“No second date for you!” Say it in the voice of the Soup Nazi, cause that’s how it came out in my brain.
I asked the following question on my SDL Facebook Page: knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the most odd, funny, horrifying, or weird thing you’ve discovered about someone you were on a date with?
When I finally went through your responses, it created a really awesome post that led to enough new stories to create a couple more.
Enjoy, and be thankful if the worst date you’ve ever had is a guy who tips lousy.
- He stole a half-eaten platter from a neighboring table so that he wouldn’t have to spend
- money on his own food.
- Ended up she could out-drink an Irishman. I watched her puke on the pool table. I ended up having to fireman carry her out as she was taking swings and cussing at the bouncer.
- He revealed that he spoke fluent Elvish and that it is a huge turn on if you can both speak it to each other in bed.
- I went out with a guy last year who failed to mention until an hour after meeting that he had recently been released from a metal hospital, where he had been involuntarily committed due to his schizophrenia. He then told me that I was now his girlfriend and that I better not break his heart.
- His “teeth” were not actually his… falsies, uppers and lowers, and I would have been fine with that had he chosen to actually keep them in his mouth rather than in a napkin on the table as he proceeded to gum his way through a 10-ounce porterhouse medium rare… He really could not understand why I didn’t want a goodnight kiss from a guy whose teeth were now in his pocket.
- At the end of a bad first date (in which the first thing he asked was if I could pee off of my front porch), he dropped a $20 on the table and walked out. It didn’t even cover his meal.
- On a first date, the guy told me that he used to take care of his male dog’s personal needs.
- She talked incessantly throughout the previews and 15 min into the movie. I (and all the other movie goers) heard about her husbands death, her kids, her lesbian friends who hit on her constantly, and about the 3-some she’d had that previous weekend with a 23 and a 27 year-old pair of guys (she was 40-something).
- First Date. Very small, quiet Italian restaurant. Decides to tell me about the first time he had sex (in detail).
- A guy showed up on my doorstep, announcing he’d spent about a week online trying to figure out where I lived… it was difficult for him because I hadn’t given him much to go on but he did it and he was so impressed with me that he wanted to give me another chance even though I’d told him things wouldn’t work out between us, so he’d decided to pack up and move from Colorado to be with me.
- This is a true story. I went on a date to catch a guy cheating on my former co-worker, who happened to be engaged to him. Two days after I confronted him, he killed his ex-wife, and my former coworker was mad at me for interfering in her relationship.
- I once went on a date with a guy who told me he punched a girl. He assured me he was drunk & she was trying to take his drink from him, or he wouldn’t have. Yeah, that makes it ok.
- We never made it to the first date after he emailed me his measurements… ALL OF THEM. For some reason he wanted me to know the distance between his armpit and his elbow and then there is the all important elbow to wrist measurement!
- I had a wonderful time on our first date… until he asked me to fart on his face.
- One guy who told me he was a 300 year old vampire and asked if he could cut me to suck my blood. Oh, and don’t worry, he wouldn’t cut me any place that someone would be able to see even if I was in my bathing suit…
- We hiked up and sat on some boulders overlooking the city. He proceeded to tell me he was wearing an ankle bracelet and had to be back to the halfway house by 4pm to check in with his parole officer and that he had been living in the woods here some time ago, in an underground tent that he had hidden under some branches because he had been growing a quarter million dollars worth of pot plants. When the money didn’t come through on those he had to rob a bank, got caught, and was just released after 13 yrs in prison.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. Which was your favorite “experience?” And, knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the most odd, funny, horrifying, or weird thing you’ve discovered about someone you were on a date with?
i was 17 and on a date with a guy my pastor thought i should get to know. we were in a paddle boat, on a river - enjoying the moonlight when i discovered he was ten years older than me. i looked older for my age and he didn't look 27. we both nearly fell out of the boat when he realized he was on a date with a junior in high school...
I feel so normal and blessed right now. I've had some crazy dating experiences but these beat anything I have ever experienced. The previous comments were disturbing to say the least. My condolences to those women who endured these.
Consider youself lucky. There's better out there.
Once a guy decided to do the Larry and Moe thing to my eyes when I sneezed! The two finger eye poke~ yeah. Can you imagine someone running into someone's fingers at warp speed from a sneeze?! I cried afterward and messed up my makeup. I am married to said man now :) So....some guys just luck out :)
When I found myself single again after 17 years, dating scared the heck out of me. And rightly so. I had my fair share of "bad" (weird, strange, perhaps psycho) dates. Trust me - I wasn't looking for them but they found me. Enough to keep my blog busy for several months. From aliens to emergency phone calls. I even developed the "Exit Interview for Dating" because of it! Since then I've found an amazing guy. If you want to hear some of the crazy stories or even use my Exit Interview, please check out my blog but be ready for some laughs! http://thenot-so-secretlifeofasoccermom.blogspot.com/2011/01/exit-interviews-for-dating.html
Sadly, I was the embarrassing one on my bad frst date story. First real "date" with someone after moving away to college - a guy in my dorm set me up with his cousin, they had just rented a house off campus for the summer, and hadn't really moved in totally, just a few pieces of used/garage sale furniture. So date takes me out to Damon's, a new/nicer BBQ Restaurant. I had some BBQ chicken, then we went to the new rental house to check it out and maybe watch a DVD. Well, apparently the Sauce they used at this restaurant didn't agree with my "system". SO I excused myself to the bathroom and turned on the bathroom exhaust fan to try to cover it up and proceeded to have a horrible #2. Meanwhile, I can hear him walking around out in the living room, kitchen and hallway right outside the bathroom, opening and closing doors and cabinets. Finally after a while, he stops outside the bathroom door and says " Is that... YOU?"......yes, the smell, at first he thought his new house or furniture was stinking and didn't want ME to smell it - and was searching for the source of the stench and looking for air freshener.....then he realized it was me. Amazingly, he took it all in stirde, I was totally embarrassed and we laughed it off, and he did ask me out again, and we e actually had a year and a half long relationship after that.
@Jessica L. Richards That's the difference between guys and girls. Reverse the situation and no woman would go out with you but most guys unless they are prudes or "pretty boys" will take it in stride. Glad you were able to have a lengthy relationship.
A nervous man I connected with on an online dating site waited for me in a restaurant, drinking water. I suggested sitting outside on the patio. I ordered a coffee, and tried to get the conversation ball rolling. He continued to be nervous, and stuck to his water. Then he suddenly suggested a walk in the ByWard Market area, where we were sitting. We went along to a francophone bookstore where he sid he wanted to see if they had a book he wanted. I waited at the door. Then he came and said he had to "go meet his boss". AND he didn't pay for my coffee, at least. Not the worst story, but it was a strange "date".
I once went on a date with someone who: 1. Posted their younger sibling's picture online, 2. Was a foot shorter and 10 years older than said sibling, and 3. Talked in a Donald Duck voice the whole date... I snuck out the kitchen door and gave my dinner money to the cook.
these cannot be real! most of these scare me!!
Love this.... Just when i thought my dating life was horrible...
ive got so many, another one.. new years, i went on a feel sorry for him date, he ended up to be about 50 with a daughter older then me, i tried to walk past him without him noticing me when he grabbed my arm and said oh hey.. i was trying to escape when he turns around with his male part hanging out and asked if we could 'youse know what' i said no, he got in his car and left me to walk 6 blocks, alone in the dark! i was so scared, he then text me with very nasty stuff which got sent to the police.. there are some creepy people out there!
also another one, i was dating this guy for 2 weeks and he was really really attached to me.. to the point where he would call me 50+ times a day.. i went out with my GAY guy friend one night and he rang me crying asking me why i was cheating on him, i was nice and calmed him down but it got too much, he started to try to take my son's spot, trying to get my son to call him daddy, once my son accidently poked him in the eye and HE CRIED! and made me check his eye incase it was bleeding, mind you my son was 3 and wouldnt have cried over something so little.. he ended up going back to his mother's house (26 & lived with his mother) and he rang me so many times i started to ignore it, he left an inbox saying he was going to take his life and sent me pictures of razors and stuff, so i answered his call, he then asked me to MARRY HIM after 2 weeks of dating, i broke it off then and there.. i felt so bad but it just got too much, he stalked me for about a year after that, online and texting me.. i wonder if he's locked away now because he needed help!
(NEVER MET IN REAL) I met this guy online, a soldier deployed in afghan, we spoke for weeks and weeks, every day and every night.. his emails became the highlight of my day, he vanished and i got so worried that something had happened, i found him on facebook and decided to message him... His WIFE emailed me in a very harsh way calling me all the names under the sun, he then tried to claim it was his sister who was sexually attracted to him that also turned out to be a lie, it was infact his very jealous wife who threatened to kill me..
so awkward LOL.
I have had a few really bad ones, but only two qualify as first date scenarios so here goes nuthin :)
The first was a guy I met on an online dating site. We emailed back and forth for a while and we were both geeks. I guess I forgot to ask him how tall he was, but soon found out that he was more than a foot and a half taller than me. He took me to dinner only after we went to five different stores looking for headphones for his job since he sat on his. As we were standing in a crowded best buy, he leans a bit towards me and says "I could kill you right now and no one would even notice..." before standing up and finally selecting a pair of headphones. If I had had any other option I would have not gotten in his car after that!
The second story I will share with you is also an online dating story. I started talking to this really really nice guy online and he seemed amazing. When we met in person, not only was I about 4 inches taller than he was but he was also about 1/3 my body weight. He took me to Taco Bell and proceeded to stare at me, told me I didnt eat enough, and bought me MORE food before asking if he could feed me. I dont think i have ever seen him again but he still tries to talk to me from time to time online when we run across each other.
We didn't make it to a first date.... after emailing with a guy, he became pretty insistent to talk on the phone. So I agreed, even though I had my sister and her five kids at my house for a week. During the course of the conversation, he planned our first date, and a second one, and then told me about his past Oxycontin addiction (knowing I work in a pharmacy), but that he no longer had problems with it, because he could go to his friends house who did it (!!), and he was able to pass it up. Then my son was calling me, and I told him I needed to go, and he told me I could go after he finished his story. Umm, excuse me? I told him I needed to go NOW, and he told me he would call the next night. I said that wasn't a good idea, because I was really busy with all the extra people in my house, but feel free to text. He then said, no, texting was only for when I was at work, and he WOULD call me the next night, and see if I was free to talk. Needless to say, I told him I didn't think we'd work out very well.
I have so many more stories I swear I could write a bestseller!
Met a guy in college, a few years older than me. He asked me out on a date, and he seemed nice enough (and normal) so I said yes. I had a guy tell me on our first date that he screwed his mother when he was 12 and he enjoyed it. He said it continued until he was 16 when mom decided that she didn't want to "screw him up for life". He was very sad to see that "relationship" end but he then he began dating his mother's friend, and that relationship lasted a year or so until his mom got mad. He talked about "hooking up" with random guys online and he enjoyed giving and receiving oral sex in public places, he was the "dominant" one and he would force the other guy to deep throat so much he would puke on him. He did not believe in showering more than once a month. He told me he wanted to go to my house, so I could use the restroom, not clean my lady parts, and let him smell and taste "me" before he tied me up and screwed me in the rear. He promised that he was much more "relaxed" with females because he didn't need to confirm his dominant role because women were to weak to "take over". I was thoroughly disgusted and scared. I had a very interesting time getting out of that date because he persisted in not letting me out of his sight. Thankfully our waiter overheard and helped me out of the restaurant. There was no second date. He continued to stalk me for 3 years and he kidnapped my dog. I feel *really* bad for my dog. I'm happily married now and I haven't heard from that guy in years (thankfully!)
@early10 Wow...just wow.... that is scary! :/
Ok, HILARIOUS!!!! Some of them are so out there they should be in movies, but I must say: #8 is the creepiest!
Went on a date w/a man that I league bowled with. Went to a dinner then a baseball game. Absolute gentleman the whole night. UNTIL he walked me to the door. When I didn't invite him in for coffee or "whatever" (his words), he got super pissed! The next night at bowling I found out that he had told everyone that my niceness was a facade & that I was really the original Ice Queen. What a jerk.
Not exactly a date, but I was at a bar one night for a friends birthday and this guy just kept following me around. I was trying to be nice and just kept brushing him off, but at the end of the night he came up to me, pinched my nipple, and asked me to go to his place! Lucky for him I'd had just enough alcohol in me that instead of punching him I just laughed in his face and told him I didn't think so. He finally got the clue then. (And yes, laughing in his face may have been harsh, but I couldn't help it. And I'm sure he would have liked being punched a lot less.)
@HeatherWhited laughing in his face was hardly harsh! you should have punched him as well!
Wow. Where did all these crazy people come from?
Being from the country (so far back country that I used to have a a friend tell people that I lived past the sticks in the twigs) I always try to assure folks I meet that I am not a redneck & am educated. A girl's gotta have standards. Anyway on my first date with this guy I talked about how I needed extra storage space because being a ingle mom I could only afford a modular home which left us with limited storage capacity. When I said omeone had suggested to me that I put a deep freezer on my back porch he said, "Hey, it's cool my parents have a double-wide with a deep freezer on the back porch with all the seasonal kills stored for winter. Somehow the pride I felt in finally being a home owner & not a renter sunk to a low. I instantly wanted to go home & hide. Really.... I felt like I was living a double-might be a redneck joke!!! : (
Too late. Already have wine in my iPhone. Thanks, Dan!!! :)
One of my worst first dates, the date was set up by a friend, I had only seen his picture before hand. We meet, he is shorter than me, looks A LOT different then his picture. He proceeds to tell me that the only place he will eat at is Taco Bell. I then spent the entire time trying to NOT look at him in the face since he had nasty nose hair coming out of his nose. We then went to the movies, he refused to eat popcorn, and didn't laugh during any of the funny parts of the comedy. After all of this, he still wanted a second date. UM NOOOO.
Being newly single and kind of lonely, I needed this tonight! Maaaaybe not in too much of a rush to start dating.
Ooh, tons. The one that told me that he and his brother had control of the weather and could create natural disasters by breaking open wax-sealed scrolls? When the night ended, he told me it wouldn't work out as he was engaged to Shakira.
There was also the guy who had a first line of "Well, I hope you're ok with me being involved in illegal activity. I'm a bookie and a drug dealer - but don't worry, I only have high-end clients."
Or the man who insisted on taking his three year old with us. Our date consisted of a Safari Sam's (a kids pizza/bounce house/noisatorium) and then going to a Disney movie. We were done by eight. The kid asked if I'd come see his house. It was nearby, so I did. Date put the kid to bed in the filthy house (seriously, broken candy canes and dog poop on the floor) and then wanted to have sex on the couch...while the child wasn't even asleep. Needless to say, I left VERY quickly. That one proceeded to stalk me via the internet for a few months, making up "poetry" about how we were meant to be...and then started sending me email photos of him in bed with other women.
This is...unbelievable. And I thought, you know, "normal" bad dates were bad. *shudder*
Latest blog post: Test
@Dangrdafne I want to find out more about the "metal hospital" in #5.
@Dangrdafne I have some crazy stories from 30 yrs of dating, but fortunately none as bad as those. My guy may beg to differ on 'normal.' ;)
@suzspetals I know, right? :)
Your readers need better sources from which to find their dates - good night!
I met a guy on one of the online dating sites and we started emailing back and forth to start getting to know each other. Through his email address I was able to guess his last name and I googled him (no- that's not stalkerish- just prudent right??? right???) and saw a lot of info attached to his name that had to do with theology etc. Hmm.... is he a minister? a philosopher? just a really educated guy? During our first meeting for lunch he starts with "I have a big bomb to drop on you" and sure enough...........he just left the prienthood! He then wants to know all about my divorce, my opinions of the Catholic church etc etc. Needless to say it was a very short lunch and a deletion of the email address.
One of my bad dates made it on the list, YAY! (I'm giggling)
I had a guy over for dinner once and after dinner, we were playing pool. He said he was thirsty, so I went into the kitchen to get a couple of ice teas. When I came back I caught him french kissing my dog. I nearly dropped the ice teas! He defended his actions by saying that a dog's mouth is cleaner than a person's mouth. Then he pouted when I refused to kiss him. I don't miss him, but I think my dog might...
Suddenly all of my "horrible" first dates don't seem quite as bad. Most offensive - I had a wonderful time on this first date, until he dropped me off at my house at the end. I said, "Thank you. I had a nice time tonight," to which he replied, "You're not going to invite me in? I didn't spend all of that money tonight for a 'Thank You'."
My story doesn't exactly fall under the First Date category but it sure is a doozy. Back in the mid 90's I worked at a liquor store, part time. This guy Bruce used to come in all the time and flirt with me. One day he asked me out on a date. Our first date was going to the Monster Truck Show which was fun. The bad part of the date was that he picked me up in his Mazda Miata which had to have the top down because he was too tall to fit otherwise. Needless to say, my very long hair ended up in a huge rats nest. Bruce and I dated for about 6 months before I called it off because If ound him to be immature and dangerous (from lack of common sense). He had his Masters Degree and worked for a well known aerospace company. He just didn't have any street smarts or common sense. So we broke up. Fast forward about 15 years and I'm sitting the table on Christmas Eve a few years ago and a story comes on the news with a picture of Bruce....I hit my sister and say, "hey, that's Bruce!" She doesn't think it is him until they put his name under his picture. Bruce Pardo dressed up like Santa Claus and drove to his ex-wife's family's Christmas Party and shot and killed like 10 people before lighting the house on fire which caused 3rd degree burns to himself. I sat there in shock. When I knew Bruce, he was a fun loving, goofy guy....not some deranged, sociapatic serial killer! To this day, I thank my lucky stars that I broke things off with him when I did.
Reminds me of the guy who took me to fancy restaurants for our 1st two dates . By the 3rd date, I was breaking it to him that I wasn't going to continue dating him.. he got up and went to the bathroom. Came back, stood next to our table and then told me how I "ripped out his heart and stomped on it." I guess steak should've been the sign that he was in love with me. lol
#12 is CRAZY. Went out on a date with a fellow who drove immediately to the local make-out spot. I didn't know him (blind date) and said I wanted to leave. He turned on the charm and said that his CAR would be SO UNHAPPY if we left because HIS CAR liked me and wanted us to get it on! Ummm... this WAS in high school, but still...or the fellow that (up to that point) had been quite charming, but told me on the 2nd date the reason I couldn't call him at home was because he had a girlfriend that he had lived with for 7 years, but SHE just liked to sit at home and KNIT and *I* sounded MUCH more exciting. Like I want a fella who has proven he wants to cheat on his significant other? NOT!
I think I will hang on to my sweetie EXTRA tight tonight!! LOL thanks for sharing. WOW
I'm a massage therapist and I was on a first date with a guy who told me that he really loved massages, and he spent a lot of money on them. Then he asked me if we were dating, would I give him massages. I was a little shocked, but I responded saying that there were a lot of variables, but that if I did give him a massage, I would do so with all my heart. He responded by saying "if??? can you see how that sounds a little bitchy?" And he was shocked that he didn't get a second date.
I was set up on a blind date by a girl who lived across the hall from me. This guy was a friend of a guy she was dating. I gave her my number to give to him. Before we even went out, he called me one night and asked if he could come over to meet me. I told him no because I had to work the next day. He started asking me what I looked like and wanted to know my measurements. I gave him the basic details. When our date arrived, we met in a parking lot on base ( I was in the military at the time) and he drove us to a little restaraunt on the North Shore. Not once did he hold a door for me (car, restaraunt, etc), he made me pay for my own meal and then suggested we hang out and watch a movie. We proceeded to a friends house ( I was house-sitting that week) and watched a movie. He fell asleep and as soon as the movie was over, I woke him up and asked him to leave. He started trying to kiss me and wanted to take it further. Seriously!?!? Not that he had a shot to begin with, you definitely have no shot if you make me open my own doors and pay for my own meals! Come to find out a few weeks later, he was MARRIED! His wife had not gotten to Hawaii yet and he was there by himself...what a complete jerk! The only highlight was that his friend (the one dating the girl across the hall) found out about the whole thing, felt really bad and offered to take me out as friends and to this day (12 years later) he is still one of my best friends.
yay! I made the list at number 4. as a follow up, he started texting me in Elvish even after I told him I didn't want to go out again.
My very first date as a young teen, we went to the movies.. my date was super nervous, he went to get popcorn and when he came back he tripped and spilled the popcorn all over the couple in front of us who were making out pretty intensely.. They didn't appear to notice the popcorn and he just stood there for a few minutes trying to figure out what to do.. About halfway through the movie the couple came up for air and the girl noticed all the popcorn, she actually punched her date yelling at him for spilling popcorn on her.. it was quite a scene.. what's even funnier.. they didn't even have popcorn so it couldn't have been her date even if they hadn't been getting busy the whole time! After the movie they figured out it was us and laughed and shook my dates hand.. very very strange couple!
#11...beyond creepy...but I'm so glad I'm not out there, and afraid if I have to go back...
And I thought some of MY dates were bad... Wow!!
"Do you have to wear glasses or do you just want to make people think you're smart?" And there was no first date for the guy who tried to pick me up in a bar and called me an a-hole because I voted for John Anderson....then couldn't understand why I wouldn't give him my phone number....
Going through a dating service I had been told I would only be set up with employed men and that they were properly screened. They then sent me a set up with a guy that they informed me was on temporary medical leave from his job. Turned out that he was not on temporary medical leave. He had been fired, and was actually trying to claim disability for mental issues he had had before he was employed. Mental problems stemming from his being raised in a cult in Canada. And then he went on a tirad about how he hated all religions and religious leaders. Three days after the date, he called to apologize about not having called me immediately and wanted to set up another date, and promised to call me EVERY DAY. Needless to say, there was NO second date!Granted, this does not top the "Freakazoid" story of the guy who claimed he was the most tattooed and pierced man in the state earning him the nickname "Frankenzoid", and who while trying to hit on me at a bar, tried to put his hand up my pregnant friends skirt to "touch her belly" and then whipped out his privates at the table to show me all the piercings in it. He then asked if I wanted to touch it and when I said no, he assumed that meant I just didn't want to touch it at that moment.
#11 really creeps me out. Otherwise, been there. :)
I had the misfortune of experiencing a couple of these, or very similar when I started dating.