After everything that’s been going on, I needed a good laugh to take me into the weekend, and I’m betting all of you did too. So, I decided to ask one of my favorite questions to you over on the SDL Facebook page. “What is the funniest thing you’ve ever heard an old person say.”

More than a thousand of you replied, and your answers had me ROFLSHMEWS (A free jar of pickled pigs feet if you can guess what that means!)

Good news is, I have enough to make several posts out of my favorites. Bad news is, you only get one of those posts today. Enjoy.

  1. After waking up from a near coma, my 100-year-old grandmother said “What’s a person got to do to get some bacon around here?”
  2. “Thats neater than a skeeter’s peter!”
  3. To an insurance salesman at the door: “Lord, honey I don’t need no insurance. I’m already dead. I just ain’t layed down yet.”
  4. I spend a lot of time at a seniors’ centre, and one day, I heard one lady say to another, “Have you heard about the thing that’s really popular with young kids nowadays? They wear all black clothes, lots of black eyeliner, act depressed, and call themselves Nemo!”
  5. The first time I watched my Grandma dress a turkey for Thanksgiving… She pulled the neck out of the cavity, I asked her what it was. She looked at me all sly and said “well, what do you THINK it is?”
  6. When I found out I was pregnant with twins, my grandma looked at my Husband and said, “Don’t you know you’re NOT supposed to shoot TWICE?!”
  7. My 92 year old great grandma, in regards to my iPad (which I had been using to google the answers to various questions the family had) “Boy that little box sure knows a lot.”
  8. When asked if some clothing made me look fat, my Grandmother replied with ” No sweetie, vision makes you look fat”.
  9. My gramps used to say that when you’re old.. you shouldn’t buy green bananas.
  10. Overheard while working as a CNA in a nursing home…”Don’t hug me so hard…my diaper is full”!
  11. In response to his wife saying he never tells her he loves her anymore, “I told you I loved you when I married you; if it changes, I’ll let you know.”
  12. “Being old isn’t all bad, I can steal someone’s car and blame it on being senile.”
  13. I walked an elderly lady to the bathroom and waited for her to come out of the stall. The stall door hit her lightly in the booty and she said, “The door hit me in the po..po…do you know the last time someone touched my po..po?? It was when an older gentleman thought I was his wife.”
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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!