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Well, once again I asked you for some awesome material for a blog post, and you delivered! The question I put on the Facebook Wall for today’s post was, “What are the things people say to single people that are rude or ignorant?” A lot of awesome answers came through. Enjoy (along with my own and some of your slightly snarky retorts).
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I'm just getting caught up on your posts as a relatively new reader of your blog. You're hysterical. I do have one to add to your list here: "You have to be content with yourself and your life before the universe will bring you the right one." Sheesh. If I was anymore content with myself I would be Donald Trump.
Thanks for the inspiration for my post today...
-A
http://runtheraceclaimtheprize.blogspot.com/
Man fuck love and a relationship bein single is where its at.. No worries no stress!!
As a 34 year old who has never been married and doesn't have children, I get "Why are you single?" all of the time. To me, it's one of the most offensive questions you can ask someone because it just implies that there is something wrong with you. What kills me is that instead of coming back with a snarky comment, I seriously start to answer their question because I don't want them to think I'm on my way to crazy cat lady land. I know exactly why I'm single. I've made a lot of poor choices when it came to who I dated. I've learned from it. I know better now and I refuse to settle.
I just want to say to all the married and otherwise attached folks out there, please don't make your single friends feel like their less than because they're single. We know you don't do it on purpose but just stop. And don't make us feel crazy when we get worried every now and then that it'll never happen for us. If you were 34 and never married, you'd be a little worried sometimes too. I think it's only human to want someone to grow old with.
"From married moms: oh, it sucks that I am going to be a single mom for the next three days while my husband is out of town.From single moms: Oh, I’m sorry. You have to go three days without help while somebody goes somewhere to make some money for you. If you need anything, let me know."
Ha ha ha! As a 24/7 mother of four who gets zero CS I have to say this. was. awesome.
And I've currently had a run of coworkers who are trying to set me up with assorted... vendors. For some reason, they're way more desperate to get me hooked up than I am. Go fig. : )
Love this! I was just told by a friend while picking out a Halloween costume that if I wanted to dress like Little Red Riding Hood I needed to find a man to be the Big Bad Wolf....why thank you for the suggestion to desperately snag a man a week before Halloween to complete my costume as I wouldn't have enjoyed the holiday anyways! I decided to be a Match.com profile vs reality....WAY more fun, plus I won a contest over 1700 people;-)
@sjamespierce when are you gonna find a girlfriend?
My favorite is when people/friends/family tell me "you're the complete package, it'll happen soon". Yes, people....."finding a man" is my top priority in life. Forget about my daughter, my education, my career, my house, and everything else I've established on my own. I guess I need to take a hint and 'find a man' to complete me or to enjoy life more? I don't know, it's getting pretty annoying. I love being single and I love single motherhood. I don't feel I need to do anything but enjoy life and continue doing what I want to fulfill my desires and dreams. If/when a man falls from the heavens for me, so be it. But please, don't feel sorry for me or tell me that I need to rush along with it.....I'm perfectly content being single. :-)
Here's a thought on marriage. It goes along with the for better or worse theory but mostly worse. "You know what getting married is? It's agreeing to taking this person who right now is at the top of his form, full of hopes and ideas, feeling good, looking good, wildly interested in you because you're the same way, and sticking by him while he slowly disintegrates. And he does the same for you. You're his responsibility now and he's yours. If no one else will take care of him, you will. If everyone else rejects you, he won't. What do you think love is? Going to bed all the time?" -Jane Smiley, novelist (b.1949
A friend of mine told me a few weeks ago that I'm just too picky. I'm glad to see that on your list here, cause it really hurt hearing that from one of my best friends. I was close to settle once. I owned a cat, had bought an apartment and I think my boyfriend was close to proposing to me. The relationship wasn't healthy though, and I ended up leaving him.
Now I've been dating for a few years without finding someone I've wanted to spend my life with. I've heard other tactless comments, but getting told I'm too picky hurts the most because it makes it seem like there's no hope for me finding a man I can be happy with. It also shows a lack of respect for my feelings, since what it all comes down to is that my friend is telling me I should feel differently and love someone I don't. My first thought was ''Oh I guess she wants me to settle and quit whining about it? So that's how much she cared''
@Kirriam If there's anything that I've learned, it would be NEVER SETTLE. After my devastating first divorce I was introduced to someone who made herself appear to be everything I wanted for me and my kids. It was wrong. I settled, because I believed she could fill the vacuum left behind by the love of my life. It was the single biggest mistake of my life. Once the ring was on her finger I quickly learned what a lazy, hateful, spiteful, abusive, money-grubbing woman she was. Within 6 months I knew what kind of step-mother she really was, and I was ready to leave her. As I said in my previous post, my first wife asked me for an open marriage; thus prompting my divorcing her. Three months into my second (settle) marriage, wife #2 started accusing me of affairs with my coworkers. Cheating has never, will never be part of who I am. Settling, or NOT being picky, will always cause you (and more importantly, any children involved) more pain than waiting and being choosey. When people tell you you're being too picky, you have to wonder about their relationship status.
Love this sarcasm.
It's a bit foreign to me though. I can't say that I've ever experienced any of these comments/questions other than the "It just wasn’t meant to be" comment at the end of my first marriage. "No, you moron, obviously it wasn't considering she asked me if she could date other people while remaining married to me."
One I heard at a class reunion once was..."What's wrong you were always so nice in school?"
"You would be so beautiful if you would just lose that baby fat!" Said to me by a boyfriend. That got pissed because guys would flirt with me and tell me I was beautiful all the time.
Someone suggested me: "You need to put some make up." Geezzz... How stupid I was coz I took it seriously.
@me_yun If you have to wear makeup in order to get a man, then he isn't attracted to you. He is attracted to makeup
These are so accurate! I'm laughing so hard right now! It's so annoying for people to ask me those things! I hate when I get one like, "Oh, you're such a pretty young thing. There are few men who can measure up to you, I'm sure." ...so what you're saying is, I'm forever alone. Thanks.
One of my friends is getting married next month. When she handed me my invitation she said, knowing full well i haven't been on a date in months, "You can bring a date too. Well, you probably should because everyone else will be with their husband or fiance pretty much. Jen is even bringing her new guy" Thank You for reminding me (like I've forgotten) that i'm the only one in our group not with anyone.It's so hard for a girl with morals to find a respectful guy in college.
@cmstokes07 .. and (unfortunately) it only gets worse. I was married for 10 years, been single for 2 and a half (recently turned 37). I've been on dozens of dates with tons of guys since the big-D. As soon as I set a boundary, most go poof on me and disappear. Others keep pushing for more than I'm willing to give (hanky-panky as well as commitment). It's tough, and it's very much a sifting process.. and most processes take time.
normally I'm all for your posts but this one... I have to say I don't agree with. basically your saying that any time your marital status comes up in conversation any general conversation line that a person tries to use to NOT be awkward, upsets you. people aren't saying these things to be rude, there just making conversation. I think your being just a little sensitive. your best bet is to just avoid the subject because anything anyone has to say on the matter other then "Do you want to go out some time" is going to frustrate you.
@Joi_the_Artist Ya. And, indeed: "How can I expect it less than never?"
I dunno some of those comments don't seem like they're meant to be anything but supportive and the person on the receiving end just wants to be sour about everything. For me, anyone who's so bent out of shape about being single that they spit venom at someone for genuinely trying be nice and offer support immediately becomes the least attractive person I've ever met. When you act that way toward friends who try to offer you a shoulder you could be potentially turning someone off to you who may have been trying to build a relationship with you. I spent 5 years building a friendship with my now husband because that's how I determine if a person is someone I can share my daily life with for 80 years. If he would have freaked out on me for offering him a shoulder when he needed one then I probably wouldn't have even stayed friends with him and this marriage wouldn't have ever happened. I don't want to be with anyone who's so desperate that they'll turn inside out if I have to go pee and I refuse to take them with me. Generally unsolicited comments about relationship status, nice or otherwise, I can see someone getting upset about but I've honestly met plenty of people who have whined constantly about being single and then all but rip people to shreds for trying to offer a shoulder or even looking at them sympathetically. If you're just fishing for a reason to be angry at someone for trying to care about you then maybe that's exactly the reason why you are single. I've even met a couple guys who I considered dating until I saw them acting like that. I don't even talk to them anymore.
@HeavenKincaid Darn those bad days.
When there's something you want, when the absence of it leaves a big gaping hole in your heart, it can be tough to be polite when people are flippant about that pain. These cliches so often come across as just that. I'm sure you have your reasons for only interacting with the perfect.. but maybe us less-than-perfect need some love and patience too... and we may have something to offer you. Don't diss us just because we don't measure up to your ideal.
So great! I love that commercial for Rules of Engagement where the single guy tells the couples "I'm going to go do whatever I want -- all the time." in response to the comment that he only picks on their relationships because he wishes he were in one.
That is so me. I love the freedom of being single! I also love being an aunt and godmother - kids I can dote on and return. :> And no, I am not just selfish - I use a lot of my free time to volunteer at my church and at museums.
@theboy74 I can definitely relate to this as someone who did not invite anybody to Thanksgiving dinner this year
@andythequizzer as fun as it was, I had turkey at East Sides with friends...alone too lol.
@theboy74 I bet you didn't have family members motioning towards the unneeded sixth wine glass from the set :p
@andythequizzer haha. Fair enough. My family just assumes I'm single. When I brought my ex home they almost pooped lol
I'm laughing and crying at the same time. It's all so true ... And utterly stupid.
I don't know what you missed but I can sure relate to this one:
•From married moms: oh, it sucks that I am going to be a single mom for the next three days while my husband is out of town.From single moms: Oh, I’m sorry. You have to go three days without help while somebody goes somewhere to make some money for you. If you need anything, let me know.
That one just about puts me over the edge every time.
@Peacekid43 So why are you single? (C'mon who really asks that besides me?)
Dan,
Very funny, not sure if you were going that way but as a single dad I laugh. So many people say that crap to us and its like, just leave us a lone... Very good post today the comments you put under them are awesome...
Keep posting my single dad brother.
Chris R
I speak 3 languages fluently- English, trucker, and sarcasm. You, my friend seem to also be fluent in the third.. and yes, there are things that can't be said any other way!
My favorite was always "Oh you're so young, you still have the rest of your life to find someone!" ... Yes, because the number of years I have been existing on this is relevant to my want, desire and right to be happy with someone special. Thank you for invalidating me based solely on my age, want to tell me how my weight, skin color, sexual orientation and enjoyment of video games all make me unworthy of love at this point in my life?
Um, so what should we say to our single friends?
I've been with the same person for almost half of my life, and I'm still south of forty. In all of that time it has never occurred to me to talk to my "single" friends about the fact that they aren't dating anyone. If they are dating someone, of course I want the details - especially since I haven't been on a first date since the 20th century. I always want to know about what my friends are up to, what's rocking their world, what they're getting in to. It's not about knowing what to say, it's about listening for what lights up or concerns your friends.
Don't bring it up. If they want to talk about, they will bring it up.
@Gay Dad Laughing Agreed. Many of the comments that seem supportive can be seen negatively if the advice is unsolicited. If your single friend laments their status, that is the time for supportive comments. If not, either they are happy being single, or they aren't ready to talk about it.
The "single mom for the next three days" one drives me NUTS, even now that I'm happily married. Even blogged about it once: http://aladywhothinkssheisthirty.blogspot.ca/2012/06/not-single-parenting.html
I had been living with my boyfriend for around 9 years when a sweet little old lady asked me why we weren't married.
My response: "I don't have to buy that cow."
She gave me a genuinely shocked look, then burst out laughing, grabbed my arm and chortled, "GOOD FOR YOU, HONEY!!"
Ok, I realize that I wasn't "single" at the time, but I was really tired of the "when are you going to get married?" questions.
LOVE this! Thank you for your response to every single thing I've been asked or told for the past 17 years. :) Almost every date: "Why are you single?" I always want to reply "Because of a-holes like you."
This is amazing!! I'm only 22 and I hear these exact phrases ALL the time!
I ran into an old friend from high school this weekend, and after talking about his family for a bit, he turned to me and asked "So what about you? You married? Any kids?" To which I replied "Nooope. Not yet." So he asked: "Why not? What's wrong...?"
......sigh. All I could say was that I hadn't found the right person yet. He then quickly tried to salvage the conversation by saying "Well, good for you for not settling!"
Oi.
LOL, Love Sarcasm! It's a great deterrent from just plain out slaping some folks! Thanks for the laugh
The one I always got when I was single:
"What's wrong with guys?? You're fantastic! You're beautiful/smart/lovely/insert-compliment-here. Someone should have snapped you up by now!"
(Um... so if they haven't, does that mean there's something wrong with me after all??)
@GalFromAway Not necessarily - it could just mean that you had the unfortunate luck to find a string of losers before you met Mr. Right. Given the way society is going, I unfortunately expect those strings to get longer and longer.
haha oh how I have heard so many of these! Thanks for sharing
thanks for the laugh.
My fave: Just do what you love, and you'll find him. Oh! All these years, I've been doing things I hate, thinking that's where he'd be!
story of my life.