You know what they say… Kids say the darndest things. As a parent, I am reminded of that daily. Like when Noah last week said, “Dad, my smile hasn’t downloaded yet.”
Ummm…
Anyway, in an attempt to feel like a normal parent, I asked you on the SDL Facebook Page what the funniest thing was that you’ve ever heard a kid say. Here are a few of your answers.
- A couple of days ago…I was asking my son to eat his dinner for the gazillionth time….he put his hand on my shoulder, sighed, and said ‘Oh Mummy, we can’t always have what we want, can we?’
- My 3 year old son threw my bra at me once and said, “Hey mom…here’s your nipple thing”.
- My almost 3 yr old keeps telling everyone, including strangers ”mommy eats babies.” I’m 8 months pregnant.
- When my youngest, who is autistic, finally started talking (arguing) when he was 4, I put him in time out for something and said, “because I am the MOM and I said you have to do it!” He retorted, “Well, I am the KENNY and I say I’m not doing it!”
- My 3 yo girl walked in on her daddy in the bathroom and ran out and said “Mommy mommy daddy has a tail!”
- My 5 yr old grandson eating ice cream “My breath is colder than a penguins butt!”
- Sitting in a cinema watching King Arthur, and it gets to that point where you know the sex scene is going to happen. In the seat in front of me, a young boy (approx. 8 years old) says in a loud and clearly disgusted tone, “They’re going to have sex now, aren’t they? Don’t they know there are children in the audience?”
- When my oldest was about 3 or 4 he picked up a screw driver. We told him to put it down and then asked him if he knew why it was dangerous to play with. He responded with, “because I might screw myself.” It took all my will power not to scream laughing!
- My 3yo calls the space between his bed and the wall “the crack.” He frequently says, “Mom! Look what I found in my crack!” The other day he told me, “I’m going in my room to look in my crack and see if I can find a monster.” The immature side of me can’t help but giggle every time.
- The last time my daughter had night time cough medicine, she asked a bunch of questions about how it worked. Later at a party we attended, she announced to the group that Daddy gives her alcohol to make her sleep.
- My 11 year old son came running out of his room in boxer briefs and shouted, “one step closer to becoming a man!” He then did this crazy dance swinging his hips and arms… he was very happy to have the same kind of undies as his dad.
- “Mom, babies come out of ‘ginas, right?” “Uh, yes sweetie, yes they do.” “Oh. Well thanks mommy, that was really nice of you to do that.”
- “Uh oh the baby’s crying. I bet he’s hungry. Good thing you have bumps like mommy to feed him” this was said to me by the 4 yr old I nannied about his baby brother.
- My little cousin announced “my mom got crabs” after she bought hermit crabs for the kids.
- My daughter’s father used to curse in the car when people cut him off (she was in her carseat in the back). I told him not to do this because she might repeat it. One day we were driving and someone cut him off. My daughter, who was two at the time said, “Daddy, there’s another icehole!”
- “Lala, that’s a penis, not a handle!” my son said when his little sister was learning how to pull herself to a standing position.
- Today at the zoo while watching a hippo swim, I heard a little girl, maybe 5 years old, say “he looks like grandpa in the hot tub.”
- I had just sent my son to his room for fighting with his sister. After explaining to his sister why she was punished, I went to my son’s room to do the same. He said “I’m sorry mom, I didn’t mean it.” I said, “don’t tell me you’re sorry – tell your sister.” He said, “no, I’m not sorry for fighting with Bella, I’m sorry for saying I hated you and you are the meanest mom ever.” “Spencer, you didn’t say that!” I told him. He replied, “yes, I did when you sent me to my room, but you didn’t hear me.”
- Circa 1991 at a Halloween scary trail type thing: a group of students from the local karate school were dressed as ninjas and jumping out at people. One angel faced boy around 9-yo surprised everyone by screaming “prepare to die you son-of-a-b****!”. It was the last year they invited us…
If you laughed today, share that laughter everywhere you can share it. Like on Facebook or with your mother-in-law or with the lady doing your nails!
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. Knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the funniest thing you’ve heard a child say, and what was your favorite from today’s list?
Also, be sure to check out other editions of My KID said that?!
Whilst in the supermarket with my then 4 yr old son, he loudly started calling out tampons, tampons and pointing to the biscuits (cookies) on the shelves, people were looking and laughing as I backed up the trolley trying to figure out what he was talking about, all the time my son was yelling tampons mummy tampons, until we got to where he was actually pointing to the TIM TAMS.......an Australian chocolate cookie......
My daughter is now 3 yo, but when she was about 2 she began playing with blocks and building houses... at about 2 1/2 yo we began potty training her and she delightedly announced to everyone she was pooping a house!! She still does this to this day...
My daughter who was about 8, was watching Judge Judy with her MomMom (uggg, I know) and when it was time to give her verdict, my daughter leaned over to me and whispered in a very concerned voice, "they are not going to make him walk the plank are they mom? " Oh Dora the Explorer, who knew you would freak my kid out!
I'm going to spam you now... I keep thinking of more. One Sunday morning we were in church (my son was about 7 at the time) and the preacher mentioned something about drunkenness. Damian announced loudly, "My daddy's a drunk! He drinks alcohol!"
In case you were wondering, his dad and I separated when Damian was about 11 months old, so dad was not here for this announcement. :)
And another one... when my son was 3 we went to Mexico. We had a horrible 11-hour layover in San Francisco (cheap flight, you know?) and I was looking for things to do to pass the time with him so I took him down to the end of a terminal where you could see the planes taxiing past. One passed fairly near the window and he started jumping up and down and pointing while exclaiming, "Look, Mom! Look! You can see the piglet!!" I was like, "The what? What's the piglet?" And he put his hands on his hips and gave me that, "Mom, you are SO slow!" look and said, "You know, Mom! It's the guy who flies the plane!"
I used to teach preschool. At one point we had instant mashed potato flakes in the sensory table, and one child dumped a bowl of them over his head and got them all down in his clothing. My attention was called to the matter when this three year old child began to rip off his pants and diaper in the middle of the classroom while loudly stating, "Teacher! I need you to pick the mashed potatoes out of my butt crack!!"
When my little brother was about 2, we were trying to get him to eat his dinner. When he refused, my dad said "Either eat this, or eat nothing at all-those are your choices." To which my brother replied: "Those aren't my choices, they're YOUR choices!"
I was at the mall with my 2 year old son yesterday, and he told me he wanted to go in the "alligator" and pointed to the elevator.
@PoeteMort http://t.co/5eMVeIzg
My husband used to travel for work. When questioned by my parents where Papa was my 3-year-old responded "Vagina" (Virginia).
My 8yo niece had just broken a mug and before my sister could say anything to her, her 12yo brother (who has Asperger's) said, "Well done, Elizabeth, you wreck everything, you've totally wrecked your Mother's body!!" My sister barely able to contain herself said, "I beg your pardon?" to which he looked her up and down and replied, "Well Mum, just look at you!". They certainly keep you grounded!
When I come home from work and take my shirt off my 4yo daughter tackles me to the bed and says "You've got beautiful boobies" before facediving her head into my cleavage
"Boys have doodles and girls have two butts."
Check out my blog at http://www.practicingparenting.net/
I stumbled across your blog by accident a few months ago, and just freaking love it!
I'm working as a nanny this summer and the 3yo I watch always has the strangest things to say. We went to Lagoon one day and I had to pick him up because the older kids walk faster than he does and they usually end up leaving us behind. He didn't want me to carry him and after I refused to put him down he loudly exclaimed "You're crunching my peepee"
One day at swimming lessons he came walking over to me and sat down "Hey babe" then whispered "You're the babe" so I would know he was talking to me.
The best though is every time he goes poop we have this conversation Andrew: "I have cuccas in my but crack" Me: "Well that's what the toilet paper is for" Andrew: "I went cuccas in the toiate"
I work with kids age 2-5 at an alternate ed school, and they come up with some extremely cute stuff. One that's coming to mind right now was said by a sweet, precocious 3 yo: "Do you know what the sky is made out of? The sky is made of blue." When we asked her how would she explain that to someone who can't see colours, she informed us that the sky was actually made of "blue pencil crayons".
Another wonderful "fact" I was told by a 3 yo was that "when you get the (insert sickness name here) germs in your nose, you have to go see Dr. Louis Pasteur."
Another of my 3 yo girls poked my chest while I was wearing a sweater and leather jacket. She then asked what was under my coat; I looked in my jacket, but there were no buttons or brooches or anything that she would have felt, so I told her nothing. She says "I know what it is." *devilish glint in eyes* "It's...BOOBIES." *covers mouth and starts giggling*.
At another point in time the same l'il one looked up at me and told me I had "funny boobies". I guess it's a phase lol. A conversation amongst some of the kids became about pets and family members who had died. A 4 yo boy told us that his grandpa had "gone way up in outer space to heaven!".
It's hard to remember specifics, but let's just say I laugh every day at work :)
when my teenager was 3 she was at the grocery store with some family friends...one of them heard something and went looking for her...the found her bent over staring at the floor with a hand over one eye and talking to herself "where is it? where could it be" concerned that she lost something important the friend asked her what she lost...Autumn replied, "my eye...I have lost my eye and I can't find it anywhere"...the friend was mortified...Autumn had just watched toy story...lololol
when my son was 4 and began reading he started to rhyme everything he or anyone else said...one afternoon while tickling him, I accidentally scratched him with my nail...he yelled "ow, you cow!" at the top of his lungs the crumpled over giggling at the rhyme he made....
I loved it. I don't remember this but my grandmother tells the story all the time. When I was probably two or three my grandmother was watching me and my uncle came in the room and I think he was teasing me or something because I told him "Don't be dickless Paul" I was trying to say ridiculous
I fell out of my chair laughing at all of this quotes and stories. Too good! Once when I was young my dad walked into the room after working out. He had a lifting belt on to support his lower back, and it was cinched pretty tight. He's never been overweight in his life, but the belt was tight enough that there was a slight roll of skin over the edge. I pointed at him and yelled "my dad has BLUBBER!" He's still pissed about it to this day!
Latest blog post: The Campfyre • Overheard at Livefyre...
My son who is 3 looked at my husbands friends wife the other day and says "Julie?" She said "what Trenton" he says "Why are you so fat?" I have never been so embarrassed in my life!
When I was about 3-4 I was at the grocery store with my mom and saw a very large man with an even larger belly. My mom says I stared at him for a little while, then looked at her, pointed straight at him, and exclaimed very loudly "Mommy, he's REALLY FULL!"
Once, when our daughter loved to watch Thomas the Tank Engine, my husband and I were talking about going to a play area "so the kids could let off some steam". My son then said to us in a very exasperated voice that he wasn't and engine and therefore didn't need to let off steam. We laughed so hard and he didn't understand what we were laughing at.
My four year old saw my husband kiss me on my lips one time and then he told us, "When you guys kiss on the lips, you guys are getting 'married'. Gross!"
Then, as he was walking away, he said, "Why don't you guys go into your room, close the door and get 'married' in there."
It was definitely something to laugh about. Priceless!
My mom loves to tell the story of the first time I met an African American person. I was about 2 years old, and I was standing in line with my mom at Hardees when I spotted the African American man, and loudly asked my mother, "Mommy! Why does that man have chocolate all over him?!" My mother was, of course, mortified, but he was fortunately very gracious about it, allowing me to touch his face and gently explaining, "God just painted me a different color."
@LarraKyleen I did the same exact thing as a toddler. I was in the grocery cart at the store and saw an African American man. I said, " Look mommy! There's a chocolate man!" My mom was so embarrassed. But he laughed it off. I remember he said that he had been called worse and that my remark made his day-because it wasn't anything racial, but a mere observation of a toddler. It was the first time I realized ethnicity at that age. Before I had never made the connection.
@Shelleyd77 @LarraKyleen When my brother and I were little, there was a black man at the YMCA we went to. We didn't know his name, so we called him "The Chocolate Stranger"- and to his face, too. He knew my mom so he just thought it was really funny, and we were always so excited to see him because he looked like chocolate. :)
My friends daughter, while in line at the bank, heard someone's beeper going off. Staring at the large woman in front of her Elizabeth (aged 4) shouted "LOOK OUT! She's backing up!!!"
@MplsLiz does this really happen? I've heard this same story over and over for years, and I've never experienced it once... just wondering.
@EmmaJewel It happened to my friend Lila. Her daughter, Elizabeth, was four in 1989. Cellphones weren't invented - only car phone (I think) and only the very rich had them. Beepers were more common although still rare enough that Elizabeth's dad, Van, didn't have one. Lila told me that she just wanted the earth to swallow her whole. The woman gave her a nasty look (seriously, who could blame her) and went to "the next available teller" (remember tellers?)....
My 3 year old son did not want to eat his tuna casserole. 'I don't like petunia mommy'. He said it a few times so I caught it on video. He also calls his favorite fruit 'water lemon' which has become a whole family term now.
I've been collecting a bunch of these recently. Here's one that never fails to make me grin when I think about it. My 3yo is in the bathroom and says, "Mommy, there's a fly in my potty." "So there is." "I'm gonna poop on it!" "Go right ahead." Then, as she's sitting down she says enthusiastically, "Here comes the dark!"
I took my 9 year old grandson to IHOP for dinner and he ordered the new cinnamon pancakes. He took one bite and exclaimed, "These are BURSTING with flavor". He then proceeded to sing in a loud, high pitched opera voice, "I'm in pancake heaven!".
I work in childcare, and I had a nine year old who absolutely adores me. He came up to me, patting my tummy. I asked him to, "please stop playing with my fat belly. I know it jiggles, but it's not a toy." To which he replied, " You're not fat, you're fluffy!"
Please post more dan!!! I love the stories in the comments too! My stomach hurts now from laughing so hard but it was well worth it!!
Adam (4 years old), and I were hanging out with Papa last weekend. We had our dog, Mater, with us. Adam picked up a small branch with some leaves on it and proceeded to gently and playfully smack the dog on the back with it. He said "Look Papa! I'm swatting the dog with this Dog Swatter!" Papa replied "You shouldn't hit the dog though." Adam said "But it's a Dog Swatter. That's what you do with Dog Swatters." Papa responded with "How would you like it if I got a branch, called it an Adam Swatter and swatted you with it?" Adam thought about it for about 2 seconds and said "How would YOU like it if I got a gun, called it a Papa Shooter, and shot you with it?!?!" That's when I intervened and said "Adam, please don't hit the dog or shoot your Papa." He said "Ok daddy" put down the branch and found something else to play with. Papa and I just looked at each other and laughed.
OMG so funny!!! xD
My coworker was telling when she went to the mall with her nieces and nephew over the weekend her oldest niece (18) fell down and when asked what happened she wouldn't say anything, when they got to the parking lot she finally said the reason she didn't say anything in the store was because when she fell she fell on her breasts hurting them and she didn't want to say breasts in the store. Her grandmother starts saying a list of other words she could have called them, most more vulgar than "breasts" when the nephew (11) chimes in saying "breasts, also known as Phat Apples", I about fell out of my chair laughing so hard!
We were at the local (and free) zoo during a Kindergarten field trip when my son looked over at the well-endowed male zebra...exclaiming rather loudly at the precise moment when everything was quiet, "Look Mom, that zebra's penis is waaaaaayyyyyy bigger than Dad's!" It's a good thing I'm quick on my feet and replied, "Of course, all zebra parts are bigger than Dad." Unfortunately, my son is a little quicker than me..."So Dad is dumber than a zebra because his brain is smaller?" I quit trying to have logical conversations with him after that.
When I was two or three, I had my first male babysitter. I asked my parents "Does he have lips? Can he spit?" I was lifeguarding one night, and a mother came in with her three year-old son, and newborn-ish daughter. They swam a bit, and then went back to the locker room. When they came back ten minutes later, the son loudly said "My mommy fed my sister with her boobies!" They quickly left.
Those were great! Thanks for sharing! It reminds me of some of the things my kids say that when my son yells "you are ignoring me!" to his sister when she annoys him lol
When my son was about 3 or 4, he was standing behind me and exclaimed, "Wow, Mom! Your bum is almost as big as Daddy's!"
My own recollection of seeing a firefly for the first time consists of me running to my mother and yelling, "Momma, that bug turned his butt on!"
While teach a group of 3 year olds in preschool I bent down to tie one of the little boys' shoes. As I bent down one of the little boys looked down my shirt and said, 'teacher, I see your bum" He was talking about my cleavage and he was right it did look like a bum. I was so embarrassed and just rushed the kid outside to play. His grandma and I had a good laugh about it later that day. That kid is now in his early 20's I wonder what he would think of that story now.
Prepare to die...haHA!!! :) I bust a gut on that last one Dan!
We were at a typical Catholic Ash Wednesday service this past year where they mark everyone in the congregation with ashes drawn in the shape of a cross on their forehead. As we were waiting in line, my almost 5 year old, Liam whispered to me "Can they draw on my forehead maybe a rocket ship or a Mickey face?"
Grandma said to my two year old "You are adorable.!" My 2 year old said "I'm not a door bell."
And, later same 2 year old says "I'm going to give you a high five on your face."
Totally the best comment “Mom, babies come out of ‘ginas, right?” “Uh, yes sweetie, yes they do.” “Oh. Well thanks mommy, that was really nice of you to do that.”
My daughter (age 12), was being a sassy mouth and I called her out on it and told her to stop. She proceeded to storm around the house until we left for day camp. She was still in a mood when I dropped her off. I gave her a hug and said you can get happy in the same pants you got angry in. Continuing with her smarty attitude, she replied, Mom, I am not wearing pants (she had on shorts). It still makes me laugh at the look on her face and the faces of the camp counselors :)
My 7 year old step son spotted a photo of a positive pregnancy test on my computer screen. He explained he knew what it was and told me it was a kissing stick. If you love someone and kiss them enough it will get two lines and you'll have a baby. I can't tell you how he came to that conclusion, but he sure melted my heart!
When my daughter was about 4 years old she wondered around her pre school muttering 'help help i am being oppressed" when i arrived to pick her up they swore they were in no way oppressing her and i laughed because it came from a game on the computer her father liked to play and she would sit on his lap and watch the action. A few days later she informed the same teachers she wanted to learn thermodynamics lol. they decided she needed to be in an accelerated class despite me telling them as the hubby and i were in college we often had a study group at our house and the kids were not allowed to join and she really really wanted too!