I don’t care how crappy any marriage was. There have got to be a list of things every divorcee misses from time to time. Things that they don’t think about until all the papers have been signed and they’re faced with that empty pillow.
I think about them all the time. Little things that having a spouse was really nice for. Which is why I’ve decided to start a little series called “Times When I REALLY Miss My Ex-Wife.”
Like the past three days when that damn fantom odor struck again.
Something in my kitchen is rotten right now.
For the life of me, I can’t find it. My smeller don’t work too good.
I’ve scrubbed the sink, cleaned out the fridge, cleaned out the garbage can, run lemons through the garbage disposal, and checked the cupboards for dishes that were accidentally put away dirty.
I’ve found nothing.
And the odor still hits me from time to time. My nose turns on just long enough to notice it, but not long enough to track its source. And so I live in stink.
Yes, this is definitely a time when I really miss my ex-wife.
She had a sniffer like a Blood Hound. She could smell things rotting before they even went south. And when she did smell something, she literally sniffed the air and followed the scent all the way to the source. It was something to watch.
For all I know, I have a dead rat somewhere. Maybe Noah stuck a cup of milk in some weird place. Maybe there’s a hobo living in my laundry room. I may never know.
Marriage isn’t all that bad.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. Anybody else’s sniffers not work properly? Anybody miss their ex’s sniffer?