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Surprised

This week has turned into a week of lists, haha. This is the second installment of my “Crummy Human Being” series. Be sure to check out the first one as well.

The world is full of awesomeness, and it’s also full of awesome, ummm, how do I put this… opportunities to be decent and better human beings.

Over the last couple years, I have been keeping a funny list with the intent to write a blog post about all the little rules for basic human decency I come across. Most of these are just observances of people and situations. A few are things I knew I could have done better. Anyways, I finally pulled the list up and realized it was *super* long (the count was 99) so I decided to share it 33 rules at a time so that your eyes don’t permanently glaze over.

My Second 33 Rules to Not be a Crummy Human Being

  1. Don’t automatically reply, “I know” every time someone points out you’re wrong. You just come off as insecure.
  2. Don’t ever accelerate to beat pedestrians. Especially parents walking with their kids. It’s not going to kill you to get where you’re going seven seconds later. But it might kill them.
  3. If you’re a guy, and all the urinals are in use, wait for one to come open. Don’t go pee all over the sit-down toilet because you’re too important to wait for another guy to zip up his pants.
  4. Smile at strangers when you make eye contact. Don’t hurry and look away. Somehow, somewhere along the way, we all started treating each other like we’re diseased.
  5. When you’re walking by a group of people awkwardly trying to take a photo of themselves, stop and offer to take it for them. Then tell them how damn sexy they all are when you’re done.
  6. When you’re out to dinner with your friends, insist that you pick up the tab once in a while. A free meal makes anyone feel special.
  7. When someone pays you a compliment, say thank you. Don’t immediately tell them why another part of you sucks. For example, “you are so fun to be around.” “Haha, you obviously don’t know the real me then.”
  8. When someone compliments something you’re wearing, say thank you. Don’t immediately tell them how you got such a good deal on it or how you wouldn’t usually wear something like that. You deserve nice things too.
  9. Hold the door open for people. And smile as they walk by.
  10. If you think someone is beautiful, tell them they are beautiful. It doesn’t mean you want to have sex with them.
  11. If you have three hundred coupons you want to run, warn the people behind you in the checkout line.
  12. When you’re at the bank, fill out your own deposit slip. Bank tellers don’t want to do it for you.
  13. Even if someone is ten or twenty seconds away, hold the elevator door for them. You’ll still get where you need to go.
  14. When you’re on the subway. Or bus. Or train. Or elevator. Let people off before you push your way on.
  15. When you pass a homeless person, try talking to them. They always have some wild stories to tell and they almost always love having someone to tell them to.
  16. When the group you’re with starts dancing, don’t stand on the sidelines. It makes everyone more self conscious. Just jump in and remember, somewhere some white guy like me is doing a lot worse than you and loving it.

CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with nearly half a million daily subscribers as of 2015. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!
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231 comments
TiffanySchneider
TiffanySchneider

As a woman who is often mistaken for pregnant due to being overweight and carrying my weight in my belly #17 totally made my day. I have started to feel bad for actually pregnant women because of what many people think is acceptable just because you might be pregnant, like not only touching but rubbing a complete stranger.

DisplayName
DisplayName

"  When you’re on a date, no matter how far into the relationship you are, put your cell phone away. Better yet, leave it in the car." 


this dances with me.


Kelly
Kelly

I like them all except number 12. Now a days i can't even go to a bank teller because they tell me to just go use the machines to deposit or take out money! HIIII THIS IS YOUR JOB! They are making it okay for machines to take over people's jobs and it's annoying. It is their job to fill out some numbers on a bank slip. I don't feel bad about that one. 

Alex
Alex

Great list, but I gotta disagree with #10. If you know them, it's okay. But if not, I'd resist. Being told you are beautiful by a complete stranger at a gas station, on the street, in a stairwell, etc is extremely uncomfortable.

Sara
Sara

I love this article!! So true ... everything here is spot on.

David
David

Number 21. So we just stop expressing opinion. That is how we have discussions. Two people discussing different sides. It is crazy to think that a person can't express their opinion because someone else might not like it. Just because it is an opinion doesn't mean it can't be right. Time will tell is and opinion is right or wrong.


Number 26. This is the second time you have tried to stifle speech. If I know something to be true, I can state it to be. Just because I believe I know something to be true doesn't force the other person to surrender their beliefs.


Number 32. Not using a blinker isn't necessarily lazy. Too many times I have turned on my blinker only to have another driver cut me off and not let me change lanes. Long ago drivers shared the road, unfortunately those times are long gone.


Ratmack
Ratmack

Always be the first person to say hello.  Lots of people are shy or lack confidence. Help them out.

If some loon is screaming up the road, overtaking all and sundry, he may have his pregnant wife in the back giving birth.  You never know what reasons people have for doing what they do.

If someone makes you spit tacks, ask yourself why.  Maybe they are showing you what you don't like about yourself.

When you put your child on the little car ride, ask the kid in line if he would like to go on for free.  Kids love having a friend to play with and it means mum appreciates not having to cough up or wait.

MsWorld
MsWorld

Teehee #33 you said "Make them feel like no one cares" lol that is not what you mean I presume

Kelly
Kelly

@MsWorld I believe that is what they meant. They are trying to say make them feel like nobody cares that their baby is crying to make them feel more comfortable about the situation.

K
K

I love all of these rules, and I have seen #17 far to often. Most of these though are just kind things an decnt person should do on a daily basis :) 

MariaNelson
MariaNelson

I like 19..my 6yr old and I are very>hot headed" we regularly use chicken noises to communicate...especially in public


Neublek
Neublek

#16 bothers me.  it is extremely rude to guilt someone into dancing if they don't want to. 

pandagummybear86
pandagummybear86

Be very, very polite to people working in a drive thru. It improves their day, and sometimes they will discount your food if you go there regularly. Occasionally they're even cute. ;)


Kit Kabootle
Kit Kabootle

This is retarded. <--Opinion. Oh, you didn't ask for it? Tough 

DavidAVallence
DavidAVallence

rule 17...i was there to witness it...and she wasn't pregnant.

soyporti
soyporti

Thank you for the list, I will try this tips on my life.

K Dwyer
K Dwyer

I think you're missing the basic tenet, JC Shannon. This is about acceptance and going the extra mile for others. If you don't want to break bread in my home because a cat has access to my kitchen, that's your choice. I will refrain from being offended by your pettiness, and charitably assume that you may be allergic...but you need to understand that this is your issue, and not expect everyone else to change their ways to anticipate and accommodate it.

relym
relym

my mother has always said ' how you treat people who give you a service (eg. waitors, cashiers etc.) reflects on you as a person. treat them well, say please and thank you, make eye-contact, and SMILE. '

Todd
Todd

If you are in a large group and are asked to get into smaller groups, look for people that don't have partners and ask them to join.  It's netphor for life and you will touch them deeply than you will ever know.

DummyPuss
DummyPuss

Definitely DON'T leave your cell phone in the car, no matter how polite that is. Sure as shootin', your car will get broken into and the phone stolen. Just turn the frickin' thing off.


PatrickFarley
PatrickFarley

"Hold the door open for people. And smile as they walk by."

And if someone does this, say thank you.  


AmandaAxeenLong
AmandaAxeenLong

#33 happened to a friend of mine while her 2-year-old was having her very first public fit.  My friend felt like a much better mother after someone told her that she handled the situation very well.

utgirl
utgirl

Be nice to your cashier! They stand there all day and check people out without one person asking them how they are. It means the world to them!

Adam22
Adam22

The rules about tipping screamed at me. I believe (<- apparently that rule spoke to me too),  that a generous tip makes the world a better place. It lets the server know you appreciate them and you'd be surprised how contagious that generosity can be. My weekdays after school are spent bagging groceries at the local grocery store, so my spirits are often weakened and I really appreciate when people make the simplest gestures that show they've acknowledged me. It gives me something to think about and it helps me carry out the rest of my shift in a better mood. 

bronyaaur
bronyaaur

22 and 23 made my day! 

For all those declaring that 22 is ridiculous: Although I am a server, I do not have kids and, yet, I still find this suggestion entirely reasonable. Is 1$ extra/kid really that ludicrous? First off, it's not like the common server today has much more than three kids, if that. This is the 21st century, and we are living in the West...LOW birth rates is actually a danger to our culture and tradition (another danger being the lack of awareness that we even have a culture and tradition!), not to mention that most parents serving are probably pretty aware of the expenses of child-rearing and, thus, have made it more of a point to limit their child-bearing.

That being said, chances are that that server probably deserved the extra $1-3 not originally included in your tip to begin with. What most people tend to forget is that servers do NOT get paychecks. All money earned is money from YOU, the customer. And what is an extra $1-3 to you? After all, you are going out to eat for a meal which someone, often graciously, brings to you, prepared exactly the way you want it, while you're sitting down and socializing with people whose company you presumably enjoy? Meanwhile, those extra bucks make a huge difference for a hardworking parent who spends as many as 14 hours at the establishment in order to provide for his or her family. 

And this difference would be even more profound if more people would learn how to not be such crummy human beings. =) 

MichaelLeePeters
MichaelLeePeters

I have always thought of/wanted to tell people that I think they are beautiful, but it always ends up awkward in my mind... lol

MaryWallace
MaryWallace

Doesn't matter if it seems awkward in your mind... think of it this way: you tell someone, man or woman, that they are handsome/beautiful and then walk away. What have you done for them? You've bolstered their self esteem, given them a ray of sunshine on what may have been an otherwise cloudy day, and made them smile. Never discount the little things in life, even if it makes you feel awkward. You never really know who may need that little touch of love. I was in a very dark place at one point, and a kind word from a stranger stopped me from doing the unthinkable. So feel free to put yourself out there, because those of us with less than stellar self esteem really do appreciate it!!!

Glides1
Glides1

Don't ever try the "you're beautiful" one unless you actually know the person and/or you're sexually attractive. If you don't apply to either one, you're going to get smacked. 

Janet
Janet

These should be common sense, but in the hustle & bustle of everyday life, we often forget. Thanks for the reminders!

Arjun
Arjun

That was a great post!

RiotStarter
RiotStarter

Thank you for number 12!!


Seriously. It's annoying, especially when I have 10 people in line behind you. I hate when people come up to me, "I want to deposit money in my account."


Umm... I see your money, however I don't know your account number, how much you would like to put in it, or who you are for that matter... Because all you've given me is...money. Ugh.

Akira
Akira

when u see a mom with a screaming kid? that rule would be nice if it was lengthened. i am a single mo with 2 kids both in infant and toddler ages. when my kids r screaming im usually holding one in my arms trying to give him a bottle and the other is screaming about some toy or snack i wont buy her. when u see someone like that i would be wonderfully awesome if someone offered for me to go ahead of them in line while checking out. it gets me out of the store faster and away from judging eyes. trust me i've heard stories about ppl calling CPS because a mom wouldn't buy her kid candy and spanked him for throwing a tantrum.... scares the crap out of me cause they r all i have...

LeslieL
LeslieL

#4 is something that (at least where I live and work) is practiced and considered to be an expected behavior by all here in the South. In particular, Georgia for me. Usually the smile is accompanied by a nod or a hello, how are you? question. It's awkward for me when I visit my family up North, (south) New Jersey, and no one up there does that. And here I am all bubbly and happy, smiling and nodding at people who give me looks like "what is wrong with you?", lol. Different cultures. =P

JCShannon
JCShannon

Oh here's one for you: If you have a cat and are cooking food for someone else, please do them the favor of keeping your cat out of the kitchen while you're cooking. While you don't mind eating your cat's hair, not everyone else feels the same way. 

hew076
hew076

i love all of these!

SLB88
SLB88

These are pretty good. Mine would have to be a simple PLEASE and/or THANK YOU. I don't know if you've mentioned it before, but you'd be surprised how people have forgotten that they are not entitled to the world. I've been in the service business, the customer service business and education, and it bothers me when people are just not polite.

Rose_Madder
Rose_Madder

Meh some of these aren't all that great. Because I'm not comfortable with dancing, it makes me a crummy person if I don't jump right in with everyone else? haha sure, way to make someone feel WORSE.

mfz
mfz

I like your rules; the only one I'm not so sure about is #15. As an 18 year old girl in Chicago, I've had some experiences where I realized I wasn't in a safe situation. With friends, I definitely enjoy talking to anyone and everyone I meet, but on my own, I'm forced to be cautious.

JohnienMercado
JohnienMercado

I love rule #4.  I was actually telling my friend the other day that no one smiles at anyone any more and have started making an effort to smile at anyone I make eye contact with.   Crazy the reactions you get, from a smile to a "Do I know you?" look. 

Mark
Mark

Excuse me, but with a little effort, I can aim my stream, so if the stall is open, and I gotta go, don't call me a crummy human for needing to pee...

guest
guest

"While at a restaurant, find out if your server has kids. Then tip them an extra buck for each kid."


This is rediculous. If someone did this I would think they're incredibly kind and/or loaded with money, but not doing makes me a crummy person? I dont think so. I like how a lot of these are based on road rules, which I agree, people are typically rude, terrible, and inconsiderate drivers. I consider myself a very friendly driver, it really just requires some patience and consideration for others. It makes me giggle inside when I have to deal with a driver weaving in out, tailgaiting, etc. and I meet up with him at some stop light light 10min down the road. You get to the same place, and 9/10 at the same time, give or take a few seconds.

mdugan
mdugan

Rule 20 amended.  When you really need to say something right in an email, type it out in your word processing software first.  Then sleep on it, then decide whether or not to send it.  Otherwise your email program will send it for you!

RayRenk
RayRenk

5, 6, 9, 10, 12, 22, 27 and 30.

Each seem unrealistic, not safe, or flat out pie in the sky.

The homeless rule too. I don't think that is in my above numbers

: )

RayRenk
RayRenk

Most of these rules seem ridiculous!

JCShannon
JCShannon

33. I think you mean "make them feel like some one cares" not "no one cares". :)

Just_Anderson
Just_Anderson

#32 - why don't people use them?  Maybe there is an outbreak of broken bulbs.  Or use them incorrectly and confuse the hell out of you and make you wonder what on earth they're going to do next.

People just need to be a little more thoughtful.