19. I’D REPLACE THE CONCEPT OF GOOD VS. BAD WITH HEALTHY VS. UNHEALTHY.
I think that if people would ditch the idea of good vs. bad, we’d see a huge uptick in people becoming better versions of themselves. The concept of good vs. bad is so different for every person, that all we often do is start comparing ourselves to other people’s ideals, and little motivation is ever found to improve because it’s impossible for us all to match up. Replace good vs. bad with healthy vs. unhealthy, and every person would be able to work to improve themselves on their own timeline and within their own abilities. Plus, it’s a lot easier to bounce back from thinking you just did something unhealthy than it is thinking you’re bad because of something you did.
20. I’D MAKE IT SO THAT PEOPLE WERE LOCKED INTO THE BATHROOM UNTIL THEY WASHED THEIR HANDS.
Disgustingness is not limited to any social class, gender, or race. It doesn’t matter where I go, at least half of everybody still don’t wash their freaking hands after they use the bathroom. Guys in suits. Guys in coveralls. It doesn’t matter. Come on, people, that’s gross, and folks like me don’t want to touch your no-no sweat or your pee germs wherever you end up leaving them when you’re done.
21. I’D MAKE PEOPLE PASS A TEST BEFORE THEY CAN USE CAPS LOCK.
SOME PEOPLE, BLESS THEIR HEARTS, CAPITALIZE EVERYTHING. THEY THINK THEY’RE EMPHASIZING THINGS, BUT ALL I SEE IS SCREAMING, AND YELLING, AND IT MAKES MY EYES FILL WITH BLOOD!!!!! There are great times to use caps lock, BUT THEY ARE RARE!!!!!
22. I’D MAKE CELL PHONES AUTOMATICALLY DISABLE IN THE DRIVER’S SEAT.
I know I shouldn’t be dinking around on my cell phone while driving. I try not to ever do it. But sometimes I just do. And so does almost everyone else. And it’s super dangerous. And people die. So car makers should just build in an invisible electronic bubble around the driver’s seat that locks people out of their phones while the car is in drive because sometimes people like me need to be forced to not be stupid.
23. I’D MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR LOVERS TO GET INTO EACH OTHER’S EMAIL.
Multiple choice, you have to choose one.
Jealousy and distrust:
A) help relationships.
B) hurt relationships.
Isn’t it as simple as that? Well, yes. But few people seem to agree when they “have their reasons.” But seriously. When suspicions arise is the best time to overpower your lover with genuine trust. If there is some naughty-naughty going on, it will be forced to the surface eventually. If there isn’t, well, you didn’t torture yourself and drive a wedge into your relationship for nothing, which is always a plus.
24. I’D GIVE ALL BULLIES THEIR VERY OWN DAY AT DISNEYLAND.
I still see so many people attacking the bullies whenever the world goes all witch-hunt with bully stories. All we’re doing is making the problem worse, and I don’t know why people can’t see that. Bullies need to know that they’re loved and valuable. That’s how you stop bullying. Not by punishing them and making them feel even more worthless. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. People who love themselves (and value themselves) have no need to hurt other people.
25. I’D MAKE PEOPLE’S PUBLIC CUSSING A LITTLE MORE TOLERABLE.
I sometimes curse like a drunk and happy sailor… when I’m in the right environment for it, and never out in public. And I think we can all agree that there are some people who could learn when and where those right environments are. So to help them, I would make it so that anytime they cussed in front of, say, my grandma, their profanity would come out completely changed and censored. Just like it does in movies that are edited for TV. For example:
“Enough is enough! I have had it with these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane!”
Yeah, I think I’d be okay with my grandma hearing that.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
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PPS. Please note that the PS above was not a proper or acceptable use of Caps Lock and if you don’t share today’s post, I probably deserve it.