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About four months ago, I received a call from a big name casting company who was looking for somebody to star in a new reality show on one of the big networks. Due to privacy clauses of a contract I had to sign, that’s about as much as I can tell you.
I’ve seen the show they would be directly competing with, and to be more than 100% honest, I would never consider myself to be a candidate for such a show. And, when the casting producer first called me, my response was exactly that. “Have you seen pictures of me? I’m a little chubby. I’m not ripped and toned. Oh, and I’m covered in hair.” Her response was that they wouldn’t be shooting the show until summer and that they wanted somebody who was “real” anyway. They weren’t looking to mimic the other show that way.
I wish I could divulge more details about it because it would make this post more meaningful, but it suffices me to say that the entire thing threw me for a serious loop. At first I turned her down. Flat. I didn’t even think about it. Then she started selling me on the idea that I would be able to share my message and my true voice on the show, and that it could be a great opportunity to do some good. A couple days later I told her I’d go through the screening process and see what happened.
From there it was a flurry of activity. They asked for information, contracts, background, and a bazillion essay questions from me. They did interviews with me. “We’re moving fast on this,” the casting producer kept telling me every time she asked for something new. And for some reason every time I sent something, they replied that they loved it and needed whatever was next in the process. Eventually they wanted a video of a day in my life that they could give to the show’s executive producer.
I started panicking somewhere in the middle of it all. Why would they want me on this show? Why me? Memories of being shoved against lockers, pummeled on the playground, and picked last in dodge ball all taunted me with wild abandon . I definitely wasn’t that kind of guy. Not one that millions of people would want to watch and hopefully fall in love with.
It was an extremely pivotal moment in time for me. I was forced to look deep inside myself in ways that I never had, and honestly ask myself if I am worthy of such want by others. I had to ask if I am confident enough. Attractive enough. And desirable enough.
And, because it couldn’t possibly work for me or them if I couldn’t answer yes to all of that, I was forced to let go of the ghosts of my past and believe in the person that I am right now. I was forced to let go of what I still believed defined the person I am today, and believe instead that I am something more. I had to learn to believe that I was just as good a candidate as the best of them, and that nothing made any other man better than me for the job.
I don’t know when that mental transformation took place, but somewhere in the middle of it all, it did. My thoughts went from why would they want me to why wouldn’t they want me. It’s the first time in my life I’ve ever actually had sincere thoughts like that.
So there I was, in the middle of the process. The more I sent them, the more it seemed like they actually did want me on their show. And, the more it seemed like they did want me on their show, the more I started planning out what I would do if they did actually choose me for their show. “The first thing I’m going to do,” I told the few people who knew about it, “is hire a personal trainer and get into the best shape of my life.” I would have four months to do it, and I figured I may not be ready for the cover of GQ, but I could definitely look a lot better than I did then.
And then, after I sent them the “day in the life of” video… nothing. The moving-quick part of the process suddenly ground to a halt and for weeks I was left having no idea what was going on, whether or not they still wanted me, or anything else.
I had no reason to think they had changed their minds, especially with the occasional email from the casting producer saying they were still working on it. So, I started putting plans into place that would get me to the right place by the right time. I started turning my life upside down and inside out looking for ghosts that I needed to get rid of. I started looking for my bigger flaws and working on those. And, I lined things up to start with my personal trainer.
The excuse to get my life into as perfect order as possible was finally there for me. I didn’t want to be fat anymore. I didn’t want to be weak. I didn’t want certain habits hanging around. And the funny thing is, I started making some big changes so that I’d be ready for this show, but before long the show didn’t really matter to me at all.
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Way to GO!! I started my fitness journey this past September by joining a CrossFit box. It's been awesome and I am getting in better shape every day. More importantly, I FEEL better emotionally than I have in years. It's SO much more than simply exercising. You should definitely check it out. :D
I read several years ago now, that people's cancer and heart-risks are seriously reduced by moderate exercise, EVEN IF THEY DON'T LOSE A POUND. Even if your diet is in-trouble, keep moving! You'll be healthier for it no matter your size.
I have probably read everything in existence on the topic of getting healthy, losing weight, motivation, and self-esteem. This single blog post of yours, being practical and pragmatic, as I feel your style of writing is most times... is probably the most realistic, most motivational, most down to earth, and most inspiring verse on the topic. I have read, watched, or heard nothing better. It might just be that I very easily relate to the way you view things and the way you write... but I am saving this on my desktop because I have a feeling that it will help me more than anything else ever has. Parts of what you wrote here... I was starting to do on my own but didn't have a way of putting it into words. In a way, your post helped me recognize what I was doing and the process I was going through. That alone makes it easier to keep going... to work harder on it all... because I know what it is and what I have to do.
I don't understand, besides being more healthy, how you disliked looking like you did. The "before' picture does show some chubbiness but honey, i've seen a lot worse. Maybe it was a higher being putting this opportunity in disguise to really look at yourself and push you to a healthier life. Good Job Dan and Good Luck!
They always want people who will...oh, why bother...
I just started reading your blog within the last couple of days. I am grateful you are sharing the gift of who you are. Now you are doing it from a new perspective guys generally don't publicize. If it makes you feel better about yourself, go for it 100 gazillion percent and go for the goal! Just don't write an article titled "I'm a Christian unless you're fat, or out of shape, or lazy" I think you would be writing to a small audience then. Good luck, and I look forward to seeing your results!
Good on you for doing it for yourself (But I gotta say ya look just fine to me in the before pics :) )
Oh @danoah , you're still a sexy mo-fo... take it from a gay guy! ;)
May I just say... I think you're hot the way you are. No, seriously. I had a bit of a crush on you since I read your "Real dads don't leave" post, after being directed to your site by the response to the "I'm a Christian, as long as you're not Gay" article. Since then, I've been a huge fan! And if you're ever somewhere remotely near the Midwest.... (*cough*)
I am 50 years old and I am also a 3 time cancer survivor (age 10, brain tumor[Menegeoma], age 21 Uterine Cancer [discovered when I was 6 months pregnant], age 36 skin cancer), as well as a Service Connected Disabled Veteran (US Army 6 years). I currently am battling Fibromyalgia, Chronic Neuropathy, Arthritis and Compressed Disc's in my back (I am 3 inches shorter than I used to be). However despite my medical problems, I have succeeded in losing 120 pounds!! If I can do you a young guy like you can do it too!! The way you feel about yourself, the way you feel, is worth the time and effort you put into getting fit! Congratultions on taking the first step!
They were casting you for a "bachelor" like show weren't they??? Well that's awesome but even more awesome is what you found in the process. New to SDL but already a huge fan!!! Us "single parent peeps" need to keep a lookout for each other :)
This is great. I did something like this a few years ago, got a trainer, and changed my body...a lot later in life than you, I can say no more. Yer gonna love it.
Awesomeness...as someone who has lost 82lbs for health and for my kids i applaud you...its hard work, but so worth it...best shape if my life , i lead by example now n feel good....go dan!!!! Xoxo
Go Dan! You can do it!!
I did the same thing four years ago, minus the reality TV show, because I was tired of being sad and angry. Exercise is a fantastic antidepressant with the added hot-body bonus. Still working on it, but I'm 60 pounds down from where I was four years ago! The best part is, the lifestyle stuck!
Tips I found helpful and stuff I learned:
1. Extreme self-deprivation (i.e. chocolate) only works for awhile - eventually, old habits do come back in spurts. It's okay! Just get back on the wagon and try again the next day! Beating yourself up doesn't help in the long run.
2. Substitutions are like stepping stones to a better life: replace foods or activities that are enjoyable as immediate gratification only (i.e. watching hours of TV or eating ice cream every night, which I used to do) with less-guilt-inducing ones that are still enjoyable (i.e. attending a Zumba class or making banana smoothies that taste like ice cream, but are really just frozen bananas and almond milk). It's kind of fun once you get the hang of it!
Good luck!
What a great experience, and I'm definitely rooting for you, but I have a question. Have you considered whether this new-found love you have for yourself is going to be contingent on the changes you make? Have you considered whether you are really loving yourself well, or are loving the idea of a fit and toned you? It's certainly a step in a great direction, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy, but as someone who has also struggled with weight in their adult life, I want to caution you about having any caveats around loving yourself well. Real, healthy, and enduring self-appreciation can not be conditional. It's extraordinarily painful, and incredibly difficult, but I'm learning that I HAVE to love myself no matter what pant size I'm wearing because if I don't, I have too many excuses not to live my life. And I certainly won't be a good role model for the little girls who look up to me (or little boys) because if they see that I can love myself when society routinely tells me I'm worthless, I can prove to them that there is more to life than materialistic perfectionism - and maybe they won't get sucked into it as badly as I have.
Just a thought.
@JLLane That is a truly fantastic observation and question. I hope Dan reads your words and sees their wisdom!
Congratulations on your commitment to fitness. I highly recommend a 21-day vegan kickstart. You don't necessarily need to buy into all the health, environmental, and animal rights reasons, but the kickstart is a guided plan and fantastic for health. It's basically impossible to get fat eating veggies. If you really feel like you're missing protein or some other nutrient, just count it up, and I think you'll find 1) you're fine and 2) vegetables can fill the need cheaply and easily.
http://pcrm.org/kickstartHome/
If nothing else, PCRM, the host-site, has lots of nutritional information that helps to clarify misleading agribusiness claims about meat, milk, and eggs.
I also recommend http://nutritiondata.self.com/ . This has a lot of nutrition information on foods, including some aggregate numbers.
How wonderful of you, Dan! Thanks for this post - I needed this message. I have been gaining weight steadily for the past 10 years, and have been looking for motivation to end this vicious cycle. Your post inspires me to do what I need to do to get healthy. Thank you!
Very good Dan! I'm pulling for you. There are so many things I'd like to share with you about nutrition and weight loss, but I'll be brief here and keep it to the one most important thing: EAT FATS! A calorie is a calorie is a calorie, as far as weight loss is concerned, but people who restrict their carbs instead of their fats end up having better blood numbers. ALL blood numbers, from cholesterol to blood pressure to blood sugar. Also, you MUST have plenty of fats if you don't want your skin hanging off of you at your reveal. You must eat 20% of your calories from fat at a minimum, for skin resiliance.
One other thing, since you mentioned a trainer: the two things (as a man) which you can work and work on and probably never be so built up that you'll look out of proportion, are pecs and legs. If you do any weight training during your fitness revolution, do not ever skip those areas. There is a term for guys who train their upper body while trusting to their cardio to tone their lower body. "Martinis", named for the shape of the glass.
Their loss. I'm doing something similar for myself. While I've always wanted to post before and after pics on my blog, I couldn't do it. Good for you! Go get 'em!!
http://troismommy.wordpress.com/2012/04/03/our-weekend-with-the-stars/
Sweat is Fat Crying Dan! Remember no matter how slow you go, you're lapping everyone on the couch. :D
"They didn’t pick me for the show. But I picked me for the show. And what a show it’s going to be."
I LOVE THIS. I might just write it on a notecard and stick it up on my mirror next to another inspiring quote.
I haven't been keeping up with your blog like I used to, so I just read this today. It came at the most ironic and perfect time. I have 2 kids, and decided after the 2nd one was born that I wouldn't have any more. It helped that I also swore off any more relationships, but I started dating a man on New Year's Eve, and found out soon afterwards that he really wants his own kids. We are barely more than friends at this point, and I am not in any rush to get married, but I felt it would only be fair to tell him I wasn't going to have any more children. Long story short, a lot of things have happened in the last month or so that I started feeling like I shouldn't let go of the possibility of having kids. When I expressed my feeling (more like fear) that I was supposed to have more children, my sister told me I should lose a LOT of weight (I just hit 300 lbs) before I even considered it. It hit me like a ton of bricks that having another child or not is not as important as being healthy enough to have one. So this morning, I vowed to lose enough weight by this time next year that I can ride the rides at Lagoon, be able to find my size in any store, and be able to sleep in a bed again. Reading this made me feel even more energized. Now I have someone to "compete" with. As I "watch" you losing weight, it will help me to try harder too.
Hey dude! When I see your picture, all I can think of is: that's gotta be a good hug! :)
WTG for the courage to post the before pictures. I still don't have that courage. I just have a number to lose. Don't get me wrong i have pictures of before, but they are pictures AFTER baby #5. I still have trouble being undressed in front of my husband without cringing or attempting to suck it in.
Hey Dan, I'm on a similar journey, I've lost 85 pounds and have 55 more to go to reach my life goal weight! I am trying to become my perfect version of myself! Good luck to you, many just give up and blame their appearance on age, children, work....blah blah blah...but there is NO REASON why we all cannot look the way we want to look! I have lost my weight easily and it didn't cost a penny!
That's awesome that you're improving yourself for YOU! I just started this same path yesterday. I've been contemplating it for months. Saying I was going to start for weeks. Now, I'm doing it and I feel great! I should take that not so nice before pic too.
I have nothing profound to say other than I just think you are incredible and have amazing insight...I am the "female version" of knowing what to wear to hide my "chubbiness" and learning to believe in ME! You can do it! Can't wait to see the "unveiling!!"
If you do this sort of thing for anyone but you, it will never stick. Good for you!
This is AWESOME!!!! Good for you!
by the way, I used SparkPeople.com as a resource when I wanted to make the same kind of changes you suggest. Changes that aren't about just loosing weight, but are about becoming who you want to be. Check it out if you want. It's free and has lots of resources to keep you motivated and working toward your goals by starting with small changes.
WTG Dan, we're all rooting for you!
I think it's great that you're sharing your pic. I could never be this brave, but one of my friends was, and that was what inspired me to get healthy. Think of all the people you'll inspire! I say congrats and kudos to you!
@CRobbieLV Paleo... what's that? Dinosaur meat?
@danoah In a nutshell: Moving & eating as our ancestors once did. So, no processed foods. :) Plenty of meat, veggies & fruits.
@CRobbieLV Ummm, that diet sounds too intense for me.
@danoah It's not actually a diet. As that word implies a fad. It is more of a lifestyle. :) Try it for a week & see how you feel. *smiles*
@danoah Y'know, that's what I thought too, at first. No dairy? No grains? Ack! But I gathered a bit more info, & it actually makes sense.
@danoah Mammoth meat. ;)
Well done! If more people had the courage to show their very "normal" bodies, then far less people would have these ridiculous body image issues! Good luck with your quest!
Congratulations Dan! :)
As many have said, you don't look bad at all! You are such an awesome person in and out. But I wish you luck and have confidence in you that you will reach your goal. As you shed those pounds why don't you send them my way, I need to gain about 20!
You know what, Dan? I don't see a single thing wrong with the guy you are right now, today. You want to be someone that the world will fall in love with? Um - please note that you already HAVE THIS. You have a HUGE following on your blog. You have amazing people who read your words and spread them all over the internet. You have supporters EVERYWHERE. What part of this says "unlovable" to you???
Add to that the fact that you were in contention for a role on a reality show and the fact that you have wonderful kids you adore. How else would you define success? Happiness isn't a size; happiness comes only from loving yourself for who you are - and that means right now, this minute, not at some future "when I get fit" date.
If you choose to work on being healthier, I am all for that - but please don't do something because you don't think that you deserve the best in life right at the weight and fitness level you're at right now. Don't tie your happiness to something that fluctuates on a daily basis like some random number on a scale. I have been there and done that for far too many years. Right now at 360 pounds I am the happiest I have ever been in my adult life because I finally accepted myself for who I am and I no longer apologize to the world for being fat.
Dan, you are amazing just exactly for who you are, and EVERYONE here agrees with that. Your ability to be loved and lovable doesn't come from your exterior - it comes from being your wonderful self.
Your ability to be loved and lovable doesn't come from your exterior - it comes from being your wonderful self.@AmyDobek
I have to agree; Dan is great just the way he is. I wouldn't change a thing about him, but as a person who is tired of living in a body that holds me back every time I want to do something, I can understand why he wants to do this. lLike he said, it started as a goal for a show, but now it is for him. Not to impress anyone or change who he is. He just wants to be healthier.
@rebekahbrowerjackson That's exactly my point - being healthier. I didn't say anything at all about not doing it. I'm trying to give him a positive alternate viewpoint that has helped me immensely.
As I said, I am all for healthy choices, but thin does not necessarily equal healthy. There are healthy fat people and unhealthy thin people in this world. The key to feeling better about oneself overall is to love oneself where one is, not to change the exterior in the hopes of courting that elusive feeling. The feeling comes from the inside, not from ephemeral externalism.
The principles of the Health at Every Size movement encourage making positive health choices and letting the results rest where they will, and it all starts with learning to love ourselves right where we are. We don't take good care of people we don't love, and that includes ourselves.
Go Dan Go! 4 years ago I was in a very similar place as you. Counting calories & cardio helped me lose 110lb & I've kept it off for 2 years. If I can - anyone can! sparkpeople.com, myfooddiary.com, & The Couch to 5k running program were instrumental in making living healthfully a lifestyle. The mental & emotional fitness that came from getting physically fit changed my life! I'm so excited for you!
as so many others have stated, i am also in the middle of doing this exact thing! i have been at it for 6 weeks and i am amazed at the progress my cardio health has made. i haven't lost a lot of pounds, but melting off inches and feeling tons better. it is time. time to shed the things that have held me back all of these years. i have seen at least a dozen people around me make huge health changes in their lives over that last year and it is inspiring and motivational. i wish you much luck and know you will succeed. here's to sweating til you're smelly and breathing it in deep!
I LOVE this post!!! I am in the middle of doing the same thing too!! I had 4 kids in 6 years and I want to feel sexy and pretty. So I started going to the gym 5 to 6 days a week. At 1st I wanted to die now 7 weeks in I LOVE the gym and running too (never in my life did I think I would say those words). It's amazing what doing something for you can do. WAY too go!!!! Making time each day just for you is awesome:)
good luck! :)