I am working on a short response to all of your amazing responses to my coming-out post. I should have it out this afternoon or tomorrow. I thought I’d be hiding in that corner for a while, but you all made sure that I didn’t have to do that.
If you read the comments on yesterday’s post, the tweets, or the responses on Facebook, you probably noticed that I received a huge outpouring of love.
What you probably didn’t notice was that my Facebook subscriber count dropped quite a bit when I first posted it. In fact, throughout the day, I lost more than 2,000 subscribers (even though I gained more than that).
The reason I bring this up is because almost none of the people who left were saying anything mean or vicious or nasty on their way out. How could they?
The love was so much louder.
And for that, I am beyond thankful. This all could have been very different for me had your love not swept in and made sure to take care of me.
Yesterday I also went to the gym, and they played a commercial for www.loveislouder.com which I had to look up when I got home. It’s a project of the JED Foundation and MTV and is awesome beyond awesome. I hope you’ll all go check it out.
And if you do the “Love is Louder” thing on your hands (which I challenge you to do!), I hope you’ll send me the photos too. I’d love to make a blog post out of SDL folks who participate. That’d make a really Beautiful You this Sunday, wouldn’t it?
I love you all. Thanks again for making sure that love was indeed louder. I needed that more than you’ll ever know.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. Here’s their little video.
If someone won't love you because you have attractions to someone of the same sex as well as the opposite sex, then they don't deserve you. I haven't actually met you, but I can just tell you are a phenomenal guy! I personally think everyone has attractions to both, some just hide the one they aren't as comfortable with. I am straight, but there are some women that could convince me to try the other way if my religion wasn't at play too...
If this is awkwardly read, it's because I awkwardly typed this to avoid my cat, who is sleeping on my desk and in a large area of the keyboard.**
I've been told plenty times before that I look 'dyke-ish', butch, and like a lesbian. I've heard it so many times I treat it like a joke, because it doesn't bother me. And I doubt it ever will bother me much.
The truth is, while I'm not a lesbian, I am bisexual. I am also a Christian, albeit a poorly practicing one, but a believer nonetheless. My mother is a die-hard Christian and my father and brother are both homophobic. My extended family is basically the same, save the younger generations.
I will never tell my parents.
My mother tells me almost everyday that "You'd better not be gay!" It stings, but after a while I shrug it off. I'm not gay. I'm just not straight, either.
I've accepted this fact about myself in my freshman year of high school, and recognized myself as such. I've also accepted that my family cannot, will not accept this of myself if I ever tell them, thus I will not.
Yes, it may be cowardly, but in all honesty, I'd rather keep the relationship I have with my mother as it is in all its flawed glory than rip her to pieces on the off-chance that she will never recognize me as me.
I am bi. I am Christian. I am me. No one will ever change that.
Dan, I just have to say that I have been following you on facebook for....Wow it must be close to 2 years now. Anyway, in that time period I have come to know you as a loving father and a truly caring and considerate human being. I have never seen how a person's sexual orientation can possibly change who they are as a person. Regardless of what gender you are attracted to, you are still you. And I happen to think you are a pretty cool person. My hat is off to you for having the courage to not only come out to your family and friends but to your followers. You did change my opinion of you the day you came out. I have an even deeper respect for you as a person and really hope that my own son grows up with the morals and character that you have shown to the world. Thank you for being you. You really have no idea what an impact all of your blog posts have on the lives of others but I hope that the outpouring of love that you have been shown gives you a small glimpse of how much others appreciate you and the insight that you bring to their lives and mine.
So, you came out of the closet. Your gay. Does it really matter to me in the big scheme of things? Nope. Your a great, loving, supportive Dad. Your a successfull man. Your a good friend. You have a loving heart. Your wise and insightful. What you do behind closed, private doors is none of my or anyone else's business. Anyone who says any different can kiss my fat, white, Wiccan butt! Carry on and be strong.
I've read your blog a few times (I'm Christian unless you are gay, 16 Ways I blew my marriage, You've just broken your child. Congratulations) and loved it, but I didn't subscribe because I have problems spending too much time on line, and I didn't want something else to be distracted by.
Recently, I have been riveted to my seat reading your posts each day. Your honesty and bravery blows me away, not to mention your amazing writing style! Thank you so much for posting. I am so glad you are you, and that you are sharing your journey with the world. I am also really happy to see the outpouring of support you are getting.
I am confused by the comments from women (that you mentioned) about you being un-dateable now because I don't get that at all. If anything, you are more "dateable" because you are your whole honest self. It will be more possible to share love with others now that you are admitting who you are and loving yourself. That kind of comment really has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with the insecurities of the speaker.
I also don't think following your blog is a distraction from the real world for me because I am reminded of so many things that help me in life. It's a much better way to spend my time than looking at Facebook or lurking in internet shops where I can't afford to buy anything!
Your blog has inspired me to start blogging again. I need to do a formal goodbye post on http:nomoregarbage.wordpress.com and then start a new blog-something about trying to stay whole in a broken world. Thanks so much for being here, Dan!
I just discovered your blog through Pinterest. It seems that I happened upon you at a crucial point in your life, a time when you are finally able to be your true authentic self. I can only imagine how difficult it was, especially telling your brother, but he loves you and will adjust. Love is louder. I'm so happy for you. ~Delores @http://www.vignettedesign.blogspot.com
Love IS louder! This week has been a sad horrible week. My 56 year old brother in law Dan is in the critical care unit with many organ failure. It seems he is dying. But my heart is not breaking for my BIL it is breaking for his thirty three year companion Alan. They are a gay couple. A beautiful devoted gay couple who have lived for each other for thirty three years. As I sat watching Alan stroke Dan's hand, stroke his forehead and murmurer words of love in his ears I think to myself now this is truly love. As Alan breaks down in tears saying how he can't imagine living without Dan by his side my eyes tear up also because I can't imagine these two men apart. The twenty three years I have known and loved them I never see them apart. The shame of it is they were never truly allowed to be a real married couple. Rejected by society yet they could show many traditional couples what love is. Through Dan's many problems Alan has stood like a rock by his side. Uncomplaining and filled with love. As I drove home from the hospital last night leaving Alan there to again sleep at the hospital in fear this was there last night together I was fill with such sadness and anger at our society, at the judgment, at the intolerance of such beautiful love.....It should not matter who you love but that you get to experience that true and undying love! it be with a man or a woman! Find that love and don't let society stop you!!
When someone opens their life, that openness should be met with open hearts, not closed minds. I'm glad that you have discovered who you truly are. God bless.
He drew a circle that shut me out--
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win;
We drew a circle that took him in.
- Edwin Markham
Don't worry about what you lost. The ones that left were missing the whole point of your blog and message. If love is conditional, is it really love?
I'm not sure how to ask this question... Or where to ask it (and please feel free to delete this later for irrelevance to the topic) but I'm getting email updates of every comment you receive on this post and your coming out post... And that is thousands of comments. I'd like to be able to turn the email updates off without unsubscribing... Out of desperation and in an effort to not bother anyone with this question, I actually tried to figure out how to unsubscribe and resubscribe, but I couldn't figure out how to do that, either.
But really, I don't want to need to unsubscribe every time I post a comment just so I don't get email updates of all comments subsequently posted!
If anyone can help, it would be greatly appreciated. I didn't see a "subscribe to comments" selection box (and I didn't select such an option). But even if I did, I'd now like to stop getting them via email....
You are a very strong person, Dan. Just because you lost subscribers on FB doesn't mean you are unloved, and you had the grace to see that. I think those people just decided, sadly, that they don't have anything in common with you anymore and can't abide subscribing to you because they are different from you.
We need differences of all kinds to make the world go round. Keep your positive attitude and remember that you have many friends among your followers. Many of us are willing to chat if you need to; you need only ask. I am checking out Love is Louder and will post a picture if I can.
There is also a wonderful organization called To Write Love on Her Arms. It has a somewhat similar message, and both groups give me hope that we can make our world a better place for ourselves and our children. Thank you for being you, and being brave enough to share your journey with the rest of us. It gives me hope that maybe I can teach my daughter better ways to deal with the bullies and hatred than what I learned. Thank you and thank you again.
Dan, I love the photo of you that accompanies this post. You can clearly see the relief, the release from stress and worry and dread, from the fear of how you will be perceived and possibly shunned. I see the joy, the warmth, the hope, and the life that has returned to you. The look on your face is the personalization of the message on your hand. This is a great pic. You deserve to feel this way. What you did is incredibly courageous.
Love is louder. A woman today came into the co-op where I work today and was giving away free hugs/kisses/high-fives. She wore a shirt that said "Depression is a silent killer. Love is louder." It gave me goosebumps and I promptly gave her a hug.
Whether we "believe" in homosexuality or not, all humans deserve respect in their chosen path. We're not all the same religion nor do we all share the same beliefs, so why should we all be the same? Love and tolerance are critical. Tolerance for those difference from ourselves. Tolerance is the root of an advanced society, one that protects the basic rights of all its citizens. Those against such tolerance should be aware that the basis of discrimination is prejudice, and the basis of prejudice is fear.
As a resident of Minnesota, I am proud to have voted "no" this election, defeating the amendment to our state's constitution that would ban same-sex marriage. Discrimination has no place in governmental policies.
Kudos to you, Dan, and the many ways you've touched people with your story.
"The reason I bring this up is because almost none of the people who left were saying anything mean or vicious or nasty on their way out. " In this day and age, you have to love that. If they disagree with your lifestyle/choice/whatever that's fine, but nobody needs to be hurtful or disprespectful. Good for them to politely walk away.
Dan, I love you in a (hopefully) non-creepy, never-met-you, platonic-internet buddy kinda way. Take care of yourself and Noah, and know that you are making the world a better place just by exisiting!
I must say, I read a fair chunk of your comments from your coming out post,and thought to myself "wow, not a lot of angry boo-urns like the 'I'm Christian, unless you're gay' post... this makes me feel hopeful for the future, in a way". It was heartwarming for me, as a spectator. A lot of the comments made me a little weepy too. You INSPIRE hope buddy! Did you see some of those comments? Coming out because of YOUR strength to be honest with yourself and those around you? Amazing, brilliant, beautiful, whatever you want to call it... I am in awe. I am so glad you exist. I am so glad you are a gifted writer, a gifted, talented empathetic man with so much potential. A potential to rock this crotchety old world view. Good luck in life, my friend. I wish I could blow your head up ten times its size with all the awesome things I could say about you, a man I barely know, but totally respect and admire from simply reading his blog. Noah is a very lucky boy to have such a wonderful man as a father. Best wishes, Kala.
I had never heard of "Love is Louder" it's awesome. I am in. : ) Thanks for letting us know about it.
I have loved your blog since I read "congratulations you just broke your child". It was very obvious what an amazing father you are. Your writings have made me smile, laugh, cry and see what a great person you are. I have to say your "anything but straight" post hurt my heart. I wanted to knock on your door and say get out of the corner!! You are such a beautiful person and you deserve to be happy and proud of who you are. I'm very glad you didn't take your own life, because you Dan are meant for great things. You are such a positive force in this world, so please keep your head up, way up. (unless Noah is around, because there are probably toys on floor and you'll trip) :)
<3<3<3 Keep being true to yourself. I never really comment...but I lurk and I love. You are an inspiration to so so many.
love is louder is awesome! do you know about TWLOHA (to write love on her arms)? it is an awesome org and i was fortunate enough to meet the founder a few years back. after hearing of this org from my niece, i got a love bracelet tattoo. this way i am always sporting LOVE. :D
Dan, I'll be sending my picture later but, I've been a fan since I read "Congratulations, you just broke your child"... a while now :)
The outpouring of love for you gives me hope. and funny as it is, it also reminded me of one of my favorite verses (that I use often to remind people to quit judging)
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love ya man. Keep up the great work. Keep being a great man, father, brother, and awesome dude!!!!
I have loved your blog since "Unless You Are Gay" and I have taken the heartfelt and insightful advice in "16 ways" and hope to use it in my life. I read yesterday's blog today and /le cried like a baby. You have this beautiful way of being completely painfully vulnerable and honest. It takes a hell of a lot more balls to share the stuff that scares the shit out of us than it does to pretend. I'm touched and inspired.
Melisa, the only problem with that is that thanks to mirror pictures, I always think my hair goes to the opposite side and then when I look at photos that aren't in a mirror I spend far too long trying to figure out what's "off."
Wrote about this almost a year ago...when you did your video response...http://hrhammy.blogspot.ca/2011/12/because-love-is-louder.html & http://hrhammy.blogspot.ca/2011/12/love-with-capital-l.html Congratulations for taking the courageous step to spread the message. Love Louder!
I wrote on SDL wall yesterday, but you see how those things get buried LOL. You are beautiful Dan! I'm so proud of you for being honest with yourself. That honesty can bring you the opportunity to be truly happy. Keep being you! Keep being awesome!!!
The first thing I read of yours was I am Christian. I have been a fan since then. You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself and giving a voice to others who may not have the skills to do so themselves. (If that makes sense.) I think you should know that some of us are not totally surprised by your revelation and it won't change things for your loyal followers. The others. . . well they probably wouldn't have lasted long anyway. Truth comes out in times of trial.
I have no one to take a picture, or I would submit one in a heartbeat! I have so much mad respect for you and your courage - and Love truly IS Louder!
I admire your post / announcement. It didnt change anything about how i view you or your blogs. You are awesome tho for knowing you may be shunned yet doing it anyway. You are loved and that will continue!
Hugs to you. While I am out as a bisexual I am NOT out to most as someone who has been in the BDSM lifestyle scene for years. It would kill my husband's mom and dad and certainly alienate the rest of his family (we are in this together). The point is, we ALL have something we can't tell others. One day you might be able to tell them, especially if you find a female partner, but you may never. Like myself. The world is a cruel place. In the meantime, YOU have admitted to yourself that your bi. Just like Dan did. That is always the most important step, even if you never go further than that.
@CJC One of my favorite poems of all time. Love.
@Tandemmama Should be a link in each e-mail "View or change your notification settings" that directs you to a page where you can select which e-mails you'd like to receive.
@Dan in ABQ @Tandemmama I figured it out! The hourly digest emails I was getting had too many comments to display fully in my email program, so the end of almost all of them was cut off. I bet this isn't usually a problem. Thanks again for helping me figure it out--my settings have been changed so that I'm notified of replies and likes only. The upside of my confusion is that SO many supportive, overwhelmingly positive comments continue to pour in! :)
@Dan in ABQ @Tandemmama Thanks, Dan! The email that just came through with this comment (from you) had what you describe but for some reason the emails that contain multiple comments (which to this point, have been all of the emails for the coming out post comments) did not have any of those options. Since I looked at a few emails for notification links, I thought they'd all be the same. Thank you!!!