I was going to rerun a couple more posts from the early days of SDL, but I think I’m just going to write this and then take tomorrow off instead. Pardon my rant and a few curse words today. I’m just in one of those moods.
But it’s time I take my blog back. It’s time I take my life back.
2013 is going to be a new year for me in every sense of the word.
When I started this blog, I did so from a place of brokenness, literally days after I split with wife #2. I wanted to laugh again because life freaking sucked for me. I also was a single dad. Again. Thus the name Single Dad Laughing.
Let me start today’s discussion by saying I have always had a kind heart. Before starting this blog, I have always felt the injustices in society around me. I have always crusaded for people to love others without judgment and for people to stop being so dang hard on themselves. One time I got released from a church assignment because I told the other men that it was okay that they couldn’t do it all. I’ve raised money many times in my life as a businessman for people in need. I used to go with my wife and take plates of cookies with five hundred bucks taped to the top and drop them at the doors of people I didn’t know because my gut told me they needed it. I’ve raised money to completely pay for funerals of children. I’ve donated more than sixty thousand dollars to charity over the years. Hell, in high school I co-started a humor-based club where other teenage boys could admit that they masturbated without judgment. Simply because I knew how worthless I felt as a teenager that I couldn’t live up to the church’s demands to never ever ever touch myself, and I knew that many others felt worthless as well. I have paid for several struggling mothers’ groceries. I have always tried to look after my neighbors. I have helped them install sprinklers and build fences. I have walked through the homeless district handing out hundreds and hundreds of dollars of Walmart gift cards. Multiple times. I have given my employees huge gifts and bonuses for no other reason but that I was thankful for them. I made sure my employees had good benefits even though my company at the time was so small. I’ve given family members money when they needed it. I have given friends money when they needed it. I have given money to almost every bum I have ever come across. I have volunteered at hospitals. And schools. And community events. And the Special Olympics. And never once did I expect anything in return. All of that was before the blog, and most of it I’ve done after, as well.
Get off your high horse Dan, I’m sure you’re thinking.
Believe me. I don’t share all this to make you think I’m awesome. I really dislike typing it. In fact, the vast majority of this almost no person knew before today. I’m a fan of doing things as quietly and discreetly as possible. I’m a fan of anonymous giving. I’m a fan of unrequited service.
No, I don’t want you to think I’m awesome for this. I’m not awesome for this. I’m a human being and I simply try to do what feels right to me in the moment. I don’t look at what I’ve done for others and think I’m great. I look at it and wonder if I’m doing enough. I look at it and assume everyone else is doing so much more.
Sometimes I’m a real shitty human being. Sometimes I make big mistakes. I’ve treated people as less than human. I’ve been horrible to customer service people. I’ve yelled at people for things that weren’t their fault. I’ve flipped people off or yelled at them in traffic. I’ve purposefully made sure people couldn’t get in my lane. I’ve dented someone’s car door with my own and quickly drove away. I’ve not returned something to the store that I realized I didn’t pay for; more than once. I’ve said things to purposefully hurt those I love. I’ve lashed out when I feared the worst. I’ve hit a dog out of anger. I’ve hit a wall out of anger. I’ve had sex with someone I never wanted to see again. I’ve kept things I’ve found without trying to find their owners. I’ve blown money on ridiculous splurges. I’ve purposefully driven wedges into the relationship of a woman I wanted to be with. The list could go on.
And I share all this, the good and the bad, for one reason only.