How about something funny and light-hearted to break things up for a bit?

You know what they say… Kids say the darndest things. As a parent, I am reminded of that daily. Like when Noah yesterday said, “Dad, I don’t wanna swim anymore cause it makes my pooter get tiny!”

Ummm…

Anyway, in an attempt to feel like a normal parent, I asked you on the SDL Facebook Page what the funniest thing was that you’ve ever heard a kid say. Here are a few of your answers.

  1. The other day, though, we were in the car going to the store and she asks “What you doing, Mommy?” I replied “Just driving, Audrey. What are you doing?” As she slid her sunglasses on to her nose she says “Just looking for fairies.”
  2. My 10yr old at dinner. “Mom, can you bring me a napkin. When food is this delicious I may get messy.”
  3. The four-year old daughter of a transgender friend, while touring a prospective preschool: “My momma used to be a boy, but she got better.”
  4. 4 year old student comes in with multiple scrapes and bruises on one side of his face, arm, and leg. I asked what happened. His reply: “Well, I took the training wheels off my bike and I went down the sidewalk doing jiggles. I hit a bump and I went weeeeeeee, right over the handle bars. I thought ‘this is better than flying’ and then I hit the ground and said ‘this is NOT better than flying’ “
  5. While making my son, Brighton, who was 4 at the time, and my breakfast one morning, Brighton and Emme (my then 3 month old who was exclusively breast fed) had a little conversation. Brighton: “Emme, if you want to order something, you tell me, I’ll tell Mom.” Emme: “Gooooooooowooooooo” Me: “Did she order something?” Brighton: “She wants boobies.” Me: “Well, OK!” Brighton: “TWO BOOBIES COMIN’ UP!”
  6. My nephew after getting chewed out by my sister about not doing what he was supposed to be doing replied, “I’m little I don’t know all the rules.”
  7. I had really bad chest congestion and was bent over coughing. My son, who has Down Syndrome, came over and started to pat me on the back. I was touched until he said “hack it UP already, you’re making me NUTS!”
  8. My son, age 6: “Mom, when am I ever going to have a little brother or sister?” Me: “I don’t know, sweetie. They don’t always come along just because you want them” (Ponders this.) “I can lend you and Dad my copy of ‘Where Did I Come From?’ Then you’ll have instructions.”
  9. I rushed my three year old into the restroom at Target. She went and I decided I may as well since we were there. When I pulled my pants down and sat down, my beloved daughter says “wow mommy, your tushie takes up ALL the potty!” I swear I wanted to die and the woman in the next stall snorted from laughing so hard.
  10. We had been playing the “I’ve got your nose” game with my two year old son. He and my seven year old, at the time, were sitting in the bath together when my two year old lunged forward, grabbed his brothers penis and yelled “I’ve got your penis!”
  11. “Mom, you’re so pretty!””Why thank you sweetie””when I grow up, am I going to grow horns too?” (referencing a budding adult pimple in the middle of my forehead)

Continued on next page.

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!