Yesterday we had a little too much fun with the first half of this list. We learned about creepy circus clowns at Christmas and what should be avoided on Christmas Eve to keep World War III from breaking out in our own homes.

Today I’ve got the other half of the list, which includes eight different questions I have sometimes wondered about Christmas, but for which I have never bothered to find answers. Enjoy. And if you missed the first seven, be sure to catch them here.

worried-santa

8 Different Things You Should
REALLY Know About Christmas
Question #1: What genius thought up kissing under the mistletoe?
It seems pretty solid, right? You’re bored. You’re lonely because it’s the holidays and you’re single (yet again). You see some pretty gal headed your way at a Christmas party, so you stand under the mistletoe until she passes by, hoping that she also happens to be single and lonely. Then at the perfect moment you pretend to "just barely have noticed where you’re standing," and you laugh about it with her until you’re both making out and making everyone else feel awkward for showing up at all. But where did this tradition come from?
Answer: Kissing under the mistletoe didn’t start as a "let’s get it on" tradition. In Scandinavia it was considered a plant of peace and enemies would meet below it to truce, or brawling spouses would meet below it to kiss and make up. Later, this made its way to an English tradition called the "Kissing Ball" which was made of Mistletoe, ribbons, and ornaments. At parties, each girl would stand below it. If she got kissed by someone, she could expect romance or deep friendship during the following year. If no one kissed her, she could count on not getting married for just as long.
Rest Easy:
If you stand under the mistletoe this Christmas, and no one approaches you, you still have a shot at getting married in the next year. Just go to mail-order-brides.gov.us.com.edu.net.
Question #2: How did Santa Claus become the larger than life man that he is today?
Nowhere is morbid obesity as accepted and celebrated as it is with our beloved Santa Claus. We like our Santa fat. The bigger the better. Every Christmas, hundreds of millions of people load him up with cookies and whole milk (and even beer in some homes) to make sure he stays that way. If there’s a skinny Santa at the mall we drive somewhere else to find a fat one. If we need a Santa at our parties, we ask the fattest guy we know. Santa is awesome partly because he’s rotund. How did this happen?
Answer: One day in 1822, Clement Moore sat down and wrote a poem entitled A Visit from St. Nicholas. You and I know it as Twas the Night Before Christmas. It was in this poem that the beginning of our modern day fat Santa started to take form. Moore gave Santa features like a round belly (that shook like a bowl full of jelly), a white beard, a suit of fur, and rosy red cheeks. The poem went majorly viral as newspapers and bloggers began sharing it everywhere. Cartoonists got in on the fun. Norman Rockwell added the red and white to Santa’s awesome outfit. Lots of people think it was the Coca-Cola company who did this, but they are as wrong as a penguin showing up at a Polar Bear’s barbecue.
Rest Easy: Fat Santa is not going anywhere. According to one source, Santa eats at least two bites of cookie from more than 1 billion cookies. He drinks a sip from half a billion glasses of milk to wash it down. That means he downs more than 38 billion calories on Christmas night. The weight he packs on from this can easily sustain his bowl full of jelly belly for at least the next year.
Question #3: Speaking of Santa, how did he end up living at the North Pole?
It sounds romantic, sure. Big fat guy, making toys for all the kids of the world up where nobody can find him. But what about poor Santa? Does he really like it there? Keeping his place heated must cost a small fortune with some nights dipping below -120 degrees. It adds thousands of miles onto his annual journey to live that far from civilization. He probably has to constantly deal with Polar Bears getting into his garbage bins. And let’s not even talk about how lonely it gets. Can we really expect Santa to get all of his social needs met with his elves? Employer/employee relationships are often strained at best. So why the North Pole, Santa?
Answer: I have not been able to find anything official that tells where the North Pole part of the story came from, however it’s a tradition that can be traced back clear to the 1820s. If I had to guess, some Scrooge back in the day threatened his kids with the notion that generosity and happiness would only land them in a remote frozen wasteland, where they would be forced into a life of indentured servitude to all of mankind. "Yeah, right Dad!" they probably screamed. Then, he told them "that’s what happened to Santa!" Feel free to spread this rumor as truth.
Rest Easy: Due to the melting of the polar icecaps, Santa may soon need to move much closer to civilization. It’s an inconvenient truth, Santa Claus, but it’s for your own good.
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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!