I know I already put two posts up this morning, but this story needs to be told. Today. For one reason only.
The world needs to know how completely evil some people in my family are.
Yesterday morning, I woke up to just a generally super bad really crappy morning. Ironic, I know, since my post yesterday was about how I’m the freaking happiest person on earth right now.
It started with some idiot pulling into the parking lot outside my window at 6:15 AM and honking for two straight minutes trying to get some other idiot’s attention. They didn’t honk and hold it. They honked patterns and familiar tunes (shave and a haircut, for example). They attempted Morse code. And they would not stop. The longer it went on, the angrier I got until I jumped out of bed, heart racing, started pulling on sweat pants, and before I could walk out and remind them to be decent human beings (with my baseball bat to their fender) they stopped honking and drove away.
I sat down and looked at the clock. 6:18. I needed two more hours of sleep but going back to sleep was not an option. Adrenaline will do that to you. Thoughts of rampage will as well.
And since sleep wasn’t an option, I sat down at my computer while I waited for Noah to wake up (how he slept through the honking is beyond me) and got to work. And every part of my morning from then until 9 AM fell apart for me. Thing after thing after thing after thing kept going wrong or crappy. On top of all that, Noah woke up on the wrong side of the bed as well and we just didn’t like each other from 8-9:00 that morning.
At 9 AM I attempted to call my brother to make plans for the day. He’s in town from England so we are all getting as much crammed into the couple weeks that he’s here as we can. I won’t ever let on that it will be nice when he leaves so that I can get some work done. And I’m sure he won’t ever let on the same.
Anyway, he was still asleep. The weenie.
But my mom was up and chipper (she’s a morning gal) and she told me that she was making rice pudding and invited us over.
Cue heavenly choirs.
My mom’s rice pudding is the freaking best stuff on Earth. I’m pretty sure it has sugary angel tears mixed into it.
And when she said it, I knew… that was my reset button for the day. That was going to be my golden ticket to not having the crappiest day ever.
I hurried and got Noah ready, showered, grunted and moaned at three more things that went semi to seriously wrong, and finally loaded up to drive to Nana’s house (which, mind you, is 30 minutes away).
On the way there, my brother called me. “You’re on your way?”
“Do you and Noah want to go to the Dinosaur museum?”
The dinosaur museum was on the way. “DUDE! We just want some rice pudding! We’re driving there just to eat some rice pudding!” I wasn’t about to be thwarted with a side trip to some lame building full of mostly fake bones.
“Okay, chill, I meant later.”
“Fine, later would be fine. Right now I want rice pudding.”
Twenty minutes later I pulled into my mom’s driveway. Noah and I huffed our way inside, both of us far from chipper. We walked into the kitchen. Only my sister-in-law was there. I walked past her, barely acknowledging her presence, and looked around.
And there it was. My reset button. Over on the stove. A big silver pot covered with a silver lid. My ticket to a good day.
Continued on the next page.
Once upon a time I was reading a book. I'd set my glasses nearby (nearsighted). Went to get up and they weren't there. I spent a minute looking and then I knew my roommate had hidden them.
I reacted poorly. I had been sitting there enjoying my book and for some reason my attitude just went south.
I went upstairs to her room and calmly delivered a grumpy sermon about how unfunny that was, and if nobody is laughing then it's nothing but mean and terrible. She got a sad, cowed look on her face, gave me back my glasses, and I walked away feeling like a heel. 2 inches tall.
I've dished out pranks and been the butt of pranks loads of times and mostly they end with laughter for everybody.
I think the key to being pranked is always to consciously recognize it. "Hey, I just got pranked, now I have to figure out a fun way to react." A pranking means time to put on your game face and make it yours.
I could have gone into the kitchen and banged pots together and swore 'til my roommate thought I'd gone nuts. I could have gone into her room holding jars to my eyes asking if she has aspirin because these jars are giving me a headache. I could have found her sunglasses, tied a noose around them and gone into her room demanding a ransom trade.
My family does that. I've literally cried feeling like I just couldn't catch a break because metaphorically "all the pudding was gone" & they didn't save any for me despite knowing. Then they all laugh and tell me to stop over-reacting....*sigh* Sometimes, I just want a normal, kind family.
Funny story: I showed up to Easter dinner at my grandparent's house two weeks early once because I thought I'd seen my grandma tell my cousin on FB that it was the day I showed up. I seriously thought that they had excluded inviting my husband and I because we were on vacation. We showed up starving and ready for dinner and nobody else in the family was there. Turns out she was mentioning the time of dinner to him but meant that it would be ON EASTER instead of the date I thought it was going to be....
We've laughed a lot about that one....and it has made my family a little better with me....when they realized I actually thought they'd exclude us.
Hahahaha so funny!! Wow you've just got the most dreadful family on earth! I could totally see my siblings pulling off something like that on me, except I'm pretty sure I would have totally bludgeoned the living daylights out of them :P It doesn't help a bit that I'm horribly, horribly gullible!
Pulling pranks can be funny, but like with any joke, you have to know your audience. Your family, knowing that you and Noah, were coming over JUST for this one thing, and then making you think it's all gone...It seems mean. I can understand the spirit that the prank was played in, but it was STILL poorly played.
I have to tell you what happened the other day. Justice is yours Dan!
I had that nasty stomach flu that is going around and NOTHING except rice pudding sounded like it would go down.
I sent Amy out to the garage fridge for the big bowl of left over rice pudding, (the very batch that you ate) and she came back empty handed. The bowl was empty in the sink. Every last bit was gone only this time there weren't even any scrapings left and no good luck nut either! I was so so sad!
gottta say....that was sooooo wrong to prank you that way. It's like purposely doing something mean to someone because you KNOW you will follow it up with something nice, just so you can see them be mad. I really dislike....need a fb dislike button. Glad you enjoyed the pudding. :-)
LOL That was funny. (Although I probably wouldn't have taken the joke any better than you did. hehehehe)
The two minute honking and then driving off: it made me wonder if the whoever idiot who did that might have finally realised they were in front of the wrong house?
Bad luck. Glad your day got better after the prank stopped. I would have been mad as hell about that too.
It is funny, but then, I'm known to be evil myself. I come from a long line of evil. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. Seriously, Dan, I'm glad you already know what took me so much longer than you to learn-some days, there is nothing to do but to adjust my attitude, laugh at myself, and start my day over again.
My sister was good at the same thing. 10 years younger than me and she could trick me into believing anything.
Oh, Dan, this one is classic. I have days exactly like the one you were describing once in a while, and my very loving family can sometimes unintentionally (?) pick one of those days to get on my last nerve. When I have a day like that, the only thing to do is to find a reset button, change my attitude, and start the day over again. I'm so glad that now I know I can do that, no matter what time it is.
I only find it amusing in the way you would find it amusing in a movie. I would have been HORRIBLY upset too.. I know the pain of a crappy morning and then having that last little shove over the edge.. Tho I can't wait for the recipe... I LOVE rice pudding.. And it's been a not fun few days for me.. Topping it off with me falling after dropping my kids off at school this morning...
So you don't like someone eating all the rice pudding but you were FINE eating all the snickerdoodles by yourself. Hmph. :-P
I'd say that this falls into the category of "evil when it happens to me but funny when it happens to someone else." You know that you can't blame your family for this. The opportunity for the ultimate prank was so incredibly ripe. When you know of someone's irrational love of a specific dish you hold the key to their undoing.
Make sure to update when you get your revenge.
You know that if your morning hadn't sucked so bad, you would have thought it was funny. I'm also pretty sure from some of the stuff I've read, if you'd been there and gotten all those calls, you would have come up with the same idea. Too bad you were sleep deprived and thought it was one more thing saying this day would be awful ALL DAY. In case you didn't catch it, I'm also saying if your family is evil, YOU ARE TOO!!! And the fact that they didn't eat it, just hid it, makes them great, as you already know :). I'm going to have to try this recipe, none of the recipes I've tried contain angel tears, maybe that's what's been missing.
As I am reading these comments, I think there are a lot of people have crappy days! My goodness! This was one of those things that happens in a lot of families...we pick on each other. For Dan's readers to say that he behaved childishly is redundant. Dan already knew that. He admitted it openly. I think that is where the humor lies. The humor in this is that a seemingly innocent joke provoked a very irrational response that was put out there for all of us to relate to. I am sure there have been many times when each of us has reacted childishly to something. I can relate to Dan's reaction & therefore find it funny. For those who were offended, you were reading too much into it.
We joke with each other, but since all of our family gatherings pretty much center around food and we specifically plan every meal we have together (and we all are kinda big eaters) food is not a good thing to joke about. If I had done that to my sister she probably would have punched me... in the face... hard. No joke. But it was funny to think about you pouting around to the couch LOL Sorry I bet you are super cute pouting!
Wow, that's really mean >-( I would have just picked up and left and not spoken to them anymore. Frankly I don't see the point of practical jokes. It's never funny for the person they're being played on, especially after you've had a crappy day.
You know you would be laughing if you and your mom had pulled the same prank on one of your siblings...
Oh cmoooooooooon, they played a joke on your and you took it hook line and sinker. There was no way they could have known your day had been so shitty before. Glad the pudding cheered you up, though.
Love it, you tell it like it is and admit to having human reactions to stuff that's annoying. Your family is gold! Thanks for the laugh this morning.
We do the same thing with food ALL.THE.TIME. Pretend stealing steaks and the last piece of pie. It's the standard now. But while my brother was here visiting for a funeral 2 weeks ago he really did eat all the rice pudding, which is my very favorite, and left the empty container in the refrigerator, which I discovered the next day when I went to get some. I was not happy!
Hmm... well, aside from not personally liking rice pudding, I'm laughing because I have had three "terrible, horrible, very bad day"s myself, and I could see myself stomping into that trap! Thanks, Dan, for sharing this. Laughter (even self-directed) is MY reset button.
Dude, you really need to chill over the rice pudding . I kinda think that you deserved it- so to me it is funny! Having a bad day sucks but taking it out on others...not cool. My mother in law makes awesome rice pudding too!:)
I hate pranks. I don't play them on others and I ask nicely they not be played on me. I don't find the humor is messing with someone, especially if they are already having a bad day.
Our family silliness tends to go public.
One particular incident occurred when my sister came to visit several years ago. She is one of those "prepared for any contingency" kind of people. Therefore, she carries a tote bag full of crafts, puzzle books, snacks, water, etc. everywhere she goes.
My brother, god love him, put a couple of handfuls of dry cat food in the tote bag when she wasn't looking. He didn't have to be present when she found it, he knew he'd hear about it.
So, mom had a doctor appointment, sister took her. You know doctor's offices. They tend to get a little chilly sometimes. Of course, my sister had a sweater in the ever-present tote bag.
About the time the doctor was entering the exam room, my sister pulled the sweater (harboring lots of dry cat food) out of the bag. Cat food went everywhere!! She was mortified!
It doesn't stop there! She spent the whole day running around with mom, only to meet up with the whole extended family for dinner later. Needless to say, the tote bag still had some cat food lurking in it because she hadn't had time to clean it out.
The story of the embarrassment at the doctor's office was told to many laughs. Then, in the restaurant, my sister went to pull something else out of the bag and showered her little space with dry cat food. It was hilarious!
She's in town again. Girl's night out with all our female relatives this weekend. Can't wait to see what happens next!!
Oh, and we need the recipe for your mom's rice pudding!!! It's only fair!
Dan would your mom consider posting the recipe for this wonderful rice pudding? I have not had a good bowl full since I was a kid. You could pm it to me and I will promise to keep the secret lol. Really...b
I am sorry.. but I think your childish behavior over a pot of rice pudding is sad.. really sad. I lost my 2yr old son 11mos ago.. now that is sad.. something to stop and pout about.. but NOT a stupid pot of rice pudding... I think you need to really sit and think about what is important in life and how you might want to change your attitude. 10mins on the couch pouting because you didnt get any pudding?? really???? wow
I couldn't have said it better. Dan's great at not taking himself seriously and being able to laugh at his own mistakes. And he'll always remember the great RICE PUDDING INCIDENT with fondness and love for his big wonderful family. <3
Sarah, it's awful what has happened to you and no one, including Dan (a father), would ever compare lost rice pudding to the loss of a child. However, if you go around comparing anything someone complains about to this awful thing that has happened, you're going to have a hard time of it. And just a thought, but how would you appreciate it if someone you are talking to, who maybe has had something heinous happen to them (worse than your's), tells you "what you are complaining about doesn't deserve time, because something that happened to me is worse, so your loss doesn't matter"? Good luck to you in this horrible time. I hope you have found a group that is helping you through all this.
@Sarah Morrow Garcia I am so sorry about your son, but I don't think Dan meant any harm by this post and was probably exaggerating his time on the couch. This post was supposed to be about how much he loves his mom's rice pudding. I don't think he meant to offend...really...and remember, he did say his posts were going to be getting funnier and less serious.
BTW, Dan, this post reminds me of "A Christmas Story" and the part where Ralphie FINALLY gets his Red Ryder! : ) Love it!