“You say you’re bisexual but there is absolutely no proof that you are attracted to men. You need to write just as equally about dating men as you do women and you need to show pictures of you with men that you’re dating or the world isn’t going to believe it. Right now I’m definitely skeptical.”
Ugh. This entire dynamic needs to be a blog post all by itself. Not just me not needing to prove a damned thing to anyone, but the fact that I have a thousand screaming reasons why I’m too scared to share that half of my life so openly just yet.
I think it’s an important separate discussion to have, so I’ll just say that I have a really hard time believing that anyone wants to actually see it or hear about the dating details the way they do the straight side of me.
Anyway, all the demands to prove my sexuality (which have been at least a couple dozen and which I haven’t really cared about if I’m being honest) made my gay friend’s comment really sting. Did I need to prove it to him? Did I need to put on nail polish and have RuPaul watching parties for him to believe me? Couldn’t a good friend simply take it at face value and not need me to fit some stereotype?
I don’t know. All I know is that this world is scary for me still. Lots more scary things have happened besides these.
But it’s also beautiful.
For every eye-opening or scary experience there has been several positive ones to balance things out.
And two such experiences keep repeating and making me so thankful I decided to come out publicly.
First, others keep telling me they have found the courage to come out since reading my experiences with it, and even more importantly, after reading the response that you all gave me. A few have come out to the world since then, and many more have finally come out to at least their closest friends and started the path to embracing the beautiful people that they are.
Knowing how this act changed my life infinitely for the better, I get so excited every time I hear it.
Second, others keep telling me that watching me go through this, and reading my thoughts, and seeing the responses, has helped them to learn how to love those who are something other than straight. It has helped them see others in a different light. Some very conservative people I know have embraced me for who I am, when I know that before they were cold and even odious to gays. I’ve also received several emails saying the same thing from people I didn’t know at all.
Knowing that my struggles and truth are somehow rippling in positive ways into the lives and struggles of others gets me excited as well. It helps me see just how much beauty there still is in this world, even if some of it is still being excavated from generations of hurtful traditions.
This road has been interesting to say the least, and I know the journey is only just beginning. I just thought I’d share a few thoughts about it now that some time has passed.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. Since I know you all care *so* much about the randomness of my life (please note the sarcasm), I added a little section to the upper-right there. “Me, currently.” Click on it any time you want to see what’s floating my boat at the moment…