This morning I posted a photo of Noah holding my iPad on his lap, and he, the iPad, and my car were all covered in puke.
As I suspected, whether you’re a parent or not, most of you understood being a parent enough to know three things.
1) Taking a photo in situations such as this is more or less mandatory for so many reasons.
2) As bad as it sucked, looking back there is humor to be seen in it. I mean, come on, that’s an iPad covered in half-digested mac & cheese. Is there an app for that?
3) Posting this is not having a laugh at my kid’s expense. It is simply sharing the reality of day to day parenting.
But, just as I also suspected, there would be those who would get their knickers all twisted up about it. There were a few chew-me-out comments, yes, but on posts like this my email always gets slammed by those who don’t want to be counter-chewed-out by everyone else.
HOW DARE YOU LET YOUR CHILD SUFFER FOR EVEN ONE SECOND TOO LONG?!
I LIKE YOUR BLOG BUT THIS IS TAKING IT WAY TOO FAR!
YOU DIDN’T GIVE YOUR SON A SAY IN POSTING THIS. I HOPE ZEUS HIMSELF STRIKES YOU DEAD.
IF SATAN HOOKED IT UP WITH HITLER AND HAD A BABY, YOU WOULD BE THE RESULT.
You get the idea.
I just laugh because I know those three things above and I really don’t give a crap what people who have some need to feel superior as parents say about it.
I know that his mom needs to see the photo (if you’re a co-parent, you understand this). So do all the people/parents who are wondering why I didn’t show up to where we were caravanning. So do I, when for the rest of my life I want to remember being a dad to my little man through the thick and the thin of it all.
I know the difference between when my child is suffering and when he’s simply covered in puke and five more seconds compared to the hours of cleanup ahead really doesn’t matter.
Considering that the following was the first photo we took? I’m guessing you’d agree. And yes, I had to ask my kid not to smile so that we could remember just how “unfun” it really was. Again, I don’t want people to have to see something gross they don’t want to see, so click here to see the first shot we took of the mishap.
I also know a lot more about the situation that I simply didn’t share because, frankly, I don’t think I need to tiptoe around all the parenting tulips anytime I post something. The truth is no one has any idea how far away we were from a place we actually could stop and clean it up. No one has any idea how many stop lights we had to stop at on the way. No one knew where I took that picture, or how long it took. No one knows what went down before during and after. No one knows what conversations I had with my son before posting it to the world. I wrote it that way on purpose. I shouldn’t have to write out every detail so that you can “properly” judge me.
Anyway, like the class acts that most of you are, most of you didn’t care because you get it. And you assume the best. And you don’t need details so that you can hold yourself up against me as better or worse as a parent. You get that we’re all just parents, and we’re all going to do our best. You get that there is a degree of humor in a kid holding an iPad, sitting on leathered upholstery, covered in puke. You also get that Satan and Hitler can’t have a baby because they are missing at least a few lady parts to get ‘er done.
For those of you who aren’t part of most of you, chillax. This isn’t a contest of parental superiority.
It’s a contest of who can identify Noah’s last meal. Or something like that.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing