That moment when you realize she doesn’t want you because the fear of you hurting her outweighs any good part of you.
That moment when realizing this makes you feel like a small, terrible human being because you understand just how badly you’ve hurt her.
That moment when suddenly feeling this way makes you care for her for the first time the way you always should have.
That moment when your heart shatters as you realize that even though it’s now beautifully different for you, it’s no different for her.
That moment when you just know that it’s too late. Permanent damage has been done.
That moment when you finally love her enough to let her go because you know she deserves something better.
That moment when you see the relief spread over her because you letting her go is something she has wanted and needed more than anything.
That moment when she walks away and you know it might be the last time you see her.
That moment when you realize that the walls you put up to protect yourself were the very walls that destroyed you. Again.
That moment when it hits you once more. She didn’t want you because the risk of you hurting her outweighed any good part of you.
And you get into your car.
And you swallow hard to keep from crying.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. Experiences in the past have made me want to write this one for a while now. Have you ever had “that moment” (or any of these moments?) I have. A couple times. And it sucks.