How about something funny and light-hearted to break things up for a bit?
You know what they say… Kids say the darndest things. As a parent, I am reminded of that daily. Like when Noah yesterday said, “Dad, I don’t wanna swim anymore cause it makes my pooter get tiny!”
Anyway, in an attempt to feel like a normal parent, I asked you on the SDL Facebook Page what the funniest thing was that you’ve ever heard a kid say. Here are a few of your answers.
- The other day, though, we were in the car going to the store and she asks “What you doing, Mommy?” I replied “Just driving, Audrey. What are you doing?” As she slid her sunglasses on to her nose she says “Just looking for fairies.”
- My 10yr old at dinner. “Mom, can you bring me a napkin. When food is this delicious I may get messy.”
- The four-year old daughter of a transgender friend, while touring a prospective preschool: “My momma used to be a boy, but she got better.”
- 4 year old student comes in with multiple scrapes and bruises on one side of his face, arm, and leg. I asked what happened. His reply: “Well, I took the training wheels off my bike and I went down the sidewalk doing jiggles. I hit a bump and I went weeeeeeee, right over the handle bars. I thought ‘this is better than flying’ and then I hit the ground and said ‘this is NOT better than flying’ “
- While making my son, Brighton, who was 4 at the time, and my breakfast one morning, Brighton and Emme (my then 3 month old who was exclusively breast fed) had a little conversation. Brighton: “Emme, if you want to order something, you tell me, I’ll tell Mom.” Emme: “Gooooooooowooooooo” Me: “Did she order something?” Brighton: “She wants boobies.” Me: “Well, OK!” Brighton: “TWO BOOBIES COMIN’ UP!”
- My nephew after getting chewed out by my sister about not doing what he was supposed to be doing replied, “I’m little I don’t know all the rules.”
- I had really bad chest congestion and was bent over coughing. My son, who has Down Syndrome, came over and started to pat me on the back. I was touched until he said “hack it UP already, you’re making me NUTS!”
- My son, age 6: “Mom, when am I ever going to have a little brother or sister?” Me: “I don’t know, sweetie. They don’t always come along just because you want them” (Ponders this.) “I can lend you and Dad my copy of ‘Where Did I Come From?’ Then you’ll have instructions.”
- I rushed my three year old into the restroom at Target. She went and I decided I may as well since we were there. When I pulled my pants down and sat down, my beloved daughter says “wow mommy, your tushie takes up ALL the potty!” I swear I wanted to die and the woman in the next stall snorted from laughing so hard.
- We had been playing the “I’ve got your nose” game with my two year old son. He and my seven year old, at the time, were sitting in the bath together when my two year old lunged forward, grabbed his brothers penis and yelled “I’ve got your penis!”
- “Mom, you’re so pretty!””Why thank you sweetie””when I grow up, am I going to grow horns too?” (referencing a budding adult pimple in the middle of my forehead)
Continued on next page.
Today I asked my kids what they wanted from the grocery store. My 8 year old said, "Chocolate! I hate all that healthy stuff you buy."
When my daughter was 2 we were still working on manners. While in the tub she asked for a Barbie doll to play with and I asked for the magic word. Instead of the "please" I was expecting she said, Bippity, Boppity , Boo.
Yesterday I was at my cousin's re-constructive surgery BBQ (She had breast cancer and now she is getting her chest back). Her son who is four was looking for the mini Snickers bars. After he was searching far and wide for them, he comes back outside. "Mom, where the heck are the Snickers?" Mom then says "I think we ate them all." Followed by him saying, "I'm going to keep looking. They are so STINKIN' hard to find!!!"
When my oldest daughter was about 3, she tooted, looked at me with a giggle and told me her butt snapped (like finger snapped)...I about died laughing. My 15 year old, Stephanie, at the age of 3, looked at my uncle, who loved to antagonize her and said, holding her little fist in the air "I'm gonna give you one of these and I'm not gonna 'pologize either!" She's also well remembered in my family for playing outside, same age, on her little 3 wheeled scooter. Going down the sidewalk one day with my aunt walking along side, she hit a crack and fell. Stephie got up, held her little knee and was saying "I'm ok......I'm ok" My aunt couldn't help but giggle at the fact that Steph wanted to show how tough she was. Little Stephie looked at her, straight faced and said "One of these days you're gonna fall and I'm gonna laugh at you" We about DIED when we heard the story. I could go on and on with what that child has said over the years...maybe I'll have to throw it up on my blog, lol!
When my son was four Power Rangers was a banned show in our house (we both later and still do train in karate). One day he came into my room, threw himself against the wall, placed his hand on his forehead in a classic "woe is me" pose and said, "Mommy, you hurt all my dreams". When I questioned how I had done so he answered "you won't let me watch Power Rangers" and dashed out of the room again in full melodramatic style. The fact that he did not go on to a stage career still surprises me
My 3 year old cousin and her preschool class learned the pledge of allegiance a month or so back. She was very excited to share what she had learned with the family. Her rendition is: "I pledge a-league-ence to the flag of the United States of America. And to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, OH MY GOD, indy-bib-able, with Liberty and Justice for awe." :)
I was teaching sunday school about the topic 'ethical behaviour and the prophets'me: "can you give me an example of what bad behaviour is?"7 year old girl "where are you from?"me: "Germany"she: "Well there was a man in Germany, his name was Hitler and then there was war and then he shot himself - that was bad behaviour"
My 4 1/2 year old was learning about "stranger danger" at school she came home and said "mummy if uncle james tries to put me in his van while I'm wandering around town on my own I must run away screaming STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER so the police come and beat him up" ERM no sweetie not quite; 1) your four and wont be wandering round town on your own and 2) can't see uncle james trying to bundle you into his van!
So my 4 yr old grandson is laying on his mommy's belly and says I hear a baby sister in there. I don't think so. He said I was in there then I unzipped the invisible zipper and came out now that's what the baby in your belly has to do!
Being a terrific aunt with no children of my own, I took my 4 yr old niece shopping for preschool clothes. Selecting a few new bras to try on, we were in the dressing cubicle when her little, high, plastic-y voice that-could-cut-through-lead pipes up, "Aunt Laura, your armpits are LOTS hairier than my mom's!!!" The vacuum of silence outside of the dressing rooms was deafening...
My son Conn just came into my room, hair all wet with soap in it (he used hand soap to 'style' it) Conn: I'm not Conn anymore! Me: oh yeah? Conn: nope, I'm handsome! *runs off*
On vacation in Dallas where there are a lot of banks, my boyfriend's 6-year-old sister, Chase, asked "Daddy, why does that building say 'C-H-A-S-E'?"
I brought my two year old son with to my first ultrasound. The nurse was pointing out the face of the baby so my husband had my son pay attention and look too. When he looked he paused and then said "Momma, its a monster baby."I said "No, its the baby." Alas he was certain, "No, Momma its a monster." I laughed so hard I almost peed. ( Last bit is probably TMI but its true. :) )
Recently, while driving my 4-year-old son to daycare, he says to me, from the backseat, "Mommy, I love you. You're so pretty.....and chubby." I said, "Um...thanks, buddy." So he looks contentedly out the window and says, "You're welcome."
Today my 4yr old son walks out the toilet holding his penis up "look mum my balls look like brains" still makes me giggle!
My five year old told me that according to what he had learned in nursery school, "there are traffic lights that are blind, but they make sounds, so you can see them anyway".
Today my 3 year old said, "Daddy, I love you!" "I love you , too," he replied. "No Daddy, I love you more than POOP!!!"
My son had entered parochial school shortly after being adopted (from China) and he was quickly acquiring both language and social learning. After a particularly hard day at school.. he came home and said he was exhausted. "Today we heard all about how God created the whole earth in 6 days. He made the heaven and the earth, all the animals and fish, all the trees.. etc. Is that true Mommy?" I replied "Yes, that is the story." and then he turned to look at me.. all wide-eyed and innocent and asked "Well, when God separated heaven from earth - where were you?" I am pretty sure I spit my water all over the place.
We were discussing Halloween costumes and my 7 yr old son wanted to go to the Halloween costume store that we went to last year. I told him it was now The Container Store. He said "Why would they change the Halloween store, where all kids dreams come true, into The Container Store? Aww....
When he was 5 years old I went into the bathroom and there was pee all over the seat. I asked him how that happened. He said "My penis got off balance."
I liked the one about coffee or beer in breasts - pretty funny stuff!
The funniest thing I've heard recently:
My 3 year old daughter was throwing all of her peanuts on the floor of the van, when I turned around to ask her about it and scold her, she held her hand up and said (in a justifying voice), "They're for the spiders."
Oh goodness, I have so so many quotes recorded on Facebook from when I used to babysit and nanny all the time.
7yo Chase: "Look how she's standing there. You think she's trying to be cool? I think she's trying to be cool, looking over her shoulder like that." in regards to Sacajawea on the dollar coin.
7yo Chase, playing Sunday school: "Lesson 5: Why did Moses move to Mars?"
7yo Chase, peeking his head out of the bathroom door: "You guys, there's like a sparkle nut in my poop!"
Me: "No mas, por favor." 3.5yo Kieran: "I'm not Por Favor."
3.5yo Jack, enthusiastically: "Old people die when they're old!"
My niece was listening to a conversation between my sister and her grandmother about being unsatisfied with customer service they had received. My 4 year old niece looks straight at her mom and says, "why don't you call them up and b**** them out?"
I about died laughing.
Last night my 4 year old was babbling non-stop in an effort to stay awake. He was talking about Christmas and I busted out laughing when I heard him say, "It's going to be Jesus' birthday soon. And then Santa Claus is going to come. And he say 'Ho, ho, ho' but he don't say 'Yo, ho, ho, blow da man down' because Santa is NOT a pirate!"
I was nursing my 10 month old, who has recently learned how to pinch. As he pinched me, I told him jokingly to leave my fat rolls alone. My 3 year old then said "Aww mom! I love all your fat belly rolls!" Gee ... thanks dear!!
Just last night my 3 yr old was trying to go potty on the big kid toilet
He sat a while and when nothing was coming out he said, "mommy theres no peepee coming out, they went nigh' nigh' in my bellybutton!"
Another of my favorites was when he had a cold when he was two, he had a runny nose and felt.it dripping and he said all sad like, "mommy my nose has tears!"
Ok, these are FUNNY as all get out. The thing I remember is my cousin's, at the time 5 year and what he told his grandmother. My aunt wanted him to pick up his toys. He was not doing as he was told. She reminded him again to which he replied, "Oh, HELL NO, you do it". Needless to say I left the room fast to keep from busting out laughing.
When my daughter was 4 years old during a meal she didn't really enjoy she was getting up and messing around and she asked me, "Mommy, want to see something?" I replied, " I want to see you eat your food." and without missing a beat she says, "Ha, yeah, and I want to see a cow jump over the moon!".
I think it is so funny how kids these days are so tech savvy, but have a hard time with the old-fashioned stuff. My 9 year old grandson was reading the box on some toaster pastries the other day and exclaimed "Hey Grandma, these have zero gigabytes of trans fats!".
I had a 3 year old pre-school student who was chinese and still learning English. He asked me to do up his zipper so I did and as I did I said "zzzzz. What kind of letter makes the zzzzz sound?" to which he replied "A BEE"
So this was about a decade before Skype...
I was waiting in line at the post office, and a boy about 2 pointed to one of the "Wanted" posters and said, "Look, mom, it's daddy!" She told him, "No, that's not daddy; those are bad men. Daddy's overseas" but the poor boy just kept insisting. Eventually she announced to those of us around her that daddy was in the military and her son had only seen his picture on the wall at their house the past year. The poor mom was redder than her boy's shirt though.
While driving with my 5 year old daughter, she, completely out of the blue, says "Mommy, Grandma has big boobs. Like, really, REALLY big boobs." Wasn't sure how to correctly respond so I just said "Why, yes...yes she does."
I was driving with my 3 yr old one day to meet my husband for lunch. My son,Wyatt asked where we were going to eat, I told him we were going to God Father's pizza. He replied with such glee and totally serious; "yay, I love that place, cause Jesus pizza is the best!"
My then-7 year old stepson told my family and I that he knew Spanish. When we said "You do?!" he replied, "Yep, ask me a yes or no question."
A few weeks ago my 6 year old son was up for school way too early. I was up and said to him "why don't you go get a blanket, you can lay down and watch TV until it's time to get ready" He looked at me without a pause and said "why don't you go over to the toaster and make me some breakfast". I was so shocked that I actually asked him what he wanted for breakfast, and then I was like "Wait WHAT did you just say to me???" LOL
Out for dinner, a friend took his daughter to go to the bathroom. (She was just going through toilet training at the time.) After she did her business, he did his. Her comment: "Wow, dad, that's a lot of pee! And how do you make it come out of THERE?"
Ok my 6 year old decides to inform me that her and her little friend like to breastfeed each other when they play house...just depends on who's the baby. Being a mom who beastfed her babies.....you know breast to cup and beyond.....i delicately decide to say something....trying to contain myself...."well maybe you shouldn't do that anymore....how about you just breastfeed your baby dolls?". "Well, i can at least just do it to myself can't I?". What?????? I thought you needed larger breasts than that to accomplish that....so i said, "How do you do that?" Shouldn't have asked....apparently you don't need large breasts to do that........at that point i just started laughing hysterically.....it was either that or cry...wow....
When my son was about 2 1/2 we were teaching him the word glasses, which he would always try to take off of my face. A few days later he looked at me and pointed to my glasses and said "assholes!" I tried not to laugh too hard because he really was trying to say glasses.
My niece is 4 and my nephew is almost 3. After a bath the other day he decided it would be funny to take off running thru the house before I could get a towel on him. As he made it to the living room my niece says " tony I see your biscuit and it has a tail"
My older son was about 3 yrs old. He would wait in his bed happily in the morning until one of us would come to get him in the morning, but would often call out to announce his waking up. One morning, he proudly announ "the Sun is up and so is my penis!". I almost wet myself laughing before getting out of bed to get him!! To this day, and he is now 14, that line goes down in history as being the one that everyone we know retells.
I have 2 girls age 4 and 7. They were watching some commercial for a toy. My 7 year old said "that doesn't look very fun, I don't want one." My 4 year old turns to her and said, "Well that's because you're not the target market."
My oldest responded by, "Yeah you're probably right."
Another funny story was when I was pregnant with my youngest. When the time came to tell her she'd be a big sister, we asked her "Would you like a little brother or a little sister?"
She was 3 years old at the time and thought about it. Then she said "neither I want a robot."
My five year old Katelyn and 8 year old Makayla shared bunk beds and one night while tucking them in, here was the conversation. Me to Katelyn: I love you. Her: More than Makayla? Me: No. Her (whispering): Yes you do, it's okay, it can be a secret. Makayla: I heard that. It was super funny!
My favorite has to be dropping the phone down the stairs. I bet the mom was mortified and watched her own language from then on!
As for the funnies thing I've heard a kid say, I think my now 16 year old wins. He was four and enjoying a day at the state fair. He loves dogs, so we went to the dog barn and then sat down in the bleachers to watch some dog agility. Now, these were people from a local agility group with their newly trained dogs. A gal was out there with her Elkhound, who was performing pretty well until it came to the long tunnel. He was supposed to go in one end and meet her at the other end. He obviously saw no point in this, so he kept following her as she ran to the other end of the tunnel. He also obviously understood that he wasn't quite doing what she wanted, so the last time the dog ran the length of the tunnel (which was fabric) jumping over top from side to side. The crowd laughed and when that inevitable silence comes after a good crowd laugh (the one kids can bullseye so well), my son said in his little boy voice, "My, that was quite unorthodox." Cue one more huge crowd laugh! The things kids of English majors say...
I adopted infants twins & then had a baby when they were 21 months so we didn't get out much. When the twins were about 3, we were at Wendy's eating at a table by the window. An African American guy got off the bus & starting walking towards the restaurant. My little boy said quite loudly and inquisitively, "Mommy. why does that man have mud on his face?" Then as he got closer "He has mud on his hands too. I guess he is coming in here to wash it off".
@KarisMorrow I about died from laughter! LOVE IT!
@4 under 5 Just funny to hear your kids say racist things, as below?