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28 Rules for Fathers of Sons

Every once in a while I come across a real gem on someone else’s blog that I fall in love with. Yesterday I somehow wandered onto a blog called Diapers & Daisies to a post written back in May called 28 Rules for Fathers of SonsAnd while there are a couple things I’d maybe add to some of these, I couldn’t help but think her post was fantastic.

It did well, but I think it deserves a lot more love, and Sarah (who I’m quickly learning is a mom blogger worth following) was kind enough to let me share her post with all of you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did! And when you’re done, be sure to go check her blog out. :)

28 Rules for Fathers of Sons

1. Love his Mother. He will learn to love like you love, and hate like you hate. So choose love for both of you. Devote yourself to it. Love with your whole heart and express that love each and every day. Then, someday down the road, you will see the way he loves his own wife, and know that you played a part in that.

2. Let him drive. Every child remembers the first time they drove on daddy’s lap. For that one moment, he will believe that he is just. like. you

3. Teach him to be picky. Especially when it comes to women and burgers. Teach him to never settle.

4. Take him to a ball game. There is something about sharing a day of hot dogs, sunshine and baseball with your father.

5. Love with Bravery. Boys have this preconceived notion that they have to be tough. When he is young, he will express his love fully and innocently. As he grows, he will hide his feelings and wipe off kisses. Teach him to be a man who rubs them in instead. It takes courage for a man to show love: teach him to be courageous.

6. Talk about sex. Sometimes, boys need to know that all men are created equal.

7. Teach him to be a man’s man. Show him how to be brave and tough around the guys. Then, remind him on the ride home that it is okay to cry.

8. Share secrets together. Communicate. Talk. Talk about anything. Let him tell you about girls, friends, school. Listen. Ask questions. Share dreams, hopes, concerns. He is not only your son, you are not only his father. Be his friend too.

9. Teach him manners. Because sometimes you have to be his father, not just his friend. The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.

10. Teach him when to stand-up and when to walk away. He should know that he doesn’t have to throw punches to prove he is right. He may not always be right. Make sure he knows how to demand respect- he is worthy of it. It does not mean he has to fight back with fists or words, because sometimes you say more with silence.

11. Teach him to choose his battles. Make sure he knows which battles are worth fighting- like for family or his favorite baseball team. Remind him that people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy, or other personal reasons. Help him to understand when to shut his mouth and walk-away. Teach him to be the bigger better person.

12. Let him dance in tighty whiteys. Dance alongside him in yours. Teach him that there are moments when it is okay to be absolutely ridiculous.

562 comments
warrior4just
warrior4just

I'll answer this lady and any lady trying to speak for men. The last person to speak about manhood and fatherhood is the woman. A father must not raise his child from the perspective of a woman. There are inherent differences (physical, cognitive, and neuro-psychological). Most of the advices here are just laughable...i find it more entertaining than sad that some men actually admire this. Here is the news for you you are allowing women to redefine your worldview...a female worldview

meshellivana
meshellivana

Thank you SO MUCH for posting these. I am sharing these ideas in our small group retreat gatherings for men who are striving to raise their sons to be good men. For the most part, I agree with these spot on--some people might adjust according to their values. The overall point, though, is to BE a father--the world needs more men who are virtuous men. Thank you!


lovefaithhope
lovefaithhope

what if the father is not even near those? 

MichaelBerry
MichaelBerry

Grow a big belly.  I disagree.  It's a sign of unhealthiness.  Let your son rest on your relaxed soft belly, instead.

gerg
gerg

the strength of BATMAN?  how about the strength of Superman, damnit?! 

Blue Eyes 1967
Blue Eyes 1967

I have 2 son's the oldest is 23 years old and the youngest is 13 years old.  I have been married for 28 years to the same man.. For the last 15 years my husband has had lots of emotional affair with girls he works with and lots of Computer Girls.  He Separated himself from the family many years ago.. I once ask my husband there are things only a father can tech or talk to there son's about.. He told me he did not know how to be a Father to ether of our son's all he knows how to do is Provide for them.. I have done my best with my oldest and so very glad they are 9 years apart in age, because what I taught oldest son that was right he is not passing down to his younger brother.. My oldest son told me one time we know longer have a father to take the time with either of them, so he said he would take care of it and be that Big Brother & Father to my little Brother he would teach him and tell him things I found out on my own or you told me Mom..

G Hack
G Hack

Can I just say as a dad of 5 kids some of these things to do had to be written by a mentally challenged person... Grow a big belly?? Oh yeah that's perfect... Teach ur kid to be a fat unhealthy human,,. I'm surprised the list didn't have.. Share a cig with ur son...

RoslynRuthBriones
RoslynRuthBriones

I was teary eyed reading those 28 Rules. I am a single mom to a 10 year old son and reading through those suggestions/rules for Fathers made my heart, somehow worried, or should I say lonely for my son. How I long and prayed that he would have those precious moments with a Dad. He only had spent a very short moment with his father.

How I wish I could fulfill that part for him, but we all know that a mom will never be able to replace a dad. Yet, I still have this hope in my heart that everything will be alright for my son. My father has been more than a grand dad to him and my son knows that he has a Father up above that will always be with him and will guide and comfort him through it all.

Thanks Dan for sharing this article.

MichaelMcLaughlin
MichaelMcLaughlin

I didn't even notice the picture of the little kid flipping the bird. How does tolerating that crap make a good dad?  That would have earned a taste of soap.

ksict
ksict

22 - Know [How to Find] the Answers (and teach him how to find them, too) - Lying to your son (pretending to know something you don't) is unacceptable.  Better to take the opportunity to instill curiosity and a love for learning by saying something like, "That's a great question!  Let's find out!" and grab an encyclopedia, dictionary, almanac, atlas, or computer, and find out together.  Faking omniscience will fail as he grows older and KNOWS that you don't know everything, but showing competence in being able to FIND an answer will boost his confidence in you later.

marcopinder
marcopinder

@aTalkingDad Some great ones in there mate. I’ll have to save it in the hope of using them in the future :)

ToweKnee
ToweKnee

I use to be the tough guy but since having my boy Im as soft as a grape. Great read and advice cause sometimes we need to be reminded.

jimmyrey
jimmyrey

@salesgrok one of my favorite things I read this week, next to my little guy explaining football now

HJO
HJO

I would add 3 things:  Teach him to dance, its OK to learn to lead a lady around the dance floor, it is part of our social graces.  And something about spirituality.  Seek the comfort and respect of our creator, take him to church, or whatever your family history follows. We all have a spiritual side. Last I would say to address his creative side, introduce him to an art-form,,painting, pottery, drawing etc.  My son (now 30yrs old) travels the world as a shoe designer, he loves to dance and once won a city ballroom dance contest. He also hikes, and climbs mountains,...He and his wife together are  now teaching his son and daughter about the wonders of the world.

mg
mg

Excellent advice as a daddy with a one year old boy sleeping on me right now kinda got a little choked up.

AnnieHendricks
AnnieHendricks

My son was fortunate enough to have this kind of man for a father. And I was lucky enough to have him as a husband for 30 years.  We lost him too soon, but I can see every day what an amazing effect he had on our son.  This young man is intelligent, honest, responsible, loving, caring, willing to play and enjoys life. He works hard, plays hard and loves unconditionally.  Everyone should be blessed with a husband and son like this.

Blondie
Blondie

This amazing advice. As a mother of 2 amlost grown men whose father sorely let them down...I truly wish they would have had a father like this.

MikeHill1
MikeHill1

And this dad wonders why he's single? I mean, come on... I teach my sons to stand up for each other, to be compassionate and understanding towards others. I teach them that not everyone has good intentions. I teach them that respect is earned not demanded. I teach my sons to respect women and defend their sister. I teach my boys how to express their feelings instead of holding them in. I teach my boys how to love by being considerate and listen to their mother. Most of all I teach my kids by example.

Sneedley
Sneedley

Most of these are sound. At least 8 are completely not sound.

Grow a fat belly?! Really? So you can die of heart disease at 44 and your children can grow up with no father at all?....yeah, great advice. 

How about "Teach Your Children the Importance of Health, Nutrition, and Exercise". Make it a permanent part of their lives. 

prouddad
prouddad

Why is a mother qualified to teach a man how  to be a  Father? Why is #1 about the mother when this is supposed to be about a father and son? Every father with common sense should know how to do his job. Mommy should worry about being mommy and butt out.


mark
mark

Grow a big belly?  Now that is horrible advice.  There were a lot of nice things in there.  But seriously you think dads should get fat?   So that your kids can snuggle up to your belly fat like some sort of sick endomorph?  Horrible advice.  I believe your kid would get his ass kicked at school if anyone found out that he snuggles with your gut!  I love the other stuff though.  I'll let my kid win, when he can beat me fair and square.  No handouts.   Everything else is great.  Although I don't remember anything else.  I just remember the two that I was like HUH????  But I do remember the others sounding nice.  There are a lot of divorced single moms out there who read it and want to be with you now.

mark
mark

Grow a big belly?  Now that is horrible advice.  But the rest of this is the kind of shit that chicks love to hear a guy say.  haha

Mark in Irvine
Mark in Irvine

These are great ... I particularly like this one: "27. Don’t say, do. American inventor Charles F. Kettering once said, “every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice.” Be a good one."  We don't often think of this, but you're absolutely correct!

Guy Cabellero
Guy Cabellero

Add Be Good to Your Mother. That is the example your children will see as how they should treat their mother as an adult

ChipDooley
ChipDooley

Dude awesome but 22, 24, 26 and 28. I don't know everything and want my kids to think for themselves ( 14 and 10 males and a daughter that's 9) But I will look it up with them so we both can learn, but that's just me. I'm a full time dad mom works so they ask me on everything about everything, for now that is. My belly is gone when they got older I lost weight. I can't be a hero, I want them to do so much better than me it makes me sick, I know they will too. Taking shower, dancing in underware and all the other stuff I have and will contnue to due(no more shower togeather). You are giving great advice for new, beging and older parents awesome job, keep up the good work Dad.

N2Grass
N2Grass

@whodeyturf that was damn good. Jimmy V once said. "A full day is when laugh, you think. And let your emotions go. That's a full day".

judski
judski

@RoslynRuthBriones let him feel loved, that's all it is.  My husband never met his dad. His mom even abandoned him.  His grandma raised him and his brother.  She loved them and took care of them.  Now, i have the best loving husband and a great father to our 2 kids.  He loves the Lord and that's the most important.  

spprivate
spprivate

@RoslynRuthBriones I hear you.But am sure your son will grow up into a nice young man who understands ups and downs of life and appreciate the sacrifices of a single mom. Believe me ,my wife and her brother were raised by my mother in law after she lost her husband when they were too young.But they are the best human beings I have come across and the way they care for their mother and the love..priceless.Hang tight .God Bless

bsl20b50
bsl20b50

@MichaelMcLaughlin 

That picture was right next to #9: Teach him manners. I think the point was to teach kids NOT to do that.

salesgrok
salesgrok

@jimmyrey that's awesome, Jim! My 'little guy' is now taller than his Mama. Gotta make every second count!!

RoslynRuthBriones
RoslynRuthBriones

@Sneedley hahaha...yeah it sounds silly but I think the author just added that to make a fun part of it. I don't take that as it is...I believe she just wants to tell the fathers to let their kids lay their heads on dad's belly. And I doubt if big bellies are really soft not to mention falling on the side if it's really big. hahaha...

warrior4just
warrior4just

@prouddad  

it always boogle my mind that some men actually listen to these kinda of ideas from women. IT doesn't surprise me that women want men to see the way women see the world, but what is a mindf**c is the readiness of some men to listen....

MichaelMcLaughlin
MichaelMcLaughlin

@prouddad Yeah we know who rules the roost in her house. The joys of fatherhood? Enough to gag a maggot. Bathing children? I don't think so. That's women's work. A dad needs to treat mom with respect and insist the son(s) do the same and everything will fall into place. 

BrittneyMorgan
BrittneyMorgan

From a mother... your comment is hilarious and I agree with you. Because us moms sure the hell wouldn't take advice from a man telling us how to be great mothers.

MichaelMcLaughlin
MichaelMcLaughlin

@prouddad @MichaelMcLaughlin That unisex garbage is oh so pubescent. What would you think if your son in law insisted on bathing your grandchildren? The problem is Moms are better suited to bath children. They don't get crazy ideas. Women are nurturers. Men are not. It's called sticking with the most capable person to do the job.

warrior4just
warrior4just

@acortez923 @prouddad  


most men have awesome experience with their mothers. It's just there is a good deal of men who are rational enough to recognize that it ain't up to a woman to ever talk about what constitutes a man 

RonnLonon
RonnLonon

@prouddad @TrudyAndJesseEarle @BrittneyMorgan What about those Mamas who hold their children hostage for Dad's money or otherwise ,yet when Dad doesn't play along ,he is blasted as a no account deserter. Most Dad's would be in their child's life,if they didn't have to deal with Mom's BS...why do you think most of them leave in the first place?Not all men suck as fathers ,sometimes they just suck with HER.

prouddad
prouddad

no, I just pay attention to what goes on in the world.



acortez923
acortez923

@prouddad  You seem angry.  Are you ok?  Perhaps you had bad experiences with your own mother?

prouddad
prouddad

@TrudyAndJesseEarle @BrittneyMorgan    There are plenty of terrible mothers out there who dump their kids with grandma or their neighbor so they can go out clubbing and looking for another baby daddy. Plenty of mom's sit at home and stick needles in their arms or hit the crack pipe in front of their children. There are a lot of mother's that use their kids as an excuse to not contribute anything to this world. There are just as many terrible mom's as there are terrible father's. A good mom is just as important as a good dad. Just like Brittney commented that she would not take advice from a man on how to be a mom, no man should take a mother's advice on how to be a father. I am so sick of this MOM above all society where we do nothing but dump on dad's and single them out to always be the bad parent. Any responsible Father is just as good at parenting as any responsible Mother. We need no advice from mom's on how to do our jobs and if some do, they should re-evaluate their lives.