Have you ever noticed that people like to feel all noble and awesome by telling the people whose choices or lifestyles they fundamentally disagree with, “I won’t judge you for that.”
Other similar statements also include, “I would never judge anybody who did that,” “it’s not my place to judge you for that,” or “I don’t judge anyone for that.”
I think I hear it most from Mormons, probably just because I live in Utah and am constantly surrounded by them. Oh, and because I do a lot of things that they fundamentally disagree with.
I drink sometimes. I don’t believe in the concept of “waiting till I’m married.” I swear for fun sometimes. And I have no trouble telling anyone any of this because I just don’t think it’s wrong.
And because of that, I hear that phrase more often than you’d imagine. “I’m not going to judge you for it!”
Ummm… thank you?
Let’s be real. That statement is just passive-aggressive judgment. It’s a statement that says, “dude, I think that’s wrong, and I am going to let you know without being the modern-day prude who can’t tolerate worldly shenanigans.”
I hear it about gays all the time. People say, “I don’t agree with it, but I’m not going to judge anyone for it.”
Don’t you really mean… “I don’t agree with it, I think it is wrong, I don’t want you to judge me for judging, so I’m going to tell you I don’t judge anyone for it.”
Errr, something like that anyway.
I mean, think about it. If you walked into the room and I told you, “I won’t judge you for wearing those pants,” am I really saying I won’t judge you? Or am I saying that I already judged you and your awesome pants?
There’s no way that I wouldn’t feel like a schmuck if I thought I looked super sexy and you told me out of the blue, “I won’t judge you for that haircut.”
If you’re going to judge, judge and take the heat for it. If you’re not going to judge, don’t judge and be okay with nobody ever noticing.
Just don’t judge me, then lie to me about it. Please.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. Do you agree? Is saying you don’t judge what I say it really is? Passive aggressive judging?