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The Next 33 Rules to Not be a Crummy Human Being

Surprised

This week has turned into a week of lists, haha. This is the second installment of my “Crummy Human Being” series. Be sure to check out the first one as well.

The world is full of awesomeness, and it’s also full of awesome, ummm, how do I put this… opportunities to be decent and better human beings.

Over the last couple years, I have been keeping a funny list with the intent to write a blog post about all the little rules for basic human decency I come across. Most of these are just observances of people and situations. A few are things I knew I could have done better. Anyways, I finally pulled the list up and realized it was *super* long (the count was 99) so I decided to share it 33 rules at a time so that your eyes don’t permanently glaze over.

My Second 33 Rules to Not be a Crummy Human Being

  1. Don’t automatically reply, “I know” every time someone points out you’re wrong. You just come off as insecure.
  2. Don’t ever accelerate to beat pedestrians. Especially parents walking with their kids. It’s not going to kill you to get where you’re going seven seconds later. But it might kill them.
  3. If you’re a guy, and all the urinals are in use, wait for one to come open. Don’t go pee all over the sit-down toilet because you’re too important to wait for another guy to zip up his pants.
  4. Smile at strangers when you make eye contact. Don’t hurry and look away. Somehow, somewhere along the way, we all started treating each other like we’re diseased.
  5. When you’re walking by a group of people awkwardly trying to take a photo of themselves, stop and offer to take it for them. Then tell them how damn sexy they all are when you’re done.
  6. When you’re out to dinner with your friends, insist that you pick up the tab once in a while. A free meal makes anyone feel special.
  7. When someone pays you a compliment, say thank you. Don’t immediately tell them why another part of you sucks. For example, “you are so fun to be around.” “Haha, you obviously don’t know the real me then.”
  8. When someone compliments something you’re wearing, say thank you. Don’t immediately tell them how you got such a good deal on it or how you wouldn’t usually wear something like that. You deserve nice things too.
  9. Hold the door open for people. And smile as they walk by.
  10. If you think someone is beautiful, tell them they are beautiful. It doesn’t mean you want to have sex with them.
  11. If you have three hundred coupons you want to run, warn the people behind you in the checkout line.
  12. When you’re at the bank, fill out your own deposit slip. Bank tellers don’t want to do it for you.
  13. Even if someone is ten or twenty seconds away, hold the elevator door for them. You’ll still get where you need to go.
  14. When you’re on the subway. Or bus. Or train. Or elevator. Let people off before you push your way on.
  15. When you pass a homeless person, try talking to them. They always have some wild stories to tell and they almost always love having someone to tell them to.
  16. When the group you’re with starts dancing, don’t stand on the sidelines. It makes everyone more self conscious. Just jump in and remember, somewhere some white guy like me is doing a lot worse than you and loving it.

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225 comments
David
David

Number 21. So we just stop expressing opinion. That is how we have discussions. Two people discussing different sides. It is crazy to think that a person can't express their opinion because someone else might not like it. Just because it is an opinion doesn't mean it can't be right. Time will tell is and opinion is right or wrong.


Number 26. This is the second time you have tried to stifle speech. If I know something to be true, I can state it to be. Just because I believe I know something to be true doesn't force the other person to surrender their beliefs.


Number 32. Not using a blinker isn't necessarily lazy. Too many times I have turned on my blinker only to have another driver cut me off and not let me change lanes. Long ago drivers shared the road, unfortunately those times are long gone.


Ratmack
Ratmack

Always be the first person to say hello.  Lots of people are shy or lack confidence. Help them out.

If some loon is screaming up the road, overtaking all and sundry, he may have his pregnant wife in the back giving birth.  You never know what reasons people have for doing what they do.

If someone makes you spit tacks, ask yourself why.  Maybe they are showing you what you don't like about yourself.

When you put your child on the little car ride, ask the kid in line if he would like to go on for free.  Kids love having a friend to play with and it means mum appreciates not having to cough up or wait.

MsWorld
MsWorld

Teehee #33 you said "Make them feel like no one cares" lol that is not what you mean I presume

K
K

I love all of these rules, and I have seen #17 far to often. Most of these though are just kind things an decnt person should do on a daily basis :) 

MariaNelson
MariaNelson

I like 19..my 6yr old and I are very>hot headed" we regularly use chicken noises to communicate...especially in public


Neublek
Neublek

#16 bothers me.  it is extremely rude to guilt someone into dancing if they don't want to. 

pandagummybear86
pandagummybear86

Be very, very polite to people working in a drive thru. It improves their day, and sometimes they will discount your food if you go there regularly. Occasionally they're even cute. ;)


Kit Kabootle
Kit Kabootle

This is retarded. <--Opinion. Oh, you didn't ask for it? Tough 

DavidAVallence
DavidAVallence

rule 17...i was there to witness it...and she wasn't pregnant.

soyporti
soyporti

Thank you for the list, I will try this tips on my life.

K Dwyer
K Dwyer

I think you're missing the basic tenet, JC Shannon. This is about acceptance and going the extra mile for others. If you don't want to break bread in my home because a cat has access to my kitchen, that's your choice. I will refrain from being offended by your pettiness, and charitably assume that you may be allergic...but you need to understand that this is your issue, and not expect everyone else to change their ways to anticipate and accommodate it.

relym
relym

my mother has always said ' how you treat people who give you a service (eg. waitors, cashiers etc.) reflects on you as a person. treat them well, say please and thank you, make eye-contact, and SMILE. '

Todd
Todd

If you are in a large group and are asked to get into smaller groups, look for people that don't have partners and ask them to join.  It's netphor for life and you will touch them deeply than you will ever know.

DummyPuss
DummyPuss

Definitely DON'T leave your cell phone in the car, no matter how polite that is. Sure as shootin', your car will get broken into and the phone stolen. Just turn the frickin' thing off.


PatrickFarley
PatrickFarley

"Hold the door open for people. And smile as they walk by."

And if someone does this, say thank you.  


AmandaAxeenLong
AmandaAxeenLong

#33 happened to a friend of mine while her 2-year-old was having her very first public fit.  My friend felt like a much better mother after someone told her that she handled the situation very well.

utgirl
utgirl

Be nice to your cashier! They stand there all day and check people out without one person asking them how they are. It means the world to them!

Adam22
Adam22

The rules about tipping screamed at me. I believe (<- apparently that rule spoke to me too),  that a generous tip makes the world a better place. It lets the server know you appreciate them and you'd be surprised how contagious that generosity can be. My weekdays after school are spent bagging groceries at the local grocery store, so my spirits are often weakened and I really appreciate when people make the simplest gestures that show they've acknowledged me. It gives me something to think about and it helps me carry out the rest of my shift in a better mood. 

bronyaaur
bronyaaur

22 and 23 made my day! 

For all those declaring that 22 is ridiculous: Although I am a server, I do not have kids and, yet, I still find this suggestion entirely reasonable. Is 1$ extra/kid really that ludicrous? First off, it's not like the common server today has much more than three kids, if that. This is the 21st century, and we are living in the West...LOW birth rates is actually a danger to our culture and tradition (another danger being the lack of awareness that we even have a culture and tradition!), not to mention that most parents serving are probably pretty aware of the expenses of child-rearing and, thus, have made it more of a point to limit their child-bearing.

That being said, chances are that that server probably deserved the extra $1-3 not originally included in your tip to begin with. What most people tend to forget is that servers do NOT get paychecks. All money earned is money from YOU, the customer. And what is an extra $1-3 to you? After all, you are going out to eat for a meal which someone, often graciously, brings to you, prepared exactly the way you want it, while you're sitting down and socializing with people whose company you presumably enjoy? Meanwhile, those extra bucks make a huge difference for a hardworking parent who spends as many as 14 hours at the establishment in order to provide for his or her family. 

And this difference would be even more profound if more people would learn how to not be such crummy human beings. =) 

MichaelLeePeters
MichaelLeePeters

I have always thought of/wanted to tell people that I think they are beautiful, but it always ends up awkward in my mind... lol

Glides1
Glides1

Don't ever try the "you're beautiful" one unless you actually know the person and/or you're sexually attractive. If you don't apply to either one, you're going to get smacked. 

Janet
Janet

These should be common sense, but in the hustle & bustle of everyday life, we often forget. Thanks for the reminders!

Arjun
Arjun

That was a great post!

RiotStarter
RiotStarter

Thank you for number 12!!


Seriously. It's annoying, especially when I have 10 people in line behind you. I hate when people come up to me, "I want to deposit money in my account."


Umm... I see your money, however I don't know your account number, how much you would like to put in it, or who you are for that matter... Because all you've given me is...money. Ugh.

Akira
Akira

when u see a mom with a screaming kid? that rule would be nice if it was lengthened. i am a single mo with 2 kids both in infant and toddler ages. when my kids r screaming im usually holding one in my arms trying to give him a bottle and the other is screaming about some toy or snack i wont buy her. when u see someone like that i would be wonderfully awesome if someone offered for me to go ahead of them in line while checking out. it gets me out of the store faster and away from judging eyes. trust me i've heard stories about ppl calling CPS because a mom wouldn't buy her kid candy and spanked him for throwing a tantrum.... scares the crap out of me cause they r all i have...

LeslieL
LeslieL

#4 is something that (at least where I live and work) is practiced and considered to be an expected behavior by all here in the South. In particular, Georgia for me. Usually the smile is accompanied by a nod or a hello, how are you? question. It's awkward for me when I visit my family up North, (south) New Jersey, and no one up there does that. And here I am all bubbly and happy, smiling and nodding at people who give me looks like "what is wrong with you?", lol. Different cultures. =P

JCShannon
JCShannon

Oh here's one for you: If you have a cat and are cooking food for someone else, please do them the favor of keeping your cat out of the kitchen while you're cooking. While you don't mind eating your cat's hair, not everyone else feels the same way. 

hew076
hew076

i love all of these!

SLB88
SLB88

These are pretty good. Mine would have to be a simple PLEASE and/or THANK YOU. I don't know if you've mentioned it before, but you'd be surprised how people have forgotten that they are not entitled to the world. I've been in the service business, the customer service business and education, and it bothers me when people are just not polite.

Rose_Madder
Rose_Madder

Meh some of these aren't all that great. Because I'm not comfortable with dancing, it makes me a crummy person if I don't jump right in with everyone else? haha sure, way to make someone feel WORSE.

mfz
mfz

I like your rules; the only one I'm not so sure about is #15. As an 18 year old girl in Chicago, I've had some experiences where I realized I wasn't in a safe situation. With friends, I definitely enjoy talking to anyone and everyone I meet, but on my own, I'm forced to be cautious.

JohnienMercado
JohnienMercado

I love rule #4.  I was actually telling my friend the other day that no one smiles at anyone any more and have started making an effort to smile at anyone I make eye contact with.   Crazy the reactions you get, from a smile to a "Do I know you?" look. 

Mark
Mark

Excuse me, but with a little effort, I can aim my stream, so if the stall is open, and I gotta go, don't call me a crummy human for needing to pee...

guest
guest

"While at a restaurant, find out if your server has kids. Then tip them an extra buck for each kid."


This is rediculous. If someone did this I would think they're incredibly kind and/or loaded with money, but not doing makes me a crummy person? I dont think so. I like how a lot of these are based on road rules, which I agree, people are typically rude, terrible, and inconsiderate drivers. I consider myself a very friendly driver, it really just requires some patience and consideration for others. It makes me giggle inside when I have to deal with a driver weaving in out, tailgaiting, etc. and I meet up with him at some stop light light 10min down the road. You get to the same place, and 9/10 at the same time, give or take a few seconds.

mdugan
mdugan

Rule 20 amended.  When you really need to say something right in an email, type it out in your word processing software first.  Then sleep on it, then decide whether or not to send it.  Otherwise your email program will send it for you!

RayRenk
RayRenk

5, 6, 9, 10, 12, 22, 27 and 30.

Each seem unrealistic, not safe, or flat out pie in the sky.

The homeless rule too. I don't think that is in my above numbers

: )

RayRenk
RayRenk

Most of these rules seem ridiculous!

David
David

@K Dwyer Well said

PatrickFarley
PatrickFarley

@bronyaaur "What most people tend to forget is that servers do NOT get paychecks"

Untrue.  Some states mandate servers be paid at no less than federal minimum wage.  Others mandate that they receive a base pay plus tips.  And ALL mandate that if they don't average federal min wage after tips, the employer MUST pay them the difference.

If you've worked someplace that didn't do this, they'r probably in violation of at least one labor law.

MaryWallace
MaryWallace

Doesn't matter if it seems awkward in your mind... think of it this way: you tell someone, man or woman, that they are handsome/beautiful and then walk away. What have you done for them? You've bolstered their self esteem, given them a ray of sunshine on what may have been an otherwise cloudy day, and made them smile. Never discount the little things in life, even if it makes you feel awkward. You never really know who may need that little touch of love. I was in a very dark place at one point, and a kind word from a stranger stopped me from doing the unthinkable. So feel free to put yourself out there, because those of us with less than stellar self esteem really do appreciate it!!!

guest
guest

@RayRenk Whats unrealistic about 5? I always do this, and people are always super-appreciative, and it literally takes about 5 seconds. 6 can be unrealistic, I think I've done this maybe once in my life, I typically cant afford to do this. However if anyone ever picks up my tab, I alway get them back at some point or another. You think 9 is unrealistic? Jesus, what has this world come to. I've been doing holding doors open for people since I was 9. Maybe its a southern thing. Theres nothing unrealistic about it, if anything Id say it comes natural. 10 is kind of tough, and I wouldnt be surprised if you got some weird looks more often than not. 12 is also not hard to do, its called not being lazy. I agree 22 is ridiculous. 27 may be hard to do, but not unrealistic. While I doubt it will get you out of tickets, being angry or arguing isn't going to help. And 30 isn't unrealistic either, if you're on a date for an hour or 2, you're not going to die without your cellphone. If it's a longer date or youre expecting an important phone call (work related, family member hospitalized, etc) then sure take it with, but I would still explain this to my date beforehand.

SueCraneBryan
SueCraneBryan

@RayRenk All of the numbers you picked are asking you to be a caring, kind, respectful human being who appreciates beauty and who tries to follow the rules. If mistakes are made, be responsible and don't whine. Help others..even the homeless one is basically saying acknowledge another human being beside yourself. And what is wrong in putting your cell phone away or off when you are in the company of others at dinner? It is rude to take a call if it is not an emergency. Oh well, if you can't see these things as possibly being valuable ideas to make the world a happier, more considerate place then I am probably wasting my breath..

SueCraneBryan
SueCraneBryan

@RayRenk Why? Seem straight forward to me and would certainly make the world a better place if we all were just caring and courteous..what is ridiculous?

moneeeeeek
moneeeeeek

@PatrickFarley @bronyaaur in arizona the law states that servers are to be paid 3 dollars less than the state minimum wage. and sometimes servers don't make enough each week/biweekly to counteract the amount of taxes that get waged from his/her paycheck. so yes, it is probable and possible that servers do not get paychecks. although there is the occasional 18 buck paycheck.

RHWendland
RHWendland

Forgot to mention, so once a server reports tips, what happens thereafter is they are taxed based on the $2.13+tips reported.  In turn their paycheck usually ends up being $0 because it is eaten up by taxes.  


PatrickFarley
PatrickFarley

@moneeeeeek @PatrickFarley @bronyaaur State law NEVER supersedes federal law.  And it is a FEDERAL law that the employee must receive the equivalent of FEDERAL minimum wage (presently $7.25/hour) for their hours worked.  Yes, taxes still have to come out, but they should be getting, as GROSS pay, the equivalent of $7.25/hour min.

If someone works as a server and they do NOT get this, they need to contact the dept of labor and an attorney