the
post
visit the
blog
skip to
comments
lots more
sdl
get it in
your email

Blogger Gets Shovel in the Face After Starting Satire Blog

After finding out a new satire blog was in the works, crazed reader hits blogger Single Dad Laughing in the face with a shovel. Pearce says, “I cried like a little baby.”

DRAPER, UT — For Dan Pearce, Monday seemed like any other day. The blogger spent most of the morning in his underwear writing ego-enhanced, self-aggrandizing blog posts for his four billion diehard fans. After discovering that the only food he had left was an old can of lima beans and some turned soy milk, he resentfully showered and made himself at least slightly presentable for a quick shopping trip with his son, Noah.

Earlier that morning, Pearce had published his first satire blog post on his new blog My Fantastic Escape. The post was titled “Brain Eating Parasites Transmitted to Thousands through Cell Phones” and told the humorous (albeit disturbing) satirical story of tiny parasitic worms that crawl into the tiny speaker holes of cell phones and then make their way to the brain. The post was meant to be good fun, as was evidenced by its exploration of the victims’ bizarre symptoms and the Chuck Norris brainwashing given to neurons to combat the dang things.

But apparently not all readers thought it was good fun as Pearce learned when he opened his front door that afternoon. In a self-written and controversial press release about the event, the blogger shared his version of what happened.

I was taking Noah to the store to buy healthy and nutritional items that would make me appear to be a good dad. After all, appearance is everything. When I opened my front door, a big rusty shovel came swinging at my face. I thought, this is it. I’m going to die right now. I then thought of all the ways that I could use the story to drive traffic to Single Dad Laughing and I screamed, “wait, I want to take a picture of this for my blog!” Thankfully the shovel was going slow enough that I was able to hand Noah my camera phone and instruct him to take as many pictures as possible before being hit.

The shovel softly bumped the left side of my face. I stepped out onto my porch and discovered that the assailant was an old shrunken woman. “That’ll teach you to write satire,” she said as she dropped the shovel.

I cried like a little baby right then. Not because I was in pain, but because I knew she must be in pain. I wrote the most powerful blog post ever for her in that moment, and after reading it she told me that her life had been changed and that she would never live with such anger and hatred again.

As we were hugging it out, another shovel came out of nowhere and really knocked me a good one. I fell to the ground and rubbed my now-blurred eyes until they focused. Standing above me was my good friend Catherine of the blog Her Bad Mother. “That’ll teach you to add me into a story that I have nothing to do with,” she said as she dropped the shovel.

After Pearce’s press release, the internet blew up as bloggers debated his sincerity and his marketing practices.

In a mea culpa issued by the blogger afterwards, he said, “I suck. I just wanted people to think I’m a superhero. And I wanted them to like my new blog on Facebook so that they could get updates when I post new satire pieces. I admit that I deserve everything I got.”

He then supplied a Facebook like button like this and told his readers to click it, promising them all sorts of future laughs and money for doing so:

Reactions varied across the web. Some people demanded his head on a spear. Others felt that the blogger should be given knighthood.

When asked about it all, Pearce said, “I just want a girlfriend.”

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. Obviously I’m being silly and poking fun at myself in this blog post. But, in all seriousness… if you enjoy good-humored satire, go read the first post and subscribe to My Fantastic Escape. It’s where I’ll be getting that creative fix that I really need sometimes. Upcoming posts include hillbillies accidentally eating celebrity ferrets, muppet love affairs, gang members as babysitters, and much more!

There’s a blog post explaining it, but I decided to pull the plug-on The Fear Doctor read-along and focus on publishing the book as a whole instead (in the future). My original intent with My Fantastic Escape was to do satire, so I’m just starting back at its roots.

Thanks everybody for putting up with me as I try different things to see what works best for me long-term. I’ve had more fun writing the satirical (fake) news stories than I have in a long time, so I think I definitely found a great outlet to help me not go crazy.

27 comments
betadad
betadad

That was pretty damn funny.  Maybe you should make your other blog the ultimate anti-SDL parody.  Seriously.  It would definitely confound all us haterz.

Jesse Juston
Jesse Juston

I actually didn't even find this funny. I'll stick with Colbert and The Onion for my satire.

Raya Brady
Raya Brady

That's why ya gotta read the whole thing, not just the headline.

laughingmom
laughingmom

Here's to not going crazy!  Happy satirizing, Dan :)

Carol Ball
Carol Ball

I especially love the hugging it out with the little old lady. Needed this today! Lmfao!

Chris Nunez
Chris Nunez

Didn't know you could do slapstick on FB:)

fairivy
fairivy

Haha wow, very good way to tune us in to your new blog!  I was on the edge of my seat—I *knew* it was a fake story, but I couldn't help being captivated!

Cassie Anderson
Cassie Anderson

@Jessie, you literally took the words out of my mouth. This was fantastical.

Gypsie
Gypsie

hahah!! this was awesome! thanks for the laughs! ^_^

Chelsea Coleman
Chelsea Coleman

Hey, in my defense I was still in the process of pulling up...while trying to calm my 4 month old. And I agree...very funny. Not sure about the method of advertising though...lol

Mikki Reynolds
Mikki Reynolds

Excellent piece! (not everyone understands satire apparently)

Lynette Sharp
Lynette Sharp

I have to admit I've been to busy to read any of the blogs I subscribe to lately because I'm writing a book and it's kept me busy. So glad I read this one! A much needed laugh, although my dog ran from the room.

Kimberly Stoker
Kimberly Stoker

I laughed out loud in my empty house and the sound echoed and made me laugh some more. Good stuff

Katelyn Danielle Werley
Katelyn Danielle Werley

It's a joke. It didn't actually happen. Lol Dan was poking fun at himself, as he said near the end of the post.