On SDL’s Facebook Page, I posted a simple question. “What is something you’ve found yourself saying to a child that you never thought you would?” The answers that came in have had me rolling on the floor ever since. Here are a few of them for your uninhibited laughing pleasure. Also, be sure to read the previous installments of You Said WHAT to your kid?
When we draw a picture of someone, it is not necessary to draw their peepees as well.- Boys! Take the frogs out of your mouths, put your swim trunks back on, and come inside for dinner!
- Stop licking the coffee table and eat your breakfast!
- Yes my boobies are big and soft. Yes they are good to use for pillows.
- Me: “Did I say lay down quietly and go to sleep? Or did I say jump back and forth from each others’ beds until one of you falls off and cries??” 5 year old: “Um..I think it was the second one but I’m not sure.”
- Stop licking the floor and get back in the tub!
- Take your underwear out of your mouth and put it on.
- Get your head out of the dog’s mouth.
- No, you can’t eat the dead spider.
- We don’t eat our friends!
- Why is there poop on your face?
- It’s probably not a good idea to lay in the dog’s bed after taking a shower!
- Don’t let the dog put his tongue in your mouth!
- Our peanut butter sandwiches do not go in the VCR.
- NO! Urinal cakes are not for eating!
- Do not lick your brothers bum!
- We don’t chew on batteries.
- We don’t use our poop to paint pictures.
>>I published this edition of You said WHAT to your kid?! on my Babble Voices blog, and I’m only permitted to post a snippet of it here. Read the whole thing and comment on Danoah Unleashed. It’s worth the click cause they get funnier and funnier! >>
Oh ya and we don't lick elevator buttons at the hospital. That was a bad moment!
My son asked what an orgasm is. I told him it's kinda like a sneeze, but it was an adult word for sneeze so he shouldn't say it.
VCR........what's that!?!? :p
On Easter, my sister-in-law had to tell my 3-year old nephew "Don't motorboat your auntie!"
Oh and this one made my husband and I stifle huge gales of laughter at McDonald's yesterday: Marshall: I want pop! Me: You have to eat more french fries before you get more pop. Marshall: (louder this time) I WANT POP! Me: You can have some pop when you eat your french fries. Marshall: F**k sakes, POP! (I swear that wasn't my fault!)
Marshall! Stop licking the dresser and let me change your bum!!!
Marshall, please stop flashing mommy's boobs at everyone. Nobody needs to see that.
Upon noticing my 2 year old son chasing the cat's bum with his finger and *almost* inserting it in the cat's bum: "NO NO NO NO!!! We don't stick our finger's in Zooey's bum!!!"
I know his weenie is hurt, but you DO NOT need to kiss it and make it better young lady!
Me: Take the cough drop out from between your butt cheeks! My 4 year old son: But Mom my butt had a cough! His 6 year old sister: That's not a cough silly it is called a fart :) Great family conversation!
"Your vagina is not a pocket, you cannot use it to save crackers for later"
To a nine year old playing video games before school, 'Save it, you can get married after school."
Please stop licking the car.
It is NOT appropriate to crap under the kitchen table! Please stop grabbing my boobs! All this from a 3 year old
Get your head out from up my skirt!
"don't eat too much dirt!"
"Yes Mason, I will let you eat worms when we get home" (we were not speaking of gummie worms either, my 3yr old has been intent upon eating his big brothers bait for 3 days now)
Get your balls off your brother's head....that is just gross!
1) me to my 4 yr old " stop twisting the dogs nipples" her "why?" me "because....it's not right" lmao her " but she likes it" me -laughing - "I don't care baby nipples r private remember?
Stop touching your brother's penis, you have your own.
"Stop sucking on the dog's tail!"
We don't let the dog lick our bottoms! Dog! Stop licking his butt!!!
Don't let your friends pee in your closet again. And don't you pee in your closet either!
"Get back in this house this instant, you are not a dog you are a little girl, you go pee pee in the potty like mommy!"
"Please stop hitting me with a llama. I'm trying to eat."
Stop! My shirt is not a boogie rag!
I looked over from doing the dishes to find my two-year-old picking her one-year-old brother's nose. I said, "Please don't pick your brother's nose!" She responded, "Why, Mommy? Should I let him do it himself?" This happened years ago and it still makes me laugh.
I have said these things to OTHER'S kids! "Get your foot out of my water!" "Please stop flashing my boob on the bus." "No you can not feed the guinea pig an eraser." (I was a live in nanny and have baby sat alot of children.. my stories go on and on!"
My 3 year old daughter, "Mom, her boobs are hanging out of her skirt." Me: (As I pick her up and quickly move away from the person) "Sometimes boobs do silly things." My 3 year old daughter (yelling as I carry her away), "Hey Lady, you need to make your boobs be good". Needless to say no one on the sidewalk had a straight face and others were not able to hold back laughter.
Don't put your face in the potty while you're using it. You're going to pee in your eye.
A favorite "thing I never though I'd say before I had kids" around our house is "get those mini tacos off your chest" to my (then) 8 year old son.
I never thought I'd get into a shouting match with my two-year old daughter about who sucks more.
You suck!
No, you suck!
But, I think she was talking about a sock. I wrote about it on my blog, here: http://raisedbymydaughter.blogspot.com/
"I know who you are! If I'm looking at you, I mean you. It doesn't matter whos name I call you!"
My recent favorite: "Dang it, Cole! Put down that squirrel and pull up your pants!"
STOP using your head as a weapon! (To my 3yo who was hitting his brother in the back with his head)
Yesterday." STOP throwing the COUCH!"
Don't catch your brothers pee!
"Please don't put your foot in your mouth after its been in the toilet!"
Please don't scratch your testicles with mommy's hair brush!!!
"Stop sticking corn up your brothers nose!"
Why are your dirty socks in the Kleenex box? To which my six year old only child replied "are you sure they're mine?"
My personal recent favorite: stop eating your boogers and eat your dinner!!
You put half and half into your cereal?
I told my 4yr old to let me see if he had chicken pox, and he backed up and said"But I ain't been by no chickens!"
"Your mamaw did NOT say it was ok to pee in the carport.", "You do not have an older brother who was beat to death by an elephant.", and "what made you think it was ok to pee in someone's face?!" Thats just a few of the things I have said to my 4yr old recently. NEVER thought I would say any of those! :D
The wall is NOT a booger graveyard.
Take the dog leash off your sister, she isn't a dog!
oh there are so many..."please eat a french fry (or other fast food)" my son doesnt eat as much as i think he should so i offer almost ANYTHING...LOL, "hurry hurry peepee in the shower" haha during potty training and i had just washed all the bath mats, i also never thought i'd bribe my kids sooo much for simple things!!! haha...
quit letting the dogs smell your butt crack! LOL boys are sooooo gross
Why is Jesus in the dishwasher ?!