Henry David Thoreau once said, “the price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”
I’ve heard this quoted many times throughout my life. Of all the mantras that I try to live by, it is quite possibly the most important to me.
I’m 32. I know I have readers that are teenagers and readers that are in their eighties. To some I am a boy with most of my life left to live. To others I’m so far over the hill, you can’t even see the top of my head anymore. But to you young’uns (and by that, I mean those that are a lot younger than me), please don’t be offended when I say… you probably won’t fully get this post until you’re older. You may appreciate it, but you won’t fully get it. Not until you’ve passed the point in life where you really, internally realize that life not only doesn’t slow down… it runs out. And if you’re like most people, that realization won’t happen till you’re probably about 30. For some much later than that.
But no matter your age, and no matter your wealth, and no matter your health, and no matter your popularity, the clock keeps moving. Seconds keep ticking. Minutes keep accumulating. Hours turn into days which somehow turn into years. Decades begin lying themselves mercilessly across the gaps of your mind. Indeed, the older one gets, the more quickly time accumulates. Until one day, time runs out.
Now, close your eyes and count out ten seconds in your mind.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Guess what.
Those are ten seconds that you will never get back, my friend. Never. No matter how much you want them back, no matter how much you need them back, and no matter how big a difference it would make for you to get them back, they’re gone. You can not get those seconds back. Nobody can. It’s one of the greatest ways that every person on Earth is equal. Nobody can rewind the clock. Money can’t rewind the clock. Power can’t rewind the clock. Neither can popularity, love, hate, anger, or happiness.
Those ten seconds took you ten seconds closer to your death. They took me ten seconds closer to my death. In fact, every person on this planet, including those that entered the world at the very moment you started counting, ended those seconds ten seconds closer to their own deaths.
Some people even died while you were counting out those seconds. Some people didn’t have ten seconds left to give. After all, every person has their last ten seconds.
And so, now you see why it is that “time” is listed as the greatest commodity by the greatest thinkers of all time.
They all understood very well that money can be replaced.
Gold and silver and other precious materials can be replaced.
Gadgets and toys can be replaced.
Organs and limbs can be replaced.
Cars can be replaced.
Friendships can be replaced.
Relationships can be replaced.
Even family can be replaced.
What can’t be replaced is time. Ever. Not for anybody.
Thank you for this post. I came across it when doing a search for Thoreau's quote, which has always struck a chord with me. Great post here and one I think I'll refer back to in the future. Thanks again.
Time is just weathering.
Anna, I want to give testimony of how CHIFE OGWA brought back my divorce husband back to me,were married for 9 years then we break up, due to the fact that he never love me again.i have many felling for this my ex because we have gotten 2 kids together and i will want us to come back again. but all way i tried for us to come back all went in vain. i was confused and sad because i needed him back into my life, so i divided to contact CHIFE OGWA, i never believe in spell casting i just decide to make an effort and see if something can come out of it. i contacted them and they told me that they needed to cast return back of love to him, they did the spell and after 2 week my ex called that he still love me and wanted us to be together again,what surprise me most was that he was married to another woman, and after the spell casting he divorce the woman for me that same week. it was the spell i cast on him that brought him back again. we later got married again and now the kids are happy that their father is back to their mother again, i telly thank this CHIFE OGWA for bringing back my ex husband to me. i want you my fellow women who want back their divorce husband to contact CHIFE OGWA for his return, do not lose hope you can make this great step as i did then your ex husband will come back to you. and also your ex wife too okay, his email address id is [email protected], i want you to contact him and he will solve your problem for you and also he can do any kind of spell you want to cast.
Great point Dan and excellent way of presenting it. This is what many religions preach, but un-fortunately not followed. I have personally expierenced letting go, forgiving, fighting for some amount of money in exchange of peace of mind is not worth it. I never realized it was saving me so much time :) but yes it was giving a lot of peace of mind...and actually things worked out much better in terms of even perspective of people about me..rather than what i was when i was always flighting and unforgiving etc... Thanks for giving this perspective of time and reminding how valuable it is.
great post, dan! im with you as well...i have been divorced twice and both times "gave up" 1/2 of 401Ks, properties, things, etc. i thought it was more inportant to just leave and get out with my sanity!! but your post reminds me of all the time i "saved" too!
True forgiveness is something that you do for yourself. It comes from within and has nothing to do with the remorse of the person you are forgiving...
It was mine as well. It inspired me to let go of the hurt that I've been holding on to for too long wasting my time to move on with a new life. Thank you for posting it and writing the wonderful and funny things you write in your blog.
Perfect timing. Thanks for the reminder!
This blew me away!! Wow!
Great job. I cherish every minute.
Thsnks for the reminder!
One of my favorites also because, yeah, I get it. Amazing how clearly I see in hindsight.
I needed this...thank you! I've been struggling with a decision, but when I put it in terms of how much time it's costing me...it's a no-brainer!
I forgave my ex for walking out on us when my son was 6 months old. I forgave him debt he owed me when he came back 2 years later and wanted back in his son's life. I didn't take him to court over tax claims I was owed. Because in forgiving him, he no longer owes me, and I am no longer lacking.Our society is so awkward, thinking it's better to be owed. But when someone owes me something, I just feel like I'm missing something.
Phenomenal post and truly inspiring insight!
A fantastic posting.... a lesson i learned a while back, and a mantra i try to live by.... Thanks for sharing!
Great post!
You have definitely given me some food for thought on this one. Thank you
Wow...How totally and basically true. Thanks for being gut wrenchingly honest...
I hear you, Dan. Life. Is. Short. When my ex and I divorced, I wasted no time in getting out of there and I never looked back. I wasn't about to fight over "stuff". Eleven years later I have definitely moved on - none the poorer for leaving all the stuff behind.
I really needed to read this. I'm one of the young'uns you speak of at 21, but I think I got what I needed to from it. I have a relationship with a wonderful 23 year old man who treats me spectacularly, but for months I have struggled with hurt and anger over things he did in the past-- things he regrets, things he can't change, things he did before he knew me that he would never do again. My inability to forgive him and let go has almost ended our relationship-- his incredible patience when I tear him down despite the fact that he has never once made a mistake in OUR relationship is the only reason we're still together. I'm giving away this time in order to hurt him, hurt myself, and hurt our relationship. You really put it in perspective for me. Thanks, Dan.
At 44 I have a few more years under my belt, but I couldn't agree with you more. I knew someone who was still bitter about her divorce 20 years later. What a waste of a life! Her ex had moved on, literally decades earlier, and she was simply existing, hallowing in her self-pity. When my lawyer wanted me to fight for more, I declined, said I was done, he (my ex) had claimed enough of my life (18 months) in this battle, and I refused to engage anymore. Since then, every 2 years he tries to stir the pot, hires a new lawyer, and then backs down when he is told he could actually end up losing more. I let him babble, and don't really listen, as it is all hot air. I am happy with my life, and it seems whenever he is not happy with his, he strikes out at me... but I'm not playing, I let my lawyer deal with him.
Having lost a family member far too soon, and having seen friends lose a child... there is nothing more important in life than time!!!! Grab it with both hands!!!!
Thanks, I needed this!
Is time the greatest gift we have? What about love?
You are wise for 32... young one. ~Krista
This blog is one of my favourites by far. It has so much power and meaning behind it. Honestly.
I have had so many things in my life I've had to let go of, from friends to family members. They have all been hard but when you realise, you will get them back one day, just in a different place you have to let go. I've regretted alot of things in life, but that's life. I've learnt to pick myself up and move on. Even from fighting with people, arguing and definitely been different from everyone else. Other people don't like it, but as long as you are happy in the end, then that is all that matters.
Why worry about forgiving someone until they ask for forgiveness? Just because you don't "forgive" doesn't mean you waste time. You waste time when you make it the focus of your life. I have walked away from situations and lost much because I didn't want to invest the time. I have also chosen to walk away from worrying about forgiving to not waste time. It can go many different ways. The way you write about is one focus not the only focus.
Bitterness toward someone can be there, flying under the radar, without it being the focus of your life. And oftentimes the people who you should forgive are the last people who ask for that forgiveness. I've had a lot of bitterness toward my dad, but it never affects me or my relationships with others, and it only surfaces when I'm around him, which isn't very often since I moved away.
HI there,
I have to admit, every time that I read something like this, I have to wonder: "are you for real?" Letting go of the hurt doesn't get rid of it and it just lets the other person/insitution/system off of the hook. So now not only do you still feel bad, but there is no one to blame or share that feeling with. Sometimes you have been hurt so bad that all you have left is your rights...and then they manipulate those to their ends as well. So, I guess I am glad it works for you; but I wish to have no part of it.
Drew, holding onto that resentment and hurt is like drinking poison and hoping it makes the other person die. By letting go, you stop poisoning yourself. It doesn't excuse what they did, it doesn't make what they did right or let them off the hook. They still did what they did and they have to live with that. YOU can move on and live your life and not continue to allow them to keep hurting you.
Drew, I read once that "forgiveness means giving up the right to be hurt." When you let things go you're freeing yourself. How is you wasting weeks/months/years of your life being hurt and angry "punish" the wrong-doer? It only hurts you. The sooner you realize that the happier you're life will be. I speak from experience on this one. It's not easy, but if you want to have control over your own life, you have to let it go. Otherwise you're allowing those to wrong you to do it over and over and over. Then they win.
B2Momma,
another one of the images of forgiveness is the idea of taking your hands away from the offender's throat. I have done that, the vast majority of what hurt me does not exist anymore. However, that does not take away the pain that I live with everyday. The knowledge that I have had a significant amount of significant time stolen from me. Now my life is much more difficult and they walk away scott free. All I am saying is that there are some hurts that do not go away this side of death. I am moving on, but I am faced with the knowledge that my life is significantly different from what it could have been. What SDL has written here has nothing to do with that.
Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. I've lost an entire year to hate, and my childhood to anger. Time truly means everything.
Really good one. Thanks for writing it.
I'm having trouble letting go of something big, having trouble forgiving someone for something monumental. I've been getting stuck in the fact that I have the RIGHT to be angry, hurt, miserable, dammit, and I'm not ready for everything to be better. But, you're right. It isn't worth wasting these moments of my life, these moments I'll never get back, just to exercise my rights. I needed to read this today. Thanks.
great post.
(Somewhat new reader, first time commenting! :D)
Is 22 considered a "young'un"? I feel like I have so much more to learn and experience in life, but there are also times where I look back and can't believe how much I've already learned. One of the best pieces of advice I've been given has been to live and let go. Thanks for an amazingly put reminder, Dan.
"Holding onto resentment is like holding your breath – you suffocate."
- Deepak Chopra
"Guard well your spare moments. They are like uncut diamonds. Discard them and their value will never be known. Improve them and they will become the brightest gems in a useful life." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
would you be willing to give me permission to put your your The Life You Exchange message in the Central Park UMC july monthly newsletter?
i know a lot of folks that could benefit from this, including myself.
Central Park UMC
6508 Manor Road
Aberdeen, WA 98520
How are you this wise and not married to a fantastic person? I'd like to show my mom this post, except she's pretty computer illiterate. I'd like to tell her, though, that while she's stuck by Dad all this time being miserable, she's wasted so much time being HURT. Both of them have. They make digs at each other all the time. But they aren't rotten people. My mom lives her life to do humanitarian aid. Dad does a huge chunk too. They just can't remember being the bride and bridegroom they were in the fifties. They're so talented and empathetic for everyone else but each other. I'd just like to go in with a ref's shirt and whistle on and tell them to CUT IT OUT!
This illustrates my point: My parents recently celebrated their 50th anniversary. Really it was Mom's shindig. She invited EVERYBODY. I'd be amazed if you weren't there. She probably knows you. So before the "do" Mom was doing last minute things at home and Dad came and dropped something down her back and then left. (I don't know how she didn't know there was still something back there, but she was concentrating.) She finished doing what she was doing and went to get dressed for their big night and then we were to leave. I heard, "Where are the keys to the hall?" She'd looked everywhere. Dad told her he didn't know and went around doing whatever he was doing. The rest of us fanned out searching everywhere. We even searched the babies and places they'd put them. No go. Mom was getting desperate. I finally told her, "Mom. Chill out. Somebody else has keys to the hall. Just go call one of them and we'll find yours later." So she did. We had a lovely night dancing, toasting them with punch, and talking to old friends.
Later that night Mom came in to where I was looking at old pictures and gave me a hug. I thought, "Man. Her bra strap is all wonky." And then a little later it dawned on me. Sure enough, there were the keys--down her back--right where Dad had dropped them.
Mom had spent loads of time stewing over them, and then loads more raging at Dad for being so negligent and thoughtless. He just gave her a quirky smile meant to shuck the responsibility or something. I'd like to have whacked them both (okay, especially Dad). Why do these snarky little things to someone you know you are going to spend the rest of your life with? LET THE HURT GO! Breathe it out like CO2 and get rid of it. You're not being a hero or a martyr. You're being stupid! You're squandering the minutes and hours and days you have to get it right. Jump that track to nowhere you're on and get onto one which leads to where you hope to end up!
Amazing post. (Been there, done that with the divorce. Walking away is definitely a quicker way to heal.) Thanks for the wonderful reminder that our time is limited and we need to live, enjoy, and love while we can.
This is a very grown up concept and I applaud you for it. I did not fight (too much) with my ex when we divorced. We were gracious with each other, we parented very well together. He may have bullied me a bit to get more time with our son. THEN, very unexpectedly he died at age 42 when our son was 14. That extra time with his dad was a GIFT to my son. I was resentful at the time and especially thanful for it now. It is really important to remember that after a divorce the most important thing is that child. My son is a wonderful 21 year old who is pretty well balanced, I thank his dad and miss sharing his success with him.
Dan, your posts are ever thoughtful and insightful. Today's has touched me deeply at just the right time. This moment, right here and now, is the perfect opportunity to lay aside the things which take away from the richness of life and start living in peace again. Thank you for laying it all out in a clear, consice manner. You've unravelled my knots.
In life it`s better to have a clean conscionce & be humanly amicable,than too walk away & pay for it another day.What comes around always goes around :). Life experience.
Thank you for doing what you do. With or without realizing it, your thoughts and vulnerability help lift peoples spirits. If ever you are not feeling positive, remember that. I think people forget about their time being valuable and how powerful forgiveness truly is. Thank you for continuing to be a light for a lot of people that need it.
I think that using time as your currency of choice (if you will) is an interesting concept, and certainly one that i remember every time someone close to me dies, but interestingly, though I come to similar conclusions as you, I use my emotional health as my currency. Wasting time on anger and hurt and worrying about things is yes, wasting time, but it's also wasting my health, because none of those things helps me or anyone around me to be happier people. And I, for one, want to spend my life being as happy as I can and helping others to same! : )
So that may or may not have been a logical comment to your post - which was lovely, by the way - but it's definitely where my mind went... Thank you for reminding me that time is also something to keep in mind : )
You're so right. I have had a few "lightbulb" moments where I realized it was time to give up the anger; it didn't occur to me that the net result I was receiving in return was time. I experienced the immediate gratification of what a release of anger can do for a person's energy level and reduction of stress. Harboring anger and envy and resentment can transform you into a person even you yourself wouldn't want to befriend. In the short term, they can have positive motivating effects, but we all need to recognize the time at which they've overstayed their welcome and let them go. I can think of 2 instances where song lyrics pointed to that moment. One was a dear friend who credits Don Henley: There are people in your life who've come and gone, they let you down, you know they hurt your pride. You better put it all behind you, baby, 'cause life goes on. If you keep carrying that anger, it'll eat you up inside, baby. I've been trying to get down, to the heart of the matter, but my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter. But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness. The other is what smacked me upside the head from the amazing Aimee Mann. Apparently the song is about addiction, but for me it provided the wisdom to see that a relationship simply was not going to provide what I wanted it to, no matter how hard I tried: Prepare a list of what you need. Before you sign away the deed. 'Cause it's not going to stop. It's not going to stop. It's not going to stop. 'Til you wise up. No, it's not going to stop. 'Til you wise up. No, it's not going to stop. So just...give up. That song saved my life.
I was more than happy to just sign everything over to my ex when we divorced. It was just stuff and I wanted new things anyways. I felt we had wasted enough of our lives fighting and was ready to move on with my life. I received a lot of flack from friends and family that said I should have taken him for everything, but my time and peace of mind was worth more.
Amazing post, Dan. I have been very hurt for a while and I am trying to get past it. I know I am wasting my time, I know all that. I just don't know how to move on just yet- is it something that will come with time? Any tipps?
Very insightful post, though I know people who have taken this to extremes (including an former boyfriend, and this was one of the reasons we split up.) It's possible to be so fixated on death and the limited time one has left, that one forgets to enjoy life at all. Worrying and fretting over the shortness of one's time is the worst waste of time of all, in my opinion.