Apparently, I’ve been doing just about everything wrong when it comes to dating, love, and life. This became overly evident to me as I sat in a steam room at the gym today and listened to one teenager tell his friend exactly how things should be done.
I feel slightly guilty for coming home and writing down their conversation as best I could remember it and then sharing it with thousands of people, but it was too good not to.
I didn’t catch their names, so I’m going to call them Gus and Dirk. Oh, and just FYI, “freaking” and “crap” are my words. Not theirs. Their words weren’t quite as choice.
Gus: Dude, I don’t know what the hell happened, things were going freaking good and then out of nowhere she took off.
Dirk: Did she say anything or did she just leave?
Gus: She just took the freak off, didn’t say anything.
Dirk: What were you doing when she left?
Gus: We were sitting in her car and we were all freaking like close and stuff and I was about to make my move when she got all pissy and got out of the car and took the freak off.
Dirk: You know what the problem is? The problem is you didn’t make her think it was her idea.
Gus: Ha. Yeah. What?
Dirk: Yeah dude, when you let a girl know you like her she takes the freak off every time. You have to kind of be a douche to her and act like you’re gonna bail all the time. It drives ’em crazy dude. They’ll be all over you.
Gus: I don’t know man. I never even got to tell her or make my move or anything man. She just took off.
Dirk: She’s just playing the game, bro. It’s what girls do. They wanna hold the power. I’m tellin’ ya. She knows you’re gonna take off and get all desperate and crap. She’s got you right where she wants you.
Gus: Dude, I’ve texted her like thirty times and she hasn’t even written back. I don’t think she’s playing a game, I think she’s straight-up avoiding me.
Dirk: You know what the problem actually is? I bet she freakin’ is playing like three guys right now. Why else would she just take off all the sudden?
Gus: I don’t know dude. I don’t really care about figuring it out. She can take off for all I care.
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