In the spirit of the dog-bite post and all the doggie debate that surrounded that…
And because I’m in a weird and slightly crazy mood right now…
And because I’m single on Christmas. Again…
There are six BIG reasons you should adopt a single person this Christmas. Here they are, in no specific order. Unless you’re an A-type personality and need them to be in a specific order, in which case I will tell you that their order is the reverse sub sequential prognosis of ten times the fifth root of a penguin’s best party pants.
6 Big Reasons You Should Adopt a Single Person
Sadly, in the last year, between 30 and 40 million single people were dumped in the United States simply because too many people started dating too many people in the past, and later realized that there was too much responsibility that goes with relationships. People are cute and cuddly at first, but they grow up and have real needs and feelings. As it turns out, it’s more work than putting a bowl of food out for them now and then.
The number of people being dumped each year could be reduced drastically if more people adopted mature singles instead of going after only the young cute ones.
By adopting from a single shelter or single rescue group, you’ll help save the lives of two people – the single person you adopt, and the poor lonely single elsewhere who can now be rescued because of the space you helped free up.
Single people shelters are brimming with happy, boyfriendless and girlfriendless healthy people, just waiting for someone to take them home and offer them love. Most shelters examine single people and give them personality tests and health checks when they arrive. They also make sure they are not spayed or neutered. In addition to medical care, more and more shelters also screen singles for specific temperaments and behaviors (and those icky STIs) to make sure each person finds the right single for his/her lifestyle.
It is a common misconception that single people end up in shelters because they’ve been abused or done something "wrong." In fact, most single people are given to shelters because of lame exes in their lives, not because of anything they’ve done. Things like a divorce, a move, lack of time or financial constraints are among the most common reasons why singles become single.
Adopting a single person from a single shelter is much less expensive than buying one at a single person website or through other sources like Craig’s List or bars. In addition, singles from many shelters are extremely capable reproductively and they’ve all been vaccinated as children, which makes the shelter’s fee a real bargain.
My wife and I are inspired to adopt a single person while reading this. But we can't decide whether to adopt a male or female. She thinks a male would be better for protecting the house, but I have heard that they are more likely to stray. I told her that I thought a female would be better behaved and more loyal. She can't respond to that because she keeps bursting out laughing.
Very clever! I also liked one person's comment about being a temporary foster for the holidays. Lmao. Good stuff man.
Well we decided to adopt two this week - we have adopted another grandparent, and an uncle. They both were alone this year and my husband is always looking for someone to side with him - there may have been some paperwork on file where the rules lay out that Dad is always right :)
Just think, if you adopt a single and his/her children, you will KNOW what kind of parents they are/could be. And if your adopted single doesn't have/want children, you can take off at the drop of a hat or eat diner naked on new year's eve in the laundry room if you so desire!
My first Christmas "alone" as in without a man in 8 or 9 years. However, I'm SO not alone! I have two BEAUTIFUL little girls to spoil. :-)
this is the first Christmas in years that I'll be spending alone. but I'm content with that. thanks for thearticle it was amusing ! happy holidays to all ! I do wish I could change my status to seasoned single though ! lol
I need to drop a copy of this off at the door of the last person I dated. Thirty year old child is all I should have to say. "They grow up and have real needs and feelings." Glad someone else said it. Thank you! Hope lots of people get adopted!
can i register with a singles shelter and give them my money instead of the mills? cause that way id be supporting myself and other singles too. . .
If you are unable to adopt, consider fostering a single during the holidays. They always appreciate a good home cooked meal and are willing to do the dishes afterwards. No one should be alone during the holidays.
Unfortunately, the one I adopted years ago gets really upset if I even mention adopting another one and pees all over the carpet.
Very creative and amusing! Where are those single shelters by the way? I'm newly single after 13 years and could probably use one some day. :-)
Well everyone else is willing to adopt you. I'll just have you for a few. Besides I'm home for the holidays and pretty darn close to you so ya know...JK.
I dated a guy that I met from CL. He was relatively normal and things went well enough. We married 3 years later.
I'm not a commodity either..I'm quite happy being single and alone. I don't have to live up to other people's expectations. The whole thing is very liberating.
Quite an enjoyable read. :D I do have to agree with guest about the "capable reproductively"... not all of "singles" still have that capability (I'd rather enjoy my grown daughter, her hubby, and my grandchildren instead of having more children of my own). :D
Seasoned Single here. Where do I select that for my Facebook status? This is wonderful Dan! Thanks for posting! Happy Holidays! Oh, and I hope you get adopted by a very nice forever home. Lol
#3 Extremely capable reproductively?? does this matter? Perhaps i am sensitive but come on, DOES this matter?
This certainly gave me a chuckle. This is my first Christmas as a single in over 6 years. Thanks for spreading the good cheer and good ribbing. Now if you'd be so kind as to point to a singles shelter....maybe I will go put myself up for adoption....or adopt someone else. :D
hummmmm I may be 65, single, (divorced and widowed) but I don't consider myself a commodity of any sort........
THIS MADE MY DAY!!!! Being 26 this is my first Christmas single since I was 15. Definitely not looking for that single to buy who is young and as the attention span of a puppy in a meat shop but the more mature single to adopt whose okay with falling alseep while watching tv.
I am currently available for adoption. And housebroken. In other words, I won't pee on your relationship.
I even ran 13.1 miles and I'm *STILL* looking for a good forever home lol! I'm cute, I'm cuddly, and dagnabbit I'm just sweet - sweet, I tell you :D!!
My first 'single' Christmas in 21 years... Sorry, you made me feel kinda sad and pathetic. I still love you though!
So hilarious. It happens to be my 14th wedding anniversary. At the time we got married, I was definitely adopting a "younger single" in my husband. We have both needed a lot of time and training. (Who, me? Guilty of having abandonment issues and calling all the time? Never. XD) Very glad I stuck out the adoption, and I wish yours had worked out for you, Dan. I know you'll find the right single for you, but sometimes it takes time for even the most dedicated prospective "adoptive parent".
Seriously, you have inspired me to "adopt" (sort of) one of my single friends this Christmas. It'll give her an extra place (besides her parent's house) to feel welcome this year, if she wants it. Thanks.
Yes, but do beware of the older single who seeks to be adopted by a younger "family". These singles tend to be as untrained as the young ones (although in these cases the singles were trained at one point, but have intentionally regressed back to an untrained state). They also often come with more health and emotional problems, but due to being passed from owner to owner, any papers detailing these problems are often misplaced. You DEFINITELY want to make sure these older singles have their shots. Also, make absolutely sure an older single's previous family no longer wants it, as they have an uncomfortable tendency to show up at your door wanting their single back.