Beautiful young woman holding an apple against a blackboard

Dear Teachers,

Please come to work early so I can drop my kids off on my way to Starbucks. Please feed them breakfast while they’re there. Make sure it’s healthier than what I offer at home. Also, teach them math & science since we rarely practice those in our house. But, also teach the moral & religious beliefs that they see me not follow. I want you to reward their successes & recognize each child’s abilities. But, make sure they all feel like winners & that no one feels left out. Be on the watch for bullies or trouble makers. Don’t let anyone mistreat anyone else since I don’t have time to find out if my child is the “different” one. Make sure to recognize each student’s individual talents & skills. Tell me what those are during our 10 minute conferences each semester. Love & cherish my children as if they were your own. I’m busy working 50 hour weeks trying to pay for all of our belongings & don’t have the kind of spare time that you do. Also, learn to shoot a gun & bring it to school in order to protect my children. They are my life & I wouldn’t want them to be harmed on your watch. Ensure every child that leaves your classroom is safe, smart, well adjusted, & free of social problems or concerns. I have difficulty parenting my two kids, but you got a degree in this. So, you must be able to handle all 38 students with absolute ease. When you’re done with this list, let me know. I have more ideas on how you can raise my children for me.

Thanks,

A Parent

greg-beelerThis was written by Greg Beeler, a stand-up comedian and fellow-Utahn on his Facebook page, republished here with his permission. You can find his Facebook page here.

I have so many thoughts on this. Would love your thoughts on it as well.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

SHARE
Previous articlePulled from the Truth Box
Next articleThe Rice Pudding Incident
Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!