Quite a few people have written and asked me to write something, say something, or at lease acknowledge the Connecticut elementary school massacre. I will still try to post SDL’s weekly Beautiful You later this afternoon. Right now, I think this should come first.

On Friday a young man walked into an elementary school where he shot and killed 20 children and six adults. That is quite literally the extent of what I know about this tragedy.

Not because I have been without power or because I don’t care or because I haven’t had access to the news.

But because for some reason, as a father, I can’t bring myself to learn a single fact more about this senseless and horrible string of events.

I can’t bring myself to look into the faces of all the devastated parents whose images surely will be splashed across every story I read or watch about it.

I can’t bring myself to hear the tales from the survivors.

I can’t bring myself to see those tiny caskets that surely will become the most haunting photos in all of this.

I have looked into the eyes of a parent who just lost his child. It ripped my soul in two. There was so suddenly no light there. There was no hope. There was no longer a future.

I cannot see that again. Not right now.

I cannot hear the facts. I cannot learn about the killer. I cannot handle the hatred that will attempt to enter me if I do. Not right now.

I cannot look at the images of those caskets. Those twenty tiny caskets. I just cannot. I have looked at other tiny caskets too recently. I don’t want to do it again.

All I can do is hug my child, and pray. In times like these I cannot believe in nothing. Whether there is a God or not, right now there needs to be. For me. As a Dad.

Never do parents hug their children more tightly as when tragedy takes with it the child of another. This I have learned more times than any parent should.

In such moments, any parent who is half a parent at all is forced to acknowledge the sobering truth. The truth that tormentally whispers,

That could have been my child.

And perhaps that truth is the real reason I cannot watch the news or read the stories. Perhaps that is why I cannot look into the lightless and futureless eyes of those parents.

That could have been my child.

Those could have been my eyes.

Never do parents hug their children more tightly as when tragedy takes with it the child of another.

My child may never be hugged as tightly as he has been these last two days.

And for that, I feel guilt. For that, I weep. Because somewhere far from me, the parents of these 20 children will never get to hug their kids again.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

Please comment today. In what ways has this tragedy affected you?

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!