On the Single Dad Laughing Facebook Page, I asked this question:

What was the most disgusting or terrifying incident you’ve ever had involving insects (or other creepy crawly things)?

My worst creepy crawly moment happened in Hawaii. I’d just unpacked my suitcases and cracked open my laptop in my dorm room. I was sitting in my underwear at my computer doing whatever new college freshmen do, when a huge heavy something scurried across my bare feet. I screamed like a woman and lurched away from the desk. Underneath were two giant cockroaches, hooked together in a moment of lust. Above them, the wall was pulsating. I poked it with a shoe and hundreds of massively huge cockroaches scattered in all directions.

I think I spent my entire minimum wage earnings that semester on roach traps.

Haha.

Bleh.

Anyway, here are your replies. They’re like a horrible wreck. You just can’t look away.

  1. A bird pooped on a a tootsie roll pop just as my son put in his mouth and before I could grab it.
  2. Being stung on the rectal area by a scorpion by pulling my underwear up after a visit to a porta potty on a construction site.
  3. I came across my 6 month old EATING a big brown beetle.. Crunching it and saying Yum yum.
  4. I stepped on a tomato worm in bare feet. it exploded guts all up between my toes.
  5. In college I had to remove an imbedded tick from my friend’s butt cheek.
  6. Woke up with a bug crawling up my nose, through my sinus cavity, and coming down my throat.
  7. I stepped out of the shower, grabbed my towel, started to wrap it round my hair and a huge spider ran out of it and down my naked body.
  8. A cockroach in my glass of Coke that I discovered the hard way.
  9. Centipede. In. The. Shower.
  10. My ex was renovating a house and a spider crawled up his shorts and bit him on his foreskin. It swelled up so bad he gave in and got circumcised.
  11. I saw a giant spider in the basement…stepped on it….and hundreds, maybe thousands of baby spiders scattered in every direction!
  12. The apartment above us was infested with cockroaches. Due to a water leak, my ceiling (their floor) was rotting in the bathroom. I was taking a bath when cockroaches started dropping on me from the hole in the ceiling above.
  13. A moth crawled into my ear while I was sleeping. We couldn’t get it out, so I had to feel it continue to beat it’s wings in an effort to get out of the ear. After it was dead, I had to trust a doctor to retrieve it using a dab of superglue on the end of a cotton swab.
  14. While ordering at Cheddar’s, my son took a drink and sucked up a live slug from his sweet tea.
  15. Working as a paramedic, I had to clean out maggots from between the fat rolls of a patient.
  16. Drinking a ginger ale-lemonade concoction I had made, I crunched down on a piece of ice, only to find out it was a stinkbug. I thought my tongue was going to swell. The stink bug was hotter than a jalapeño.
  17. I was very pregnant and one of those huge flying roaches flew under my skirt.
  18. A lovely jog along the San Francisco River, noticed the ground had become crunchy, looked down and realized I was running on top of MILLIONS of spider shells, I looked up into the thick huge CA Oak trees and saw MILLIONS of live spiders in HUGE webs, hanging crawling, MILLIONS. I backed out of the forest along the river into a large parking parking lot and didn’t sleep a wink all night.
  19. My hair is long and curly. My mom hangs fly traps in her basement, and my hair got caught in one full of dead and dying flies. It yanked my head back, and wrapped around my face as well.
  20. I had just moved and since glasses weren’t unpacked yet, I drank straight from the iced tea pitcher. Just as I’m lowering the pitcher back down, I see 2 dead cockroaches in the bottom…
  21. My sister vacuumed up gypsy moths and they ate through the vacuum bag!
  22. Stepped out of my tent barefoot in the middle of the night, stepped on about 20 snails and slugs. Up between my toes!
  23. I woke up in the middle of the night to a daddy long leg crawling into my mouth.
  24. Eating at an unnamed major restaurant that is always thankful it is Friday, I found a whole and intact cockroach in a mostly eaten Caesar salad.
  25. I woke up last Monday morning and streeeeeeetched. First big yawn of the day and I inhale a spider!! It went right down my esophagus. I could feel it move!! Turns out I would be a terrible bulimic as I was not able to make myself vomit. I drank a ton of water to try and make that creepy feeling go away to no avail. I walked around all day waiting for it to crawl back up out of my throat. I imagined waking the following morning to a mouth full of spiderlings!! Good thing I know that in reality a spider could not survive my stomach acid and would quickly die. Unfortunately, all rationality flies right out the window when it comes to swallowing a spider.
  26. My sister had just built a new house – still had some areas not completed. I had just taken a shower and grabbed a towel from her shelf and started to dry myself. All of a sudden something was bitting me hard on my breast. I moved the towel and saw a pinching beatle hanging on to a very sensitive place. It would not let go!!! I screamed and everyone in the house came running – kids, brother-in-law – everyone. I tried to cover myself but was afraid there might be more beatles in the towel. The bug was hangin on for dear life. I finally had to show it to my brother-in-law who managed to get it to release it grip.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. Which were your favorites, and… knowing that I might use it in a future blog post, in 40 words or less, what was the most disgusting or terrifying incident you’ve ever had involving insects (or other creepy crawly things)?

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!