the
post
visit the
blog
skip to
comments
lots more
sdl
get it in
your email

My KID said that?!

You know what they say… Kids say the darndest things. As a parent, I am reminded of that daily. Like when Noah a couple days ago said, “Dad, I’m never gonna kiss a girl even if I’m sixty seven.”

Ummm…

Anyway, in an attempt to feel like a normal parent, I asked you on the SDL Facebook Page what the funniest thing was that you’ve ever heard a kid say. Here are a few of your answers.

  1. My almost-three year old niece asked me for 50 cents while we were at a restaurant. She headed to the gumball machine. When she was nearly back to the table, she held out the gumballs and shouted to my husband “Uncle David, I got you some balls!” It’s the best 50 cents I’ve ever spent.
  2. The funniest thing *I* ever said was when my oldest was 4 and his imaginary friends were Jesus and all 12 disciples. Things were getting spilled, misplaced and broken all over the house and it was all getting blamed on Jesus and I finally lost my temper and yelled, “You tell Jesus to knock it off or I’m calling his dad and he’ll have to go home!”
  3. “Mommy can’t run with me right now she’s old and needs to poop! he said to the cashier at Target! it was something I said to him right before because he wanted to race accross the parking lot!
  4. My three-year-old son Stephen, after his attention was called to his untied shoelace: “You trip, you fall, that’s life.”
  5. Doncha know everything that’s green except boogers is healthy?
  6. “Get up off your asses and lets go to the beach,” says my 3 year old!!!
  7. Mom: where’s you head? Nikki: here (pointing at her head). Mom: where’re your teeth? Nikki: in my mouth. Mom: where’re your brains? Nikki: in my boobies!
  8. For Easter I put dollars in my daughters Easter eggs and when she found the eggs and took the dollars out, she handed them back to me and said “here mama, now you don’t have to go to work tomorrow”. She’s 3 1/3.
  9. My sons prayer: Our Father, who is a lemon, hello, what’s your name? :)
  10. My 4-yr old son to me, last night, while pointing to his scrotum: “Mama, I think I have a cut on my penis cheeks.”
  11. Going for a walk with my kids , one of my 4 year old twins asked ” mom, why aren’t you wearing any makeup?” I replied “because I’m just out walking and besides, your dad loves me no matter what I look like. ” His reply…” ya…but I bet he fell in love with you with your makeup on! “
  12. Funniest thing I heard was on a train. A little boy was playing with a mobile phone (cell) and a lady standing near him said to him in a patronising voice, ‘I hope you’re not taking rude pictures with that young man’. Without taking his eyes off the phone, the little kid replied, ‘Don’t flatter yourself ma’am.’ I almost died laughing! The kid can’t have been more than 7 or 8!
  13. Me: The PlayStation doesn’t work anymore.
  14. My 5 year old daughter: It’s having a malfunction? You forgot the word?
  15. My cousin’s daughter once pointed at a clump of hair in the trash that’d been cleaned out of a hair brush and exclaimed, “Mommy! Your vagina’s in the trash!”
  16. Me: How did you get in my bed last night? 5 year old son: I think I teleported.
  17. Son, why didn’t you get up to go pee? (He wet his pants.) Mom! I didn’t do it! My penis did! (He was 3 years old.)
  18. Upon discussing Christmas and stockings & the kids denying that Santa would leave them boring things like underwear, I confessed that Santa left a BRA of all things in my stocking and my daughter said “Mom, that must have been a HUGE stocking!”
  19. My 4 year old daughter, “you have a huge butt but you’re still pretty mom”.
  20. My 3 year old once asked me if a pregnant lady had a baby in her tummy, I told him that yes she did, we later passed by a very large woman and he looked at me so sweetly and said “and that lady has a baby in her butt!”
  21. Our kids were playing dinosaurs, meat- eaters vs plant eaters, when our 4 year old asked us “Are we hornyvors?” My husband couldn’t stop laughing!
  22. My son, upon seeing me putting lotion on my face asked, “Is that your Oil of Old Lady?”
  23. My son cleverly combined “You’re killing me” and “You’re driving me nuts” into “You’re killing my nuts, mom!”
  24. I told my 3yr old daughter about spankings when we were watching a movie from the eighties. Later, when grandpa visited, she ran into the room in her birthday suit, stuck her behind out and said, spank my butt mama, spank it hard.
  25. My nephew when he was about 4 years old he walked into the bathroom and saw his dad stepping out of the shower and he said “Hey, you got a penis like me” and his dad replied ” I know and do you know what that makes us?” and my nephew threw his arms up in the air and yelled “Happy!” Priceless.

If you laughed today, share that laughter everywhere you can share it. Like on Facebook or with your mother-in-law or with the lady doing your nails!

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. Knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the funniest thing you’ve heard a child say, and what was your favorite from today’s list?

Also, be sure to check out other editions of My KID said that?!

61 comments
Malik AlSayf
Malik AlSayf

The funniest thing I have ever heard a kid say was when I was on a vacation abroad, and at the airport a kid (about 6 years old) asked his dad: "Daddy, are we now terrorist?" I think he meant tourists but I had a hard time not to burst out laughing! 

JoniSigurdsonSimpson
JoniSigurdsonSimpson

These stories are so cute! I would love to put them ALL on my lil page on Facebook at Grandchildren&KidsSayTheCutestThings . Feel free to drop by and share your stories and I'll post them on the page... because we all know that kids really DO say the Cutest things! :) lol. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Grandchildren-Kids-say-the-cutest-Things/116486181739740?ref=hl

When I was young our family went to a local Salvation Army church each Sunday. When I was 7 I told my mom that I wanted to give my heart to Jesus, so the next week they did a 'DEDICATION' ceremony for a few of us giving our lives to Jesus. I was SOOO excited that as soon as I got home I ran to the phone to call my Nana and share the good news! I said, "Nana... guess what!? Today I got DONATED to the Salvation Army"!!! ;)

Honeybearsgirl
Honeybearsgirl

At age 6 my son declared himself a "Gravytarian".

J
J

Funny, my five-year-old daughter says hilarious things all the time, but the stuff that sticks with me is from my own childhood, nearly 30 years ago.

Our mom was a big believer in using proper terms for body parts. One day while my parents were talking with a male family friend in the living room, my younger sister (about 4 at the time) walks in from the kitchen, fruit in hand, asking "Mommy, can you please peel me a penis orange?" 
It took everyone about five minutes to stop laughing enough to determine that she meant a "navel orange".

The same sister was nervous about starting kindergarten, so we were doing a bit of family role-playing to practice for her first day.
Me: "Well, good morning! I'm your teacher, Miss Smith--and what's your name?"
Sister [after a long, deer-in-the-headlights moment, busts out, fake British accent and all]: "Bond. James Bond."
I don't think Dad was ever prouder of her than in that moment.

Jessica
Jessica

My nephew kept trying to fart.  While attempting to push one out his eyes go suddenly huge and he says "oop. Gotta go potty." Then he ran for the bathroom.

JenniferAnderson2
JenniferAnderson2

My son was 1yr and 6 months and we had just started going to church. He attends the Sunday school with other children his age. He has been talking since around 6 months so once he went to the class and none of the other kids were speaking to him he was very upset and threw a fit until I was paged to get him. We walked around and sang songs until he calmed down. I asked him "Are you ready to go back in and play with the other kids?' He replied, "Wow mom, are you kidding me? Wow..." I was in hysterics! That's my boy!

Katattack19
Katattack19

I like when the 5 year old I watched could never remember the word "cigarette" and instead called them smoking wands. However I didn't like when he didn't know what forgive meant, somehow he thought it meant that you were *still* mad at a person, instead of the opposite... !! Caused a lot of confusion and for some reason he never believed me!

AnnaRaway
AnnaRaway

When my oldest son was 3, we were looking at an alphabet board book naming off what all the letters were. When we got to V however, his answer was not what I expected. Instead of saying V is for vase he said V is for breakable, don't touch!! It was so cute! If only he actually heeded his wise words...

StayingSingle
StayingSingle

I had a conference with my son's 4K teacher.  She was explaining the testing process used prior to conferences and how they were administered.  She went on to say after my son had completed his testing, he went for free-play.  After a few minutes, another child took the toy he was playing with away.  My son says "Ooooh, I am soooo mad" the teaching assistant says "it's Ok to be mad"; my son replies "I know, my dad says it's better to be pissed off than pissed on."  I gave my then husband a look like "nice work" and said thanks for letting us know this is just such a proud moment; I have been waiting for this day since he was born (heavy on the sarcasm) .  The teacher was laughing so hard she had tears rolling down her cheeks.

When my daughter was about 3, she was a total "Bob the Builder" fan.  She had denim overalls and a plastic tool set including safety glasses.  She would often "work" in the garage with her dad. One day she comes in the house, her hair in little pigtails, safety goggles on her forehead and her "tools" in her pockets and as she's walking toward me drops something, she lets out a very loud "Oh, Sh_t!" and I said "excuse me?"  She responds "Oh yeah, I bemember - I can only say that in the garage with dad, not in the house with mom."

cjoeddy
cjoeddy

I worked at a grocery store when I happened to be walking by the baby aisle where a mom and her two older kids (6 and probably 8) years old were sitting in a buggy with a car in the front. The mom picked up her newborn and walked a little ways away and as she did the young girl looked at her brother and very politely said "You're so dumb you think M&Ms are w's. I have never in my life laughed so hard. What awesome kids.

TawneeSantoy
TawneeSantoy

My (then) 5 year old daughter asked "Mommy, why are people sometimes born with only one arm, or one leg, did God run out of parts?"

LuAnneFoster
LuAnneFoster

When he was 5, upon finding out that is then-unborn sibling was going to be *another* sister,my son immediately went to the kitchen "junk drawer". When I asked him what he was doing, he said "Looking For the receipt."  I asked "What receipt?" His reply "I need to take this Katie-sister ( his then 2 year old sister) back to Wal-mart, there's too many women in this house already." For the record, they are now 12 and 16, and he's still trying to get a refund.

CatRychlinski
CatRychlinski

Just today, my daughter told me "If you say I have to nap, I'm running away." She's 3 :P

MirandaRoseVineyard
MirandaRoseVineyard

When my ex's daughter was 2 or 3, she asked what was on her dad's foot.  "A callus." he replied.  Minutes later, she came back and asked, "Daddy, can I touch your scallop?".

When my daughter was 2, she said, "I wudjoo." as her version of "I love you."  I carried her from our car to the front door of the daycare facility.  When I sat her down, she was rearranging the undies out of her rear.  I asked her if she had a wedgie.  She nodded, "Yeah, Mommy, a wedgie.".  I then asked her, "Bella, do you know what a wedgie is?".  Her response was *long pause*  "Yeah, I wedgie so much.".

Dusty
Dusty

I always enjoy these posts!  Keep them coming!

JasmynElliott
JasmynElliott

I choked at #12!

My cousin (then age 4) saw a very short man in the store once. With heartfelt concern, she said "Uh-oh! That little boy is lost! We need to help him find his mommy NOW!" Bless her heart.

rebekahbrowerjackson
rebekahbrowerjackson

My cousin [Cory] was telling us that he wants to be cremated, and wants everyone to have a cupful to remember him by. His cousin [Johnny] said, "As long as I don't get the butt ashes". Cory's 6 year old sister meant to say, "You should give Johnny your head ashes!", but what came out was, "You should give Johnny head!" She was extremely puzzled by all the grown-ups finding that hilarious.

KellyBell1
KellyBell1

My son was 3 when our 2nd daughter was born. I was sitting down to nurse her and he asked me what I was doing. I said that I was going to feed the baby, he replied that he wanted to feed the baby. I told him that he couldn't feed the baby because he didn't have any boobs, to which he promptly replied "I got boots" and ran to put them on so he could feed the baby. My husband and I just about died laughing.

Jen
Jen

My husband: Are you boys excited that we are going to get pizza? Oldest son (3 at the time): Yes! And I'm going to eat it all! Hubby: What am I going to eat? Son: You can eat the branches. Hubby: But I don't like the branches. Son: Try the leaves!

MeganDunlapJarrett
MeganDunlapJarrett

I work at a preschool.  My son attends, as does my assistant director's daughter.  She kept biting my son when they were two.  One day, after she had bit him, we both walked into the room.  He walks up to her mom, very seriously, and says, "Miss Fran, you need to tell Darcy I'm not food.  Apparently,  I'm dewicsious (delicious) a-cus she keeps biting me!" (Yes, he used "apparently" correctly...my children have my odd vocabulary!)

Marnie
Marnie

Holy crap, that was hilarious! The I'd blaming his penis for wetting the bed is classic. Just today m

My 3 year old shouted from his room, 'it's a naked dance party! Mom, take your clothes off and come join us. We're having SO MUCH FUN!' he was with his little brother.

Chea
Chea

When i was 3, I asked my mom if the black lady in front of us in line at the grocery store, tasted like chocolate. The lady heard, turned around, and said "Oh yes I do honey!"

samantha1
samantha1

Walking to school with my four yr old yesterday, she asked me who made her, I said daddy and I did, she said who made you ? I said nanna and grandpa, she said who made daddy? I said, grandma and grandpa,  she said oh and you just put batteries in me so I would work when I came out of your tummy, thats why we go to sleep mommy to recharge our batteries, thanks for putting batteries in me your the best mom ever!

lngrid
lngrid

I come from a large family and was discussing "uncles" with my 4yo daughter.  I told her that she had another uncle, Uncle Bill, but that he had died.

L:  How DID he die?

Me:  He had a heart attack

L:  What KIND of heart attacked him?!?  -pause- Was it a lion heart? ... or a dinosaur heart?!

Michelle Sinn
Michelle Sinn

Most of my friends have little girls and I told my three year old daughter that this time there would be a boy at our play date. She made eye contact with me in the rearview mirror, expertly raised one eyebrow and asked "what kind of boy? Kind of mean or a lot mean?" Jaded at three... Good luck gentlemen... Lol

AngelaHurst
AngelaHurst

I was babysitting my cousin's little three year old boy, who happened to be a picky eater. I was going through a list of foods trying to convince him to eat something. I suggested a grilled cheese and he asked what a grilled cheese was. I responded it's a warm cheese sandwich, he got very excited about that ideal. Wondering why he was so excited by a grilled cheese sandwich I walked into the kitchen and he ran out the back door. I asked him where he was going. He said he was going to get the worms and I asked him why. With the biggest smile he said for the worm cheese sandwich of course!

Kim Lawson
Kim Lawson

My Husband picked our daughter up from daycare early one day as a surprise. They were playing and our daughter looks at him and says "I just want to play by myself!"

cridtimothy
cridtimothy

My son recently (who is three) was banging on the bathroom door when I was in the shower. I yelled just a minute I'm taking a shower. He yells back "Open up I want to see you naked and spank your booty".......

ALiasMommy
ALiasMommy

A few years ago my Sister in law was having a conversation with my niece about Christmas.

Sister in Law (discussing a picture of a Nativity Scene): You can see the shepherds, and Mary and Joseph, and there is Baby Jesus sleeping in the manger.Niece: It’s a chairSister in Law: What’s a chair?Niece: That thing (pointing)… Baby Jesus is in a chair, mommy.Sister in Law: It’s called a manger. Manger- it was used to feed animals.Niece: (looking skeptical): Oh. A manger.Niece: A Manger?Sister in Law: Yes, a manger.Niece: Oh.Sister in Law (a little later): Oh look another picture of Baby Jesus when he was born- do you remember what this is (pointing to manger)?Niece: (sighs loudly)… Its a Chair.

Stephonthefarm
Stephonthefarm

(At Preschool)

Kid: "Can I go to the bathroom?"

Me:  "Yes, you may."

Kid: (Hand me his Play-Doh masterpiece-in-progress) "Teacher, will you pause this for me?"

meganwessing3
meganwessing3

When my sons father and I were still together he found mommys "toy" then took it into his grandma and announced that it was for a baby!!! 

My daughter is 3 and he papa and her have their night to go to dinner and apparently papa said a few things while driving.. So that weekend my husband and I had the kids loaded into the car when and idiot turned in front of us and she popped up  with "fucking morons need to get off that damn road and lear to drive right" isnt that right mommy?!

waasyon
waasyon

My 8 yr old son was going to a garden fete with his girlfriend so I thought I better have 'the talk' with him re the birds and bees. So I asked him if he knew about sex he turned to me and said, Sure Dad, what do you wanna know?'

adoptivemomto2
adoptivemomto2

My daughter, when she was about 2, was carrying a tray of tea cups on her plastic plate. She tripped over her own 2 feet as only 2 year olds can do, and the tea cups fell to the floor. My daughter looked at the cups on the floor, looked at me and said, Oh damn it in the perfect Pooh Bear Oh Bother voice and inflection. I had to turn around and walk out before I laughed out loud :)

ChuckCaruthers
ChuckCaruthers

My wife and I were talking in our bedroom when my 4yr old daughter walked in.  She went straight to my wife and said very earnestly, "Mommy, f*ck is a bad word.  I cannot say f*ck 'cause f*ck is a mommy/daddy word and I'm just a little girl and can't say f*ck.  Sissy can't say f*ck and Lolo (her brother) can't say f*ck cause they are little too.  Mommy, you can say f*ck cause you are a mommy and Daddy can say f*ck....he says f*ck a lot.  And Sugar (our dog) can't say f*ck cause she's a dog and doesn't have a mouth ( ?  o.O  ?) but I'm a little girl and I know f*ck is a mommy/daddy word and I can't say f*ck."My wife spent the the entire dissertation on F*ck with her hand over he mouth trying not to fall out laughing.  I explained maybe she shouldn't say f*ck so much when she is explaining that she can't say it.  This resulted in a second dissertation on f*ck explaining what she had just explained.  The she said, "Got it?"   Good!"  Two weeks later, she and my wife were going to the park.  My daughter exclaimed, "Oh Mommy!  This is gonna be faboo-luss!"  My wife says, "Yes, it is and faboo-luss is a wonderful word!"  My daughter replies, "Yes, faboo-luss is a great word......and f*ck is a bad word."   I got a phone call about it and fell out laughing!

akofaolain
akofaolain

#15 made me laugh out loud.When my son was three, my husband brought him to the hospital to visit his new baby sister. He looked at my husband holding the baby, looked over at the bassinet, looked back at my husband and said, "Daddy, put Lucy back in his cage."

StephanieDavenport
StephanieDavenport

I was driving my son and a female friend in the back seat he was playing rough. I turned around and said "Hunter be careful girls are are..." And he says "i know frustrated."

CreativeJuicez
CreativeJuicez

My girlfriend works at a daycare.  I stopped by to drop some supplies off during my lunch hour.  As I walked to her room, the kids were all sitting on their yoga mats with their legs cross, their eyes shut and they were humming.  I bent down and asked Hanna (a precocious 4 year old) what they were doing...

"Shhh, I'm doing yoga and a speakin a Chinese".  

I hurried dropped off her supplies and got out of the room so I could burst out laughing. 

Mommy Needs a Martini
Mommy Needs a Martini

Conversation with my two yr old: Me: Ryleigh, get the crayon out of your mouth! Ry: Welllllll, Sometimes... P-cause! Me: Ryyyyyyleigh.. Because why?? Ry: Purple tastes yummy in my tummy, Mama! You want some? Me: No, honey. We don't eat crayons. Ry: How boooout, red? You want some red? Mmm, that's good, Mama!

Jeannette Minnich-Bellesfield
Jeannette Minnich-Bellesfield

My two yr had this to say about her newborn sister: Mommy you put that baby back in your belly please. I don't want to hear her today.

LynhPham
LynhPham

She has said so many things in her 3 years of life...where to start?

While walking around our neighborhood she announced to two old ladies waiting for the bus that she "likes nipples that look like chocolates."

While inside a Target bathroom, she asked me "Why don't you pee standing up like Daddy?"  When I told her that girls pee sitting down and boys pee standing up, she bolted out the bathroom door towards her dad screaming "Daddy!  Do you pee standing up because you have a penis?"

While browsing the snacks aisle at a grocery store, she waited until an elderly couple walked past to loudly announce "I like putting nuts in my mouth."  After a long uncomfortable pause she says "You know, like peanuts and pistachios."

Susan C
Susan C

I forgot to lock the bathroom door and my 6 year old son walked in on me as I was sitting there peeing. I told him I would be right out when I was done. When I stepped out he said, "I don't get it! It doesn't make any sense to me!! Why do girls pee out their butts?" Anatomy lesson 101!

Mandi0217
Mandi0217

I just got my 3 year old son out of the bath and he was standing in the living room naked as I was getting his clothes and stuff together to dress him. He walked up to me and said "Momma theres something in my tally wacker!" I kind of giggled and asked him to repeat himself so he did. I asked "Theres something in your tally wacker? What are you talking about?" Then I looked down and he was tugging at his beebees then yells "Theres a ball in there!! Get it! Get it out now!!" I laughed for days over that one...

JacquelineBaker
JacquelineBaker

my daughter just got  out of the bath she was 2 1/2 and was sititng on the couch while i got her clothes and diaper ready ... she suddenly cried out alarmed "Mommy Mommy there's a hole in my butt!" i about died laughing 

Betty Njoroge
Betty Njoroge

PLEASE!!! Please help me, my country is falling apart, please help me, in anyway you can, show me your love, show me your support that you pledge each week, if you care at all for me or any of your readers PLEASE LISTEN... TALK TO YOUR MAYOR, YOUR MPS, YOUR CONGRESSMEN, AND YOUR POLITICAL AND ECONOMIC LEADERS...please...read what they are doing in Kenya that is sooo awful that even KENYAN DOCTORS ARE ON STRIKE!!!!

cynthlp22
cynthlp22

Another time my daughter got lice from school.. and said they like her because shes smoken hot!!!  I laughed so hard...

Allegra Waggener
Allegra Waggener

My son and I live with my sister and her kids. The other day the 4yo came home with a piece of pizza. I asked him where they got it, without pause he said 'Goodwill!' I've been teasing my sis about being a cheapskate ever since.

cynthlp22
cynthlp22

One morning I got up, and was talking to my adult son to check if there was any $h*t in the washroom from the puppies and my 8 year old just out of the blue says"there no sh*t in there.. I started laughing and of course she started to cry...

Another time we were watching t.v and she called her brother a little @ss... It was so funny because it came out of no where, and she started to cry, because she got embarrassed. .  She knows better than to use bad words..  but when kids say the darnedest things, It's funny!!!

ColleenH218
ColleenH218

Those were funny! My five-year-old looked at me the other day, while we were at the end of a particularly long trip through the grocery store, and said, "You're killin' me, Smalls! You're really killin' me!"

RikkiCallicutt
RikkiCallicutt

We were getting our things together to go to Carowinds (the amusement park) when my mom stopped by our house. my son (4yrs old) tells her "hey mamaw! Guess what!? Tomorrow I'm gonna ride the herpinator!" I'm pretty sure he meant "intimidator" (one of the rollercoasters). I couldn't help but laugh. my mom looked at me and said "I would hate to ride that ride." and busted out laughing too!