The world is full of awesomeness, and it’s also full of awesome, ummm, how do I put this… opportunities to be decent and better human beings.
Over the last couple years, I have been keeping a funny list with the intent to write a blog post about all the little rules for basic human decency I come across. Most of these are just observances of people and situations. A few are things I knew I could have done better. Anyways, I finally pulled the list up and realized it was *super* long (the count was 99) so I decided to share it 33 rules at a time so that your eyes don’t permanently glaze over.
My First 33 Rules to Not be a Crummy Human Being
- When you mistakenly block another car’s path with your car, even if only for a minute, wave apologetically instead of driving off angry that you feel hurried.
- Don’t fart while you’re walking in the middle of a big crowd just because no one will know that it’s you.
- When you accidentally walk into someone because you weren’t looking where you were going, apologize instead of walking off like nothing happened.
- If you’re a guy, don’t be an ass and stare at girls’ boobs. They’re not stupid. Their peripheral vision extends much further than yours does.
- If you find out someone is gay, don’t immediately ask them how their parents feel about it. Just say, “cool.”
- When you’re at the gym, wipe your sweat off the machines when you’re done. Nobody else wants to be sittin’ in your nasty nasty.
- Don’t throw your cigarette butts onto your neighbor’s doormat. Does it really need to be explained why this isn’t cool?
- Clean up your dog’s crap. It’s not that hard. It’s not that gross. It certainly isn’t as gross as stepping in someone else’s dog’s crap.
- If you find something expensive that’s not yours, it wasn’t a gift. Someone is probably (desperately) looking for it. So turn it in.
- Don’t spit your gum out where everyone walks. Common sense, people.
- Find a garbage can (there’s one at the end of every aisle), and throw your Costco sample trash away. Don’t leave it in your cart. Believe it or not, the next customer doesn’t want to do that for you.
- When you hit a deer, yes… it sucks. But move it out of the road so that the next guy doesn’t hit it, too. Carry Purel in your car.
- When you knock stuff off of the store shelves, pick it up and put it back on the shelf. Basic two-year old skills.
- Speaking of store shelves, when you grab a product, It doesn’t matter to me if you put it back where it doesn’t go, just don’t cover up another product so that other people can’t find it anymore.
- When a grown man smiles at your baby, don’t give him a look that says “you’re an icky pedophile.” People just like babies and people are nice.
- When you tell a joke, and nobody laughs, don’t explain it for five minutes, just move on. Silence twice is just awkward for everyone, and everyone already feels like they lost part of their lives the first time around.