Wow, you are a naughty one, aren’t you. If you made it to this page, I think we can start giggling like little barely-teens having a sleepover. If you came to this page and you are embarrassed about that and don’t want anyone to know, that’s okay, you can come giggle with us and we won’t tell anyone. If you’re on this page to see just what kind of crap you can chew my butt out for, hang that hat up and come giggle with us anyway.
The LESS Appropriate Ones:
- A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel hanging from his crotch. Bartender says, what the hell is that? Pirate says, I dunno, but it’s drivin’ me nuts!
- What’s the difference between a straight woman and a bisexual woman? 4 drinks.
- How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her!
- What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
- Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Because she threw away all the ‘w’s!
- What’s green and smells like pork? Kermit’s fingers.
- What do men and tile have in common? If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them the rest of your life!
- How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two…. but I don’t know how they got in there.
- Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!
- Where does a bee keep his stinger? In his honey!
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to change a light bulb?….. To get to the other side!
- What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef stroganoff.
- What do you have when you have two little green balls in the palm of your hand?? Answer: Kermit’s undivided attention!
- What did one snowman say to the other? Nice balls.
- What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
- I used to date a dyslexic woman. I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock.
- What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing! They were both stuck up bitches.
- A bowlegged doe comes walking out of the woods. Says “that’s the last time I do that for ten bucks”
- I used to be into sadism, necrophilia, and bestiality, but I realized I was just beating a dead horse.
- Confucius says, when naked man walk through doorway sideways, he going to Bangkok.
- Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party? He was looking for a tight seal!
- 3 old ladies in a park. A man walks up and opens his trench to reveal his naked self … The first old lady has a stroke and the second old lady has a stroke. The third one can’t cause her arm isn’t long enough.
Oh dear. I can’t believe I posted those ones.
Yes I can.
I just can’t believe you laughed.
Yes I can.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. What’s your favorite short joke ever? (Let’s keep the comments to the non-naughty ones.)
PPS. Don’t forget. This blog post has also been recorded as a podcast.