Back in December, MGM Resorts offered to put me up in Vegas for a few days to celebrate everything that was going on and to get away from the stress of life for a while. I’ll give them more proper props next week. This morning, as I wait for my friends to wake up, I thought I’d share some seriously useless information with you, all gathered since I left for Vegas yesterday.
– The giant chair in Beaver (a small and amazing pig farming town on the way to Vegas) is still there. The gas station attendant is happy to take your photo. If you’re willing to buy at least one new tire from him.
– From a certain room on the 30th floor of New York, New York, at exactly 7:54 AM, the light shines so brightly through the window that two things happen. It becomes impossible to stay asleep. And, you think for a brief moment that the world is ending.
– There is a guy on the corner of Fremont St and 8th St. that mumbles funny things about aliens as you pass him.
– You can play roulette for $0.25 at El Cortez. The only trade off is, you have to be willing to get one or more communicable diseases while you’re there.
– Saddam Hussein is alive and well. I know because he showed up at our roulette table.
– Apparently Saddam Hussein isn’t a fan of strange looking white guys (ahem, me) making small talk with his wife.
– While in El Cortez, there are two ATM machines right next to each other. One charges $12.95 for $100.00 of cash. The other charges $3.50. Choose wisely.
– After midnight, casino employees do not have senses of humor. Or the ability to smile. Nor do they like it when you try to toss them a tip and it rolls into the casino’s stash.
– There is this guy named Jason who will show up to your table in Vegas just long enough to spill your whiskey sour all over your chips and the board. He’ll then leave you with sticky chips and without apologizing. Watch out for him. He’s about 5′ 8″, black hair, olive complexion, and drunk.
– When you put sticky chips into the chip sorter, the whole machine gums up.
– When the chip sorter machine gums up, it jams up. And then the pit bosses stare you down all night because the dealers have to manually stack and sort the chips. They don’t care who knocked it over. They care whose drink it was.
– Pit bosses staring you down can be really scary.
– More than 250 people die in car accidents each year in Nevada. The TV told me so this morning.
– More than 250 people die from pit boss stare downs each year in Nevada. The pit boss’s eyes told me so last night.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing