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You said WHAT to your kid?!

On SDL’s Facebook Page, I posted a simple question. “What is something you’ve found yourself saying to a child that you never thought you would?” The answers that came in have had me rolling on the floor ever since. Here are a few of them for your uninhibited laughing pleasure. Also, be sure to read the previous installments of You Said WHAT to your kid?

  • When we draw a picture of someone, it is not necessary to draw their peepees as well.
  • Boys! Take the frogs out of your mouths, put your swim trunks back on, and come inside for dinner!
  • Stop licking the coffee table and eat your breakfast!
  • Yes my boobies are big and soft. Yes they are good to use for pillows.
  • Me: “Did I say lay down quietly and go to sleep? Or did I say jump back and forth from each others’ beds until one of you falls off and cries??” 5 year old: “Um..I think it was the second one but I’m not sure.”
  • Stop licking the floor and get back in the tub!
  • Take your underwear out of your mouth and put it on.
  • Get your head out of the dog’s mouth.
  • No, you can’t eat the dead spider.
  • We don’t eat our friends!
  • Why is there poop on your face?
  • It’s probably not a good idea to lay in the dog’s bed after taking a shower!
  • Don’t let the dog put his tongue in your mouth!
  • Our peanut butter sandwiches do not go in the VCR.
  • NO! Urinal cakes are not for eating!
  • Do not lick your brothers bum!
  • We don’t chew on batteries.
  • We don’t use our poop to paint pictures.

>>I published this edition of You said WHAT to your kid?! on my Babble Voices blog, and I’m only permitted to post a snippet of it here. Read the whole thing and comment on Danoah Unleashed. It’s worth the click cause they get funnier and funnier! >>

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69 comments
wendy
wendy

We don't play with our penises at the dinner table.

JenMcIntosh
JenMcIntosh

Oh ya and we don't lick elevator buttons at the hospital. That was a bad moment!

JenMcIntosh
JenMcIntosh

My son asked what an orgasm is. I told him it's kinda like a sneeze, but it was an adult word for sneeze so he shouldn't say it.

yumearashi
yumearashi

On Easter, my sister-in-law had to tell my 3-year old nephew "Don't motorboat your auntie!"

Sara
Sara

Oh and this one made my husband and I stifle huge gales of laughter at McDonald's yesterday: Marshall: I want pop! Me: You have to eat more french fries before you get more pop. Marshall: (louder this time) I WANT POP! Me: You can have some pop when you eat your french fries. Marshall: F**k sakes, POP! (I swear that wasn't my fault!)

Sara
Sara

Marshall! Stop licking the dresser and let me change your bum!!!

Sara
Sara

Marshall, please stop flashing mommy's boobs at everyone. Nobody needs to see that.

Sara
Sara

Upon noticing my 2 year old son chasing the cat's bum with his finger and *almost* inserting it in the cat's bum: "NO NO NO NO!!! We don't stick our finger's in Zooey's bum!!!"

MariaElainaLeMasney
MariaElainaLeMasney

I know his weenie is hurt, but you DO NOT need to kiss it and make it better young lady!

HandH
HandH

Me: Take the cough drop out from between your butt cheeks! My 4 year old son: But Mom my butt had a cough! His 6 year old sister: That's not a cough silly it is called a fart :) Great family conversation!

BeautifulChaos
BeautifulChaos

"Your vagina is not a pocket, you cannot use it to save crackers for later"

LeAnneDudley
LeAnneDudley

To a nine year old playing video games before school,  'Save it, you can get married after school."

Megan Jade
Megan Jade

It is NOT appropriate to crap under the kitchen table! Please stop grabbing my boobs! All this from a 3 year old

Jade Jago
Jade Jago

Get your head out from up my skirt!

Debi Dulong-Baker
Debi Dulong-Baker

"Yes Mason, I will let you eat worms when we get home" (we were not speaking of gummie worms either, my 3yr old has been intent upon eating his big brothers bait for 3 days now)

Jodie Corin Hill
Jodie Corin Hill

Get your balls off your brother's head....that is just gross!

Tammy Rolland
Tammy Rolland

1) me to my 4 yr old " stop twisting the dogs nipples" her "why?" me "because....it's not right" lmao her " but she likes it" me -laughing - "I don't care baby nipples r private remember?

Charlene Rippy
Charlene Rippy

Stop touching your brother's penis, you have your own.

RebeccaJB
RebeccaJB

We don't let the dog lick our bottoms! Dog!  Stop licking his butt!!!

JillDeGraffenried
JillDeGraffenried

Don't let your friends pee in your closet again. And don't you pee in your closet either!

EvelynSanford
EvelynSanford

"Get back in this house this instant, you are not a dog you are a little girl, you go pee pee in the potty like mommy!"

Amanda Guyton
Amanda Guyton

"Please stop hitting me with a llama. I'm trying to eat."

Constantina Titika Panagakos Stevens
Constantina Titika Panagakos Stevens

I looked over from doing the dishes to find my two-year-old picking her one-year-old brother's nose. I said, "Please don't pick your brother's nose!" She responded, "Why, Mommy? Should I let him do it himself?" This happened years ago and it still makes me laugh.

Clairissa Jensen
Clairissa Jensen

I have said these things to OTHER'S kids! "Get your foot out of my water!" "Please stop flashing my boob on the bus." "No you can not feed the guinea pig an eraser." (I was a live in nanny and have baby sat alot of children.. my stories go on and on!"

Sara Guzman
Sara Guzman

My 3 year old daughter, "Mom, her boobs are hanging out of her skirt." Me: (As I pick her up and quickly move away from the person) "Sometimes boobs do silly things." My 3 year old daughter (yelling as I carry her away), "Hey Lady, you need to make your boobs be good". Needless to say no one on the sidewalk had a straight face and others were not able to hold back laughter.

Jason Sullivan
Jason Sullivan

A favorite "thing I never though I'd say before I had kids" around our house is "get those mini tacos off your chest" to my (then) 8 year old son.

nealcall
nealcall

I never thought I'd get into a shouting match with my two-year old daughter about who sucks more.

You suck!

No, you suck!

But, I think she was talking about a sock. I wrote about it on my blog, here: http://raisedbymydaughter.blogspot.com/

 

 

JanelleGilbert
JanelleGilbert

"I know who you are! If I'm looking at you, I mean you.  It doesn't matter whos name I call you!"

 

 

Trey Younger
Trey Younger

My recent favorite: "Dang it, Cole! Put down that squirrel and pull up your pants!"

Janelle Kathryn Rohde
Janelle Kathryn Rohde

STOP using your head as a weapon! (To my 3yo who was hitting his brother in the back with his head)

Lindsay Johnson
Lindsay Johnson

Please don't scratch your testicles with mommy's hair brush!!!

Lisa Backes
Lisa Backes

"Stop sticking corn up your brothers nose!"

Michelle Bily
Michelle Bily

Why are your dirty socks in the Kleenex box? To which my six year old only child replied "are you sure they're mine?"

Emily Heinzeroth
Emily Heinzeroth

My personal recent favorite: stop eating your boogers and eat your dinner!!

Debra Dant
Debra Dant

I told my 4yr old to let me see if he had chicken pox, and he backed up and said"But I ain't been by no chickens!"

Rikki Callicutt
Rikki Callicutt

"Your mamaw did NOT say it was ok to pee in the carport.", "You do not have an older brother who was beat to death by an elephant.", and "what made you think it was ok to pee in someone's face?!" Thats just a few of the things I have said to my 4yr old recently. NEVER thought I would say any of those! :D

Heather Williams
Heather Williams

oh there are so many..."please eat a french fry (or other fast food)" my son doesnt eat as much as i think he should so i offer almost ANYTHING...LOL, "hurry hurry peepee in the shower" haha during potty training and i had just washed all the bath mats, i also never thought i'd bribe my kids sooo much for simple things!!! haha...

Ashley Brissel
Ashley Brissel

quit letting the dogs smell your butt crack! LOL boys are sooooo gross