On the Toilet when Disaster Strikes

How about having two kids come through screaming the door together after a bloody (yes... all over each of them) bicycle crash? Both had bleeding road rashes; both equally in pain/afraid. Which child do you attend to first? The girl; the boy? You can't even determine which one is the most hurt & therefore in need of assistance before the other. Fortunately, neither were seriously hurt. It was a true dilemma.

Haha I have never been in that situation although every time I seem to go to the bathroom one of the kids needs the toilet, and its usually they have waited until the last possible moment to go to the toilet so of course they are jumping up and down about to burst , so i have pretty much got speedy bathroom breaks down to a tee. Oh one time i was in the bathroom we had pancakes for breakfast and i had left the maple syrup out .. baaaad idea, my son was only about 16 months old at the time, I was long enough for him to squeeze the entire contents of it on the carpet, but quick enough to see the last of it hit the carpet. Maple syrup pooling on a white carpet ... it was so hard to get off! and no matter what i tried it still ended up staining .. i was renting at the time so the landlord wasn't too happy!

We had an unfinished apartment above our detached garage that we used for storage. I had gone up there to get something with the dog and the dog walked on some insulation that didn't have a floor under it since we hadn't put the walls up yet. Needless to say, he fell through. I didn't have a key to the downstairs garage so I ran inside and my dad was on the pot and I said I needed keys for the garage and he told me just a minute. I frantically told him what happened so he pinched it off, pulled up his pants and threw the keys to me and ran out of the bathroom. We opened the garage door fearing the worst and the dog just walked out. He was lucky not to fall on any of the dangerous equipment - lathe, welder, saws, etc.

I am personally on the verge of installing a drop-down bench on the wall of our rather...cozy...downstairs half bath, and hanging a black robe and a gavel on the wall near the toilet.  I cannot tell you how many times I have had to call all three of my girls downstairs (momma gets no potty privacy) and dispense justice from...erm...that particular Throne.

And since I have girls, I also can't tell you the number of times I, with my bum ankle (four broken-but-now-healed bones that get cranky), have hobbled as fast as I can due to screams that should only be accompanied by copious amounts of blood, only to get upstairs and find that the meltdown (sometimes x3) is due to a "spider"...that turns out to be nothing more than a fuzzy.

"It was like it tried to pinch off prematurely and push as hard as it could all at the same time."  ROFLMAO!!!!  

Ha!  That reminds me of my first memorable parenting fail.  I was holding it to say goodbye to my husband as he raced off for work.  The second he was out the door, I raced to the bathroom, leaving the door open so I could keep an eye on our semi mobile little one.  Just then, the husband rushes back in for something he forgot and doesn't *quite* latch the screen door behind him.  He's digging around in the kitchen unaware of the situation, and the little one falls out the front door and faceplants on the porch.  And he just lays there crying for all the neighbors to see until I can get myself together and go rescue him.  Why does all this stuff take only seconds and feel like forever?  

I loved, loved, loved this story.  It just shows you as human.  I laughed my head off reading this.  Not about the damage poor Noah did but your way of telling the tale.  It's just life and we all do it unless you are a plant and get your nutrients from sunshine and water. 

I had an incident when my daughter was very small.  We had just got into the house from a longish car ride.  I plopped her into her walker (yes, this was a long time ago when people still used those) and ran to the bathroom to pee.  While I was in there she had rolled herself over to the stereo and not only turned it on but jacked the volume up to max.  The radio came blasting on which didn't seem to bother her at all but it nearly gave me heart failure.  I went running out of the bathroom with my skivvies wrapped around my ankles almost tripping myself in my haste to see what had happened.  Panic at the time but very amusing later after the heart slows down and the blood pressure returns to normal. 

Its been so long now that i have had wee little ones I had forgotten the things like this. Thanks for sharing it helps with my baby hunger. LOL at Wendi. You should have taken a photo I'v found its a great bargaining tool with teens!

As a "parent" to four cats who don't always get along, one of them 3-legged who doesn't understand he doesn't have the balance to successfully jump from ceiling height objects without smashing his face into the floor, I can definitely appreciate this story. Laughing tearfully over this one. Thanks so much!

Not only have I had this story (three kids), I've had the version of the story that only a woman can have. Thank goodness I've never had to get medical attention for them--I would have been panicked and mortified at the same time!

I expected this story to end with the boy being extremely upset over, say, a broken toy or something fairly small like that.

My son was 5 when I was pregnant with my second child.  I had really bad morning sickness (more like all day sickness) and spent a lot of time in the bathroom.  My son got so used to it that he used to just come in and sit on the floor and talk to me.  One time we were sitting on the couch and I got "that feeling"  I ran to the bathroom and I closed (and locked, the door) neither of which I normally did at all, ever...My son, used to just running into the bathroom, wasn't paying attention and ran right into the door.  I mean full speed..into...the...door. THUD...SCREAM!  I was still throwing up at this point, finally (I am sure it was only a few seconds) I crawled over to the door and opened it.  He was laid out on the floor with a bruise on his forehead.  He looked at me and said, "Why'd you lock the door?"  Then he started laughing, so did I, sitting on the floor, laughing.  In hindsight, it was one of those "mommy moments" where at the time it was the worst thing that could happen, but now it is hilarious.

It was a riot. We've all been there. The only people who can't understand this is non-parents!

I have a great "in the shower" story when disaster strikes. I have a 2 boys ages 7 and 2 and 1 girl, 11 months old. The 7 year old is very good with them so I let him watch them for 10 mins so I could grab a shower. They were sitting in the living room watching Dora. 5 minutes in to my shower my 7 year old runs in and yells that his brother had pooped on the floor and his sister was eating it! I jumped out soapy, wet and naked (my 7 year old probably is scarred for life). I go out there and all 3 of them have poop all over them, and the baby has it on her nose and mouth. I was like seriously? so I put them in the bathtub and then cleaned the carpet then finished my own shower. The reason this happened is because I was trying to potty train my 2 year old and he had underwear on that were too big. OMG WHY LOL. I called poison control, turns out it's ok to eat human feces....especially your own...but still ok most of the time to eat someone else's :) haha

Kelsie... Honey.... Bless your heart... That is southern speak for I'm sorry you're a close minded person... Opinions are like a**holes... Every persons got one.... Yours just stinks....

Ha ha, too funny. A dilemma we all find ourselves in.

I found it to be an extremely frank & honest tale of what CAN happen at those most inconvienient times...i found it to be really amusing & not at all graphic in its description. .....mind you....i do have a kinda potty sense of humour! (and i dont have kids but plenty & i mean plenty of neices & nephews) ....i can relate!!

Kelsie, do you need an enima? Sounds like you need to use the potty yourself... or possibly some pamprin? Definitely not midol, I would hate to hear your nerves on caffine. If you don't like it, find your own life with something else to do:-)

I honestly did not find the humor in this AT ALL! I thought that it was GROSS and DISCUSSTING! Stuff like this should be kept to one self. I know that we are all human Dan and I am not trying to chew you out like I did before, but still. This was way too much T.M.I. and I did not find humor in it what so ever! It was just plain out NASTY! NASTY! NASTY! }:O[

Honestly, there are just somethings that you do not post and this is one of them. This is way to much T.M.I. Seriously people! And you participated in this? YOU ARE ALL GROSS HUMAN BEINGS! I know it's the facts of life, but still! Keep bathroom stuff to yourself people! NASTY! }:o[

Lmfao! This happens to me almost every single day ;P

I was working swing shift, and my husband was doing his business and got caught up in a mean game of Sudoku. He hear giggling, then squealing, and he finished up and went out into the living room. Our youngest son (then 3) had taken a Costco size bottle of ranch dressing, squirted it all over the living room, all over his 7-month-old sister who was stuck in the Exersaucer, and also the black Persian cat. He had also taken a brand new canister of Similac powder and added a few scoops of it on top of the dressing for good measure. It took my husband 2 hours to get that mess cleaned up!

Best series of laughs I've had all week. Twin boys caused a few crazy "how am I supposed to handle this?" moments, but apparently things can always get crazier! Thank you.

I have mastered the art of running with pants around the ankles in order to grab my 4 year old. She usually doesn't get hurt; she just waits until I'm "occupied" in order to get into things that she shouldn't.

Similar thing happened with me... except my Oldest son ( he was 7 at the time) and his friend went out side to play... the friend didn't shut the front door tight. Allowing the less than 2 year old baby to let himself out side and halfway down the street before me.. still trapped in the bathroom realized it had gotten way too quiet. Luckily we found The Lil Man before he got too far. Worst part was when I asked the "friend" why he didn't make sure the door was shut when he went out it .. HE said "He's NOT my brother... why should I care if he gets out!!" That is one time I REALLY wanted to hit a 9 year old...

You're not a "real" parent without one (or more) of these stories!

Glad to hear he's okay. :)

That cracked me up. I have a 13 month old who thinks he has to follow me everywhere. Well He figured out just a couple days ago that he can get into the litter box and mom can't get to him while she's on the potty. little stinker turned smiled at me then started playing in the litter.

BTDT! Too Hillarious!!!!

Ha, ha...my son and I just got into a fight over our bout of simultaneous diarrhea and our one toilet. I was on the toilet first and he starts pounding on the door saying he is going to have an accident right on the carpet. I screamed some expletives (oops!) because I was in the middle of uh...using the toilet, too, and I was forced to get up, not done yet, and let him. He was right, though, a few seconds longer and it would have been an even bigger mess than what we faced which wasn't pretty....ah, single parenting.

I have nieces and nephews, and they never needed me until I went into the bathroom, then they'd knock -- real loud! Don't tell me that only parents understand:) Boy, how I miss that. They're grown up now, and I'm sure they know 'zactly what you're sayin'. You'll miss it one of these days, so 'enjoy it' while you can:)

I have been there at least twice so far. I totally know how you feel. Baby wipes by the toilet saved me. They take less time to wipe with. So you don't feel so guilty taking the time yet don't feel so grungy. Especially if it happens to be an icky one.

I think we can appreciate it. We've all been stuck in THAT moment when something has happened - the mailman suddenly knocks on your door with a package you MUST sign for, the pizza guy picks THAT moment to show up, your phone rings and it's probably the HR department calling back about that job you interviewed for, suddenly your nose starts bleeding and the tissues are juuuuuust out of reach, etc.

You always seem to hind the funny in real life - thank goodness for your posts! Glad Noah is ok. And I'm sure a late wipe is better than no wipe at all.

I'm a non parent but when something is going to happen it's always happens when you're on the loo. (usually the phone or a visitor to the house, I have pets and they love the undy hammock in winter darn it)

I am nodding my head. I have been on the toilet doing my business and heard that scream and the crying and, well, you told the story already... Glad Noah was ok.

That actually caused me to laugh at my computer. Not like a "lol I'm saying lol but just smiling," but a lol like "I hope my roommates didn't hear me."

OMG!!! So glad that Noah is ok, but tears are running down my face right now!! Potty humor gets me everytime!! Thanks for sharing!!

After a long day, I need this! I was rolling with laughter! Thanks!

Wasn't on the potty but in the shower.  Pre-teen kids outside playing with neighbor (with parent watching) so I grabbed a shower.  Hubby came home and decided to "join me" in the shower.  Then I hear the sound every parent would recognize - a very hurt kid.  Both of us jumped from the shower and quickly put on the minimal amount of clothes necessary and run outside.  Son had fallen and open the skin over his kneecap - very deep cut.  This requires a trip to hospital.  Neighbor ran to get ice and carried our kid to our car while hubby runs in to get keys, wallet and shoes for both of us.  After a few stiches, son OK but we did get a lot of teasing from our neighbors about our very wet and skimpy clothes.

the time when my youngest got her finger slammed in a door by a gust of wind, not only did she break the finger but she burst it open, and i had to stop for petrol on the way to the hospital. poor little mite, she was only five at the time and she was screaming in pain all the way...

OMG! Dan, I am laughing hysterically!  I mean I had to wipe the tears from my eyes before I could even finish reading.  I love you!!  Thanks so much for sharing!