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“No second date for you!” Say it in the voice of the Soup Nazi, cause that’s how it came out in my brain.
Okay, I need to confess something. I wrote the post First Date Misrepresentation more than a year ago. I’ve had it sitting in my drafts folder since then because every time I noticed it sitting there, I was dating someone more seriously or the timing was wrong or whatever. I didn’t have a post for Tuesday so I tweaked it a bit to make it current and threw it on the blog.
I had no idea that it would bring such a crazy response, and one that ranged so many different emotions and viewpoints. It got pretty heavy there for a second. Which made me think that we all needed a good laugh when it comes to dating. We all need a good reminder that sometimes there are a lot worse things than somebody showing up looking differently than they do in their photos. In fact, sometimes there are reasons to sneak through the bathroom window and get the hell out of there as fast as your pretty legs can light a fire behind them.
Not realizing we’d be talking about ANY of this in the near future, last week I asked the following question on my SDL Facebook Page: knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the most odd, funny, horrifying, or weird thing you’ve discovered about someone you were on a date with?
I didn’t go through the answers until today. And, with both dating misrepresentation posts in the immediate rearview, I’d say the timing couldn’t be better.
- He had no belly button. Verified, and very strange.
- He was a polygamist who thought the world was going to end so he needed a wife to help him gather heirloom seeds so that when the apocolypse came in Decmeber 2012 they would have food.
- That his literal biggest dream in life was to be abducted by aliens and “kick their ass” so that he could be famous.
- She was the same person I had dated before. She changed her appearance, voice, vernacular, made new friends and hid all vestiges of her old life so that she could get another shot with me.
- That he carried a large butcher knife in his glove compartment. I’m not sure what prompted me to open the glove compartment, but I did. He said he had it in case of a car-jacking. Needless to say, I cut that date short.
- He once spent a month in a coma…and thought it was cool.
- First date. Blind date. He got drunk after half a glass (not bottle) of wine and bought me a ring that he insisted on me wearing about halfway through dinner. I had to hit him to keep him from kissing me as I walked out.
- He was a hard core Harley man. And he wanted to wear my panties.
- I went out for drinks with a woman. During about an hour in she says “you’re pretty much an everyone is ok kinda guy, aren’t you.” To which I replied yes. The she says, “I’m kind of racist.” End of date.
- That he was actually my cousin… from a branch of the family we had been estranged from!
- She was in a secret cult in which her father was the leader… And she lived in a school bus with no wheels in the woods.
- Ummmm…that unbeknownst to me, I was on a date with twins. I didn’t know that the guy I was on a first date with had a twin brother, and I discovered that on this (first and last) date, the two were switching off (sharing the date with me) during the course of the evening. The word “horrifying” is the most diplomatic word I can use to describe the moment when I realized this fact. Yecch.
- Ok here goes: he was an aquaphile. Look it up.
- That he didn’t brush his teeth. Ever.
- During the first (and only date) with this guy, he told me that he wanted to have sex in a coffin.
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After meeting for lunch at a deli, he wanted to drive me around to see the house he'd owned with his ex-wife. He's a wine expert, so we went to the wine store next door to the deli... he helped me choose a bottle of wine, then was miffed that I preferred to pay for it myself. When I got home, there was an email from him with his resume attached, a file with links to his favorite websites, and a list of activities he'd planned for our next date(s).
After chatting with a guy on a dating website, I agreed to meet him while he was in town on business. He traveled extensively for his job. I pride myself on being a good conversationalist, but I admit that keeping the conversation going with this guy was like trying to walk through molasses in January...common denominators were scarce between us. Finally, I asked him for stories about his travels. He revealed that after spending many hours flying or waiting in an airport for his flight, he got to the last leg of his journey only to discover that something had gone amiss with his ticket. After a heated discussion with the desk agent at the gate, he slapped her across the face. He pointed out that he HAD been traveling for quite some time and, really, she "deserved it" because of her bad attitude. He then proceeded to ask me to become his "entourage". He would pay for all my traveling and needs if I would just accompany him around the world while he traveled for business.
A very small portion of me felt compassion for a person with so little to live for but to make money. A person desperate (or foolish) enough to ask a first date to travel extensively with him. A person so lonely that this seemed like a viable opportunity. However, most of me could only think, "Oh hell no! You did not just ask me to become your travel b!#^&." Entertaining this thought for a second, I could only return the query, "What happens if we're in a situation where you're 'tired' and I piss you off. Will you then feel it appropriate to hit me too?" I think not! Decided that was the end of that date and that there would be no future dates either.
Is it sad that the WORST one out of all of these, for me, was the "He picked his nose and ate it. In a restaurant." one?? LOL.
I met him at the bar; on our first real date he told me he was a 2-time felon (robbery and drugs) and had 4 children under the age of 5 with 3 different women
when i was 18 i was asked on a date by na guy in his thirties and i said the age difference was a little much to date but that id hang out with him 1st he took me to watch wrestling and play with knives at his friends studio apartment (wtf) then he aswked me to hang out in a cemetery after midnight and i was like please bring me home he was so creepy! worst part when he brought me home he tried to kiss me and i found out he was my dads age!
Okay, here goes nothing:
We met on the dance floor, had a few phone conversations, he was insistent that we should go out sometime. Over dinner, he explained that he had moved here from a small island off the ivory coast and were very religious muslims. He no longer follows the religion, but plans to recommit when he returns home. I'm a Christian. Then he explained that his father had multiple wives, at once. "You mean, polygamy?"
"Yes. It's legal in my country. But, you can't do that here. People don't even like it if you have more than one girlfriend!!"
Needless to say, we never spoke again.
A friend urged me to go out with a guy he knew and said we had a lot in common. It was December, so the conversation turned to the holiday season. I went on and on about my big family, our big traditional Christmas party. When I asked what his plans were and he said he didn't celebrate Christmas because it was against his religion. I cautiously asked what that was and he said he worshipped Satan. The date ended. I also no longer talk to that friend who set us up.
LMAO! I had an interesting date with a convicted felon yesterday. I met this guy at "The Grotto" We hiked up and sat on some boulders overlooking the city. He then proceeded to tell me he was wearing an ankle bracelet and had to be back to the halfway house by 4pm to check in with his parole officer and all about how he had been living in the woods here some time ago, in an underground tent that he had hidden under some branches because he had been growing 1/4 million dollars worth of pot plants out there. But when the money didn't come through on those he had to rob a bank, got caught, and was just released after 13 yrs in prison!!!!! It just got better after that...but he was "getting his life together & was seriously interested in a relationship with me" Uhm. Don't think so. All I was thinking at that point was getting away from the edge of the cliff because wth was stopping this guy from pushing me!
a guy took me to see "The Crying Game" on our first date - his buddies (with whom we had dinner before the movie) put him up to it........ha ha ha ha....no.
Maybe all of these people were dating guys from this site: http://bookfaked.com/2012/06/05/20-completely-bizarre-dating-site-pictures/
Went on a first date (had talked on the phone and online) first he practically ran into the restaurant without me, he picked the meat up off of his plate and TORE it apart and ate it with his fingers...chicken on the bone I can handle...but this was a pork chop. After dinner we sat in my car waiting to go into the movie and he was dancing to NKOTB, then when we were walking into the theater I held the door open (taking his earlier cue that he was not a door holder for women) and he says "wow you won't even let me hold the door for you".
Then there was they guy on the first date who told me his entire life story, including how his soon to be ex-wife was now a lesbian. He talked so much I finished my dinner before he even started his. The most I could get in the entire night was "mm hmm, and oh wow, that's too bad".
"He had a bigger tramp stamp than I do."That's called a manp stamp. Worst date of my life was with a guy who took me to the horse races. I'm open to trying new things, and the locale was fine, this was actually a second date, and kind of original. The problem came when he pulled a giant bread knife out of his bag (it was a backpack), and then pulled a 12" sub out of it. It was surreal. I thought I had fallen into a Scorcese film.
Best story ever about a bad first date: My (now) fiancee went on a first date back before we'd met with a girl who seemed nice enough. Both in the military. About halfway through dinner he asked her what some of her hobbies were and she responded that she is a practicing vampire. My sweet southern-gentleman fiancee (who I absolutely can not imagine saying anything rude or disrespectful) said, after realizing that there is really only one way to PRACTICE vampirism, "You know, I think it's probably a safe bet that this isn't going anywhere, so i'm just gunna go. Enjoy the rest of your dinner" paid the tab and ran to his truck. He went on a 1 year deployment after that date, then ran into her randomly outside of his apartment as he was walking our dog and she was driving past. She recognized him and asked if he lived there. He said "Oh, no... actually.. my fiancee does. On the 3rd floor." I live 2 hours away, and he does NO live on the 3rd floor. LOL. Poor guy is always looking over his shoulder now.
I went with my girlfriend to meet her parents. They lived a few hours away and in the middle of nowhere. When we go to the driveway, I notice a building at the foot of the hill. Yes, her parents used an outhouse.
My favorite was a first date where, halfway through dinner (at a fairly nice place) he announces to me that I better have a high sex drive because he expects to "get it" every night. Needless to say, he didn't "get it". I also found out several years later that he was married, and had been even when we went out on our date.
Consideing who is thecause one in almost every story (as mentioned above) I am so glad I don't date men.
Oh, and NEVER try to have a 1st date anywhere NEAR Valentine's Day.He bought roses, an very love filled card & cried at the table because I was so beautiful and the perfect woman for him.
We had chatted online for a few months, I was not over a recent breakup with my ex fiance, and we had met once before at a bar my favorite local band was playing at.
I always liked the clever answer's I'd get to, "are you married?" usually asked after some suspicious comments. And no, it's not complicated. In Texas, it's yes or no. In my life, it's yes or no and it was so nice to meet you. Thank God I finally found the guy
I've had similarly awful experiences, so glad I'm not alone!
I've had similarly awful experiences, so glad I'm not alone!
I once was going on a date with a fellow and had a decent enough time, but when he grought me hope to drop me off and walked inside, he preceeded to stickk his finger up my dog's nose and started swatting at me with a couch pillow whenever I walked past his "personal space"....needless to say - I never talked to that guy again.
Welp. I went on my first date in 5 years since becoming a mom and then a single mom. It was bad but this article is worse. I think I'll just go back to being a lone. Wow...
Oh my word!!!! Some of those people needed to be reported to the site, you met the person!!!! A few others might be worthy of mentioning to the police. Yikes! Which is suprising for me who has a very open mind. Although I have to ask to some of the subscribers...Why would you go to a persons home on the first date or even get in their car!!!!? Keep it public people.
Oh my word!!!! Some of those people needed to be reported to the site, you met the person!!!! A few others might be worthy of mentioning to the police. Yikes! Which is suprising for me who has a very open mind. Although I have to ask to some of the subscribers...Why would you go to a persons home on the first date or even get in their car!!!!? Keep it public people.
A guy once randomly took me fishing...off the side of the Hudson River in Harlem. Then a van full of people he knew pulled up and he spent the rest of the date talking to them instead of me. I sat in his car talking to is now my current fiance and asking him what the hell was wrong with his friend.
I went out with a woman who told me she was going out with me hoping I would buy her some health insurance.
My worst first and last date was with a woman who told me she was 33 but when I met her I discovered she was 47 and had not aged well so appeared to be closer to 57. Regardless of the fact that she looked like the Marlboro man I decided to go through with the date. She had told me she rarely drinks and doesn't gamble. When we got to the bar she ran into some construction worker friends of hers and spent the next 2 hrs doing shots and playing pull tabs with them. Despite her misrepresentation and rude behaviour I decided to finish the night out with a few adult beverages of my own. After her friends left she asked me to go for a walk out to the patio so she could have a cigarette. The real deal breaker came during our outside talk when she said, "You have kids right?" I replied, "Yes, 2 of them" She scoffed and responded, "Well, I can accept a woman with kids but only if she beats them. Kids need to get their ass kicked once in awhile so they don't get spoiled." Appalled, I told her that we were just not compatible, stood up and walked away.
He told me he didn't believe in tipping. That tipping just gives the Waiter/Waitress and "Excuse" to not go out and get a REAL job.At the time my Roommate, my Daughter and my daughter's BF were all working as Servers and trying to make ends meet.NO Second Date FOR YOU!
I had a date one time where I could smell him before he was within 10 ft of me, he then proceeded to say (rather loudly) mildly racist comments while we were in a mall in a fairly diverse city. Then we sat down at the food court (no we didn't eat) and I secretly texted a friend to do a rescue call to me lol
the guy that ate the goldfish and bit the head off of the iguana is INSANE!
whats weird to some is normal to others..imo.. i found the whole post hilarious and thankful i am married!
Makes me thankful to be married!
I had one who brought a knapsack with a change of clothes and his toothbrush, this was our first date, needless to say I left as soon as dinner was done
It would be a tossup between the guy who brought his mother on the date with him, and the one who announced during our date that he was going to custom make a bondage hood for me.
Honestly? some are way creepy, some aren't so much though wouldn't have started off with it on the first date but some, like the librarian with the piercings? ~shrug~ might not be your thing but not something that I think belongs on the OMG weird date list.
OMG These are priceless! And my parents wondered why I didn't mind when I found out my fiance was an avid Dungeons & Dragons player. This is what is out there! I've never felt more normal in my life LOL Thanks to everyone for sharing!! I will have to say I was pretty good at screening my dates, but some of the worst were the ones my so-called friends set me up with. One time on a double date my married friend set me up with a man that was Barney Rubble. Seriously! He looked like him, talked like him and if he had a caveman suit on.... I spent the entire night kicking my friend under the table. I was asked out to a gig with a guitar player one time and he reserved a table for me close to the stage. I was feeling very special until all his other groupies showed up obviously invited to sit at the same table and began sharing the "weirdest place I have slept with BOB" stories. Seems BOB (name changed for my own dignity) was trying to start his own fan base. I left before they even began the first set. I had plenty of married men that I was tricked into going on a first date with, but only one that I had a two month relationship with before he accidentally ran into me at Walmart with his wife and three kids. That was a very hard one! I stopped dating for about two months after that to re-examine my choices. Dating is rough, but when a great one comes along it makes it all the more special!
I had a first date when i was in my early twenties that was ok, not great not bad. The next day he tells me that he confessed to his wife (I didn't know he was married) and she was so with him seeing another woman but she wanted to watch us have sex. She actually contacted me to let me know he was telling the truth. This totally freaked me out and I never saw him again.
Very funny!
funny n scary!!
On the only 1 hour coffee date I had with this female; she looked at least 5 years older then she did from her picture, and not in an attractive way; told me she lives in a small apartment with 9 cats; nonchalantly mentioned (like everyone has) that she has spent "sometime" in the local mental institution.
First date - dinner & movie.Lovely very polite & well mannered. At the end of the night he said I need to tell you something. Aargh what's your issue is what I'm thinking of course your to good to be true. He said very seriously I have a twin brother who looks exactly like me who is happily married please don't smack him if you see him out in public ! I'm thinking really that's a pretty good line what are the odds that it's true! See I have a twin sister. Can I see you again he asks Yes- can I plan the next date? So the next weekend we meet. He asks where are we going? I reply I'm not sure I need directions to your brothers house. He gave them to me.. I have been married 5 years now to Troy & I must admit Troy & Roy look so much a like!
I met a handsome, successful lawyer for a first date at a classy bar/restaurant near my placeat around six. We ordered drinks and it was going well, so about forty minutes in, we decided to order dinner at the bar. A half hour later he was telling me he loved me. Then he started talking about me spending weekends at his house on the beach and him moving in with me during the week, working out of my living room, since he did all of his work on the computer, and had meetings in the city. He'd cook me dinner every night, cleaning my house and doing my laundry while I was at work,. I just kept laughing as if it were all a joke, but he was serious. Then as we finished eating he broke up with me. He didn't think I was enthusiastic enough. Then he looked at his watch and told me he had to hurry because he had another date lined up at ten.
last time I had a new first date? -- yeah, the dude wanted me to know that his wife divorced him because he was always wearing her undies...but then he let me know in no uncertain terms that he was FORGIVEN...uh, no thanks!
After offering the drunk girl a diet coke on the first date, she flipped out and started screaming and trying to kill me. I got her in the car to take her home and she tried jumping out WHILE it was moving on a busy street. When I stopped, she ran out and started walking down the middle of the street. Keep in mind, she lives with her mother (who witnessed me picking her up, so if I let anything happen to her, I was the last person she had seen). Well, she hid near some bushes and perched like a cat and chanted, "I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna gut you from head to toe!" At which point, she leaped at me like a spider-monkey and tried to drag me down with my collar (which she tore), then grabbed a large fallen branch and started chasing me with it. I ended up calling 911 so they could act as a buffer between us until I could FINALLY get her mother to agree to pick her up. When the cops finally arrived, they checked if we had criminal records. Turns out, she did! They told me I was free to go, and couldn't understand why I didn't want to press charges. I blocked her from seeing my profile after that.
Oh, and the guy who french kissed my dog was upset I refused to kiss him...
Wow, reading these last two blogs about dating has made me so very thankful for my marriage... I think I would be scared to death to enter the dating world!
This is funny stuff...but scary!
I am suppose to choose a favorite? OMG... I am scared to start dating after my divorce. Officially, running for the hills. I'm hoping I'll be able to get my mouth to close again, eventually as it is still just hanging open after reading these. I had NO idea.... Lord, have mercy! And I thought it was bad when I got a message sent to me on Facebook from some guy kissing my picture on the computer screen! Creepy! Blocked him right away. EWWWWW!
Also I reconnected with a guy I'd liked in high school but hadn't talked to in a long time. We talked on Facebook for hours, and eventually I sent him a picture of me that showed some cleavage. He then proceeded to send me videos of himself masturbating and wanted videos of me doing the same. This should have scared me away, but I talked to him a few times on Skype, and once I asked him how many girls he had slept with. He said he wasn't sure, but it was around 40 or 50. This guy is in his twenties. I haven't talked to him since.
Hard to believe but I had a similar situation happen to me. Met a good looking, seemingly nice guy, decent family, around the same age as I am (40). E-mailed a few times and went out on a lovely dinner date. Was really hopeful about this one. He asked for a picture and I sent him a nice one (also with a bit of cleavage showing... exposure level was low.) He then fires up his iPhone and sends me 7!!!! different videos of himself masturbating. Holy hell, WUWT? He said he just wanted me to know how much he "wanted" me. I think he had been on his own for WAY too long.
I'd have to see the picture in question to judge whether his response was appropriate or not. (kidding!!)