You know what they say… Kids say the darndest things. As a parent, I am reminded of that daily. Like when Noah a couple days ago said, “Dad, I’m never gonna kiss a girl even if I’m sixty seven.”


Anyway, in an attempt to feel like a normal parent, I asked you on the SDL Facebook Page what the funniest thing was that you’ve ever heard a kid say. Here are a few of your answers.

  1. My almost-three year old niece asked me for 50 cents while we were at a restaurant. She headed to the gumball machine. When she was nearly back to the table, she held out the gumballs and shouted to my husband “Uncle David, I got you some balls!” It’s the best 50 cents I’ve ever spent.
  2. The funniest thing *I* ever said was when my oldest was 4 and his imaginary friends were Jesus and all 12 disciples. Things were getting spilled, misplaced and broken all over the house and it was all getting blamed on Jesus and I finally lost my temper and yelled, “You tell Jesus to knock it off or I’m calling his dad and he’ll have to go home!”
  3. “Mommy can’t run with me right now she’s old and needs to poop! he said to the cashier at Target! it was something I said to him right before because he wanted to race accross the parking lot!
  4. My three-year-old son Stephen, after his attention was called to his untied shoelace: “You trip, you fall, that’s life.”
  5. Doncha know everything that’s green except boogers is healthy?
  6. “Get up off your asses and lets go to the beach,” says my 3 year old!!!
  7. Mom: where’s you head? Nikki: here (pointing at her head). Mom: where’re your teeth? Nikki: in my mouth. Mom: where’re your brains? Nikki: in my boobies!
  8. For Easter I put dollars in my daughters Easter eggs and when she found the eggs and took the dollars out, she handed them back to me and said “here mama, now you don’t have to go to work tomorrow”. She’s 3 1/3.
  9. My sons prayer: Our Father, who is a lemon, hello, what’s your name? 🙂
  10. My 4-yr old son to me, last night, while pointing to his scrotum: “Mama, I think I have a cut on my penis cheeks.”
  11. Going for a walk with my kids , one of my 4 year old twins asked ” mom, why aren’t you wearing any makeup?” I replied “because I’m just out walking and besides, your dad loves me no matter what I look like. ” His reply…” ya…but I bet he fell in love with you with your makeup on! “
  12. Funniest thing I heard was on a train. A little boy was playing with a mobile phone (cell) and a lady standing near him said to him in a patronising voice, ‘I hope you’re not taking rude pictures with that young man’. Without taking his eyes off the phone, the little kid replied, ‘Don’t flatter yourself ma’am.’ I almost died laughing! The kid can’t have been more than 7 or 8!
  13. Me: The PlayStation doesn’t work anymore.
  14. My 5 year old daughter: It’s having a malfunction? You forgot the word?
  15. My cousin’s daughter once pointed at a clump of hair in the trash that’d been cleaned out of a hair brush and exclaimed, “Mommy! Your vagina’s in the trash!”
  16. Me: How did you get in my bed last night? 5 year old son: I think I teleported.
  17. Son, why didn’t you get up to go pee? (He wet his pants.) Mom! I didn’t do it! My penis did! (He was 3 years old.)
  18. Upon discussing Christmas and stockings & the kids denying that Santa would leave them boring things like underwear, I confessed that Santa left a BRA of all things in my stocking and my daughter said “Mom, that must have been a HUGE stocking!”
  19. My 4 year old daughter, “you have a huge butt but you’re still pretty mom”.
  20. My 3 year old once asked me if a pregnant lady had a baby in her tummy, I told him that yes she did, we later passed by a very large woman and he looked at me so sweetly and said “and that lady has a baby in her butt!”
  21. Our kids were playing dinosaurs, meat- eaters vs plant eaters, when our 4 year old asked us “Are we hornyvors?” My husband couldn’t stop laughing!
  22. My son, upon seeing me putting lotion on my face asked, “Is that your Oil of Old Lady?”
  23. My son cleverly combined “You’re killing me” and “You’re driving me nuts” into “You’re killing my nuts, mom!”
  24. I told my 3yr old daughter about spankings when we were watching a movie from the eighties. Later, when grandpa visited, she ran into the room in her birthday suit, stuck her behind out and said, spank my butt mama, spank it hard.
  25. My nephew when he was about 4 years old he walked into the bathroom and saw his dad stepping out of the shower and he said “Hey, you got a penis like me” and his dad replied ” I know and do you know what that makes us?” and my nephew threw his arms up in the air and yelled “Happy!” Priceless.

If you laughed today, share that laughter everywhere you can share it. Like on Facebook or with your mother-in-law or with the lady doing your nails!

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. Knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the funniest thing you’ve heard a child say, and what was your favorite from today’s list?

Also, be sure to check out other editions of My KID said that?!

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!