After 21 years of self-destructive inner-battles, I finally admitted my biggest secret to myself and to the rest of the world. That day, and the day my son was born, were the two most incredible and wonderful days of my life. Before sharing it, I was so convinced that I was alone in my fears…
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# 23 I totally understand people thinking you're lazy! I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome as well and battle people every day who tell me that "taking the stairs is healthier" or whatever they might say. It drives me nuts! I'm 20- I know that at this age that exercise is healthy and a great stress reliever; I don't need everyone telling me that I'm lazy. You are AMAZING and don't let anyone tell you differently!!!!!
Too many of these hit home for me...No, I'm not happy...I'm always going to be in love with someone from my past...I think I am a failure as a single parent...I struggle with depression and often feel worthless and seek out physical affections just to feel like someone wants me. But to everyone else, I'm happy go lucky and handle my struggles in stride and with a positive attitude...
WHAT EVERYONE THINKS IS TRUE:
I had an internet boyfriend when I was a teenager, but after two years, I got over him and moved on with my life.
WHAT ACTUALLY IS TRUE:
A part of me is still in love with a boy I never met, even though ten years have passed without a word from him, and it’s messed up every relationship I’ve had since.
To the person who wrote this: I met a boy online when I was 18 and he was 17. We talked many evenings on AOL and LiveJournal; we also talked on the phone for hours- he in VA and me in ME. Things shifted and changed as I got married and had two children and he did his own thing. The boy and I still talked here and there on the rare occasion where we were both online, but we had still never ever met.
My (ex) husband refused to get help for his anger, so I told him to leave one day after slapping me. I was alone with a 2 year old and a 4 year old; dealing with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other problems. I had no idea WTF I was going to do. At night when my kids were in bed, I got back online, and who did I see? The boy.
The boy and I talked. And talked. And talked. Eventually I found out that not only had I fallen in love with him over the span of a few months' time, but he had loved me. For years. We met that Christmas for the first time, while my children were out of town visiting with my ex's family. Here is a picture from that night, just over four years ago: http://i34.tinypic.com/t7om6p.jpg
We are married as I type this. Things have not been perfect, and we've had our ups and downs- but there is hope. There is always hope. My husband tells me that he's loved me since way back when, and he thought he was crazy. I guess you never know.
@gothictranquility Thank you for this. I've tried very hard to give up on the fantasy that I will ever be happily reunited with the boy I used to love, but I'm very glad to know it happened for you and your husband, especially since there's such a stigma surrounding relationships that begin online.
When I first started reading these secret truths, I thought they would mostly be like the wife with the husband's lost wedding ring. A little bit of a pained heart, but more cute/funny/whimsical things. I'm saddened to see so much pain being held in, but encouraged at the same time that we're seeing a common theme. It shows each of us that we're not alone with our secrets -- so many others are posting similar things!
I hope by finally admitting these things, we've all taken the first step toward moving forward. There's help, there's love, there's freedom. Nobody has an easy road; walking through the YUCK is hard and painful, but I promise there is freedom on the other side. Talk to someone who is far removed from your situation, and start walking toward healing. These admissions are mostly painful, but you can see that you're not alone in them.
Please also know that each person's pain is spilling over onto their children and spouses, whether it can be seen yet or not. For the sake of our own hearts and those of the people we love and share this life with, it's really time to start moving into the light and bringing the secrets into the open.
Much love to everyone who has shared a painful truth.
I just want to hug all of you. And I want a hug back. I go through the list and think, "I might have sent that one in," about several of them. A lot of us are in the same boat.
That may be true, but there are lots of secrets about things other than cheating & being attracted to your own sex that people don't feel comfortable sharing, those things need to be talked about too.
It would appear that things are not always as they appear. So if we are ALL just "keeping up appearances", why don't we all just "Stop The Insanity!"?
I used to spend a lot of time being jealous of the lives of other people. That was until I learned that some of them were jealous of MY messed up life! I have concluded that all lives must look much better from the outside than they do from the inside.
Sadly, it's taken approximately half a century for me to learn this. So those of you out there younger than me need to know, we are ALL messed up in one way or another. And you can't rate who is messed up more or less. It's all about perception at that point. Suffice it to say we are all messed up.
I once had a friend who had suffered unmentionable abuse as a child. Yet when I talked about my minimal abuse, she would be all sympathetic and wanting to comfort me. Which, of course, made me feel awful because I felt I should be comforting her! So we loved each other and comforted each other and pushed through!
That's why we all need to love and comfort each other. Knowing that SOMEONE out there loves us is all that comforts us and gets some of us through the day. Hoping there is SOMEONE out there to love us is what comforts the rest of us and gets us through the day.
Believe in the love. Be the love.
some of these bothered me very much, especially the self destructive ones. mainly because i can relate the most to those the most.
i have depression, i take medication for it. i went to therapy for it. most days aren't a struggle.
then there are some.
i thank god for my support from family and friends. but, they aren't the first thoughts that pop into my head. it's a fight, a struggle, a battle.
my sincerest empathy goes out to those who have the same struggle. stay strong!
our struggles shouldn't define us, we should define ourselves
Just wanted to say I'm really proud of you for taking this journey and letting us all grow through it. If you ever visit Atlanta get in touch, I've got a bear hug waiting for you!
Marnie, the fact is that at core most of us share the same secrets. That is one of the points behind this series of blog posts, I am sure. To show that we are not alone. We are all in this together and sharing a secret takes its power away.
Dan, I keep reading and seeing so much that we all have in common. So much to learn as we read about everyones struggles. Its easy to judge someone from the outside, and so often we have no idea what others are thinking and living on the inside. Your "I'm Christian, unless you're Gay" blog was the first one I ever read from you and I have to tell you how much that post has become a personal thread in my life. So often we are "Christian" with those whose struggles we can empathize with and then so un-christlike with those whose struggles are different than ours. You are a good man and have impacted my life for the better. I know how much I carry my own secrets and aches inside and just make it look like I have it together, and thanks to this, I see I am not alone. Keep these coming. I appreciate it!
I hope that many, many people are "getting" that they are not alone in their secret. It's so easy to feel like "I'm the only one that feels like this!" -- and we see that it's not that way. A sense of "community," wherever we find it, is very powerful.
This is so powerful and is helping so many people. For myself, these posts have given me the courage to share secrets I never thought I would, and my marriage is benifiting for it. Thank you so much for this!
So sad how many people feel they have to pretend to have it all together when they are in so much pain. hard to see how those situations will improve until they open up to someone and ask for help...
What I find so surprising is how many people act happy and have it together; on the inside they are dying of misery. I guess it will make me look harder at people and reach out if I think they need a hand to hang on to. To those people who are sad and depressed: reach out. Even to one person. I've been there too and it's worth it and not embarrassing after its done. You deserve to be happy.
Christy: you say that you "get that some people feel the need to release and tell someone, but perhaps they should be talking to someone who can actually help them." That is much easier to SAY, than do. Most likely, these people can't afford a therapist to talk to, don't feel comfortable telling someone close to them, don't HAVE someone close to talk to, etc. This post WAS their outlet. And as someone mentioned before, maybe this IS an open door for them. Maybe because they WERE able to write their feelings down this way, it will give them courage to seek help somewhere. It's not "gossip" for cryin' out loud, geesh!
Christy, sometimes sharing a secret and seeing someone else is going through the same thing IS a help. Nothing is worse than feeling alone. Admission is often the first step towards healing.
@Christine Mcneill I understand your loss thank you for sharing your story. I am not "college educated" but I have student loans from a trade school that promised to help me find a job in 2009. The only job I have had, no thanks to them, was a temp job that lasted a year. My unemployment benefits are now exhausted.
Wow. Isn't it amazing how many lies we tell ourselves and others? Those were some pretty powerful truths. Thanks for sharing.
I wrote one of those truths, and I am so grateful for the outlet... Thank you Dan. And thank you for helping me now know that I am NOT alone on this journey.
Love this....good luck to all those beginning their journeys to honesty and hopefully they can find a way to become less comfortable being uncomfortable.
@Kelly Knight - no, I just don't think it's healthy for everyone to be reading other people's "secrets". People just love hearing juicy gossip, which is why most people can't get enough. I don't think it's necessary. I get that some people feel the need to release and tell someone, but perhaps they should be talking to someone who can actually help them. Again, as I mentioned when he posted this before, I feel that it's irresponsible to post these when it seems that a lot of people need real help.
I feel for the person who became a teacher. That's all I ever wanted. Here I am 10 years later working as a receptionist at various places, still paying off my student loans. :(. I don't mind what I do know, but I'm still dealing with that 'loss' in my life. At times it surprises me how sad I still am. I just don't have the fight in me anymore to find a teaching job in an area where there are 50 applicants for 1 position.
I finally decided to post one of these, and used facebook to sign in. Then I panicked when I saw it had used my real name, and right away i'm thinking, "Nooo! Delete! Delete!" Then, I realized that if I'm going to say something true, I shouldn't be afraid to attach my name to it. So I took a deep breath and left it up. Thanks for the little outlet, Dan.
It is human and beautiful. I'd like to give them all a hug and whisper, "You are valued and you are not alone."
These truths, although somewhat depressing, are powerful. They had the courage to tell someone, they told Dan! It may not fix where they are, but it may be their first step in realizing they are not alone.
They may be sad stories but they are true stories. They go to show us that we all have crap in our lives that we are trying to deal with. It shows no one is perfect and serves as a lesson to treat others more kindly because everyone is going through something difficult.
Reading these makes me realize that we are never the only one dealing with secrets - everyone around us has one that they would love to be able to to talk about & get help with. Hopefully just realizing that they are not alone in their struggle will give them the strength to do whatever needs to be done -
These are so powerful. Makes me want to comfort those who are struggling or assure them of something positive...but what? Hopefully these admissions will help some of them feel like they can be honest. Those that don't value their worth make me worried. I hope they make it through, we don't want to loose them. Whoever they are.
I love these posts. I love them not because they are so sad, which a lot of them are, I love them because they are so human. Every single one of them. I am sure some people writing their truths feel like bad people, but they aren't. They're human. We all make mistakes. We all do things wrong. Feelings change. Addictions happen. And sometimes we just don't love those we're 'supposed to'. It is life. And there is ALWAYS a white light at the end of the tunnel somewhere, it just has to be found. I know what it feels like to hit rock bottom, and I don't know how I managed to pull myself out, but I did. I always had faith that it was going to get better, and it took a couple of years, but it did. Keep on holding onto hope, you'll all get there soon enough :)
@Christina Mason: I'm sorry you feel that way. I really am. Perhaps responding to things like this IS a way of being honest with themselves. Perhaps they don't have anyone to let their secrets out to or perhaps they have a thought that should their secret get out, that people would turn from them and that is scary to them. It would be nice if we could all be "stronger" and "more honest with" ourselves and not HAVE to respond to "things like this" to get our secrets out. Sometimes though, this is the avenue to do that. It's a first step and not for ours to judge why people choose this avenue. Please know that I am not trying to disrespect your opinion. I just feel very strongly for many different reasons on the subject.
I know it's good to share these secrets, but this post, like the last one, just depresses me. I'm not perfect, don't pretend to be and never will be. But maybe what some of these people need is to actually tell their secrets. I don't have all the answers, but I don't think holding on to unhealthy secrets is a good way to spend your life. I wish everyone the best of luck on their "honesty journeys" and I pray (wanted or not) that everyone finds the Love and Compassion that is Jesus.
It's hard for people to be honest with themselves, and those around them out of fear. If this allows them to take that first step, we are not here to judge!!!
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