Yesterday I shared the tale of my terrible awful no good very bad day grumpiness which I took out on everyone and everything in my path (thank you to you few astute people who made sure to point out just how much of a soulless turd I was. I wanted to get that point across, but you really drilled it in better than I ever could).
Basically, I was headed to my mom’s house to have some of her world-famous rice pudding because I needed a reset on my really crappy day.
That is how magical my mom’s rice pudding is. It really can reset any bad day. It has the ability to make unicorns do backflips. It makes Vampires get chubby and cuddly, which is exactly how they should be.
And my family played a prank on me and made me think it was all gone when I got there. And in my already crappy-day state, I turned into some weird cross between Godzilla, King Kong, and Steve Buscemi’s psycho character in Fargo.
Anyway, bazillions of you asked for the recipe, so I harassed my mom until she shared it. Please make this tomorrow or Sunday morning. Or tonight. Or yesterday. If you don’t, I will be highly offended. And just in case you need it for the motivation, here are some actual quotes about Nana’s rice pudding.
“A recent study indicates that after just two bowls of Nana’s rice pudding, 86% of violent inmates were found to be rehabilitated enough to enter society again.” ~Tom Brokaw
“I used to suffer from incurable urination. My whole life I had to urinate. After eating Nana’s Reset Rice Pudding, I never had to urinate again.” ~Steve Buscemi
“After taking one bite of Nana’s rice pudding, I began crying like a little baby. I immediately donated $1 billion dollars to a charity for people in places where rice doesn’t exist.” ~Donald Trump
“People always ask why I started dancing at the beginning of each show. It all started the first morning I tried Nana’s Reset Rice Pudding.” ~Ellen Degeneres
And, one more quote, and a very serious one, from me.
“There is crappy rice pudding. Then there is normal rice pudding. And then there is my mom’s rice pudding. NOBODY doesn’t like my mom’s rice pudding.” And this is true.
Most store bought crap is just that. Crap. A lot of homemade crap is just that. Crap. But my mom’s rice pudding is never crap. Ever.
Enjoy. Copied straight from my mom’s email.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. I may or may not have added the sugary angel tear part. You can’t really buy angel tears because angels don’t cry. Crying and flying don’t mix.