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In the spirit of the dog-bite post and all the doggie debate that surrounded that…
And because I’m in a weird and slightly crazy mood right now…
And because I’m single on Christmas. Again…
There are six BIG reasons you should adopt a single person this Christmas. Here they are, in no specific order. Unless you’re an A-type personality and need them to be in a specific order, in which case I will tell you that their order is the reverse sub sequential prognosis of ten times the fifth root of a penguin’s best party pants.
6 Big Reasons You Should Adopt a Single Person
Sadly, in the last year, between 30 and 40 million single people were dumped in the United States simply because too many people started dating too many people in the past, and later realized that there was too much responsibility that goes with relationships. People are cute and cuddly at first, but they grow up and have real needs and feelings. As it turns out, it’s more work than putting a bowl of food out for them now and then.
The number of people being dumped each year could be reduced drastically if more people adopted mature singles instead of going after only the young cute ones.
By adopting from a single shelter or single rescue group, you’ll help save the lives of two people – the single person you adopt, and the poor lonely single elsewhere who can now be rescued because of the space you helped free up.
Single people shelters are brimming with happy, boyfriendless and girlfriendless healthy people, just waiting for someone to take them home and offer them love . Most shelters examine single people and give them personality tests and health checks when they arrive. They also make sure they are not spayed or neutered. In addition to medical care, more and more shelters also screen singles for specific temperaments and behaviors (and those icky STIs) to make sure each person finds the right single for his/her lifestyle.
It is a common misconception that single people end up in shelters because they’ve been abused or done something "wrong." In fact, most single people are given to shelters because of lame exes in their lives, not because of anything they’ve done. Things like a divorce, a move, lack of time or financial constraints are among the most common reasons why singles become single.
Adopting a single person from a single shelter is much less expensive than buying one at a single person website or through other sources like Craig’s List or bars. In addition, singles from many shelters are extremely capable reproductively and they’ve all been vaccinated as children , which makes the shelter’s fee a real bargain.
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My wife and I are inspired to adopt a single person while reading this. But we can't decide whether to adopt a male or female. She thinks a male would be better for protecting the house, but I have heard that they are more likely to stray. I told her that I thought a female would be better behaved and more loyal. She can't respond to that because she keeps bursting out laughing.
I love it! Thanks for taking the time to make us single people feel special :) LOL
I was prepared to be offended, but I lmbo. Thanks for this capital bit of humor!
with such a compelling case, who wouldn't want to adopt a single! :)
I'll adopt ya, even if there is a higher adoption fee since you come with a free munchkin!
I LOVE this. lol I may add a link to this on my Plenty of Fish profile. lol
Awesome. LOL
Very clever! I also liked one person's comment about being a temporary foster for the holidays. Lmao. Good stuff man.
I will adopt you as well>
For people like me who are widowed, this is an awesome idea!
Well we decided to adopt two this week - we have adopted another grandparent, and an uncle. They both were alone this year and my husband is always looking for someone to side with him - there may have been some paperwork on file where the rules lay out that Dad is always right :)
Tee hee hee! This is hilarious :) Well done!
BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love this!
Just think, if you adopt a single and his/her children, you will KNOW what kind of parents they are/could be. And if your adopted single doesn't have/want children, you can take off at the drop of a hat or eat diner naked on new year's eve in the laundry room if you so desire!
My first Christmas "alone" as in without a man in 8 or 9 years. However, I'm SO not alone! I have two BEAUTIFUL little girls to spoil. :-)
this is the first Christmas in years that I'll be spending alone. but I'm content with that. thanks for thearticle it was amusing ! happy holidays to all ! I do wish I could change my status to seasoned single though ! lol
I need to drop a copy of this off at the door of the last person I dated. Thirty year old child is all I should have to say. "They grow up and have real needs and feelings." Glad someone else said it. Thank you! Hope lots of people get adopted!
Can I adopt you?
I guess so Danielle
can i register with a singles shelter and give them my money instead of the mills? cause that way id be supporting myself and other singles too. . .
Thanks for the levity Dan! I needed the good chuckle :)
This is great! I want to be adopted...and I'll even let my adopter spank me.
If you are unable to adopt, consider fostering a single during the holidays. They always appreciate a good home cooked meal and are willing to do the dishes afterwards. No one should be alone during the holidays.
Unfortunately, the one I adopted years ago gets really upset if I even mention adopting another one and pees all over the carpet.
Very creative and amusing! Where are those single shelters by the way? I'm newly single after 13 years and could probably use one some day. :-)
I love that you're promoting the "seasoned singles." This is hilarious.
I've spent all my christmas's single so this will be just another year
I feel the same way Denyse Milliken does :)
Trained single up for adoption! ;)
And most of us are house trained .... Well, most of the time.
Well everyone else is willing to adopt you. I'll just have you for a few. Besides I'm home for the holidays and pretty darn close to you so ya know...JK.
clever & cute - good job !
I dated a guy that I met from CL. He was relatively normal and things went well enough. We married 3 years later.
I'm not a commodity either..I'm quite happy being single and alone. I don't have to live up to other people's expectations. The whole thing is very liberating.
Quite an enjoyable read. :D I do have to agree with guest about the "capable reproductively"... not all of "singles" still have that capability (I'd rather enjoy my grown daughter, her hubby, and my grandchildren instead of having more children of my own). :D
Seasoned Single here. Where do I select that for my Facebook status? This is wonderful Dan! Thanks for posting! Happy Holidays! Oh, and I hope you get adopted by a very nice forever home. Lol
#3 Extremely capable reproductively?? does this matter? Perhaps i am sensitive but come on, DOES this matter?
@guest He was just making a quip regarding the standard spaying and neutering line so common with adopting pets. I'm sure Dan and most other people looking for a person in their life would be perfectly happy to find and love someone regardless of reproductive capabilities.
~Namaste
@Spencer II True--and some of them/us are spayed/neutered, and to other folks that's a plus.
@guest You are being sensitive. Breathe.
@guest I would say it depends on a persons needs. If you want to have a family, yeah I would say it does. Sometimes such things can be overlooked, but if your big goal is to make babies... yes.
@AlecPlayer and if we're not capable, that may be a bonus to some!!! :D
This certainly gave me a chuckle. This is my first Christmas as a single in over 6 years. Thanks for spreading the good cheer and good ribbing. Now if you'd be so kind as to point to a singles shelter....maybe I will go put myself up for adoption....or adopt someone else. :D
hummmmm I may be 65, single, (divorced and widowed) but I don't consider myself a commodity of any sort........
LOVE #6!!!!
I love it! :)
THIS MADE MY DAY!!!! Being 26 this is my first Christmas single since I was 15. Definitely not looking for that single to buy who is young and as the attention span of a puppy in a meat shop but the more mature single to adopt whose okay with falling alseep while watching tv.
I am currently available for adoption. And housebroken. In other words, I won't pee on your relationship.
I even ran 13.1 miles and I'm *STILL* looking for a good forever home lol! I'm cute, I'm cuddly, and dagnabbit I'm just sweet - sweet, I tell you :D!!
This is my first single Xmas in 12 years ... I LOVED this!