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This was not my goal.
This was not good for me.
This was not healthy.
And, more than anything, this was not real.
I told her I’d think about it and left.
I sat in my car for two hours in that parking lot. I wasn’t trying to decide on the liposuction. I knew when I walked out that I wasn’t going to do it. No, I was trying to figure out how I got to that point in the first place. How had I given up on my currently great feelings about myself (and on my goal) and replaced it with a quick-fix that wouldn’t really fix anything?
I never had some bolt of realization hit me. I just knew it probably had to do with a lot of different factors, most of which centered around a deep want to be at a place that would take time and work to get to. It centered around a frustration that doing it “the right way” was taking so long. It centered around failed visions I had of long days at the swimming pool this summer, completely confident in my new bod.
I drove away from the clinic and made myself a promise to fall in love with the journey again.
And, just for safe measures… I drove to a camera store and spent the money I would have spent on liposuction on a new camera instead. After all, you can’t really spend what you don’t have. Right?
Sure, someday I probably will get my lats sucked out. I really do have a good medical reason for that. But I’m not going to do it until I can honestly say that I’m doing it for only the right reasons.
And while you’ll all have to wait a while for my “final unveiling,” it’ll be an unveiling that I’m really proud of because I worked for it… Every last pound.
Whether it takes another three months or another twelve, I’m in this for the life change. Sometimes I just need a kick in the butt to remember that.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
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