, unless you’re gay.
It took me a year both to find the words for that post and to get the courage to publish it.
I mean… How?
How do you write something like that and not offend everybody to the point that the entire world doesn’t leave you on your butt to ponder what you’ve done.
For some reason, I was absolutely certain that it would be the end of Single Dad Laughing when I finally finished it and shared it. I didn’t see any way that it couldn’t be. Did I have hopes that it would be well received and not kill what I had built so far? Of course. But I didn’t see how that would be the case.
But my dear friend Jacob was worth this blog. All of my friends that struggle with those dynamics are worth more than this blog. The message was worth giving up this blog.
And so I shared it anyway.
- 1 2
Just started following yesterday. And so far I am hooked!
Well Dan, now ur 195,000 + Here's to 200,000!!!
I started following you because of "I'm Christian Unless You're Gay." I blog, I have stories to tell. I'd love to make money by blogging, but I am more interested in making money by my passions writing and photography. It will happen someday, until then, I will continue to tell our stories. I hold the extended family stuff in and someday I will tell it, because honestly, they don't read it anyway. Thank you for sharing.
oursmallmoments.wordpress.com
also oursmallautismmoments.wordpress.com
How do you make money blogging?
Im at a point im my life wherer i want to craete and so ive decided to start a blog. id be lying if i didnt say that you were a bit of an inspiration. i have been seperated for about a year and a half and have two girls. i think there is a serious lack of support for single fathers out there for many reasons and so when i found you i was wow'd. id like to make it into something more than just a side project but im not afraid to fail so i guess we will see. guess im just looking to thank you for the encouragement
I love this piece (actually i've yet to not love something you've written) I've been following your blog since October or 2010. I was in the middle of a separation from my husband. Your blog helped heal my heart. I will always appreciate that. My blog started as a way to write about what I was feeling and going through at the time. Heck, it's still about where i'm wandering in my life. (currently it's the rebuild of Roxie my 1963 Chevy) I don't have any followers yet - but i occasionally get some comments. I do worry sometimes about what will happen when i post more "out there" pieces, but i also know there are others like me, that just might find that post and be thankful to know they're not alone.
Right now, it'd be nice to have others like me, that are interested in classic car rebuilds. *wink* i'm still learning, but it's something i've always wanted to do. and now i've finally gotten the chance to do it!
http://www.thewanderinggypsie.com
What you write strikes within me... Please continue to be true!
Dan, I have been following your posts for quite some time now. I love what you write it's honest, and honesty is truly refreshing. I also have a blog, not a consistent poster (school and work do get in my way) but it's more of an online journal anyhow. http://justmy2senseworth.blogspot.com/ that's my blog. I'm going to start adding poems and short stories soon. I love writing.
Micaela
Hi Dan,
I've been following your SDL blog for over a year now, though not sure how long...I do know that your style of writing has changed since I tuned in, and it has become much more deep and profound..with that, It has also become more important to me to both read and share, and has inspired me in so many ways. I truly look up to you as a writer, a parent and a person. You have amazing talent and your bravery and strength show through in your writing and sometimes just in the fact that you shared it at all! I hope that my writings can affect even just one person the way yours has affected me. I just stopped in to find some last minute tips on writing a good blog before I open mine up to the public. EEEK! I'm excited and scared all at once! Thanks for continuing to post and for all of the inspiration and motivation you put into me!
The first post I ever read was 'You just broke your child'. A friend had posted the link when you published it and I've been a follower since. I think your stuff is very powerful and inspiring.
I have a Christian blog, so just about everything I post offends thousands of athiests out there. Just me saying that I believe God is real and I read the Bible offends them. I have dedicated atheists out there who come to my blog just to hate on my message time and again, to call me names and tell me how naieve I am... yep, makes me feel special. I still have some subscribers (90) though, not many, but they're those who really want to hear the message I'm sharing, and the number steadily grows one at a time. I don't worry about losing them from what I write. I think that you've got to write what you want people to hear, and if they don't want to hear it they're not going to come back, but if that's the case, then your blog really isn't for them and they'll be better off reading somewhere else.
Thanks for the post. This is the first time I've heard the POV that you have to be prepared to lose some to gain some. Great insight.
Hello Dan,
I haven been following your blog for a few months, and I am impressed how you approach this social medium. It is nice to read honest stories with humour inside but also a big heart for other people. In our society it is very important to have positive input, because life can be a struggle! I helped out a familymember that was very depressed and she created also her own blog with a lot of facts and information about coping with depression. Writing made her stronger.
So Dan, I admire the way how you inspire people, so keep on writing!
Kind regards
Tasha Smith
I started following you on April 7 of this year, when a very good old friend of mine posted 'I'm Christian unless you are gay" on facebook. That blog was so absolutely amazing I immediately shared it. I have a wonderful internet friend who blogs--I love reading her blogs too. She has inspired me to sometimes write what I really feel on facebook--although yes I have felt incredibly scared doing so. There definitely is a freedom of speech issue in accordance to my job. I am held to a higher standard and that is right and proper. I haven't let that stop me from posting when I've felt that absolute NEED to share my message, and I hope that I never do. Your blog inspires me even more...I can't wait to read all those prior blogs from you! :) Thank you!!!
I discovered this blog just now, this is the first post I have read. I want to be brave and honest on my blog, but I am a teacher and fear that it will somehow hurt my reputation and the school board would disapprove. I hate that fear. I love my blog. I love my job. I want the best of both worlds, the freedom to say anything . . . . .i want protection. Freedom of speech taken to a new level, social networking.
You Rock!
Gahh! You seriously gave me so much inspiration in reading this! I had the MOST HORRIBLE reaction to a post I wrote on New Age Parenting Techniques last night and I was depressed beyond understanding all day today. I headed over to talk to Jessica at Bohemian Bowmans aboiut it & she linked me to your blog. You have saved my life! Thank you so much! Just when I couldn't feel any more depressed you shined a ray of light for me. http://www.thoughtsofamothernms.com/
@unsworthnicole2 It's so cool when miracles occur when and where we least expect them. I love this blog - and am so thankful Dan is sharing his perspective with the world! And good luck to you. There will always be people who swoop in like seagulls and drop a load of crap on you and then swoop off again. Don't let it discourage you from using your voice! Namaste. Martha.
I'm not sure when I started following you, but it was before any of the posts you mentioned here. Looking at the archives, I think it was probably sometime in August 2010.
You have a lot to offer, and I love your blog. All of your posts either make me think or give me a good laugh. Some have done both. You are the only blog I read consistently and the only one I've ever even considered sending money to (I sent a little for a while, until I switched it to the Fishers). Both you and your blog are amazing.
I am also occasionally uncomfortable with the atmosphere that seems to have cropped up in the comments & among your followers. I believe everyone should be able to voice their views. What I get from your blog is humour, love, compassion, understanding. All of that requires listening, to some extent. In order to listen, you have to allow other people to voice their views and beliefs.
In recent months, however, there has been a trend to silence people of certain religious affiliations. I am not religious, but I believe strongly that all people should be heard if they remain polite and non-aggressive. Several times over the last few months, self-proclaimed atheist have completely shut down and pushed out other commenters because the commenter mentioned that they believed in a god.
From what I have seen, you welcome everybody, regardless of belief or non-belief. That is not necessarily true of your followers, however, and the atmosphere has become troublesome for me.
I had been considering emailing you to express my concerns, but I don't really see anything you can do to change it except keep being you. Hopefully you will get through to all of your followers that ALL people deserve love and understanding.
@Mouse I'm sorry to hear that you heard something unpleasant coming from a professed atheist toward a Christian on one of Dan's comment sections. That must have been awful! Surely, the Christian only said that s/he believed in God, right? Not that s/he believed that gays should be quarrantined on an island or anything awful like that? 'Cause I've heard stuff like that. From Christians. On this site. And all over the Internet, for that matter. I know "both sides do it" is a TERRIBLE excuse. But it's enough of an excuse for me to not get all that choked up at the thought of a Christian getting rhetorically beat up by an atheist. Especially if the atheist is authentically beating them up on points and the Christian is just being sensitive.
Dan,
Here is my take on your blog and this post. I came here from a link on FB. Honestly, I was expecting alot of fundie preaching. I was prepared to be on my merry way after the first paragraph of pretty much anything you'd written. I wasn't prepared for a general overall message of tolerance and acceptance. From what I can see from your posts about, bullying, self-acceptance, how to treat your children, how to react to anyone who is different, I'm not really seeing anything that's all that controversial. I think your subscriber base pretty much proves this. You've gained 4+ followers for every one that you've lost. I think that's pretty much the truth about how most people feel. For every person that truly believes that intolerance and bigotry is proper, there are 4 others who really want to make this world a better place. Alot of people are stuck in their own little bubble where they think that they are acting appropriately because everyone around them acts the same way. When in reality 4/5 of them are thinking it's wrong, they just needed someone else to point it out. What I'm saying is that you should keep on keeping on. Your message isn't controversial to anyone with a normal sense of decency.
Hey Dan,
I started reading with the "You just broke your kid." Post. I don't read all the posts. I rarely comment, except the few times I want to offer another point of view. I realize that sometimes makes me appear critical, since I silently enjoy the rest and file it away for safe keeping and mulling over. I guess now is a good time to say "kudos to you." Living an honest public life is a huge thing to do.
I struggle believing in the 'realness' of people over the internet. It is a 'place' where people can make themselves appear something they are not. If you live, truly, with the integrity that you claim to, you will eventually be surrounded by people with the same level of integrity and hopefully equal amounts of joy.
All the best.
@mcshelf I'm just going to pretty much say 'ditto" to this post. I started reading with the same post and have the same tendency as mcshelf to comment mostly when I feel I have something different to say. However I regularly read and think about what you've said. I second the "kudos to you" and agree with the rest of the comment. Thanks, Dan! (and mcshelf for putting the words in my mouth)
This blog is about knowing what's important and not being afraid to say it. Some would call it accepting your true self or being authentic. But, it's also about courage and you are a courageous man.
I don't read every post, but I have been here since before you posted The Disease Called Perfection (though I'm not sure if I was officially "subscribed" at that point). I don't have a blog, but I have considered starting a finance blog for people going through life's transitions. That will be after I finish up my last CPA exam though. When that day comes, I hope I'll be strong enough to post the scary truth about tough subjects.Rock on, Dan!
You can tell a lot about a man by who their enemies are. While enemies is a strong term, I think it applies, particularly with the thought-provoking, introspective pieces you post.
Wish I could read your blog, but you started crashing my phone. Really enjoy your writings even if I sometimes think you are a bit off the mark. Hey, no one's perfect. I was once, but my children are older and "wiser" now.
Love reading your stuff, didn't hear about you until "I'm Christian unless you're gay". Thank you for writing your message, your courage is inspiring.
Don't ever stop your blog Dan! One day very soon I will have the guts to write to you about a subject that has personally affected me.
I appreciate your courage, your openness and how you don't hold down even if to discuss what could be considered controversial... the 'you just broke your child' brought tears to my eyes when I first read it... Count me on the "not going anywhere" followers.. :)
Maybe they all went on strike about the high price of internet and closed all their accounts, it's plausible!
I also joined after you just broke your child. I sobbed the whole way through it and thought it was so well written. For some reason all the new posts also crash my phone. Even when I use the Mobile site. :(
Look at all those 25,XXX as you were spring cleaning or you were trimming the fat. Either way they don't matter. Life is to fun to worry about other ppl. Just keep your words a rolling
I have been following Single Dad Laughing since, "I'm Christian, Unless You're Gay". Not from it's original posting but another post where you shared selected comments.I have held back on my blog (middlebrickroad.com), but mostly because everything I post is subject to the scrutiny of my step-kid's mother. The openness is terrifying, but I would love for my blog to grow so I too can have just as much of an impact. I guess I need to stop being afraid.
Just found about your blog today ;) Awesome, gutsy stuff, sing on!! :)
(from a mom of 3 rascally rascals)
I've been following for about a year? But I haven't been online due to medical reasons, and had missed the last four to six months.
I do have a blog for my poetry, thoughts, rants, ponderings. I use it sometimes. For a long time I didn't, I took a break. I was always surprised when somebody posted a response. I'm not big at all, but that doesn't really matter to me. It's just that I said it and put it out there for others to see that is important to me. It feels good to give some of that up, and on occasion to have someone write to say that they were glad someone else had felt or thought that way, too, or just that it was a darned good piece of writing. Some people who follow my blog do it privately and won't post anything at all because they don't want anyone to know they are following me. And I actually do appreciate it, as I don't want the attention someone with their public profile would bring to my blog. It would be hell!
I like this piece, this blog you've written. It's always your voice that comes through, who you are shines through in every piece you write and share. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I don't, but it's who you are and I don't have to always agree to continue to follow the blog. Nobody ever agrees 100% of the time, and I'm okay with that. You seem like a good hearted person who really is just trying to figure it all out and be good to others as much as possible.
Some people I know have specifically asked me -- begged me -- not to ever blog about them, ever, or mention them by name in any piece I write. So I honour that request. I pretty much steer clear of ever identifying anyone. That way nobody I know needs to worry I'll spill something I shouldn't, or let out any of their if-you-knew-you'd-hate-me secrets.
But, I'll tell you, keeping their secrets hasn't ever stopped me from writing or sharing a piece of poetry, prose, or a blog I've written. I'll write it and share it if I damn well please. Nobody gets hurt by that if they don't know who the heck inspired something or who I'm talking about. And, if it's about ME, if it's my thoughts and feelings and actions, my life, and I'm sharing -- being exposed, vulnerable -- then what problem does anyone else have? I subscribe to the mantra: I'll never tell. It's like with reporters and their sources. My inspirations could be seen as sources. And there's no damn way I'll give those secrets up. It's not important 'who'.
I have, however, kept a piece unpublished because I wanted to protect the reputation of family members, or to protect their feelings. Sometimes you don't have to share everything. Like with my illness. I needed privacy for that, but my family does, too. Sometimes even a blogger is in no state of mind to be sharing their inner most feelings and thoughts. Medications could have affected my coherence, and brought down some boundaries that, really, should exist for my own protection. It's like you shouldn't drink and blog! Kinda like that! It's like the drunk email, but for anyone to see. Yikes, man! Sometimes a public venue is a curse to those of us with the blogging affliction. Self control and good judgment comes in handy.
You always get me thinking in some way. That's why I follow. You are an interesting blogger, even if sometimes I wanna say, "Hey! Get out of your own head for a while!" :) Let's talk about happenings, events... not just about thoughts. Let's talk about the tangible things once in a while. ((hugs)) A philosopher doesn't always have to philosophize... right?
I thought we were supposed to have it all figured out by the time we reach 30... Isn't that what 'they say' the 20's are for?
Cheers, and have a good one!
I have a blog. I started it when my husband passed away and I needed a place to store all those feelings I couldn't look at. Those emotions that needed to be released but not let go. A small few read what I write, often it is very dark and sad, like my moods, but it gives me a place to confront all those emotions that are hidden from the light of day.
Dan, your writting says what so many of us feel and don't have the ability to put into the written word. As humans we have the same desires and fears as all other humans have. We all want to live in peace and have our children be happy, healthy and safe. Your insightful posts help us see, we are the same.
I've only been a subscriber to this blog for about two months, and one of the follow ups to "I'm Christian, Unless You're Gay" was the reason that I started to follow. To date, there has not been one thing that you have written that has ever made me mad or want to "unsubscribe" to you. Dan, you are an honest and insightful writer and I love that you tell it like you see it. I may not agree with some of your points of view, but this is your little world that you are inviting us into.
For all you bloggers out there, that's what a blog is all about. Inviting someone into your space and describing your points of view. Don't ever compromise your writing for fear of offending someone. It's their perogitive to stay or go. It's your's to tell your truth.
My friend has a blog for 10 years. And his blog is just great. He can be popular (someone even wanted to publish his posts, but he said "no"), but he doesn't want to. His followers not just read him, they LOVE him. We first met because of his blog and then, inspired by him, I started a blog too (he was glad, heh) . I started it on Livejournal, because I'm from Russia and there are at least 80% of bloggers use LJ, even most popular of them. And if you want to have followers, you have to use LJ (you'll soon understand why I'm saying this).
My blog is 2 years old. And I always tried to make it interesting. I wrote about books, movies, comic books, music, my own thoughts, events and interesting blogs and posts. Every time I tried very hard to make my posts different: by using different greetings, new interesting words, themes etc. And people always said that I write like a professional (journalist or writer). But during this 2 years I heard something good like "thanks!" or "good post!" only once or twice. But I often heard that my thoughts are silly and other unpleasant things. But it didn't stop me.
And one mounth ago my follower (we were mutual friends) who I really respect said that I'm stupid ass and my blog is shit, without any reason. She even wrote about it in _her_ blog. And something changed. I always adored LJ, my readers who almost were my friends but suddenly I've gone off it all. I gave up and I don't want to go on. I created a new blog on Blogger (in Russia it's like standalone blog and veeery often means that you won't recieve any comment at all, 'cause people just don't use Blogger) about music and music only. So I'm glad that my blog will be like a lonely house in cold mountains, people will visit me _sometimes_ and they won't forget good manners. And I don't write anything about my thoughts anymore and don't talk about it. And I don't think I will be back to the big bloggers community.
Sorry for my English, I learn it only by playing videogames.
@korovsky Don't let someone else's lack of character stop you from speaking. Your "friend" is of weak character to attack you and your blog, especially in such a rude way. You speak. You write. You share. Let her bury herself in her own ugliness, don't let her silence your voice.
@KatherineWhite Thanx, I never thought of it this way! About her weak character etc. You gave me motivation to speak, seriously!
@korovsky Honey, your English is just fine- it certainly is better than my Russian.. oh, wait, I don't know Russian, so you have a leg up on me.
One thing I've learned from a dear writer friend of mine is that you can't write for others. Write for yourself. Write because you want or need to write. Write because you want to create or share. Write because you want to educate or make people think (That's for Dan!).
Don't be the wishy-washy one who is afraid to be himself because he's afraid to offend someone. You're going to offend someone. Dan certainly has (and so have I!).. and that's ok. Maybe it's even a good thing. I've found that when I get offended is when I grow the most. Getting offended makes me stop and thing a little more objectively about the issue. Sometimes I change which side I'm on, sometimes I simply develop more compassion for "the opposition".
My dear friend also said that one of the highest compliments another writer can pay you is to critique your writing. You do indeed have to have a rather tough skin in the writing world- Some who critique your writing will love this or that turn of phrase. Some will pick at your use of specific vocabulary. Some will want to change everything. That's their opinion. Remember, you're writing for YOU.
@lovindmutts Thank you! I think, I should let you know that I appreciate your answer (and I really do). And hmmm... I was so offended by this girl so I really grow up, I can say for sureI I'm starting to understand that what you say is true. Mm, "understand" is not the word, It's better to say "I feel it" and it's more importand than just understanding. I think that I will write there again, may be not this week or not this month, but still... I guess, I can teach myself to write just for my own pleasure (not for "my-and-their" pleasure like now).
Oh, and "your English is just fine" is one of the most beautiful things you can hear from a human being!
I have a blog, but I don't have enough of a following to really worry about what I post. Sure, I try to be fair in what I say, but I personally know most of my formal followers (ok, all 6 of them, lol). Maybe some day I will have a massive following, but that's not really why I write either. I write because I want to get my own thoughts and feelings out there, in writing. Sometimes I write something because I need to figure out how I feel about the issue (serious cases of mixed emotions tend to bring this one on).
Mosey on over some time, if you feel like it. http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/
I have been following your blog for about a year now and I love that you write from the heart. I have two blogs and I am new to the blogging world. I write, I love to write, but I have to admit that I do hold back at times. I write it, but I keep it to myself, and that is wrong. Reading this has helped me really consider throwing my fears to the sky and be damned with offending someone, or worried that I am sharing too much of "me". I wonder sometimes if I should have started my blog under a pseudo name so I could be completely truthful! But I love to post pictures with my blog and that would make it impossible to stay private! Thank you for sharing your insights, and your words, no matter how controversial.
You gained me as a subscriber when you posted "I'm Christian unless you're Gay." I respected you for saying the things a lot of people feel and would never have to courage to say. Since that day, I have read quite a few of your blogs and I enjoy every one of them. I don't always agree with everything you say, yet I do find myself respecting it anyway. It takes a lot if courage to do what you do. I am grateful to have to opportunity to see a fresh perspective that is not my own. One that doesn't constantly bash or ridicule everyone. I look for ward to reading more in the future.
Dan this world needs more people like you. People who will speak up despite their fears, despite the consequences, despite that others might not like them. It times of great turmoil and egregious behaviour toward large groups of people (apartheid, slavery, rights for black/women/native/gay/etc.) the tide begins to shift because a couple of people like yourself - ordinary citizens with great courage - speak out against the grain. They speak or act on the truth that 'whispers from deep inside'. And eventually others join them.
I speak out in person but do not blog. I admire your frankness and openness, you are somebody I'd love to know. I've been following you since THAT post - I'm Christian unless you're gay. It was the first time I'd heard of you or your blog. I've been a fan ever since. And I've shared some of your posts since then as well. Keep putting yourself out there. It can get lonely and be difficult at times to be the one who constantly puts yourself out there. And afterward the messages of quiet support come from the ones who do not yet have the voice to speak out themselves. And that makes all the angst worthwhile. Keep leading the way Dan.
Dan, I've held off from commenting on all of this because I really didn't want to throw myself into the fracas that resulted, largely because these issues discussed are so emotionally charged for me personally that I found the nastiness being slung at your most controversial post very disheartening and in effect needed to shield myself from it by not getting involved. Since the dust has settled, I wanted to take a moment to thank you for being brave. I'm gay, and I wish I'd read a post like that one when I was closeted and married to a woman and very involved in a strict and judgmental Christian megachurch, or even earlier when I was in my teens and trying to figure out why I seemed 'cursed' with feelings and thoughts I could not control that everyone around me taught me were wrong and demonic and sinful. Luckily for me, life granted me an opportunity to live a fuller and happier life, a life of honesty and confidence, a 'real' life instead of the half-life of self-loathing and shame I lived for far too long. I finally understand there's nothing wrong with me, my feelings, or my desires no matter what someone else's sacred book or texts say, and I know this to be true because it resonates through me, fills me with positive feelings like love and self-acceptance and confidence and satisfaction and joy the way no other experience I've had ever has. That's something I can't say about any of my religious experiences which actually filled me with the exact opposite of each of these feelings, and my joy comes from no longer requiring the approval of others nor of the idea an all-seeing all-knowing figure to judge and approve of me to be happy in life. That's my personal path, and I certainly don't deign to state it's 'right' for everyone - it's simply what I've found that makes sense and works best for *me.* As @TWW wrote, the world needs a lot more people who will write the truth. You are that person, Dan, and I wanted to thank you for that. It took guts. It was the right thing to do. Yes, it offended many who can't see past the hatred and hypocrisy and legalism of their beliefs that blinds them from recognizing their own flaws, all in the name of 'love,' but it can potentially help so many others, especially people like the person I used to be who are afraid to be honest about themselves and who are desperate for solace, comfort, understanding, encouragement, and hope. I'm proud to follow your blog, Dan. =) Very proud indeed.
I do have a blog (oneincomefamilyliving.blogspot.com) and it'd be cool to have it grow into something big, but I use it as more of a public journal on how my family is making my husband's one (not very big) income work for our family of 4+, so my primary goal is not the large following. There are lots of blogs out there that are similar to mine, but that doesn' t make me feel like I shouldn't keep at it. I've had lots of positive feedback and am not exactly sure how I could offend someone with it unless I specifically set out to do so. So, to answer your question, no I don't think fear rules my posts. I've only been following your blog for a short time- ever since the I'm Christian, unless you're gay post, which, by the way, I felt accurately described my feelings on the subject too.
Wow. I admire your courage. I also think it's especially cool that you posted this today, when I reluctantly hit the "publish" button on my own controversial blog post. Please check out "I'm Not Pro-Death" at mylifewithpie.com. I have a parenting blog and I usually try to stay away from controversial stuff...but I've found that sometimes I just NEED to speak out about some things, like I did today about the abortion/ contraception debate and politics. And I've also found that when I do, those posts, the heartfelt and difficult ones, are the most read. So I'm glad I've taken those chances, as I did today, and I appreciate hearing that it's paid off for you, not just in the stats, but in the feeling you get that you're helping people and making an impact, and in the lives of the people you've touched.
I'm proud of you for writing what you believe, regardless of the "popularity" aspect. I don't always agree with you. Sometimes I spend the rest of the day arguing with you in my head. But I love you for being courageous.