dan-pearce-speeding-world

Yesterday, the world owed me something.

At some point, I decided I was in the biggest hurry I’d ever been in. I had nowhere to be, just a laundry list of items I wanted to get done before the day was over.

The day started out nicely.

I tweaked and perfected my to-do list for the day. It’s the first thing I do every morning when I wake up. Yesterday’s list was particularly long.

Around 2PM everything was going ahead of schedule. I was ahead on my tasks and by the looks of it, would even have some time that evening to relax.

Around 3PM my list was down to six tasks, most of which involved shopping. Yes, everything was going perfectly.

I hurriedly walked through Costco, gathering a few things I needed. I could have done it blind, I’ve made that trip so many times. Faster than expected, I had my items, I surveyed the checkout lines, and I chose the line that would get me through fastest.

In front of me was a woman with ten or so items. In front of her was a man with nothing but a mattress set. And that’s when I started getting mad at the world.

After all, the world owed me something yesterday.

The checker gave the man his total. “That’s not right,” he said.

I quietly groaned. Just pay for your damn mattress, I thought.

He then spent ten minutes disputing the total with the checker, the store manager, and other employees who wandered onto the scene. I verbally groaned a couple times. I stood on the end of the conveyer belt, grasped both sides, and stared at the man who never once looked my way.

I watched as the other lines moved people through like they were on assembly lines. Still, I was stuck. I contemplated moving to the next line over. It was too long. Surely this would be over soon. When it wasn’t, I became more agitated.

You’re ruining my to-do list, I angrily thought in the customer’s direction. He was part of the world. And the world owed me something.

The checker turned toward the woman in front of me. “I am so sorry,” she said.

No you’re not, I thought.

“It’s okay! It happens!” the woman in front of me chirped.

I rolled my eyes. She was as much a part of the problem now as anyone else. And how could she really be that okay with such a violating situation?

Eventually the man left with his mattress. The woman in front of me left with her groceries. I stepped up to the small counter.

You better acknowledge that you just put me into the worst situation ever.

“Sorry that took so long,” she said. I grunted.

In a final act of defiance, and without another word I hurriedly threw my own groceries forcefully into my cart and sped off, just to make sure she knew what a hurry I was in.

The woman at the door took far too long to look at my receipt.

There’s six freaking things in this cart, how long should this take?

A woman began backing out of her parking spot, directly into my line of travel.

I have the right of way, watch it!

I got in my car, pulled out, and headed for the road. Another car backed out in front of me.

You’re in so much of a hurry you couldn’t wait four seconds for me to pass?

I approached the first traffic light. It turned yellow and brought me to a halt. I blamed the person who backed out in front of me. I would have made it, had he not done that.

The next light turned yellow and brought me to a halt. I blamed the timing of the light that preceded this one.

Two minutes later, I pulled into Walmart, unthankful that I found a spot almost at the front.

By the yogurt section, a child reached out from another cart and playfully bumped me with his doll.

Control your child, I thought.

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!