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Times When I REALLY Miss My Ex-Wife

Lest there be confusion because of my beard post on Tuesday, no… this is not me.

I don’t care how crappy any marriage was. There have got to be a list of things every divorcee misses from time to time. Things that they don’t think about until all the papers have been signed and they’re faced with that empty pillow.

I think about them all the time. Little things that having a spouse was really nice for. Which is why I’ve decided to start a little series called “Times When I REALLY Miss My Ex-Wife.”

Like the past three days when that damn fantom odor struck again.

Something in my kitchen is rotten right now.

For the life of me, I can’t find it. My smeller don’t work too good.

I’ve scrubbed the sink, cleaned out the fridge, cleaned out the garbage can, run lemons through the garbage disposal, and checked the cupboards for dishes that were accidentally put away dirty.

I’ve found nothing.

And the odor still hits me from time to time. My nose turns on just long enough to notice it, but not long enough to track its source. And so I live in stink.

Yes, this is definitely a time when I really miss my ex-wife.

She had a sniffer like a Blood Hound. She could smell things rotting before they even went south. And when she did smell something, she literally sniffed the air and followed the scent all the way to the source. It was something to watch.

For all I know, I have a dead rat somewhere. Maybe Noah stuck a cup of milk in some weird place. Maybe there’s a hobo living in my laundry room. I may never know.

Sigh.

Marriage isn’t all that bad.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. Anybody else’s sniffers not work properly? Anybody miss their ex’s sniffer?

115 comments
manindmoon
manindmoon

I only miss the smell of my ex-wife's armpits during sex. Weird how strong the glands of the body are, especially during sex. I know it sounds strange, but something I can't get out of my mind, and none other has smelled the same.

MelanieBatman
MelanieBatman

Nope.  Don't miss his sniffer.  In fact, if I can get a good artist to draw a picture of him being dragged to hell by Satan, I just might tattoo it on my back.   

modernmom23
modernmom23

My sniffer has been broken for more than 5 years.  I literally can not smell poop and pee 99% of the time.  Bad when you have a cat.  I don't miss my ex-husband, but I do miss my sense of smell.

PatrickFarley
PatrickFarley

I always have to ask other people to sniff test things for me (like: Is this meat/milk spoilt?).  

Stkeys
Stkeys

Well mabe not her sniffer but, what I do miss is having coffee with her while she tells me stories of her day. I miss her voice. I miss the since of purpose I once had.

sweebs
sweebs

I miss my ex-wife so very much, but not really for what I called her "wolf nose" - yes, she had the olfactory power of a blood hound and it just amazed me that I could be completely oblivious to some rank smell that she was hot on the trail to discovering!  I miss her for every reason that people miss the ones they love.  Everyday.

sweetie pea
sweetie pea

Check the sack of potatoes, sometimes a nasty rotting one in the bottom of the bag will stink up the whole kitchen.  Also, check under the fridge sometimes water spills or other liquids can coagulate, and literally reek havoc....:)

Mark in Irvine
Mark in Irvine

I am the husband with the very acute sense of smell!

Mommer
Mommer

This made me laugh - because I am the wife with the amazing sense of smell!!  Do you have a front-loading washing machine?  I'll never get one, because they are famous for getting funky - something to do with the seal around the glass door.

ListenandLearn
ListenandLearn

@Katarina Dobrick But at some point even if it was just for a little bit they made you happy. Remember that and let the anger go.

ListenandLearn
ListenandLearn

My husband and I are going through some tough times and reading some of these comments makes me realize how much I would miss him if he were gone. I will make sure we work like hell to keep our relationship alive because losing your husband and best friend over something that can be fixed just isn't worth it.

Kathryna Dobrick
Kathryna Dobrick

i dont miss my ex husband one bit or my ex who I thought was "the one"....they can both go rot in hell for all I care, lol

SabraE
SabraE

We had an awful smell on all our clothes every time we took them out of the dryer for a while and it kept getting worse and worse. Finally we smartened up and unhooked the dryer from the wall. There was a dead pigeon inside, the guarding for the vent had fallen off and he must have got stuck and was slowly cooking/rotting as all the hot air came out of the dryer. ew.Goodluck, you never know what you'll find.

danoah
danoah

@ReynoldsCren Awww, I love you too. :)

CrissyLance
CrissyLance

I miss my ex's handyman skills at times, but my brother thankfully has stepped in.  You are right though and the main times I miss him is when I want to turn around and brag on the boys.  He is the only one that gets that same, known them since they were born, smile and is like "Yep, he's mine!"  But, then he would actually have to be there and there is no telling if he would say something that makes me mad, so I'll take the little pang of "crap I wish he had seen that".  Does Noah have a good smeller?

Debra Hernandez
Debra Hernandez

Well, if it is a rat, rest assured the smell will fade as it's body decomposes. I know from experience. ;)

StormyzMom
StormyzMom

Try running disposal with ice cubes in it.  the sharp edges of the ice will scrap any remaining food particles off the sides and under the blades.  Noise but it works.  Just don't overdo it and put too many in at a time.

I have a very good nose too.  Hubby not so much.   I can smell water getting hot on the stove - weird I know.  Coffee pot been on too long?  I know it.  In the office I have been known to track burnt coffee down from all the way across the building.  It is a blessing and a curse.  Especially when someone burns popcorn in the micro wave! 

Haley
Haley

And wash all your rags. And throw any old sponges away.

Haley
Haley

Try some actual disposer cleaner or something that will actually kill the bacteria.

Ange' Desario
Ange' Desario

If you have a food saver shrink wrap kind of machine.... Check the liquid's tray. It always sucks out a bit of liquid or juice or whatever whenever you shrink-wrap food. My husband kept packaging meat for MONTHS and never cleaned that thing. Until like you I smelled something FOUL and after a few days figured out where it came from. I have a strong stomach, but almost puked when I cleaned it.... Husband got an earful.... It was SO gross.

Charlie Wheeler
Charlie Wheeler

Check the drip pan under the fridge. That is where ours was after checking everything else mentioned here.

Waki
Waki

Yep I agree with the masses. A potato in the pantry or a mouse in the toaster....broccoli in the fridge but it's a bit more obvious cause you smell it mostly when the fridge door is open.

Emily P
Emily P

My boyfriend seems to think I have this magical ability to detect when food has gone bad. He doesn't understand how I can smell something and just *know* whether it's okay to eat or not. I try very patiently to explain: "If it smells good, then it's probably good. If it smells BAD, then don't eat it." After a year of living together, he still doesn't understand. :D

apriljoanne
apriljoanne

Clean your floors really well.  Sometimes the smell comes from the floor :)

Leah
Leah

You ought to see if a mouse died in your wall, or in your floor ect.  I have had the same thing happen to me, and it turned out there was a mouse decomposing in my wall. Its gross, and theres nothing you can do about it if this is the case until the mouse has fully decomposed and the smell goes away. just a thought! LOve your blog!!

tiayas
tiayas

Spiders.  I really miss having a resident spider/insect killer in the house. 

TinaGross
TinaGross

Wow...I'm learning a lot here! So many great stories that may help you. :) 

I'm lucky to still be friend's with my ex. The really only thing I miss from him is our financial stability that we had with our combined incomes and the health insurance that I lost when we divorced. I'm self employed and my job doesn't offer benefits.

Amanda HessSilverhorn
Amanda HessSilverhorn

I'm sitll happily married, so I don't have an ex to miss.  But one time I had a rank smell in my kitchen, took me awhile but figured out that the sink pipe thing was leaking slowly and the smell was from the pool of water collecting in the cabinet under the sink

Laura Turner
Laura Turner

When that happens in my house its usually a potato gone bad...

Emily Heinzeroth
Emily Heinzeroth

Wash out your trash can. Beyond that it's probably something that fell behind the stove or the fridge. Check under your couches too...I'm always finding presents from my kids under there...I once found curdled milk under there and they know they're not allowed to eat or drink anywhere but at the table...

Angela Jensen Dunigan
Angela Jensen Dunigan

Do you have a front load washing machine? Since I'm currently shopping for a new washer and dryer, I have learned these are notoriously stinky.

angensigan
angensigan

Since I spent my day shopping for a new washer and dryer yesterday, I wonder if you have a front load washing machine and if that's where the smell is coming from? I've learned that are notoriously stinky. And since I didn't real ALL the comments, sorry if I'm being redundant! :-)

Lynzee Horton
Lynzee Horton

Do you have sewer or septic? I would just start moving things and cleaning everywhere.

TammieClaytonAllred
TammieClaytonAllred

I had that happen a few weeks ago, turns out one of the kids had moved a partial bag of potatoes that ended up going bad, one of the worst things I've EVER smelled!

Amy Carter
Amy Carter

YOu can always ask her over to sniff it out OR when she comes to pick up N, maybe she will just find it herself.

Amy Carter
Amy Carter

YOu can always ask her over to sniff it out OR when she comes to pick up N, maybe she will just find it herself.

Tami Smith
Tami Smith

I agree with Megan. Probably a bad potato in the pantry!!

AmandaGilbert
AmandaGilbert

CHECK YOUR GARLIC!!  I know this isn't what the article is about, but, If garlic goes bad, it is HORRIBLE, and you can't tell unless you at least pick it up or unpeel it!

Breezy Marshall
Breezy Marshall

^ that was the #1 answer on the post lol other than that all i can say is clean out your drains

sweebs
sweebs

@Mommer you will never have any funky odor problems with front loading washers if you do what you are supposed to do and leave the door ajar when not in use (or at least until it dries out after use) it's only when people shut the door and seal in the moisture and leave it that way that eventually you'll start harboring mildew - anything that you seal up wet will eventually become funktified ---  and if this ever happens (child shuts door, whatever) a simple wash cycle with bleach is all ya need

sweebs
sweebs

@ListenandLearn very very true, and if you're like me, you realize this too late and live a life of regret AND a life of missing your ex-spouse, everyday

sweebs
sweebs

@Angela Jensen Dunigan there's the myth again,,, no they are not stinky at all, I have had two front loaders and never had any smell problem for the several years I've used them.  LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN after use - if you seal up a just-used wet washer interior then yes, eventually you'll start growing mildew... leave door ajar,,, simple.. Now go enjoy your new front loader ;)

sweebs
sweebs

@angensigan sorry, cuz I AM being redundant - front loaders are NOT stinky if you simply leave door ajar after use