When you’re getting ready to move to a new home, things sometimes get weirder and weirder.

And with moving day quickly approaching, Noah and I are experiencing some strange dynamics already.

Like the fact that I have so much stuff that I’ve bought but never opened.

As I move from room to room and closet to closet, trying to purge our household of everything we don’t want or will never use (the two are not mutually exclusive), I keep pulling out thing… after thing… after thing… after thing… after thing that has never been opened, unwrapped, or deboxed from its original packaging.

Like a three hundred dollar waterproof hiking camera backpack that still has the retail tags hanging on it.

Or the photo alarm clock that we got so that Noah would know when it was okay to wake me up and when it wasn’t.

Or the five music players that I got so that we could stream Pandora to every room of our house.

Or the rechargeable mini speakers I picked up at Costco so that we could have kick-butt music on some of our hikes.

Sigh. I wish I could say those were the only pricy things I’ve never opened. But there were lots more. I’ll bet there is more than nine hundred dollars worth of stuff like that. Disgusting, I know.

I mean, I have a not-really-very-good-at-all reason for never opening these things.

I bought the backpack just before the hike that ended in Search and Rescue. I didn’t need a waterproof bag on that hike, so I didn’t take it. And, I’ve been forbidden to do any overly strenuous hikes for at least three months from that dastardly hike, so in the closet it sits. Taunting me.

I bought the photo alarm clock because Noah had been waking up super early and of course coming in and jumping up and down on dad super early. Being that he’s old enough to play on his own for an hour or two, the clock was supposed to tell him if he would invoke the wrath of a sleeping monster or the warm smiles and hugs of a well-rested papa. Of course, before we could open it, he started sleeping in longer, and we’ve never needed it.

I’ve been holding off on installing the music players until I could drill a few holes in walls (there aren’t plugs where we need them). That never happened and now we’re moving.

And the speakers, well… I have never given them their initial charge, and I never remember they exist until I’m running out the door to go hiking. Those never getting used are a byproduct of my laziness, nothing else.

Of course, expensive gadgets aren’t the only unopened things we’ve been unearthing. We’ve found lots of pointless cheaper crap too.

Like the eight cans of asparagus we bought while on a health kick. We originally bought nine, but… yuck. It only took one can to realize they aren’t so good canned.

Or the four boxes of glue traps we bought when we thought we had a serious mouse problem. Turns out the two mice we caught before we bought the traps were all there were.

Or the two HDMI cables we thought we’d need, but didn’t end up using.

Or the lifetime supply of pudding snacks we got at Costco but didn’t realize that neither of us care for pudding all that much. At least not often enough to down them before they expire.

I could go on for pages with the cheaper crap. And I bet it adds up to more than the expensive stuff. Disgusting, I know.

Double sigh.

I wouldn’t make a very good survivalist. I hear about these cultures that use every part of the animal when they hunt. I’d probably cut off a couple legs, roast ’em, and leave the rest with good intentions to take care of it all later.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. How about you? Do you have stuff you’ve paid for but never opened laying around your house? Is it as ridiculous as my list?

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he’s most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It’s an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!