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6 Reasons You Should Adopt a Single Person this Christmas

In the spirit of the dog-bite post and all the doggie debate that surrounded that…

And because I’m in a weird and slightly crazy mood right now…

And because I’m single on Christmas. Again…

Girl in a Christmas hat on a green background

There are six BIG reasons you should adopt a single person this Christmas. Here they are, in no specific order. Unless you’re an A-type personality and need them to be in a specific order, in which case I will tell you that their order is the reverse sub sequential prognosis of ten times the fifth root of a penguin’s best party pants.

6 Big Reasons You Should Adopt a Single Person

1) You’ll save someone special.

Sadly, in the last year, between 30 and 40 million single people were dumped in the United States simply because too many people started dating too many people in the past, and later realized that there was too much responsibility that goes with relationships. People are cute and cuddly at first, but they grow up and have real needs and feelings. As it turns out, it’s more work than putting a bowl of food out for them now and then.

The number of people being dumped each year could be reduced drastically if more people adopted mature singles instead of going after only the young cute ones.

By adopting from a single shelter or single rescue group, you’ll help save the lives of two people – the single person you adopt, and the poor lonely single elsewhere who can now be rescued because of the space you helped free up.

2) You’ll get a healthy person in your life.

Single people shelters are brimming with happy, boyfriendless and girlfriendless healthy people, just waiting for someone to take them home and offer them love. Most shelters examine single people and give them personality tests and health checks when they arrive. They also make sure they are not spayed or neutered. In addition to medical care, more and more shelters also screen singles for specific temperaments and behaviors (and those icky STIs) to make sure each person finds the right single for his/her lifestyle.

It is a common misconception that single people end up in shelters because they’ve been abused or done something "wrong." In fact, most single people are given to shelters because of lame exes in their lives, not because of anything they’ve done. Things like a divorce, a move, lack of time or financial constraints are among the most common reasons why singles become single.

3) You’ll save money.

Adopting a single person from a single shelter is much less expensive than buying one at a single person website or through other sources like Craig’s List or bars. In addition, singles from many shelters are extremely capable reproductively and they’ve all been vaccinated as children, which makes the shelter’s fee a real bargain.

113 comments
Fedora de Sean
Fedora de Sean

My wife and I are inspired to adopt a single person while reading this. But we can't decide whether to adopt a male or female. She thinks a male would be better for protecting the house, but I have heard that they are more likely to stray. I told her that I thought a female would be better behaved and more loyal. She can't respond to that because she keeps bursting out laughing.

Felicia Pacheco
Felicia Pacheco

I love it! Thanks for taking the time to make us single people feel special :) LOL

Penguina
Penguina

I was prepared to be offended, but I lmbo. Thanks for this capital bit of humor!

Love is not a Word
Love is not a Word

with such a compelling case, who wouldn't want to adopt a single! :)

that_one_girl
that_one_girl

I'll adopt ya, even if there is a higher adoption fee since you come with a free munchkin!

tiffanydawn117
tiffanydawn117

I LOVE this. lol I may add a link to this on my Plenty of Fish profile. lol

AliciaHublou
AliciaHublou

Very clever! I also liked one person's comment about being a temporary foster for the holidays. Lmao. Good stuff man. 

Henry Lefkowitz
Henry Lefkowitz

For people like me who are widowed, this is an awesome idea!

derekatesmom
derekatesmom

Well we decided to adopt two this week - we have adopted another grandparent, and an uncle.  They both were alone this year and my husband is always looking for someone to side with him - there may have been some paperwork on file where the rules lay out that Dad is always right :)

Arynn
Arynn

Tee hee hee!  This is hilarious :)  Well done!

landinn
landinn

Just think, if you adopt a single and his/her children, you will KNOW what kind of parents they are/could be. And if your adopted single doesn't have/want children, you can take off at the drop of a hat or eat diner naked on new year's eve in the laundry room if you so desire!

KrystalSheppard
KrystalSheppard

My first Christmas "alone" as in without a man in 8 or 9 years. However, I'm SO not alone! I have two BEAUTIFUL little girls to spoil.  :-)

ShannaMarie
ShannaMarie

this is the first Christmas in years that I'll be spending alone. but I'm content with that. thanks for thearticle it was amusing ! happy holidays to all ! I do wish I could change my status to seasoned single though ! lol

Heath Baker
Heath Baker

I need to drop a copy of this off at the door of the last person I dated. Thirty year old child is all I should have to say. "They grow up and have real needs and feelings." Glad someone else said it. Thank you! Hope lots of people get adopted!

steeldrago
steeldrago

can i register with a singles shelter and give them my money instead of the mills? cause that way id be supporting myself and other singles too. . . 

Laney
Laney

Thanks for the levity Dan!  I needed the good chuckle :)

singleDadOfThree
singleDadOfThree

This is great!  I want to be adopted...and I'll even let my adopter spank me.

CreativeJuicez
CreativeJuicez

If you are unable to adopt, consider fostering a single during the holidays.  They always appreciate a good home cooked meal and are willing to do the dishes afterwards. No one should be alone during the holidays.

Jennifer
Jennifer

Unfortunately, the one I adopted years ago gets really upset if I even mention adopting another one and pees all over the carpet.

D
D

Very creative and amusing!  Where are those single shelters by the way?  I'm newly single after 13 years and could probably use one some day.  :-)

genalmt
genalmt

I love that you're promoting the "seasoned singles."  This is hilarious. 

Jess the Mess
Jess the Mess

I've spent all my christmas's single so this will be just another year

RunKateRun
RunKateRun

Trained single up for adoption! ;) 

going4fit
going4fit

And most of us are house trained .... Well, most of the time.

Stephanie Cederstrom
Stephanie Cederstrom

Well everyone else is willing to adopt you. I'll just have you for a few. Besides I'm home for the holidays and pretty darn close to you so ya know...JK.

Purrrr
Purrrr

I dated a guy that I met from CL. He was relatively normal and things went well enough. We married 3 years later.

Denyse Milliken
Denyse Milliken

I'm not a commodity either..I'm quite happy being single and alone. I don't have to live up to other people's expectations. The whole thing is very liberating.

Woobie21
Woobie21

Quite an enjoyable read. :D  I do have to agree with guest about the "capable reproductively"... not all of "singles" still have that capability (I'd rather enjoy my grown daughter, her hubby, and my grandchildren instead of having more children of my own). :D

Celeste
Celeste

Seasoned Single here. Where do I select that for my Facebook status? This is wonderful Dan! Thanks for posting! Happy Holidays! Oh, and I hope you get adopted by a very nice forever home. Lol

guest
guest

#3 Extremely capable reproductively?? does this matter? Perhaps i am sensitive but come on, DOES this matter?

Daralynn
Daralynn

This certainly gave me a chuckle. This is my first Christmas as a single in over 6 years. Thanks for spreading the good cheer and good ribbing. Now if you'd be so kind as to point to a singles shelter....maybe I will go put myself up for adoption....or adopt someone else. :D

Mary Miller
Mary Miller

hummmmm I may be 65, single, (divorced and widowed) but I don't consider myself a commodity of any sort........

RachelColeman
RachelColeman

THIS MADE MY DAY!!!!  Being 26 this is my first Christmas single since I was 15.  Definitely not looking for that single to buy who is young and as the attention span of a puppy in a meat shop but the more mature single to adopt whose okay with falling alseep while watching tv.

Candy
Candy

I am currently available for adoption. And housebroken. In other words, I won't pee on your relationship.

Virginia Kathleen Cailleteau
Virginia Kathleen Cailleteau

I even ran 13.1 miles and I'm *STILL* looking for a good forever home lol! I'm cute, I'm cuddly, and dagnabbit I'm just sweet - sweet, I tell you :D!!

thenewplaid
thenewplaid

This is my first single Xmas in 12 years ... I LOVED this!

GOF
GOF

I guess so Danielle

Spencer II
Spencer II

@guest He was just making a quip regarding the standard spaying and neutering line so common with adopting pets. I'm sure Dan and most other people looking for a person in their life would be perfectly happy to find and love someone regardless of reproductive capabilities.

~Namaste

Just a Mom
Just a Mom

@guest You are being sensitive. Breathe.

AlecPlayer
AlecPlayer

@guest I would say it depends on a persons needs. If you want to have a family, yeah I would say it does. Sometimes such things can be overlooked, but if your big goal is to make babies... yes.

going4fit
going4fit

@AlecPlayer and if we're not capable, that may be a bonus to some!!! :D