- My then three-year-old niece was talking to me on the cordless phone so she could walk around while telling me about the fun she had been having all day. All of a sudden I hear a series of loud thumps and a blood curdling scream. She screamed out “Holy sh** mom! I dropped her down the stairs!! Aunt Cindy are you ok??”
- Our dog is 13 and sometimes I give him aspirin to help with his joint pain. When my then four year old discovered this, he was incredulous and exclaimed “MOM, you CAN’T give that to Max!!! It has ASS in it!!!”
- My daughter, when she was 3, saw her big brother naked and exclaimed, “You have a PEANUT!” to which he said, “Yeah, well you’re allergic to peanuts.”
- “Mommy i just dont think i can watch cookie monster anymore!! Im stressing out!!! he only eats veggies now!!!”
- Innocently spoken of my turn signals inside the car, my 5 year old asked, “Mom, how do those green arrows know the way to Grandma’s house?”
- My granddaughter, probably around 5, was in the emergency room with her mom, who was having a severe asthma attack and some other severe things going on. So obviously she has many allergies. They decided to do a cat scan and as they were wheeling her out, my little granddaughter raised her hand and said, “Stop, my mom is allergic to cats!”.
- “Mama? When will you be dead?” (to which I replied not soon I hope, why?) and she said “Because if you were dead I could have a cat.”
- “Mom, I know you’re not really a great cook, but do you possibly think you can manage to make me some breakfast?”. Said by my adorable then-4 year old.
- I was nursing my baby and my mother was babysitting the neighbour’s 5 year old. The little boy wanted me to go outside and play with him. (Nicholas) “Grammie why can’t you just nurse the baby so Tara can come out and play with me?” (My mother) “Well Nicholas I don’t have milk inside of my breasts to nurse the baby.” (Nicholas) “OOOOOh!! YOu only have coffee and beer?”
- There was a young boy screaming his head off at a Target the other day because his mom wouldn’t by him a Hot Wheels toy car. One of the things he was shrieking was, “I’m having a heart attack, mommy!” “I’m not trying to be unrespectful but I need this car before I die!” It was very difficult to not laugh as this 4 year old threw the tantrum of the decade.
- A first grader raises his hand while writing in his journal. The teacher ( a coworker) asks him what he needs, he says “how do you spell penis?” the teacher comes over to him and whispers, “what are you writing about”? The little boy says “happiness, I know how to spell hap, i just need to know how to spell “piness”
If you laughed today, share that laughter everywhere you can share it. Like on Facebook or with your mother-in-law or with the lady doing your nails!
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. Knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the funniest thing you’ve heard a child say, and what was your favorite from today’s list?
Also, be sure to check out other editions of My KID said that?!