I’ll never forget my moment.
Bracing myself against both sides of my bathroom sink as I scrutinized something significantly deeper than my own reflection, I finally whispered aloud my first truly honest thought about my own sexual orientation.
You see, I’ve never wanted to be anything other than straight.
Since I was eleven years old, I’ve been desperate to only be attracted to those of the opposite sex. I’ve masked and obscured any feeling I’ve ever felt that threatened my place within the realm of what I’ve been coached is both normal and acceptable.
Several months ago, I was finally forced to an edge where I couldn’t pretend any longer. The act of pretending had pushed me continually deeper into life-threatening depression, and it was time to figure out how to admit my own secrets to the world, and far more importantly, how to admit them to the one person who could never be at peace until I did.
To do so became my only option if I ever wanted to be authentically happy, if I ever wanted to be authentically intimate with another, or if I ever wanted to finally stop existing as a fake.
And so, I’ll just say it.
I’m not straight.
Those words are by far the most difficult words I’ve ever typed, and I know they’ll be far more difficult to share.
A very small handful of people whom I trust most know my secret now, and all of them only learned it in the last few months. Their love has been unconditional.
But love is not unconditional coming from every person. We all know that.
Guidelines for acceptable sexuality have been drilled into me my entire life, and the mandate has always been clear. Being anything other than straight will never be tolerable, at least not with the vast majority of the people in my family and in my community.
That damned mandate.
The one that tells us we are to claim love, but we are to never actually love those who we have been told are unacceptably different.
A few months ago, I used an admittedly effeminate hand gesture at family dinner. I naturally use it all the time, only this time it was shortly after the emotional shift toward coming out had started to happen within me.
My brother saw me do it. He laughed uncomfortably and then all too seriously said, “please tell me you’re still straight.”
There are many that have worried about my sexuality for a long time now. And the way he said it, I intrinsically knew that to be anything other than straight might do great damage to something between us. I just laughed it off. I wasn’t ready to tell him yet. I couldn’t tell him yet.
Dear God, please don’t let me be anything other than straight.
The thought pierced me then perhaps more than ever before, though I’ve struggled against the current of such thoughts thousands of times over the past 21 years.
Since that moment, I have been particularly sensitive and observational of such statements being made by others. My heart wants to tune them all out. My mind tries to absorb every one of them. It’s been a never-ending tug of war between the part of me that wants to maintain the love and admiration of those around me and the part of me that franticly seeks freedom to finally be who I have always dreaded that I am.
“I can’t stand fags,” a friend said so nonchalantly at game night one Friday evening. He then listed his reasons for his revulsion and the table got lost in jubilant conversation about how many gays there are where we live nowadays. Many thoughtless and vicious jokes were made within the group, all proceeded by raucous laughter. I laughed at some of them too so they wouldn’t suspect the truth that was melting me.
Dear God, please don’t let me be anything other than straight.
I brought a woman to a social event. I really liked this woman. I was very attracted to her. You see, I’m attracted to men, but I’m also very much attracted to women. Some friends we were with began joking about how we were all probably secretly bisexual. She turned to me and laughed, “there is no way I would ever date someone who was like that.” My heart bore its way into my stomach, and I did my best to maneuver the discussion elsewhere.
Dear God, please don’t let me be anything other than straight.
I was at dinner with some close friends. “I’m pretty sure those guys over there are gay,” one of them said, motioning to two men who were laughing together at another table. “It’s so weird and unnatural and I don’t think I’ll ever understand how people can be like that.” I assured them I didn’t understand it either.
Dear God, please don’t let me be anything other than straight.
Someone in my family told me that if any of the people in her family were ever gay, their partners or lovers would never be welcome in her home. “I will not support immorality,” she angrily said. I argued with her about how damaging and hurtful such statements could be.
Dear God, if there is a God, please, please, please don’t let me be anything other than straight.
For twenty-one years, I have said that prayer.
For twenty-one years, I have been paralyzed by the fear of what this society will do with me if they ever were to know of the thoughts that I continually push away. For more than two decades, I have made a choice to be straight. After all, it’s as easy as making a choice, isn’t it? This culture has made sure that I know that. Anyone who is anything other than straight was just someone deceived by the devil. He is unnatural. He is confused. He is mistaken. He is weak. He can control it if he desires to control it. Such a compelling and ongoing argument has been made that I have always trusted it.
I believed that if I hid it long enough, and ran from it long enough, and refused to acknowledge it for long enough, I could indeed succeed at living up to their decrees. I believed that I could force myself to never be anything else.
Good for you posting this. That's all I can say :)
Hi, Dan. Welcome to my... OUR... world.
In case you'd like to read *my* story, you can do so over here: http://arainbowflaginnarnia.blogspot.com/2005/03/introduction-judge-tenderly-of-me.html . It was originally an anonymous blog post that I used to come out to my friends, my fellow seminary community, and the church friends who had helped send me to the Lutheran School of Theology at Chicago (LSTC) with the intent of becoming a Lutheran pastor. (I actually ran out of money and eligibility before they could have thrown me out for my sexuality.) You may identify with one or more parts of this...
You may also find a great resource in the Gay Christian Network (http://www.gaychristian.net), if you have not already done so. As you might imagine, there are a LOT of people in your situation - with conservative/homophobic parents, friends, siblings, coworkers, and yet with a not-inconsiderable faith.
You have an incredible gift for writing...one that I rather envy. No matter what happens, don't let that go away. Stay with us, even through the days that might seem like they have been Federal-Express'd straight from the bowels of Hell. There will be much joy - and there will be more than a few of those Fed-Ex days, too.
No matter what the world tells you: you are not alone, and you are not damned. Just different.
SteveI loved your writing, and I kinda feel identified with what you felt, especially when I'm with my family and some friends don't know I'm not straight!
Dan, I feel I have to preface this response with the fact that I really enjoy your writing. I think you are clever and conscientious, a loving dad and an all-around decent human being. Your Noah is as cute as he can be and I can see the love you share. I discovered your blog through a friend who'd shared your "I'm Christian..." post on facebook. Now, having said all of that, I found some parts of this a little problematic.
I'm going to try and see this all outside of my out-gay-self-aware ivory tower. I'm nearly 40 now and have been out since I was 18 so sometimes I tend to forget the troubles inherent in trying to figure all this stuff out, come to terms with it and proceed in life as the same person you always were. That prayer/mantra you keep saying, "Please God, don't let me be anything other than straight" would seem to indicate your desire to live outside of labels but it in fact seems to have done the opposite. You saddled yourself with a desired label and then found it was something you couldn't live up to.
All those fears you had about problems people would have with you were never yours in the first place. I, too, was terrified in the beginning of what family members would say, about whether or not friends would dessert me. I come from an extremely religious family and their views on sexual orientation were crystal clear from my earliest days. Some family members said the most hateful of things (even my mother who'd always been my champion), some friends surely did shut the door on me; but coming out gave me this wellspring of self-respect that until then I had certainly lacked. I hope that turns-out to be the case with you as well.
My concern for you, Dan, is that you are still cutting yourself off from some level of happiness. Well, if not happiness, then certainly experience. I only say this because I've seen people go through it: if you don't act-on or at least take ownership of your feelings toward other men (I may be wrong, perhaps you have though it doesn't sound like it), I don't think you'll be able to have any successful relationships with women. The thing you may be missing-out-on will become so omnipresent in your mind that it'll cloud the way you see all your romantic relationships with women. Maybe just some food for thought. Be careful with the labels, my friend. They can be as useful or as problematic as you allow them to be. You put "straight" on yourself and look what you let it do to you for 21 years. By the way, Mom is my champion again.
This is truly inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope it helps not only younger people to come out, but especially people of your age group and older. As you've experienced, it's generally harder to come out when you have established yourself as a "straight male" when you're 30 or older. I hope your experience helps people to come out and accept themselves for who they are.
Your story is inspiring. Thank you for sharing. I have only recently come to reading your blog and I have loved all that I have found. This included. It is always hard to be honest with ourselves. I hope I too can have that honest conversation with myself.
I've just been randomly clicking on your blogs, thought this might be about if your son turned out to be gay.
To anyone that your sexual orientation would make a difference to, by all means leave (in my opinion of course). You're a teacher, an inspiration to single fathers everywhere, a humorist, and none of that changes by being gay/straight/bisexual, whatever.
Congratulations on your courage though. I have a bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, and it's hard enough telling people that. They think I'm crazy. I can't imagine how hard this was for you.
I know a ton of people have commented, but figured I would throw my 1.5 cents in there.
I've tried to comment-- but it is too long.
I hope that one day, I can be as brave as you.
Oh, I am so glad that people are still commenting on this and there's no reason for me to back out of posting this simply because I don't want to bother you with a comment alert. And I'm sorry if what follows doesn't make as much sense as I hope it does. It's late at night, and my brain is a little tired.
But this is so real. This is how it happens. And you're a hero for telling the world how it happens and why it happens. It's so painful to sit in a bathroom and cry for these reasons, but I'm glad I wasn't the only one who went through it in a bathroom. As cheesy and silly as it sounds, I'm glad I'm not the only one who went through this in this way. Shortly after all of this happened to me, I heard a saying that bisexual people were just gays who couldn't make up their mind, and so I went back in my bathroom and cried a bit more. Eh, it's a silly thing, but I really think we have the best of it all. I've always wanted to marry a boy and have babies that way, so that's what I'm doing. But everything is so much easier when you've got yourself sorted out, it really is, and I've been so glad that this is my choice and not my only option. Just remember that you don't have to be all super into the LGBTQ organization stuff. Don't let people push you around and pressure you into it, because we can like rainbows just for their prettiness, damn it, not because of society's symbolism. I'm just an artist who likes all the colors together. (Plus those parades are a bit too noisy. I don't flaunt my sexuality, but I don't hide it, and it's hella fun to spring on people when they make half-assumptions after thinking they know you well enough. They get all floppy and awkward and I laugh and totally mess up their perception of people as a whole.)
Ah, I don't want to ramble my life story, but thank you again. Yours is the most real account that I've read, and I truly appreciate the attention that you've brought to it. And I'm glad that you've finally come to be who you are, because everyone will be better for it. I could talk about this all day. Er, all night and through to day. It's quite an experience, quite a story. I hope you thoroughly enjoy your freedom of mind and the rest of your life that follows. <3 My well wishes to you and your families.
Discovering who you are is apart of the journey, you know the journey, called life. It seems to me that stripping down, letting go of the societal expectations, and reliazing you past, present, and future are just that. So recognizing who you are, is really a bold and brave declaration of self knowledge, I applaud you. I applaud you more, for being able to be honest with so many people in your life, but mostly yourself. I have only been reading your posts for about 2 weeks, and I never ever blog or respond to blogs, I am you fan now. You move me, thank you.
All I have to say is that you are the man! It takes a great amount of courage, by which you have displayed, to admit to others and to oneself, most importantly, the truth of any facet. I commend you for it and am sure you are living a happier, healthier lifestyle as your blog site entails. Salute!
I am so so sorry that you have so many anti-gay people in your life!
I really hope that your family and the friends you love the most are wonderful to you after this.
You are an amazing father and a hilarious man. If you lose people over this, it is their loss, not your's.
Be strong Dan. You have a TON of supportive followers, even if we are just internet friends.
<3 Marjorie
Dan, I am so glad that a friend told me where to find this post. Ever since I read the first of your blog posts that I have read (I'm Christian, unless you're gay), I have felt there was a certain, though unspoken, identity connection between us. In the less than 24 hours that I've been reading your blog, I have been touched, amused, and humbled by your very open and honest sharing of who you are. You touch on things that I, and I am sure many of us, either feel, or have felt, and there is something about the commonality of human experience that we all share, that brings us together and causes us to identify with one another. THAT event is certainly wonderful, in that it breaks down barriers between people and allows for understanding, acceptance, and love.
In your post "Anything other than straight", you did a masterful job of expressing yourself, and the fears, and the wrestling that many of us experience(d) as we "come out". It is a scary thing, when you realize that what you've always been told you HAVE to be, just isn't a reality for you. I knew from a very young age, and actually identified what it was that was different for me, from about age 15. But in the conservative Deep South, and a rural area at that, in the 70's when I was running from it, it wasn't the right time to be honest about it. I was in my early 40's, at the time when my straight marriage was failing, when I decided that enough was enough, and I just couldn't -- I just wouldn't -- live that lie anymore. It had its repercussions, I assure you. But I got through it, too. Just like you are getting through it. It's been almost 15 years now, and looking back, although I still wish that the family life I had always dreamed of could have lasted my whole lifetime, I honestly would not change anything, nor go back, even if I could. I still love my two daughters very much (one born in 1980, the other in 1987), and they are blessings I would not have if I hadn't made the effort to at least try that "other" life.
Thank you for sharing your stories and, so, giving a voice to so many of the rest of us who either have not yet, or for whatever reason cannot yet, do so for ourselves. And thanks also that your blog and its comments section provide an open forum, a safe place where we all can discuss these things as much as we desire. I admire your courage in being open about so many of the struggles you have gone through, your jovial and chuckle-inducing ways of expressing things, and your determination to resist the temptation to lie down, give up, and disintegrate into a heaping pile of crying, squalling, self-pity and uselessness. You have a fan. A follower. A friend. Someone in your corner, who is pulling for you, and cheering you on. You go, boy!! :)
I love this post. It's amazing and perfect. You speak to the fear and doubt of being labeled so perfectly. I grew up Mormon too and still catch myself with similar expectations and prejudices, that anything other than straight (and what's more, male-centric straight) is just wrong. Love is beautiful in all of its forms, as long as it is between consenting adults who am I to judge what, how or why they love? What's more, who am I to judge them as anything other than the entire person that they are, not just one label about one aspect of their personality? Thank you for sharing this.
What an incredibly touching post. I love that you can be so publicly honest. I hope and pray that you can find love and acceptance with your friends and family if you ever choose to tell them about this. I know many gay and bi-sexual people, male and female, and it is a very small part of who they are. Their loyalty, faithfulness and kindness is far more important than who they choose to sleep with.
I just found your blog, you are an amazing person. Our sexuality doesn't define who we are as a person. What we do to better the world defines that. I shall keep reading you now that you have my utmost respect.
How about not being gay? Or straight? or bi? How about being human? And happy? and whole? How about loving and being loved for those things rather than gender? Finding the one that your heart delights in...and just loving them...for who they are and how they live and for feeling more free with them than without them...
I love your blog more now than I did before.
The truth is an interesting thing - being honest with yourself is hard sometimes, but so worth it.
You are admirable, lovable and PERFECT. I'm certain that your son is proud to have such a brave, honest, and genuine Dad. Those are the qualities that make a decent human being. The people that love you won't judge the small details. :)
Well you're going to have to do FAR more than this before I stope likeing you and supporting your blog. ROCK ON, friend. Things are going to get a"Whole lot better" for you now. In the words of a very famous Jew, "Ye shall know the truth, and THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE"
I've never commented on your posts, but I had to tell you that this one brought tears to my eyes. You are strong. You are brave. And I thank you for having the courage to not deny yourself. I wish you good friends, and people who stand by you because of who you are, not what you're labeled. I wish you good fortune, that you may find your path to happiness. And I hope you know that for every person out there who will distance themselves because you're out, there are more of us who will accept you as you are, and wish you well.
Stay strong. Stay brave.
This was so courageous and beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.
You are a star! Honesty is best in my book and I commend you for your honesty and who you are! Keep being great!
As a gay person of faith, I was amazed and moved by this piece...as I am pretty much by all that you blog (and which I share with friends on my Facebook). You will probably never know the impact you have with your words and thoughts. Keep writing. Keep the faith. And you and Noah keep smiling.
So much love
Take a deep breath. It will be okay. It may not ever be the same, but eventually, it will be okay. I don't know you and you don't know me. I am a straight christian mother of five and I support you. I will reach out a hand of friendship so that you know you are not alone right now. Please don't crawl in a corner. Open your front door and step into the sunlight and truly embrace all the amazing things that you are. A person should never be defined by something as silly as who they love, or rather, the gender of who they love. You LOVE. That is the important part. I truly hope that your family and friends are able to step away from a narrow view and simply LOVE YOU. Wishing you an amazing journey sir.
Nothing but <3
Wow! I don't know what to say. Oh wait...yes I do. You'll have to try a lot harder to lose me as a subscriber. I've been reading you for a long time, but have never posted a comment., so let me introduce myself. Hello Dan, my name is Joanna...I love your writing...I love what you do, and...guess what? I love you...for the person you are and for the person you are becoming.
I like, occasionally even love, a lot of what you write, but I never expected you'd match the power of "I’m Christian, unless you’re gay." I was wrong. Thank you.
Wow. I'm just seeing this today and I'm sitting in my kitchen crying my eyes out. The bravery that it must have took to write this! Your son is one lucky dude to be raised by a guy who is not afraid to open himself up to the world and reveal his truth. You're showing him what real men are made of. Bravo. I don't even know how long ago you wrote this, but I hope things are much better for you now, Dan!
Kate Leong
One of the best blogs I have read. Thank you for sharing.
I can think of a whole lot of labels to pin on you, sir: articulate, brilliant, gutsy, authentic, courageous, effective, awesome, and possibly even sexy (although I usually reserve judgment on that until I've met someone in person). And I think these labels are useful for offering insight to a stranger into what you might be like.
The label "bisexual" may be objectively accurate, but it's useless. It doesn't tell anybody anything about YOU; it (and their reaction to it) only tells people about themselves.
When you screw something up (and everyone does from time to time), apologize for what you DO. Never, never, never apologize for what you are. Bright Blessings on the journey that lies before you, and thank you for all the good you do in the world by saying what needs to be said.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing, Dan. What a strong man you are to share something so intensely personal. I can only imagine how many scared/lost/lonely/confused people you are helping with your openness. You're playing a part in making this a better, loving world!
Dan, your flipping awesome.... I dont care if you gay, straight or in between you're an amazing person and I still like you and your post
Powerful.
I really appreciated this post, having struggled with sexuality myself. I've learned that the people who accept you regardless of your sexual orientation are usually the ones who matter more anyways. Keep your chin up, and try to focus on those awesome people in your life who support you!
Thank you so much for sharing.
My admiration for you just skyrocketed for this post. I agree with you on how I much I dislike labels. This particular piece of yours made me tear up, but in a good way. Thank you for these words.
You are a very brave man, no matter how long it has taken you to come to that realization. I am a recent follower of you and have enjoyed your posts and photos on Facebook, but that is just the surface of a person-this comes more to the heart of you. I am thankful for your honesty and pray for your peace of mind. Not "pray" in a creepy you're wrong kinda way, NOT AT ALL, but pray that you and those around you can finally have peace with the small part of the whole man that you are. I am heterosexual, but I have a gay mother who came out when I was 16-I'm 40 now and I still see the struggle she has to deal with in the world, but not with those that love her. I pray that those that love you will come to acceptance and peace as well. Thank you for sharing your story. I pray your struggle with self acceptance lessens everyday and that soon you will be free to love and be loved for the whole man that you are.
Mandy
I just found your blog so I'm not a long term reader - but I think I'll be staying. There is no reason that any person should have to hide and struggle as you did just to accept who you are. There is no acceptable reason that anyone should treat you differently because of who are - You are not a label. From the little bit I've seen so far, you are a compassionate, dedicated person - the kind of person I like to have in my life. I hope your speaking out here eases the emotional burden you've been carrying. I'm sure it has helped others fighting the same battle.
*hug*
I'm sorry that you had so much fear and pain. Here is one more person who accepts you, no matter what. I've loved reading your blog, as I find your voice so compelling. I hope this is a wonderful new start for you, free from that suffocating doubt and fear.
*hug*
I will continue to follow your blog. One of my favorite quotes is: “It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”
― André Gide, Autumn Leaves.
@IowaRobin thanks, iowarobin, for a great jumpoff for this thought: i'm not unlike many (if not most) in that boat. i did hate myself for what i was.
this self-persecution must end. god forbid anyone should go through the self-condemnation and suffer the distortions of love that come with it. one of the insidious roots is feeling the need to establish a "label" that cannot be undone.
There are so many things I suddenly want to say, but I don't know how to summarize. All the better, because I'll probably stick my foot in my mouth anyway.
This post broke my heart -- not because you're bisexual (to be perfectly frank, I ... don't care) but because of the pain and suffering that came through.
And after reading waaaay more than I should have (I'm sure there was something I had to get done but boy, those hours disappeared) and finding my way back to this post, I think I can safely say you're still the same Single Dad Laughing, and that means you're pretty dang awesome. I very much hope you haven't seen anything but an increase in love from your readers in the last two months.
holy flying spaghetti monster!!!
1. i had no idea that "single dad laughing" wrote that awesome bit about "christian unless"
2. i had no idea that you were anything other than "straight" until i read this
3. i posted in your truth bucket just prior to clicking around your site
4. your story is 95% the same as mine
5. your revulsion of what you call "labels" is *EXACTLY* the same reasoning as mine
6. *ALL* my friends understand that i refuse to answer to anything other than a form of my name
7. when asked directly by my children "dad, mom says you're gay. are you?" i answered truthfully, "no." and that was the end of it. unsaid, they know for damned sure i'm not "straight" and know deeply how much i despise reducing a person to one feature. (you don't say "my straight friend" do you?)
8. i wish, in a way, that i had started your website. i'd love to have been as kind and helpful to random seekers.
brother, i swear on my honor, that every one of those 8 things are true. i've never signed up on a blog site. ever. that's saying something since i've been an old man of the 'net since 1990. i created this account to put my online name to these words.
If you were my neighbor, I would very much enjoy having you over for lunch. We could have some good laughs; good conversations.
I have been reading your blog for awhile, but somehow I missed that you came out until now. I am a 27 year old woman who has been married to a man for 7 years, had two kids, but is finally coming to terms with the fact that I am a lesbian. I'm in the process leaving my husband, who is heartbroken, and have started to come out to my family and friends. Thank you for validating how I feel.
Was just re-reading this after sharing it with a friend, and I just want to say...I love you, Dan!
Hi Dan,
I remember coming out in the very early 80's...it took me a few years to get past the confusion of my sexuality...it was not easy as when I was coming out, so was the Aids epidemic. It was an awful time..wondering if family and friends would be accepting, wondering how much my world would change. I don't know why people have to define themselves through anything other than just who they are. I certainly don't walk around with a label on me. I am who I am, and those who love me know who I am and not "just a homosexual". I think we are more than our sexuality...I don't like getting caught up in all the politics of it either. Being homosexual is not trendy or a phase...homosexuals have been around since the dawn of time. I think what scares most people is what they do not understand, so they instantly reject anything that is different from "the norm". Well nobody is the same..and nobody admits it. The support is out there for coming out. You are certainly not alone at all. Those who love you and accept you for who you always have been and always will be are the people that you surround yourself with. You are not an alien. Enjoy your life...don't let it be defined by others.
Dear Dan,
I have been married for 20 years and have two wonderful daughters. Although generally we had a happy life, there was always an undercurrent of dissatisfaction that would arise now and then. I genuinely love my wife and enjoyed all aspects of our relationship including sex. However, with sex, my wife always felt there was something missing.
I struggled for years with the same thoughts as you. Worrying about what other people would think of me, and how the relationship I had with them would change or even disappear. By 2010 I had had a few years of depression. During that period I had been through some counselling and done a course of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (highly recommend it) which helped me to spend time with myself thinking about how I feel about me, my sexuality, and slowly accepting myself.
One day in November 2010 during a conversation about sexuality my wife asked my if I was gay. I had 10 torturous seconds to decide to tell the truth or keep going on the same way torturing myself and my wife. I said "yes, I think I am" and promptly burst into tears.
Two years on, and I'm out to all my friends and family. I still love my wife, but we have separated and are in the process of organising financial settlement and divorce. We have a great relationship, she has a partner, my kids are well adjusted and enjoy being with me and my partner. I'm fortunate that my wife was so accepting and understanding.
I understand how it is to feel the way you do about not being straight. There is a path you need to travel and experience till you are ultimately happy, but my experience is that you will get there. Be patient and kind to yourself.
The typical flow of emotions is something like this (I'll assume gay is the active word here as it was in my case):
Unaware - I don't know what gay is
Denial - I'm not gay
Rejection - I can change it
Suppression - I can control it
Hatred - I hate being gay
Acceptance - healthy and unhealthy
Celebration - I LOVE being gay
I'm the President of the Gay And Married Mens Association which is an Australia support group for men who are in heterosexual relationships and are coming to terms with their same sex attraction. I work with me who are in all the various stages of coming out, and many who are still married who are exploring their options and ideas. You can check it out on http://www.gamma.org.au
Its never easy to come out, but it seems you have come to a level of acceptance of yourself. Love yourself just a little more Dan, you are worth it. I thought my life would implode, but I was pleasantly surprised. The nature of some of my friendships has changed, and many of the friends I saw when I was a "straight couple" I don't see as often, but I have found that though my circle of friends has changed, I am valued, and respected, and loved.
I now live by my core values of honesty, integrity, acceptance, and discovery.
I have written about my experiences of coming out on http://walkingthroughthedoors.wordpress.com
Best wishes
Steve
@spbloom I'm with you Steve. Got to say I have tremendous admiration for Dan too. Just subscribed to your blog.
I think being bisexual is one of the harder minorities to be. Especially as one who has children and is/was married, and outwardly, I appear to be completely hetero-normal. I am bisexual. I am also on my second marriage, and I came out of the first one with two children. I am now married to a guy. Again. He knows about my sexual orientation, and is comfortable with me in my own skin. I am attracted to him, because he is an intelligent, morally superior individual, and because he looks like Alan Tudyk ;) We also happen to be military, and living halfway around the world, currently. We are in a fishbowl, surrounded by religious conservatives who tend to not embrace "alternative lifestyles" or those who lead them. My close friends and family know, but I typically don't talk about it much. It's just easier than defending myself, which I have no inclination to do. There have been a couple of instances where my preference came up in casual conversation around the wrong person(if asked, I never am dishonest about it, I just don't flaunt it, I guess), and then I was hounded doggedly by some horny guy who thought I was a novelty and wanted to ask me all kinds of personal, awkward questions, because bisexual women are obviously only saying it out loud for sexually deprived married guys to masturbate to later. AmIright? Thanks for being so open and honest, and I really hope I have the chutzpah to post my outward declaration on my own blog. You are an inspiration.
@athenahm Your post really resonated with me. I'm a straight military wife, also living halfway around the world, who just lost a "friend" (fellow military wife) this past week because I stood up to her when she was making cruel online statements about gay and lesbian servicemen and women and their partners. We have an uphill battle to fight in our little military community but I just wanted you to know that there are Christian and non-religious military spouses out here fighting for you and others in your shoes. My heart breaks every time I see that a LGBT dependent isn't recognized on post or in the FRG, my blood boils every time the conservative religious gang (there are so many, aren't there?) starts bullying and reducing LGBT servicemembers and their partners to an "agenda" instead of the people they are.
Keep your head up. I know from experience that mil-spouses can eat you up and spit you out when they disagree, but times are changing, hopefully sooner rather than later.
@pkng_nomad @athenahm Thank you so much. It is so good to hear. Mil-spouses really can be some of the meanest ones out there, especially if they assume you are on their side of an issue.
@pkng_nomad Thank You! I am humbled and forever grateful for your unconditional support.
@athenahm I did it! Not only did I come out on my first blog, I started another blog that is more about the things that matter to me on a daily basis. Thanks for the inspiration, Dan!! http://notsostandardissuespouse.wordpress.com/about/