“No second date for you!” Say it in the voice of the Soup Nazi, cause that’s how it came out in my brain.
Okay, I need to confess something. I wrote the post First Date Misrepresentation more than a year ago. I’ve had it sitting in my drafts folder since then because every time I noticed it sitting there, I was dating someone more seriously or the timing was wrong or whatever. I didn’t have a post for Tuesday so I tweaked it a bit to make it current and threw it on the blog.
I had no idea that it would bring such a crazy response, and one that ranged so many different emotions and viewpoints. It got pretty heavy there for a second. Which made me think that we all needed a good laugh when it comes to dating. We all need a good reminder that sometimes there are a lot worse things than somebody showing up looking differently than they do in their photos. In fact, sometimes there are reasons to sneak through the bathroom window and get the hell out of there as fast as your pretty legs can light a fire behind them.
Not realizing we’d be talking about ANY of this in the near future, last week I asked the following question on my SDL Facebook Page: knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the most odd, funny, horrifying, or weird thing you’ve discovered about someone you were on a date with?
I didn’t go through the answers until today. And, with both dating misrepresentation posts in the immediate rearview, I’d say the timing couldn’t be better.
- He had no belly button. Verified, and very strange.
- He was a polygamist who thought the world was going to end so he needed a wife to help him gather heirloom seeds so that when the apocolypse came in Decmeber 2012 they would have food.
- That his literal biggest dream in life was to be abducted by aliens and “kick their ass” so that he could be famous.
- She was the same person I had dated before. She changed her appearance, voice, vernacular, made new friends and hid all vestiges of her old life so that she could get another shot with me.
- That he carried a large butcher knife in his glove compartment. I’m not sure what prompted me to open the glove compartment, but I did. He said he had it in case of a car-jacking. Needless to say, I cut that date short.
- He once spent a month in a coma…and thought it was cool.
- First date. Blind date. He got drunk after half a glass (not bottle) of wine and bought me a ring that he insisted on me wearing about halfway through dinner. I had to hit him to keep him from kissing me as I walked out.
- He was a hard core Harley man. And he wanted to wear my panties.
- I went out for drinks with a woman. During about an hour in she says “you’re pretty much an everyone is ok kinda guy, aren’t you.” To which I replied yes. The she says, “I’m kind of racist.” End of date.
- That he was actually my cousin… from a branch of the family we had been estranged from!
- She was in a secret cult in which her father was the leader… And she lived in a school bus with no wheels in the woods.
- Ummmm…that unbeknownst to me, I was on a date with twins. I didn’t know that the guy I was on a first date with had a twin brother, and I discovered that on this (first and last) date, the two were switching off (sharing the date with me) during the course of the evening. The word “horrifying” is the most diplomatic word I can use to describe the moment when I realized this fact. Yecch.
- Ok here goes: he was an aquaphile. Look it up.
- That he didn’t brush his teeth. Ever.
- During the first (and only date) with this guy, he told me that he wanted to have sex in a coffin.