You know what they say… Kids say the darndest things. As a parent, I am reminded of that daily. Like when Noah this morning said, “Dad, I’m gonna pull the hair out of your butt and make you a taco burrito with it.”

Ummm…

Anyway, in an attempt to feel like a normal parent, I asked you on the SDL Facebook Page what the funniest thing was that you’ve ever heard a kid say. Here are a few of your answers.

  • I asked my cousin how her first day of school went when she was 5… “Yeah, it was good. I had fun. but I don’t think I’ll go again. Once was enough.”
  • You are so beautiful and furry. Like a goat.
  • I was making chili and accidentally opened the wrong kind of beans. My 4 year old asked if he could eat them, since they were the wrong kind, and I said “I don’t care.” He turned to his little sister and said, “I don’t care means ‘yes’ in Spanish.”
  • “Fries, please mommy!” at the pharmacy drive thru.
  • My 3yr old son admonished my 2yr old daughter during a bath recently for “breaking off her penis” and that she should leave his alone.
  • Our preacher told my son he had beautiful big brown eyes like his Mama and my 2 1/2 year old said “Dad says it’s cause I’m full of s***.”
  • Pointing at a poster of the solar system: “Mommy, where’s my anus?”
  • Walking into Christmas dinner a little late, and the whole extended family was seated, my 2 year old son said very loudly “WHERE IS MY PENIS!??!? WHERE IS IT!??!!? OH THERE IT IS!” and pulled out his pants and diaper, to check to see if it was there.
  • “Stop pouting please.” “I’m not, my face is just sad…”
  • (Loudly) at a grocery store about a man with a toupee: “Why is that man wearing a hair hat?”
  • While wiping my 6yr old’s butt after he took a crap, he bent over and said “Mommy, do you know my giblets look like a brain?” And without skipping a beat, my 8yr old son piped in from the next room “yeah well MY giblets have hair.”
  • When explaining to my son that jumping off a bridge just because all of his friends did was a bad idea because it would hurt, he told me no it wouldn’t because he would land on a soft pile of his friends.
  • Irritated mom in the bank, picks up squirmy 4 year old and plops him up on the counter next to her. We all hear a double “POP!” Exasperated, the boy says: “Oh great mom, you broke my balls!”– he had ping pong balls in his back pockets.
  • I was 8 months pregnant and as my husband was bringing home our other 3 kids he asked my oldest (4 yo) what he thought mommy was doing at home by herself. He said, “Eating everything in the whole house, like always.”
  • When I came out as transgender, I told my friend’s 7 year old son that if he had any questions, he was welcome to ask them. Later that day I asked him if he had any questions. He looked very serious and then asked “Have you read the whole Harry Potter series?”
  • I used to work for an optical retailer. We sold contacts and glasses, and I mostly dealt with contact lenses. One of my customers asked me if her contacts could be worn in the pool. I answered yes, they could be and she said “That’s good, because I was always afraid to go underwater with my old ones.” her son, about 6 or 7 years old, pipes up and says “Mommy, you always said it was because you didn’t want to f*** up your makeup!”
  • My 3 year old was meeting her baby cousin for the first time. She told us all (grandparents and priest included), “I know my baby cousin is a boy because he has a penis. I know I am a girl because I have an enchilada.”

If you laughed today, share that laughter everywhere you can share it. Like on Facebook or with your mother-in-law or with the lady doing your nails!

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. What is the funniest thing you’ve heard a child say, and what was your favorite from today’s list?

PPS. Should we make a series out of this? You supplied me with several posts worth!