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Apparently, I’ve been doing just about everything wrong when it comes to dating, love, and life. This became overly evident to me as I sat in a steam room at the gym today and listened to one teenager tell his friend exactly how things should be done.
I feel slightly guilty for coming home and writing down their conversation as best I could remember it and then sharing it with thousands of people, but it was too good not to.
I didn’t catch their names, so I’m going to call them Gus and Dirk. Oh, and just FYI, “freaking” and “crap” are my words. Not theirs. Their words weren’t quite as choice.
Gus: Dude, I don’t know what the hell happened, things were going freaking good and then out of nowhere she took off.
Dirk: Did she say anything or did she just leave?
Gus: She just took the freak off, didn’t say anything.
Dirk: What were you doing when she left?
Gus: We were sitting in her car and we were all freaking like close and stuff and I was about to make my move when she got all pissy and got out of the car and took the freak off.
Dirk: You know what the problem is? The problem is you didn’t make her think it was her idea.
Gus: Ha. Yeah. What?
Dirk: Yeah dude, when you let a girl know you like her she takes the freak off every time. You have to kind of be a douche to her and act like you’re gonna bail all the time. It drives ‘em crazy dude. They’ll be all over you.
Gus: I don’t know man. I never even got to tell her or make my move or anything man. She just took off.
Dirk: She’s just playing the game, bro. It’s what girls do. They wanna hold the power. I’m tellin’ ya. She knows you’re gonna take off and get all desperate and crap. She’s got you right where she wants you.
Gus: Dude, I’ve texted her like thirty times and she hasn’t even written back. I don’t think she’s playing a game, I think she’s straight-up avoiding me.
Dirk: You know what the problem actually is? I bet she freakin’ is playing like three guys right now. Why else would she just take off all the sudden?
Gus: I don’t know dude. I don’t really care about figuring it out. She can take off for all I care.
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This explains why boys don't understand girls and why (in my head) I didn't date in high school. Most girls worthwhile (and no, that does not mean ugly) don't play games. If you want games, go buy Monopoly or Uno. No wait, Monopoly requires a long term commitment.
If you view it like the grand, old plains of Africa: Imagine being hunted all the time, or at least knowing as a female, you were going to get hunted; wolf-whistled at, pinched, touched, cornered. Women are taught that it's inevitable and that man will do the chasing regardless of whether she wants it - isn't that a scary concept? I believe woman start out holding onto the socially accepted view - as the antelope, but then decide that actually, they want to be the lion. After all, why should the man always get to be the hunter. How confusing for girls everywhere. So, they freak out and run for the hills until some guy is prepared to let her be the lion. 'Douches' are known to be the ones who flash their tails in the air, pretending to be the antelope to capture attention and then give the woman the opportunity to be the lion and stretch her flirtatious legs for the chase.
Maybe this girl wasnt ready for whatever he was hoping for. She wasn't playing a game.
I feel that you must know I read this entire conversation with the voices of Bill & Ted, it seemed appropriate...
Wow. Dirk is a total douche (his words, not mine). And to think that I've been avoiding douches my entire life...
This just lowered my opinion of the human race. Specifically, guys. And I'm a guy! Although Gus seems pretty decent....
No one should be sad, Gus is wise. He should go for someone who doesn't play games, and who he doesn't have to play. He's right, and that's the whole point. If you have to do so much and deal with such things you shouldn't be with them. Be with someone you can love
If men would just realize that they need to romance a woman with words and wait a long time before "making moves", they would win the hearts of more women.
Holy cow. My daughter is NOT DATING until she's THIRTY! HAHAHAHAHAHA! :D
I am amused greatly by the fact that women are such an enigma to men. Thank you so much for writing down their private convo and sharing it with us. Enlightening as hell!
Wow what a tricky dialogue. Sounds to me like Dirk had a lot of things wrong and a few things right. He was probably spot-on about Brittany wanting Gus to chase her; we girls usually have an ulterior motive behind seemingly irrational behavior...it just strikes me that both Brittany and Gus were quite a bit too insecure for each other! I just find it disturbing that Dirk could be SO right about girls and SO wrong about them at the same time!! Both those boys are probably in for a pretty tumultuous love life if they keep thinking of relationships as a game...
@tld2838 Relationships ARE a game, dude. It's a game of sexual control between the couple and whoever is trying to get with them.
As much of a little prick that Dirk is, he's right.
@Glides1 @Tiffani & Tiffani, you are both so wrong. Girls may play games, mature women do not. Relationships are not a game of sexual control; that should be a wonderfully fun thing that happens naturally.
I am so disturbed by this I cannot even form enough coherent thought to properly respond...there is just so very much wrong with this conversation.
@Kate Knott That is basically my response too.....
this actually makes me a little sad, because it is to a T my dating life right now. I continually meet these guys that play this game, which makes me insecure and wary of actual men! I much prefer being single than dealing with the nonsense... I forsee cats in my future and the future looks pretty bright! xD
this actually makes me a little sad, because it is to a T my dating life right now. I continually meet these guys that play this game, which makes me insecure and wary of actual men! I much prefer being single than dealing with the nonsense... I forsee cats in my future and the future looks pretty bright! xD
this actually makes me a little sad, because it is to a T my dating life right now. I continually meet these guys that play this game, which makes me insecure and wary of actual men! I much prefer being single than dealing with the nonsense... I forsee cats in my future and the future looks pretty bright! xD
Hilarious! Wow, where do you think today's youth get their "relationship wisdom" from?
This is so disturbing. But it sounds about right.
This is so disturbing. But it sounds about right.
Yesss.....
Clearly Dirk is an expert. I have learned so much about my own gender. Now I know what I was doing wrong when I was a teenage girl... why I couldn't get a guy. Because I didn't know how to play the game! Darn it. Now I'm stuck with a loving, fantastic husband. Phooey.
Hahaha!
Hahaha!
Bro. Bro! BRO!
That. Is. Hilarious! I have no idea how dating and whatever works anymore these days, but that was an amusing read. :)
Good grief!
didn't like this one :(
While Dirk may be wrong in the labeling of his method as "a dick", overall his basic logic and information are correct. I would honestly say that this has so many legitimate starting points for people new or in need of a refresher to the dating world.
1) Girls are crazy. Our hormones drive us freaking nuts. And I have SEEN countless girls who indeed act like they are better than someone who "has sex", but are in fact just as sexual as the rest of us. I am a girl, therefore I am crazy, but because I am self aware, I make legitimate efforts to make more logical, thoughtful choices.
2) Figure out what KIND of person you WANT to be with. Not all pretty people are crazy, but maybe YOU LIKE crazier ones. The ones that will make you chase them down. The ones that are filled with these petty tests and cycling between 2 or 3 different "options" for dating. I have seen countless friends complain about the kind of people they dated in the past, but still continue to date people of the same nature. Is that the other person's fault for being who they are or my friend's fault for choosing to have relationships with people who consistently share a kind of attribute my friend doesn't like? (I'd say friend's choice) In other words- is Brittany actually a person worth chasing? They assume so- but it's hard for young people trapped in fixed social settings at places like high school to really envision that there are more fish in the sea- that there is hope if no one in your sh-tty little town (or big city?) is a good match for you.
3) Seeming desperate. I learned this one the hard way. It is one of the most legitimate, valuable pieces of advice Dirk offered this conversation. When you are excited about spending time with someone, sometimes, you can get overly excited. Maybe you become too flirty or stupid around them. You get nervous and/or can't seem to shut up. You think of them ALL THE TIME so of course you want to text them or call them. Relationships are all about EQUILIBRIUMs. Try to text or call in equal proportion to what the other person does. Random "thinking of you"s can be cute, but poor Gus said he texted her like 30 times with no response... that is the definition of annoying and desperate to anyone, I think. She is sending an obvious signal after the first two unresponsive texts that she doesn't want to talk to him. There should be equal interest and equal responses. That is why waiting for one or two texts from THEM is helpful. I wouldn't say ignore 5 or miss calls, but the point of this process A) to prevent seeming desperate and B) seem like you're a productive person with other stuff going on in your life. If you're in the middle of baseball practice or cheerleading competition, you're not going to be able to answer your phone. It's a cool starting point for conversation to reply to an old text with "Hey! I'm sorry I missed you earlier, I was _____. I'd love to blah blah blah or that blah blah is really cool." It's the difference between coming off as annoying or stalkerish and coming off as a well-rounded or time-valued individual.
Again, I am not condoning or encouraging everything Dirk says nor the exact steps he says to take- but honestly, there is a lot of valuable observations in what he says. This is a legitimate dilemma in becoming accustomed to American dating culture.
@mishmish You DO have a legitimate point. I just wish everyone would quit playing these "games" and just be themselves so you can find out what the person is really like beneath all the "game" playing.
And this, my friends, is the difference between men and boys.
I sure hope "nice" boy figures out that d-bag boy will never get a decent girl and sticks to not playing games.
Hoo boy! My 17 yr old does not date. He sees too many girls at school who play games or who are very conceited. He has several gal pals, and is very respectful towards them. My 10 yr old doesn't have to worry about dating for a while, but he's a respectful little man to his gal pals too! :) Makes this mama very happy!
That's just so sad. And I'm 20! Not much older than those boys, and I've known and grown up with plenty of guys (and girls) like that. Hell, I have a brother who's 25 and he acts/thinks like that. I have never enjoyed or seen the point in "playing games". It's a waste of time and someone's always going to get hurt.
And yeah, I'd definitely like to hear Brittany's side. Haha
Did I misunderstand, or were you seriously about to take advice from this retard? What kind of lunatic thinks up such mind games anyway!?
DONT listen to Dirk!!!!
Don't listen to Dirk, Dude!
Hahahahahaha! This made me LOL, Dan! I work in a store that is less than a mile from a University and is very popular with the young college kids; I often overhear ridiculous conversations such as this one and my emotions teeter between wanting to yell @ them for being so DUMB, or hugging them and telling them that in the end, everything is going to be o.k. But then I remind myself that the human brain isn't FULLY developed until the early-mid 20's and I let them go their own way out into the world to figure it out for themselves...and hope that they will, eventually!
@RashelleDeJean That's all we all can do sometimes, isn't it? :)
@Single Dad Laughing @RashelleDeJean Yes, yes it is! :)
Ugh. Remind me to never give Dirk's dad my number :-P
wow... is all i ahve to say
Reading this , I just found myself really wanting Brittany's side of the story.
@KarenSummers Haha, now THAT would be awesome!
Dirk is a dumba$$
I am torn between laughing and being horrified.
This is probably really stereotypical, but I feel like you wouldn't hear kids talk like this very much in Utah...
@SarahM This happened in Utah!
That's it. No wonder I can't get a good date. Some guys still act like teenagers! Lmao